Bakugan Battle Brawlers: The Fan Fic
by ShinyKendo
Summary: CHAPTER 18: PARODY. A whopping near-9,000 words! That's a lot for THIS dumb story! We completely diverge from the plot in a situation that gave me, the fanfic writer in question, writer's block for weeks! What was it? FIND OUT!1!
1. Chapter 1

_This is gonna sound stupid, but one day all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain. It reminded me of those stories about frogs falling from the sky. I mean seriously, what's up with that? At first we only knew that they were no ordinary trading cards, since they weren't any brand I knew. But this was even WEIRDER than frogs. It was happening all over the world; in the north...in the south...at the equator...they landed everywhere, literally. It even slid under peoples' beds._

_Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game called Bakugan, and that's when the power of the cards was revealed! Each card came with a weird plastic marble battling beast, and the beast inside would come out when you throw it down. The battles were INTENSE, and if you use the wrong cards you lost it AND the beast inside!_

_That's only half the story! While we were playing around with our real-life Pokemon marble children's card game, something BIGGER was going on! A parallel universe called Vestroia!_

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, Mr. Hotshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode One  
Bakugan: The Battle Begins**

It was another day in the city. The sun shone brightly over the many trees, and one REALLY tall tower overlooked everything.

The door opened. "Mom! I'm home!"

_VROOM!_ a car said in response.

Turning his iPod up full-blast, some kid ran up the stairs to his bedroom. His yoga-practicing mother cried, "Daniel? I put your lunch in the fridge, and don't forget to wash up! Turn off that iPod, I hate funky beats! Idiot kid..."

Dan tossed his mostly-empty backpack onto the bed. "Thanks, Mom. I'll be down in a minute."

"You're lying! Kids are **never** down in a minute!"

"I'm checking the clock, okay?" He took what looked like a lunchbox out of a drawer by his bed. "Now to check out my 'stache. Let's see..." Inside were a bunch of identical, red-and-orange marbles. "Let's see...I'll take this one, this one, oh, my other one! THIS one for SURE!" They all looked exactly the same, so there was virtually no point in choosing certain ones. He wiped his nose like a true anime boy and said, "All set!"

"Daniel," his mother cried, doing a very retarded-looking yoga pose, "you have thirty seconds left to get down here and your lunch is getting cold!"

"That's because it's in the fridge! You torment me on purpose, Mom!"

"Oh yeah. Sorry~! Ow!" She fell over onto her back. "Ow, I can't move...my spine..."

"You're just trying to get me downstairs sooner, aren't you?"

"No! I'm serious! Get down here now!"

"Fine, I'm going downstairs." The typical dressed-in-red brown-haired goggle-wearin' anime boy ran through the family room and out the front door.

"H-hey, where do you think YOU'RE going!?"

"**Later!** AAAhahaha!" Dan laughed maniacally as he bicycled down the street.

"When he comes back I'll kill him...OW!!" She snapped her back and fell unconscious.

"YAHOOOOO!" he yelled, missing the turn on the bridge and flying over the railing. He crashed into a bench, in front of which a buck-toothed kid was standing. Dan walked out with several cuts and bruises, though he should have had broken bones. "Sorry I'm late!"

"And here I thought you CHICKENED out," the buck-toothed kid taunted. "And it looks like you're gonna die before we even start the game, huh?"

"That's not gonna happen, Akira! And who's that fat guy sitting on that chair?" In the middle of the cobblestone path sat a fat guy in overalls. "Is that your backup? Because you're gonna need it!"

"Of course he's fighting you! I mean, I'm just a buck-toothed kid, remember? Buck-toothed kids never stand a chance."

The fat kid stood up and punched his palm...HARD. "Think you're pretty tough, huh? Just 'cuz you leaped off a bridge and into a bunch o' splinters doesn't mean you're gonna last through THIS one."

"Actually, it does. What's _your_ deal?"

"I'm Suchi, and MY deal is...Sub-Terra."

"N-no way! Sub-Terra!? That's not a fist-fighting technique! That's a crazy Bakugan name! I can't fight in anything with such a STUPID name that it can't even exist!"

"Like YOURS has a SMARTER name!"

"Hmm, good point. Let's do this! I've gotta warn you, I've NEVER lost before."

Back at home.....

"Honey, I'm home!" A yellow punch buggy parked outside. A typical father figure, black hair and tie and glasses and all, stepped in. His wife was in a retarded yoga position, knocked unconscious. He laughed. "Well, keep up that yoga. Silence is golden, right?"

Father Figure smiled and looked in the fridge. "Ah, pudding. My favorite. Thanks, honey!"

Back with Dan...

"Are you READ-EE or WHAT?" Suchi growled.

"Let's go!" idiot Dan insisted.

The fountain in the background seemed to spray everywhere, and a bunch of scary CGI pigeons flew by from out of nowhere. The two boys each took out a gauntlet-like thing and took out a black card. "Bakugan Battle, Open!"

Six weird, glowing circles floated around them. Each one apparently symbolized an element. The pigeons started flying in super-slow motion, for some strange reason. Maybe it was the funky techno music emanating from Dan's iPod.

At the very same moment, Father Figure tripped whilst carrying his flan on a silver platter! "Nnnnoooooo! My pudddinnnnggg!" he cried as the flan slid off, vibrating like the CGI-animated figure it was. His wife was regaining consciousness, but couldn't move her mouth to tell him it was flan, not pudding...

The cobblestone battlefield glowed with awesome power, surrounding everyone and everything. The kids were suddenly in a weird, colorful world, ready to fight...?

"Hua hueh! Huaa!" The kids threw their cards onto the blue ground, which floated comedically and harmlessly down. Then they started glowing for no apparent reason! They grew into a huge rectangular battlefield! The two kids landed delicately on their feet.

"Ready or not, here my marble COMES!!" Suchi the Fat Wonder tossed a brown-and-orange marble onto the field.

It hit Dan on the forehead before bouncing onto the field! "Ow!"

The thing opened up to reveal its true form: a giraffe mantis-thing which looked laughably round. Then it glowed and transformed to reveal its TRUE true form! A rainbow surrounded it as it grew into a gigantic green-eyed mantis!

"Woah! Freaky!" was all Dan could say. With a massive clawed foot the brown mantis stepped hard on the ground, releasing a tremor that sent Dan flying onto his bottom. "Hey! Killing's not fair! That's against the rules!"

"Who says INJURING isn't?" Suchi smirked.

Dan pressed a button on his gauntlet-thing to reveal what looked like some sort of orange cell phone. On the screen, the funny-looking marble thing was shown. "BAKUGAN: GIANT BROWN MANTIS. ATTRIBUTE EARTH. POWER LEVEL 270. NO OTHER DATA AVAILABLE."

_Okay,_ Dan thought, _it's an Earth-attribute monster - I mean Bakugan - and its power level is 270. And it's named Giant Brown Mantis! I don't know what I'm dealing with! The only question is, what can I counter with?_

"Your huge bug is goin' down!" He threw a marble from his marble carrying case, which opened up into a fat snake. THEN it turned into a HUGE and THIN snake with fins on the sides of its head for no reason! It snarled. The two stood there for a while, looking expectantly at their masters.

"POWER LEVEL 320."

"Bakugan Brawl!"

"WRRYYYYYY!!" Giant Brown Mantis was easily coiled around by the nameless snake. The snake didn't go any farther than that. It just hissed in Giant Brown Mantis' face.

"All right!"

"You mean all NO! Activate!" The two humongous animals just stayed there, waiting for something. Then the mantis started glowing, the two seemingly exploded and Dan almost backed into one of the Egyptian pyramids suddenly standing behind him.

""HOly CRAP we're in Egypt," he said.

"That's why it's called Sub-Terra!"

"That makes no sense!"

The mantis slammed the snake down once the smoke cleared.

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 420 G'S."

"What's a G again?" Dan asked. "Does it stand for that's not good? Because this CERTAINLY isn't good!" Somehow, Giant Brown Mantis leaped several stories into the air! He sliced the air, causing the snake to hiss and turn back into a marble again. Said marble rolled into Dan's foot. The floor turned white and glowy. "AAH with the glowing!" Dan screeched.

"You're toast!" Suchi said, sounding really stupid as he did. The mantis was sucked into a marble which was sucked into the fat guy's hand.

"GIANT BROWN MANTIS IS VICTORIOUS."

"! You fell faster than a deck of cards in a tornado!"

"What a stupid simile! You're an idiot, Suchi!"

"Like YOU aren't! Time to finish what I've started! Bakugan Stand!" He threw his Bakugan, and it stood on the playing field. it looked something like a brown-and-orange crab. It transformed into a bigger crab.

"Think you're pretty good, huh, fatty? Well, buckle up, 'cause you're about to go on a car ride of defeat! Bakugan Brawl! Bakugan Stand!" He threw what can only be described as something with two round wings. It glowed and was revealed to be a red bird man! He made a stock falcon cry. he made a circle of fire around the fat guy and big crab.

"H-hey! I think I'm gonna die of heatstroke in here!" Fatboy shouted. "If I die, I'll kill you!" As Birdman dive-bombed into the crab Suchi could only cry, "Waaaaa....." Before anything dangerous could happen, the marble bounced into Suchi's hand. "Huh? We didn't even see the collision!"

"Don't worry. It's all tied up!" Dan's marble bounced back into his hand.

"Grr! Bakugan Stand!" They tossed some marbles, which turned into two color-swapped rhinos. Their power levels were 320 (Suchi's) and 200 (Dan's), which doesn't make sense.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Suchi groaned as the rhinos pushed each other, neither of them winning.

An awesome gust of wind blew up Dan's body as he held up his card and shouted, "Ability Card Activate! Stars Gloat! Hyah!" He threw the card as if it were a baseball, and its path was set ablaze! The fire consumed Suchi's rhino!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Fatboy yelled, falling throughout a bunch of awesome-looking frames. His Bakugan was about to fall on him comedically before he glowed orange, turned into a marble and landed in his palm. "No. No! This can't be happening!"

"Actually, it can be. Looks like you're down to your Giant Brown Mantis!"

"GGGGGRRRRRR! You're right."

"One more itsy bitsy battle should put you up for _good!_"

"Rrrrrrrrr, AND YOU SAY MY SIMILES ARE TERRIBLE! Card Set! Bakugan Brawl!" He threw another marble, which was the Giant Brown Mantis.

"Bakugan Brawl!" Birdman appeared again.

"Now to play my ability card," Suchi said. "Slice Cutter!" The mantis' sickle arm-things glowed orange!

"WOW. I'm IMPRESSED. MORE GLOWING. If you think you're the only one holding an ace, you're wrong. Ability Card Activate! Brain Burst!" His ability card engulfed a wing-enveloped Birdman. Most of the flames were wasted on Birdman's fancy reveal, leaving only a bit of fire in his arm. Birdman tossed the fireball at Giant Brown Mantis, who was killed instantly in the bonfire.

"Huh?" The marble bounced in front of Suchi, and he just stared at it for a second.

"GAME SET AND MATCH: DAN."

"It looks like I win." He grinned. Apparently their game of marbles took place in slowed-down time, so the pigeons from earlier started flying again.

"Hey," some cameraguy in the distance said, "did ya see that!? Those kids just disappeared for a split second! I got it on camera!"

"That's normal around here, idiot," a random girl said.

"NOOOOO! My pudding!" The flan splooshed onto the floor. "It costs fifteen dollars at the market!" He sobbed. What an idiot.

"...............Huh?" Akuma stared, finally understanding what had happened. "Yo, Suchi, you promised me you'd clean his clock! What happened!?"

"He didn't BRING a clock!" Fatboy sobbed. "I'm sorry, master!"

Dan wiped his nose. "THAT was easy!"

_Stick around! There's more Bakugan right after these messages! Yo!_

_Now back to Bakugan! RAWR!_

It was nighttime, and every single window of their electricity-consuming household glowed. The family liked that, since it reminded them of Bakugan. "And then I let him have it with my secret weapon Brain Burst! You should've seen me! I cleaned his clocks for 'em! I was like TOTALLY WICKED out there! That battle was RADICAL, yo! I''m da BEST!"

"We get it, 90's Boy," a girl with huge blue ponytails said on his computer. She almost looked like some girl from the television show Dinosaur King but, you know, with blue hair. He wouldn't think too far into it. "You're number 121 on the world rankings, and there's not even that many players."

"That's impossible because I'm the main character and I always succeed."

"If by that you mean always SUCK-ceed."

"I've gotta check this out for myself! HA! I'm at 117."

"That's still pretty bad, Daniel."

"Hey! I HATE being called Daniel! Don't call me that!"

"Save your breath for when you're actually GOOD, "Main Character"."

"Yeah, right. Like there's an anime with YOU as the star."

"Like there's one with YOU in it."

"As a matter of fact, there is! And besides, they'd never give a tsundere like YOU your own show! Only a jerk like me! Besides, you're ranked higher than - wait...uh...PFFUUUUU!!" He stuck out his tongue and spat.

"YEAH, like THAT'S real mature."

Another girl's chat box thing suddenly enlarged onscreen. "Aah!" At the sight of her huge eyes Dan leaped out of his chair. The girl had white hair and a ponytail on the side of her head, for some reason. She looked a lot like she would be a Winx Club character.

"Ohh, Dan, you are so STUPID!" she swooned, wiggling around crazily. "And I so LOVE that in a guy! 117? That's DOWN a few spots in one DAY because they changed the rating system!"

"Wha?"

"DEFINITELY worthy of a BIG KISS from JULIE! omgLOL!" With a lol she kissed the screen.

"EWWWWW! Gross! A rabid fangirl is kissing her monitor as a sign of affection! How STUPID! I'm too young for this, anyways. Girls are icky! EW! Cooties! How dumb!" He fell onto the ground, for fear of contracting cooties through a fast internet connection.

"Glad you like it! LOL!!"

"My nose is runny," Dan said, wiping his nose again. "Anyways, I'm a battle brawler, I'm not your boyfriend."

"You can be BOTH! omgLOL!!!!!"

"This is so idiotic," Ms. Tsundere said, turning her head slightly.

"DANNY I LUV U!!!!! lol im ur biggest fan!!!!!"

A blonde short glasses-wearing guy who looked suspiciously androgynous spoke up. His annoying, blond-haired, short status reminded others of Manta from Shaman King. "Now that she has gone into hyper chatspeak mode, we should ignore her. Perhaps now that you are researching a way to the top rank, might I suggest setting your sights on Shun, rank number 592, in FIFTEEN YEARS!?"

"Uh? Fifteen years? Why that long? That's DUM."

"There HAS to be SOME way you can battle him BEFORE then," some bland girl who looked a lot like a bunch of other orange-haired anime girls said, named Alice.

"Huh," Dan said, leaning back in his chair. "Well, since I'm the main character and all, and I really mean to brag, but he stands no chance against ME because **I** have an English name in Japan. And no one's EVER come close to CHALLENGING me. Except that fat kid Suchi...and that kid Yusuke...and the Snail Bunch and -- anyways, look out, Shun, 'cause I'm gonna _take you down._"

"He can't hear you," Marucho said.

"You've got a point."

Later that night...

In a more feudal-looking Japan, some guy named Shun stared up at a full moon. It glowed. That reminded him of Bakugan. He liked that.

_HA!_ the purple-clad guy thought. _I had no trouble beating those four-year-olds. They're just AMATEURS. I need a SERIOUS challenger, one who UNDERSTANDS the VESTROIA dimension._

_That's because they're toddlers!_ replied a weird imaginary hamster by his side.

_H-Hammy the Hamster!? YOU only appear when WEIRD CRAP'S about to happen..._

_Yeah! Watch out for weird crap soon!_

A scary voice came from out of somewhere. Apparently whoever wrote the script for this program put this and Shun's thoughts so close together that this part might as well have been in his imagination and in reality at the same time. _If only Dan knew Bakugan was more than just extreme marbles, but another universe entirely! IF ONLY HE KNEW!!! If only the boy knew of...__**VESTROIA!!!!!**__ Powered by six other universes for some stupid reason, each powered by their own AWESOMELY named element!  
The Earth element, Terry!  
The Light element, Chaos! FWOOM SHING! RAWR!  
The Dark element, Marcus! SHWOOP!  
Aquis, or as you puny humans you call it, Wet Ones.  
The Wind element, Air Vent. RAAAH  
And the Fire element, Pirate. NO, NAGA! WWWAAAAIIIITTTTT!_

_Two dragons were flying around within the most fiery chili pepper in existence. One was red and orange while the other was white._

_"Out of my way, Endymio!" the white one, Naga, said. He only opened his mouth once while speaking in an Indian accent, which was weird._

_"Why must you have all this power, Naga?" Endymio said, also opening his mouth only once._

_"SILENCE!!" Naga was revealed to be an ultra cyborg dragon thing! "You know NOTHING about us unfeeling cyborgs! You know NOTHING of my homeland!" Endymio could only stare with a funny face as he spoke. "I need to know about that kid Michael!"_

_"The one who died that summer?"_

_"Ahaha__**NO!!**__" In his long claws he held...a flimsy trading card. "Do you know what THIS is?"_

_"A flimsy trading card?"_

_"Ahaha__**NO!!**__"_

_Endymio squinted._

_Slowly, Naga tossed the flimsy trading card. It spun around, turned silver, grew, and stopped slightly to the side of them. "IT IS A PORTAL, YOU IDIOT!! And it leads to the source of the power! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHA -" Endymio shoved him in. "BUT I WAS NOT DONE LAUGHING.....HA. Dimension of Vestroiaaaa......"_

_"No! If I weren't so annoyed by that evil laugh I could have easily restrained him...!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"_

We, the viewers, then fly out of the Pirate universe, out of the holy card game trinity, out of the awesome vortex and into Shun's head again.

_Huh? I just imagined all of that?_

_No, not really. Like I said, weeeeeeiiirrrrrdddd crap!_ Hammy winked.

The next sunset...

Everything was all orangey and glowy. It reminded Dan of Bakugan. Today was especially Bakugan-y. TOO Bakugan-y.

Suchi and Akuma, who was looking dumber than ever, were standing there at Cobblestone Fountain. "I wanna rematch ya, PUNK!" Fatboy grunted. "You'd better have a clock, because I'm gonna clean it!"

"You LIKE being an idiot?"

"And I'm sure YOU like it, TOO!"

They took out some cards and shouted "Bakugan Field! Umber!" or something. A nearby car stopped to emphasize the AWESOME timestop teleportation effect. Now they were in Some Place.

"I'm gonna win 'cause I have MARCUS!" Suchi took out - *gasp* - a black-and-purple marble! Lines wiggled wildly to emphasize the change. "Bakugan Brawl! Unnh!" The marble opened to reveal a crocodile coming out of a capsule. It then glowed purple and transformed into a giant turtle. It yawned.

"Yikes!" was all Dan could say. He also made some anime sweat bubble things around his head. "How'd you get ahold of that Marcus guy!?"

"Let's just say...I have money, unlike YOU! Might as well call me...MONEYMAN! AAAH haaa!"

"If I'm gonna call you anything, it'll be...Suchi!"

"HEY!" He sniffled. "Don't call me that. Call me Fatboy."

"No way, Suchi! Now, what should I counter with...something weak or something strong..." He snapped his fingers. "I've got it! Bakugan Brawl!" He threw a marble down Marc Gamera's back. It opened to become...Palette Swap Rhinotron, otherwise known as Rhinozoid.

"You've gotta be kidding me! Rhinozoid!? He's a dummy. A big fat dummy!"

"Hey! Didn't anybody tell you the amount of Gs a Bakugan has is a key factor in the game!?"

"Exactly my point! Now for your funeral...FUNERAL IN BAKUGAN, THAT IS!! Bakugan Brawl!" He tossed a crab with a tail. It transformed into a man-headed scorpion! "Marcus HeadMantis!"

"That's not a mantis, Suchi! You're an idiot. You will SO not clean my CLOCKS! I can do that myself, thank you very much."

"You'll beat yourself up?"

"...No." He took a second glance at the thing. "Aah!"

"MARCUS HEADMANTIS POWER LEVEL 330. RHINOZOID POWER LEVEL SUCK."

Marcus HeadMantis kept jabbing his stinger at Rhinozoid, always missing horribly. When he DIDN'T miss horribly Rhinozoid easily tossed the stinger back. It continued in a neverending loop...or DID it? "Looks like I need a POWER BOOST!" Dan said. "Like Gatorade or something. Hey, do I have that card? Uh...no, but I CAN say...Gate Card, Open!" Suddenly the field was engulfed in flames. It didn't hurt the Marcus Bakugan guys at all, but somehow it made Rhinozoid GAIN power.

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 310 G'S."

"Ha! You still suck!"

Marcus HeadMantis stood there for a second, then frowned. He belched. Then he poked Rhinozoid in the tummy. Rhinozoid glowed red, turned into a marble, and bounced back to Dan's side of the field.

"Man, things aren't looking good for me. If I could have boosted his G's by 20 or more..."

"How's it feel to have your clocks cleaned?" Fatboy taunted.

Looking kind of funny, Dan countered, "Good. Now I can tell time."

"HUH!?!? You're an idiot."

Back with Shun...

Shun was sitting outside, looking at the sunset. Hammy the Hamster appeared by his side! _WEIRDCRAP!_ he said telepathically. Then, another weird thought came to him! It was about Vestroia again...

_Naga flew out from the other side of the portal. He was exiting a huge chili pepper, the Pirate galaxy. He flew a ways away and found...two huge orbs, one red, one blue. "At LAST, I have FOUND the CENTER of the UNIVERSE! And it was so impossibly easy as well! There they are, the two conflicting energies, Infinity and Silence! Wait, those do not conflict at all! You can have infinite silence! They can work together in harmony! And why are they spherical? That...makes even less sense than the Pirate universe! But anyways, if I can absorb these two awesome energies, I can CONQUER Earth AND Vestroia! And Pluto. Pluto is awesome. Yes! FEEL the POWER, my tummy!" Two orbs of ultra-glowy powah landed in his mouth and went down his throat like lozenges. "Infinite...POWER! INFINITE POWER! INFINITE...POWER! INFINITE POWER!! INfinite...POWer! __**INFINITE POWER!!!**__ Infinite...power...infinite__**POWER!!!!! Infinite...POWER...INFINITE POWER!**__ INFINITE power...infinite POWAH!!!!!!!!!!"_

_He could hear voices in his tummy saying..._You've got the power! Nintendo power! Segata Satan, SHIRO!!_ The voices only got louder as the power swirled within. _**YOU'VE GOT THE POWER!! NINTENDO POWER!! SEGATA SATAN, SHIRO!!!**_ Then he felt a rumbly in his tummy. The energy orbs really WERE conflicting!_

_"No... O....." The red ball exploded and the blue ball flew into a portal._

_All of the stupid galaxies started dancing. Endymio said blandly, "What's...happening?"_

_"Earthquake, idiot!" a random fiery bat shouted, flying away._

_"Naga...it must be Naga's doing...!!"_

_The wall of the chili pepper disintegrated, and a giant fighting robot flew past him. Something in the background echoed, "TRANSFORMERS, ROBOTS IN DISGUISE." He stopped in midvacuumofspace and turned around._

_"What's a MARCUS Bakugan doing in PIRATESPACE!?"_

_"I FLEW HERE, ****IT!" The Marcus Transformer, feeling insulted, lunged at him with his claws._

Even Dan felt the pulse of this battle between Nintendo and Sega-like entities. Suddenly the pyramids in the background were on fire. Suddenly EVERYTHING was on fire! Suddenly Dan was levitating! "Waaah! This is even weirder than the crap that went down the night when cards rained down from the - ACK!" One of the most awesome battles in the universe just pushed past him. "A dragon and a Transformer! I've GOTTA watch THIS! Wait, that's my Bakugan! Woah! Awesome! All I care about are my marble card games! Mom can suck it!" A cool vortex appeared and sucked him in. "!!!!!"

He was back in the Bakugan game. "Wow, that was...totally stupid. Hey, when did I send out Snakerake? And who won that awesome battle?"

"Uhh...shut up!" Suchi "Fatboy" Janken shouted. "Bakugan Brawl!" Snakerake easily coiled around Marcus HeadMantis. "WHAAAAA!?!?"

"Whatever happened to your talk about cleanin' clocks, SOOCHY?"

"Aah! Don't call me that!" His tummy jiggled as he sobbed.

"Command Card! Quartet Kettle, activate! Now!"

At the same time he used that card, Endymio and Marcscream were still fighting...and then they disappeared! "RAA-" Endymio began to yell, fading away.

Dan's card was glowing! "WhawhaWHAAAA!?!?" The card transformed into...Endymio! "Darnit! My rare card just transformed into something slightly less useful. I'm not gonna use THAT one." Just as he said that, a plastic marble came out of his card and rolled onto the field. "Uh. Well, THAT sucks. At least it's a Dragonoid, not just a dumb old DRAGON."

"Wh-WHHHOOOAAAAAHHHH!" Suchi fell onto his bottom as his card did almost the exact same thing. The two marbles forced themselves onto the field and transformed into...Marcscream and Endymio! They continued brawling in exactly the same fashion as they had been doing before.

"-AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaauuuuuuh. Uh." Endymio and Marcscream looked around for a second. "Stop looking at us when we're brawlin'!" They continued their slapfight.

"Hey! YOU must be the two guys having an AWESOME FIGHT! Let's watch, Fatboy!"

"Don't call me - hey, thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"COME to your SENSES, lad!" Endymio shouted telepathically, opening his mouth for no apparent reason. "Naga has taken away your SENSE of REASON, I guess!"

"PUT UP YER DUKES."

"Now he's up for a fistfight! His power is BUILDING!!"

"Doth mine eyes deceive me..." Suchi said, dazed-sounding. He'd seen cards fall from the sky, stopped time, gone to a sub-universe or something and he thought THIS was unusual.

"Boost Tiger! Poh!" Endymio spat a boom bubble at Marcscream, who was vaporized for some reason. Dan won, apparently.

They went back to the real world. A car fell off the bridge and onto the broken bench, which was being repaired. There were two casualties and fifteen injuries, nine fatal. "I lost again, haaaaa," Suchi laughed. He should have been crying, really.

"That was so weird," Dan said. "

Later that night...

Only a few windows were glowing in Dan's World. "TALK, MR. MARBLE!!" he yelled, throwing the Endymio game piece on the floor. It did nothing. Dan picked it up again and laid on his bed. "No biggie, dawg. I'm gonna call you DRAGO 'cause you're a DRAGOnoid. I'm brilliant."

Endymio - I mean, DRAGO - sobbed. _NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -_

"Good night, inanimate object!" he said, putting it on the desk next to his Keroro Gunsou action figures. "You too, Keroro and Tamama! I'd let you take over the world any day! Now to hook up to da Net!" He went to his computer, which immediately turned on. The chat box chums appeared.

"Hey. You're BACK," Marucho greeted.

"The weirdest thing happened today!"

"Weirder than cards raining!?" Runo gasped.

"No. A dragon and a Transformer fought on the battlefield."

"That's not weird. That happens on Worldwide Bakugan Day. It's annual," Marucho stated. "Only this one included slapfighting, and I concur, that is a bit odd..."

"Log on to the website, idiot!" Julie grinned. "What, you don't browse the internet and spend all your time playing with marbles and talking to US?"

He looked at the chatroom and was met by annoying pop-ups featuring long nose hairs. "AAAHH! They're talking about NOSE HAIR, you liar! I hate you, Julie!"

"SQUEEE!"

_It DID talk! Maybe the Bakugan world has more to it than we thought!_

_Coming up on Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_I try to get Drago to talk in front of all of my peers, for some stupid reason. The teacher is too old to understand all this Bakugan "nonsense"! guess her mind's too filled with STUPID stuff to hold anything else! And to make matters worse, some guy called Mask the Money shows up and eats everyone's Bakugan! Watch what happens when I battle him and aim for the tummy! BAKUGAN BRAWL! *wipes nose* Let's battle!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_

[NOTE: His name was Akira, not Akuma. Who cares, anyways?]


	2. Chapter 2

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game called Bakugan, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless. _

My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Hotshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!

Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!

A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!

**Episode Two  
The GROSS Mask GROSS the GROSS Money GROSS Brawl GROSS**

In a sunny town (or city, we honestly can't tell which is which with this show), Runo was running by on the sidewalk. Everyone could see her shirt about to fall off, since the flimsy spaghetti straps were ripping apart at the seams. "TALK, MARBLE, TAAAAAAALLLLLLKKKKKKKKK!!!!!" she screamed, voice incredibly strained. Runo panted. "IF DAN'S MARBLE TALKS, MINE HAS TO, TOO! TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL -"

"You're an idiot," a fat little kid said, walking away whilst licking his oversized lollipop.

"YOU'RE the idiot! Obviously you can't even being to understand the kind of bond me and my marbles share! Hmph!" She started off in the opposite direction, jabbing her sharp fingernail at the marble vigorously. "-**KKKKKK!!!!!!!!**"

Suddenly, the wind started blowing more vigorously than her voice! It was drowned out! _Nothing outscreams me,_ she thought. _What's...going...on...?_

"A tornado, you idiot!" the fat kid said, being blown away. "WAAAAHHHH....."

_He's right! Wait, how come I couldn't hear my own scream while -_

The gale-force winds stopped, and Runo put her arms down. Behind the swingset landed a guy with big, blond hair. He wore a lab coat and jeans, from what she could see. "Are you challenging me to a brawl by causing a gale-force wind and landing several feet ahead of me with your back facing me?" Runo asked. "You obviously are, person with unknown powers! Let's gets this party started!" She took out a trading card and posed.

"I never said that, idiot girl," the guy said, his voice a tad too deep for his body. "But since you look like a really stupid and idiotic Tsundere-type girl, I'll fight. Call me Mask the Money."

"And with such a dumb name I bet YOU'LL be easy!" Their collectible cards glowed and a huge pillar of light rose above the clouds. Just to emphasize the Time Stop effect the pigeons stopped in mid-flight and the swing stopped making that irritating sound.

Runo was in the fighting area Scary Black Void. "AAAAHH!" she screamed, switching from tsun-tsun to dere-dere mode. Some sort of reaper image flew towards her, ready to kill her promptly and easily. The pigeons went about their business, and nobody in Town City stopped to do so much as glance at the tower of light,

In Dan's classroom...

Dan was now in school, unlike Runo who was skipping it. The teacher hadn't come in yet, so the school gave the students permission to loiter and do stupid things until they came in. He stood one foot on the desk chair, holding up a plastic marble. "Feast your eyes on my one-of-a-kind marble! That's right, I'm better than you and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"OOOOOOOH AAAAAAH OOOOOOOH AAAAAH," the class moaned, drooling as if the marble were a tasty snack food.

"It's not one-of-a-kind!" Cassandra pointed out. "I read about it on the Internet! There's hundreds of copies!" But nobody listened.

"Ooh, I'm so jealous! I never thought inanimate objects were capable of speech!"

"Well, my Keroro Gunsou action figures talk to me EVERY NIGHT."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOH."

"Make it talk!" Stan said. He was quite stupid-looking, hence the nickname Stupid-Looking Stan.

"Do it! Do it!" the class chanted.

"Unless you're making this all up," Martin the reasonable guy said. "A Bakugan talking is an extremely rare occurrence in the programming."

"Daaah, okay. BAKUGAN STAND!!" But that was about the dumbest idea I've ever heard of, since Drago never talked in Stupid Marble form. Why would he do that without even opening the thing? If it was a rare thing in the programming, wasn't it talking twice highly unlikely? None of these questions will ever be answered. EVER. "STANDTSTANDDSTANDSTANDSTAND -"

"You're a retard!" Suchi said from the back of the crowd. "It only worked when we were battling!"

"RETARD..." The other kids looked at each other, moaning the same word.

"Stop, inanimate object! You're embarrassing me! Now everyone thinks I'm mentally challenged! And what about Suchi? Everybody's ignoring him! If only I hadn't been a dumb showoffy main character! Then I'd be better off!"

"Hey, RETARRRD," Rodney said, tipping his glasses, "did'ja finish your homework...or were you a retard yesterday, too!?" The crowd laughed at his "joke".

Dan thought back to last Friday. He had a project to do, but was so overcome by Obsessive Bakugan Battle Brawlers Brawling Disorder, or OBBBBD, that he completely forgot! What an addictive and deadly game, and what an idiotic child. _If the teacher really DOES come today, I'm going to get a zero! That's fifteen zeroes in five days!_ He began cuddling and rubbing against other students, thoroughly creeping everyone out.

Endymio/Drago started talking to himself, just a marble on the desk. _Puny humans,_ thought the marble. _These pitiful beings have no reason for existence, if all of them are like THIS. If this boy Dan thinks he is the main character of a television show, he's got another thing coming. Aah! The pressure of this stupid plastic container! If only it were a Poke Ball! IF ONLY!!!_ Some stretchy elastic sounds were heard as he started rolling on the desk. His grunts made him sound constipated. _I must release my POWER!!! Urrgh...urrrrgghhhh..._

Just before any mental scarring could be done, the loud opening of doors overshadowed the gross, powerful sound. A woman stepped in with a bun hairdo, rectangular glasses and a professional purple suit. Obviously she wasn't IN with it. "Stop having fun, everyone!" she demanded. The force of her shout was enough to send children tumbling through the air. A tornado appeared in the room!

"Aaaah! Ms. Pri!" Kids screamed and ran as the tornado threatened to suck them in. Endymio, having gone through an uncomfortable and disturbing moment, tumbled off the desk and was kicked around by cold, hard shoes. _Aah! I'm not done releasing it! It's getting all over me! Aah! Stop it! I beg of you! It's making the plastic container bouncy! OH, THE HORROR!!!_

"Hunh!?" Dan saw the marble bouncing around on the floor. "Drago! Stop, Mr. Marble!"

_I WOULD IF I COULD, IDIOT DAN!! IT'S GOING INTO MY MOUTH!! OH GOD, IT'S GOING BACK IN!! NO!!! OH GOD, NO!!!!!_

Endymio rolled into Ms. Pri's foot as she sucked the cyclone back into her mouth with a sip. She picked it up and said in her usual stern tone, "What is THIS?" She picked the Bakugan up. "I left specific instructions on the blackboard for you to bring in anything but MARBLES!! See? Right here!"

Giving himself away, Dan screamed like an idiot and flapped his arms around. "WWAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! AAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! WOBWOBWOBWOBWOB!!!"

"I'll see you after class...Daniel."

"Yes 'AM!" He saluted.

Fire blazed in the background as Ms. Pri said, "I never said you had to salute me. Extra detention."

_Ugh,_ Endymio thought/said. _I feel sick from all of that...BLARGH._ He threw up. _Great, now I have to sit in THAT. OH, GOD._

Later...

"Now for college-grade babble, class. We triangulate the circle so that each shape is equal and their circumference is divisible by four. Then what do we do to find the square root of each diameter?"

"Divide by six!" Rodney answered.

_If only I could find a way to unleash my power somewhere else,_ Endymio thought/said. _Because God, this is TORTURE!! TORTURE, I SAY!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE, SOMEONE!!! I NEED TO RELEASE IT AGAIN!!! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!! Hey, that reminds me of Naga, that galactic menace. I need to - OH GOD NOOOOOO_

"And by multiplying the product by 17, we can estimate the angle measure of each corner of a pentagon. And by discovering THAT square root we will always have the number 21.614 as our product. And that will be useful in the real world because..."

Dan wasn't paying attention to the class. All he cared about were his stupid marble games. He heard stretchy elastic constipation noises and realized Drago was carelessly placed on the shelf next to his desk. It didn't have a scratch on it. He proceeded to scrub it off with a toothbrush he happened to have hanging around between his teeth, however that works. For he not only had OBBBBD, but germophobia when it came to his precious marbles. "SCRUBSCRUBSCRUB THE PRECIOUS!!!" he yelled, revealing to the whole class he was scrubbing a marble. "Gee, I bet you love me, Drago. I bet you wish I left you at home with Keroro and Tamama so you three could have adventures on Pokopen, huh? I'll let you do that tomorrow, don't worry! And you can do yoga with my mom, and play on the computer, and you can eat fruit snacks, and, and, and, and, and and -"

The marble popped open, and with it unidentifiable materials! "_**SHUT UP!!! SHHHUUUUUTTTTT UUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!**_** GOD, I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH TODAY!! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE TORTURE YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH TODAY!! AND ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE HELD ME PRISONER!! AND WHEN YOU WATCHED ME BRAWL!! AND YOU CONSIDER WHAT'S COMING OUT OF ME PUDDING!! YOU CAN GO EAT IT, MISTER!! AND YOU CAN ALSO **** MY ****, YOU ******* *******!! YEAH, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, RETARD!? AND I'M NOT DRAGO, YOU ****ING RETARD!! IT'S ENDYMIO!! AND A BIT OF ADVICE, DON'T BE SUCH A RETARD, RETARD!! STOP PLAYING YOUR CHILDREN'S CARD GAMES AND THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!! **_**THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!! THINK ABOUT **__**ME!!**_** YOU GOT THAT, *******!?!? GOT IT, YOU ****ING PIECE OF ****!?!? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE I'M NOT REPEATING MYSELF, UNDERSTAND, RETARD!?!?!?**"

"WHA!!" Dan fell backward out of his seat. "WOAH!! Thanks for the pudding! HEY GUYS MY DRAGO CAN TALK DID'JA JUST HEAR MY DRAGO CAN TALK YEAH MY DRAGO JUST TALKED -"

"**DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID!?!? YOU *******!!!**"

"Dan," Ms. Pri said sternly, "those words I just heard coming from your desk were unacceptable. Changing your voice and saying your toy did it does not change anything. You made me stop the whole lesson just to let YOU finish yelling. THE WHOLE LESSON. And what is that on your desk, i-is that feces?"

"No, it's pudding."

"Pudding?"

"Yeah. Pudding."

".....Daniel, you have just given yourself detention for the whole semester. That is for interrupting rather loudly, cursing seven times, and eating fecal matter. Do I make myself clear?"

"....."

"I take that as a yes.

Back at home...

Dan was eating "pudding" at his laptop. "Thanks for ruining my life, Drago, because that thirty minutes after school is obviously all that matters to my young mind. All you had to do is TALK." He put some "pudding" in his mouth. "But hey, thanks for the pudding. It's the only GOOD thing you've ever given me. Now to go onto the Web."

Runo came up on the screen screaming, "IDIOT!!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaa..." He slowly fell onto the floor. "What?"

"I hope you realize you had nothing to do with my losing a single battle today. And, uh...is that POO you're eating?"

"What? No! It's pudding, I swear!"

Marucho appeared and said, "That really is fecal matter you're eating."

"Sh-shut up!" He shoved a pile of **** into his mouth angrily.

"Anywho, there's a mysterious man who calls himself Mask the Money. He stands with his back toward his opponent and beats people in extreme marble trading card games! He is a threat to society as we know it!"

"It's all over the chatrooms!" Julie sobbed. "And he's only been going around the world at an impossible speed today! It's weird!"

He checked the chatrooms and couldn't read through the mounds of vampire pictures. Most of them featured Edward Cullen. "AAAHH! I really hate you, Julie, you know that!?"

"LOLOLOLOLOL"

"This guy is serious business!" Alice spoke up. "He never loses and takes peoples' Bakugans! Is it Bakugan or BakuGANS that's the plural?"

"I honestly do not know." Marucho frowned, not knowing something for once. "But what I DO know is that if marbles cause us pain, we should use them no more. After all, in Buddhism -"

"That's nonsense! Battle brawling is our destiny and nothing can change that!"

"Really?"

"Did they take yours, Runo?"

"Yeah. My precious Terrorclaw is gone for good."

"You are the only warrior on earth that can save us!" Marucho cried.

"Don't worry, guys. He's OBVIOUSLY coming to my town next, so when I fight him (which I obviously will), he'll automatically be forced to mail your Bakugan back to you! That include yours, Runo, and that's a fact I'm establishing TWICE because that's how much I care."

"Why do you care so much about me?"

"Because jerks love tsunderes. It's an anime rule! That's why I have an anime and you don't!"

"Oh, I just wanna hug you now!" Runo swooned, for some stupid reason.

"AAAAAHHH," the girls sighed in unison.

"Hey, why does nobody fall for ME?" Marucho looked sad.

"Because you're nerdy!" Julie pointed out. "And you have a mole on your forehead."

"I DO!?!?"

"I'm gonna take him on, which has already been established!"

Everyone gasped. Apparently they hadn't been paying attention the first time, because they sounded like this was news. NEW news.

"WHAT IF U LOSE, 2!?!?!?!" Tears streamed down her face.

"I'd lose my Bakugan, obviously. You haven't been paying attention, have you?"

"But Mask the Money's at rank 592 now!" Marucho yelled.

"YOU'RE KIDDING!!!" Even though that was really the only logical way Mask the Money would have never lost, Dan was obviously not very bright, so this flew right past him like a crow yelling "baka". "Shun HAS to be 592! If he's not the world will...i-implode or something! I'm the only one in the world who can fix this!" He then drifted into what was supposed to be an emotional speech, but what came off as making him look like a failure face.

"But you're not REALLY sure he's coming to Your Town, are you?" Marucho had a valid point.

"No! He HAS to!" He shoveled some **** into his mouth. "He HAS to!" He banged his fists on the desk and whined like a toddler. He turned his laptop onto Video Mode and said, "HEY, MONEY MASK MAN!?!? YOU WANT A CHALLENGE, HUH!? WELL, I'M DAN DA MAN, AND I'M-A CRUSH JOOO!!!!!"

"_**SHUT UP, YOU M***** ******!!!!!**_" Drago opened again and brought with him more pudding.

"Aw, Drago - hey, thanks for the pudding." He emptied the crap into his pudding bowl before saying, "Can't you see I'm trying to film myself shouting at nobody in particular?"

"Listen, puny earthling. I am not a toy. The correct term is marble, for your information. And the name's Endymio, not Drago, you uncreative ***********. Bakugan is not just a game for your own amusement. Well, it kind of is...BUT IT'S MORE THAN THAT!!!!! Do YOU think it's just a game? HUH, PUNK!?"

"Heck yeah! It's like the most awesome game to come from this millennium! I love how it makes me feel like I own somebody! Because that became against the law, like, a century ago in America and it's hard to get that feeling again, even in what's apparently Japan, y'know! And I LOVE winning! What's the matter, Drago? You actually have feelings and don't like slapping giant fighting robots?"

Drago closed again. "Bakugan - EEERGH - is more - AAARGH - than just - BLEHH - a game. AND I'M NOT DRAGO, YOU *****-******' *****!!!"

All Dan could do was widen his eyes.

In some blue dark bricky place...

_"HEY, MONEY MASK MAN!?!? YOU WANT A CHALLENGE, HUH!? WELL, I'M DAN DA MAN, AND I'M-A CRUSH JOOO!!!!!"_

All Mask the Money could do was smile behind his huge glasses that went down to his chin.

The next day after school...

"OUT OF THE WAY!!!!! MAIN CHARACTER COMING THROUGH!!!!!" Dan irritatingly ran through the sidewalk. "COME OUT, MASK THE MONEY!!!!! COME OUT AND FIGHT!!!!!" He came to a secluded, fenced area. "COME OUT, MASK THE MONEY!!!!! Oh, wait, it's just that fat kid Suchi."

"Right you are!" Suchi turned around and smirked. "For calling me Suchi and winning fairly against me twice, I DESERVE a rematch."

"What's Akuma doing next to you?"

"Oh, uh...I can't function properly without him. 'S a self-esteem condition fatboys like me have. So are you gonna walk away, because you have the ability to just run away from this battle, or stay here and fight like the idiot you are!?"

"I'll take the second option."

"TOO BAD!! BAKUGAN FIELD, OPEN!!" They appeared in what was apparently Sub-Terra.

"It's on!"

_Stick around for more Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Now back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers! SHING!_

Suddenly, Snakerake was the only Bakugan on the field. Looks like you just missed something. "Waaaaah!?!? You beat my guys just like - just - just -"

"Looks like you zoned out on the commercial break, huh, Fatboy? Drago, finish this for me! Bakugan Stand!" He tossed Endymio out onto the field.

"ENDYMIO, ***** ******S!!!!" A big red dragon appeared, and his name was Endymio.

"Heh. I'm not shocked. I saw you use that already!"

"Finally...I can move freely!"

"Drago, stay put, 'cuz I use this card! Ability Card, Activate! McAfee Firewall!" He threw a card, which surrounded Endymio in smoldering flame.

"I can't stay here! I have to go! And I take no orders from idiot boys like you! Besides, birdmen can fly, you *******!"

"This is the palette swap I've been WAITING to use." Suchi smirked as he cried, "Bakugan Stand!" Moldy Birdman was sent out!

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 300 G'S FOR NO APPARENT REASON."

"I might be a hundred points below you, but that's...uh...a small hurdle! Ability Card, Activate! Big Jump!" Moldy Birdman flew over Endymio's head easily.

"WHAAAAAAA!?!? He flew clear over that wall!" Dan was in shock!

"...You're a *********** idiot."

A falcon cry rang out as Moldy Birdman nipped Endymio's neck non-fatally. "Moldy Birdman! Come to your senses! Our fight is not with each other, but with those ***********es controlling us out there. It is their negative energy that drives you!"

"I fight with instinct!" He nipped harder.

"Yeowch! You leave me no choice! Firewall, home in on 'im!" The firewall closed around them, only harming and defeating Moldy Birdman in the process.

"He smothered the wind!" Dan shouted for no reason.

As Fatboy's marble returned he could only shout, "Waaah, WWWWAAAAAAAAAA -"

Back to the real world. Before Endymio could go, they were back in Your Town (which is, by the way, the town's real name). Cars drove to further emphasize this.

Dan wiped his nose like a true anime boy again. "Heh. You lose."

"Why are you wiping your nose!?" Suchi shouted, backing away in fear.

Akuma came up and said annoyingly, "I was like NO and you were like YES LET'S BATTLE HIM and see what happened? You're an idiot, and a thin idiot at that. Go back home, Soochy, and go hug your mommy or whatever THIN boys like YOU do." At the "thin idiot" remark, he ran away sobbing. "Well, bye, Idiot Bros." Akuma ran away.

"If you wanna lose, you...know who to call."

"You're stupid!" Akuma yelled. "Stuuuuuupiiiiiiid....."

"Hey, Drago," Dan started. "Oh, hey, there's pudding all over you. How'd that happen? Well, anyways......Oh, the silent treatment, huh? You're angry just because you have virtually no free will? I'd KILL for the chance NOT to have - oh, wait..."

"Hey," a voice said from a nearby passageway. "I'm looking for Dan. Yeah, that's right. I'm looking for Dan Crap. 'Cause kuso in Japanese means CRAP. He's lucky 'cause I didn't say ****. Oops. i just did." Mask the Money stepped out!"

"So you're Mask the Money. Now I can put a face to the name - HOly! You're a disgrace to fashion! Just...just look at those GLASSES, I mean, REALLY!"

"Ha."

"...I've spent five minutes planning this battle, and there's no way you're gonna let that all go to waste!"

"Fine. Lets duel, Dan CRAP."

"Bakugan Field, Open!" They were now standing on a shiny white floor. "Gate Card Set!" The rectangular field was set after the two did a couple of pirouettes and curtsied.

Mask the Money then dropped a card into the field! It dissolved and gave off a glowy shock wave. _What'd he put down?_ Dan thought. _Oh well. Totally not his trump card._ Bakugan Stand!" He threw out Snakerake! "Yeah! Do some damage!"

Mask the Money raised his hand slowly, as if he were about to answer a question. Dan thought he was about to say "divide by six", but instead he yelled, "Bakugan Stand! Generic Reaper!" A reaper demon thing appeared, the same one that promptly slaughtered Runo before she could do so much as finish her screaming. His legs were too tall to make him look threatening.

"GENERIC REAPER POWER LEVEL 370 G'S. SNAKERAKE POWER LEVEL 320 G'S. YOU KNOW, DRAGO COULD HAVE FINISHED HIM IN ONE SHOT. YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, DAN."

"No, I'm not! Field Card, Open! Fire Stuff!" Some fire surrounded the two.

"POWER LEVEL 620 G'S."

"Let's see ya trump THAT." Obviously he would, if only because he said that aloud.

"Thanks to your saying that, I've got the perfect card for that. Ability Card, Activate. Dimension Pour." Mask the Money slowly raised his hand, in which appeared a cup. From it poured water, which immediately poured out the fire with a single drop.

"POWER LEVEL DROP TO 320 G'S."

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-WHHHAAAAA!?!?"

"That was Dimension Pour, Mr. Crap. Emphasis on the CRAP. Now, Bakugan Brawl!"

"Rawr!"" Generic Reaper grabbed Snakerake by the ear things!

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Snakerake, hang in there!"

Just then, Mask the Money's mouth opened up really wide! Generic Reaper threw Snakerake into it -- and Mask the Money ate it up! He made delighted chewing sounds.

"WHAT THE!?!? That's bizarre!" Recycling old footage from the first episode Dan yelled "Bakugan Stand!" and threw Rhinozoid out onto the field.

"POWER LEVEL SUCK. YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND YOU SUCK. THAT IS WHY YOUR NAME IS CRAP."

"Shut up, gauntlet!"

"NO."

"Bakugan Stand! Bakugan Brawl!" Mask the Money threw out the exact same guy, which was kind of a waste of time and energy. Generic Reaper glared at Rhinozoid, realizing immediately that he was a palette swap.

_He knows!_

"Ability Card, Activate! Stars Glow!" He furiously recycled footage as he tossed fire around the field.

But Mask the Money reused his own footage! What a mimic. "Bubble Dimension." A small bubble appeared in front of him. He poked it and the bubble splattered all over the flames, so the ability card was no more. Generic Reaper tossed Rhinozoid into Mask the Money's big mouth.

"I already played the Doom card."

"Wha?"

"Yeah. The Doom card. It overpowers everything else with its cheapness and sheer cheaposity. So you lose, because your marbles are in the Doom Dimension."

"Is that even legal, gauntlet!?"

"DOOM DIMENSION IS LEGAL."

"Huh...the Doom Dimension."

"The Doom Dimension," Drago repeated.

"Wait, so the five dimensions are line, shape, form, time and DOOM!?!? Freaking doom! Is this what our world's coming to!?"

"It's true, *******," Drago confirmed. "Whatever goes into his stomach, or the Doom Dimension, never comes out."

"Not even through-"

"OH GOD NO, I TOLD YOU IT DOESN'T COME OUT!! YOU DISGUSTING *******!!"

"Mask the Money, my marble just explained it all! You're eating everyone's marbles, is that right!?"

"Well, yeah. I'm surprised that a Crap like you could figure it out."

"Drago, this could be our only chance! Bakugan Stand! Bakugan Brawl!"

"I KEEP TELLING YOU IT'S ****IN' ENDYMIO, YOU ***** ******!!! GOD, DO YOU EVER LISTEN!?" Drago was obviously sent out. "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS FIGHT, I KEEP TELLING YOU I HAVE -"

"I SAID Bakugan Brawl! Maybe YOU'RE the one who doesn't listen, Drago. Hmph." He crossed his arms.

"Fine. Aoum!" He bit Generic Reaper's scythe before going into a dodging match with him. "Do you not care about Vestroia!?"

"I am but a soldier in the army of LIFE!!"

"Don't we have better things to do than this?"

"NO. A soldier of life inherits the power of their army! AND SO I AM!!"

"You and your stupid metaphors..!"

"And the dragon is slaughtered by the knight! OF VENGEANCE!!!" His scythe was slammed into Drago's skull! An explosion appeared in the middle of Vestroia, devastating...nobody, because nobody lived in the center of the universe.

"NO! DRA-"

"I TOLD YOU IT'S ENDYMIO, YOU UNGRATEFUL *******!!!!!"

"Gate Card, Open! Fire Store!" Some fire appeared on the field. Creative. Suddenly Generic reaper had fallen off, and Drago had a chance at victory! "This is the final - Drago?"

"Rwwaaaaaaaaaa!!!" Some rocks flew around a fiery Drago, who was burning...with rage! "IF YOU WON'T LET ME RELEASE MY POWER SOMEWHERE ELSE I'LL HAVE TO DO IT HEEEEERE! ULTIMATE BOOST!"

"Aim for the tummy, Dragooooo....."

The match ended. Cars drove again.

"DRAGO!" Dan shouted. "DRAGO WHERE ARE - oh." He was sitting on the ground. "Wha? I hope I beat that guy Mask the Money, because if I didn't I -"

"I spared ya, Crap." Mask the Money was at the passageway again. "But really, Bakugan isn't just a game. It involves other stupid dimensions and stuff like that. And if you beat me the entire world will be destroyed for some strange reason. So. Seeya, Crap." He walked away.

"WHA!?!? Well, better go. Don't wanna miss cookie break!" Dan ran away.

"So...that was a Dragonoid?" Generic Reaper, now in marble form, asked his owner. "I wonder if that really WAS his ultimate attack.

"No idea. But he did not possess what I am looking for..." He blushed through his stupid glasses.

"Why are you blushing, sir?"

_Next time on Bakugan Battle Brawlers! _

Me and Drago make a loud noise at my house. Mom and Dad are getting worried about my "obsession" with the game, but I tell them not to worry. It won't burn the house down. Then I fight a kid named Ricky Boy. I'm obviously not losing because Mask the Money sent him. It's a feud between friends! Bakugan Brawl! *wipes nose* Seeya there!

We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.

Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!


	3. Chapter 3

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game called Bakugan, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Hotshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Three  
A Feud Between Friends**

Pirate HeadMantis, a stupid palette swap Bakugan, yawned. Stupid-looking An(dy, the brother of Stan) was standing behind it, cringing. He wasn't proud of owning a palette swap at his best Bakugan. On the other side of the field was one of another guy's mediocre marbles, Wet One Gamera, who roared. The kid behind him had red hair and a blue jacket, much like that stupid kid in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fast Forward. Only this guy's chin had an X drawn on it, almost like someone didn't like it and doodled all over it to show how much they despised it. He also had a un-stylish chain across his chest and spikier, anime-ier hair.

"Hey, Pirate HeadMantis!" he cried, voice deep, bully-like and dumb. "Death Tornado!" He threw a card, which spiraled around Wet One Gamera. A whirlpool of Wet Ones emerged from the card, sucking the pirate in, who didn't do anything but wiggle inside. Everything glowed, as usual.

Suddenly, they were in a baseball field. "Catch," a kid said, throwing a ball. Instead it flew towards a newly-repaired bench with several people sitting on it.

"Everybody run for it!" a balding man screeched, and they did. The baseball made a huge hole in the seat of the bench.

Some people were jogging.

"Heh heh, better luck next time, kid." The X-marked chin kid talked fast.

"NEXT time?" the very feminine-sounding guy said. "I don't think so! You got my Bakugan, man!"

"Well, duh, as if I couldn't see that. As for me, I ALWAYS win. Now, admit it! An stands for Anne, not Andy!"

"No! Never! It's Andy, I swear!"

"PIRATE HEADMANTIS POWER LEVEL 150 G'S."

"WHAT!?!? Only 150!? I got ripped off by something I forcefully took from someone!"

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED THE POWER LEVEL BEFORE YOU STOLE IT, IDIOT."

"I am NOT an idiot!"

'What a sore loser!" An(ne) exclaimed.

"Yeah! And stupid, too!" Rodney had apparently been standing there the whole time.

"What more do you want from us, Ricky? You beat all three of us!" Ningen pointed out. He had slightly longer hair. All three of them had blue hair, hence the name Blue Hair Troopers.

"MEH!!" He stormed off.

"WHAT was with THAT idiot?" An asked the Troopers.

"There's a lot of idiots here, An," replied Rodney.

"Oh, right."

Now Ricky was walking through the forest, speaking aloud to himself for no reason whatsoever. "Man, there's no one in this town who can beat me! What's the point of even COMING to Your Town? I mean, there's museums and restaurants and famous people and movie theaters, but that's all LAME. What I'm looking for is a challenging game of extreme marbles! HEY, TREES!?!? YEAH, YOU GUYS ALL AROUND ME!!! YOU WANNA FIGHT!?!?"

"You want a challenge, do you?" a voice echoed.

He gasped. "The tree...it talked...!"

"No, you fool!" A blue marble was lobbed at Ricky, who grabbed it. _It's a Wet One!_ He could instantly tell this by the color scheme of blue and light blue.

Mask the Money was standing on a tree branch, leaning against the trunk! "Hey, Ricky Boy. That's right, Crap. 'Cause your last name Mary means BOY. You're lucky 'cause I didn't say...forget it, it only works with CRAP. Like YOU. But listen, you WON'T be crap if you use this Bakugan. It has all the power you - ack!" The flimsy branch gave way, and he fell into a bush. "Trust me! I wouldn't lie to yooooooooo....." The bush swayed a bit, and Ricky knew he was gone.

"Mysterious bullies NEVER lie!" He grinned and ran away. "No way it's counterfeit!"

In Cobblestone Park...

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD! UHH...I'M DA BEST, BATTLE BRAWLERS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD, I'M DAN DA MAN, BATTLE BRAWLERS!" Dan was jogging, apparently to stay in shape. He didn't want to suck at tossing marbles, and apparently you have to jog to accomplish THAT. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD.....UHHHH.....I DUNNO WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD!"

He tried to do chin-ups on the playground, and positively failed. After he did one his hands slipped, causing his lower jaw to jab into his lip. He did this several times.

He also failed at push-ups. He kept pushing up with his legs, elbows resting on the ground. "HA!! I OWN you, push-ups!! AH'M DAN DA MAN, AND JOO BETTA BELIEVE IT, PUSH-UPS!!"

He started dancing, which was stupid enough not to get edited from the existing episode. "Ha! Hee! Ho! Ha! Ha! HEE! Ho! Ha!"

He tossed an imaginary marble. ONCE.

Dan wiped his nose. "I'M DA **MAAAAN!!**"

"YOU ARE NOT THE MAN, YOU ****ING IDIOT!! TO PLAY BAKUGAN YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT ****ING EXERCISE TO PLAY ****ING BAKUGAN!! IT'S JUST TOSSING A ****MARBLE!! YOU FAIL AT CHIN-UPS AND YOU FAIL AT PUSH-UPS!! PUSH-UPS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!! WHAT IS THAT STUPID-*** DANCING YOU WERE DOING, ANYWAYS!? WHEN THE HELL IS THAT USEFUL!? YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS WITH THAT ******-******* DAN DA MAN ****!! STOP IT, DAN!! STOP IT OR I'LL KILL YOU!!! I SWEAR, SOMEDAY I'LL DO THAT TO YOU SOMEDAY!!! I'LL BEAT YOU SO BAD YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOORN!!! YOU'RE NOT A MAN, EITHER!! YOU'RE A BOOOOOY!!!! A PITIFUL, PITIFUL BOOOOOY!!!!"

"Waaaaaugh!" He took offense to that last part. "Hey! Be nice! And besides, I've gotta be ready to fight Mask the Money again!"

"ARE ALL HUMANS LIKE YOU!? HUH!? ARE ALL HUMANS AS IGNORANT, STUPID AND OBSESSIVE AS YOU!?!? BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, AFTER I GET NAGA EARTH IS MY NEXT TARGET, ******-******!! BESIDES, THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN WINNING, YOU IGNORANT *******!!!!!"

"What's more important than winning? Heck, it's even more important than LIVING and BREATHING and SLICED BREAD!"

"YOU'RE A COMPLETE IDIOT, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE *******!!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE TO WIN!!! YOU HAVE TO BREATHE TO LIVE!!! AND SLICED BREAD IS MUCH MORE USEFUL THAN USING BAKUGAN FOR YOUR OWN -"

"I know I have mad skills and I'm WAAAAAY better than Shun and Mask the Money! I'll prove it when I fight him again!"

"LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!! YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED THAT YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT!!! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WINNING BAKUGAN, AND YOU DON'T REALIZE THAT YOUR UNIVERSE IS AT STAKE!!! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME, YOU *******!!! NEVER!!!!!! AND I'LL BE D***** IF YOU LISTEN THIS TIME, BUT I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S GRAVE THAT I WILL GET MY REVENGE ON YOU!!! YOU AND YOUR IDIOT WORLD!!!"

"That's it!" Dan picked Drago up.

"THAT'S ALL THE REVENGE YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME!?!? YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING YOU DO, THINK ABOUT IT!!!"

"I'm not putting you down unless you stop dissin' me."

"I'M ONLY SAYING THE TRUTH!!! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WINNING AND YOU HARDLY LISTEN TO A THING I SAY!!!"

"And from now on, do as I say!"

Later that night...

"Oh, you're training again! That is SO, like, awesome!"

"Yeah, but Drago keeps DISSIN' me!"

Only the three girls were onscreen. Yep, most of his friends happened to be girls. Maybe he was homosexual? Julie continued, "Bakugan and people should work together as one! Like in a magical girl series!"

"Yeah. He's looking a little grungy." He scrubbed Drago with a toothbrush.

"I'M ENDYMIO, I KEEP TELLING YOU!! AND STOP SCRUBBING ME, YOU HAVE ISSUES!! **ISSUUUUUUUUUES!!!!!**"

"That silly Drago!" Julie chuckled.

"You're the only one I've heard of with a talking Bakugan!" Runo said.

"We were meant to be! Just like peas and carrots, or Hamlet and Juliet, or something!"

"I wish my Bakugan were JUST like Drago." She swooned.

"You mean you want it to DISS you, yo?"

"Yeah! AND I'd go murder Mask the Money with him!"

"Hey, has anybody heard any news about that guy?"

"Nope. Nothing."

"My MAD SKILLZ must've SCARED 'm off."

"You're such an idiot, Dan," Runo sighed. "I love you." Julie and Runo squeed. "But really, he had no reason to hide since it was a DRAW."

"She's right!" Marucho popped up.

"Thank God you're here! I needed a fellow male around these parts! These two are getting annoying!"

"Like you're not," Marucho said.

"I'm annoying?"

"Wh-what about me?" Alice pouted.

"You kinda never do anything. Nobody remembers you," Dan said.

"Oh."

"I concur. And may I also say that I have been listening on you this whole time!"

"YOU WERE!?!?" Julie cupped her hands over her mouth in shock! "Why didn't you just...come into the party?"

"I don't know. Anywho, I have a speculation about your battle with Mask the Money, Dan. Perhaps Drago's final attack caused the battlefield to be completely and utterly destroyed?"

Alice gasped. She did something for once, but it contributed nothing to the show or her bland personality!

"Did I miss something?" Julie asked. "Because I heard you talking about Drago releasing power, and destroying the field. Is that -"

"Yes, that's all I said."

"I KEEP TELLING YOU ****ERS, IT'S ****ING ENDYMIO, NOT ****ING DRAGO!!!!!"

"Sorry, Endymio. I will make sure not to call you that in the future. Please forgive me," Marucho begged.

"FINALLY someone LISTENS!! GOD please get me back home or at least with that kid Marucho. BECAUSE UNLIKE DAN, HE LISTENS TO ME SOMETIMES!! HEAR THAT!? HEAR THAT, DANIEL!?!? HE LISTENS TO MY NEEDS!! **MY NEEDS!!**"

Ignoring all that Runo said, in an annoying voice, "He had a power level stronger than the field card he was on! Or something!"

"ENDYMIO, ******-*******!!!!!"

"Huh. Uh, okay. That's good to know." Dan leaned back in his chair.

"While you guys are doing whatever you do all day, I'm gonna go and battle Mask the Money."

"No! I'm the only person on Earth allowed to fight Mask the Money! If you fight him the world will implode or something!"

"You're such an idiot, Dan! My way on the highway!"

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?!? YOU ARE BOTH ANNOYING ************* AND YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL!! AAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH....."

Later that night...

Dan wiggled in bed, having a dream that reflected his unhealthy obsession with Bakugan. "Rrrgh...no, Mask...Money...gimme my Bakugan! No! Drago! Give it back, nooo." He wiggled around ferociously, looking quite spastic.

Drago opened up, presumably to look at the aurora borealis through a plastic container, but seemingly for no reason. He said aloud to himself, "I hope that idiot Dan can do something useful, because in Vestroia, time is running out."

"Shut up, Drago, get back in my hand....." Dan drifted back to sleep.

The next morning...

In the Crap residence, Dan was, presumably, having breakfast. "Thanks, Dad! OMNOMNOM I'm done, Dad!"

"Wait! You've barely finished your Cheeri -"

Too late, Dan was already upstairs. "Man," he said, "I don't wanna be late for class. Especially with my 27 straight zeroes..."

"Hey, idiot." Drago was speaking from across the room. "Is something troubling you, like your unhealthy obsession with Bakugan?"

"Not really."

"You're not taking me to school today?"

"No, why?"

"Well, I just thought it was a nice change from the pace we've been having and...yeah, thanks for leaving me here with Keroro and Tamama. I appreciate their company here, at your house, not at school, not with you."

Dan came to a stunning realization. _If I don't bring Drago...I'll have no pudding like I did on the first day...!!_ He picked up Drago and beamed. "On second thought, maybe you'd better come to school with me! You'd better bring that pudding!"

"Grrrrr...NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GETTING NO - okay, that's it. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT PUDDING WAS!? THAT WAS ****, OKAY? THAT WAS ****. IT WAS **** THAT CAME OUT OF MY *** AND YOU PUT IT IN YOUR ****ING MOUTH AND -" He couldn't help but laugh for a while. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO EAT MY ****! YOU ATE MY ****! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - seriously, leave me here."

"**NO WAY, DRAGO!! LET'S GO!! AAAAhahahahaHAAAAAA!** Ouch." He hit the closed door, making a loud thump. Even his parents could hear it.

Father Figure, who was sitting at the table drinking some coffee, asked, "Is our son getting...too obsessed with Bakugan?"

His wife didn't answer. She was in a state of paralysis, laying on the table.

"You're right. Dr. M. P. Scoop can wait."

In a (not) bonding moment montage...

Giant White Mantis screamed "KIAAAAAHH" as he brought one arm down on...something.

"Go, Drago!"

"The only reason I let myself go to school with you is so that I could unleash my power! I AM NOT DRAGO!! BOOST FRAGGET!!" He spat a Boom Bubble of fire at Fatboy's poor excuse for a non-palette swap. The mantis bounced back onto his shoe.

"We won!"

At the dinner table, Dan held Drago up to his orange juice cup and poured a drop on him. It stained. "Rrrrrrgh I DO NOT DRINK JUUUUUUUICE!!"

In the shower Dan scrubbed the stain off with a toothbrush again. "Rrrrrrgh WHO TOLD YOU TO SCRUB THAT JUICE OFF!?!?"

Back at the chatroom, the montage of sorts ended. "Wow, so you and Drago are getting back together, right?" Julie clarified. "Like all of those celebrity pairings! They break up and come back together! Maybe you are one of them LOL!"

"Yeah, ever since Drago started seeing things MY way."

"I NEVER STARTED SEEING THINGS YOUR WAY!! WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!! NOTHIIIIIIIIING!! THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR WHICH I CAN EXPRESS MY HATE -"

"What caused him to change, I wonder? HMMMMMMM....."

"Well, you DO have a way with words...a stupid way! OMG your so stupid i luv u!"

Marucho, who was just finished swallowing a whole watermelon, interrupted, "Apparently he never changed at all! Just listen to him -"

"HMMMMMMMM..." Dan said.

"BLEHHHHHHHH..." Julie bleh-ed.

"........" Alice said, if that counts as talking.

"Everybody ignores us, Endymio..."

Runo's box butted in, saying, "I've got BIG NEWS big news."

"WHAT IS IT, FOR F***'S SAKE!?!?" Drago was quite irritated.

"Ta-da!" In her hands she held a white tiger Bakugan of sorts. "My wish came true really fast!"

"You got a Halo Tiger! It's Light-attribute! It has a way with guns!" Alice contributed almost nothing to the conversation yet again.

"Let's see it talk! HI. ME DAN. YOU?"

"Greetings, human," the tiger thing said. "Why do you insist on using "Hulk speak" when I am fully capable of comprehension of the English language? Just listen to the fancy words I was using! That must prove it, doesn't it?"

"Hey! Halo!" Drago wiggled desperately. "This idiot Dan is holding me captive and won't listen to a thing I say! He says I'm "dissing" him but it's the truth! Help!"

"AWWWW!" Everyone swooned over the marbles talking.

"And she's mine! All mine!" Runo rubbed her against her chin.

"Ow! You're crushing me! Please stop! Please, I beg of you! You have so much acne! Ow, your skin feels like sandpaper! I'm getting dented!"

"Looks like just because our Bakugan are talking, we're gaining power!"

Packing an annoying punch of irritating nerdiness into a single sentence Marucho concurred, "Indeed, I do believe we are swiftly becoming a force to be reckoned with."

_Stick around for more Bakugan! SHING!_

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! RAWR!_

Dan ran (hey, that rhymes) across the bridge. "I DUNNO WHAT I'VE BEEN BAKUGAN! BATTLE BRAWLERS AND DAN DA MAN! I DUNNO WHAT BAKUGAN SAID! BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS ARE DAN AND MAN! I DUNNO BAKUGAN ME TOLD, DAN DA MAN AND RUNO ARE BE THE BRAWLERS!"

"You're in dreadfully enthusiastically good spirits," Drago said from somewhere. "And that's terrible. Are you sure you should be running on this dotted line?"

"Nope! I DUNNO IF BAKUGAN SAID, BUT I DO KNOW DAN DA MAN! IS AWESOME!!!"

Suddenly, wind blew. "What's going on...?" asked Drago.

"I don't know. Might as well keep joggin'! I DUNNO IF I'VE BAKUGAN! BUT BAKUGAN MAY KNOW, DAN DA MAN! SOUND OFF! ONE, THREE -"

A car was speeding toward them! "BEEP BEEEEEE!''

Waaaaugh!" He ran the other way, but heard the car crash into something as he did! It went off the railing, just missing the repaired bench. It hit the fountain instead, and water sprayed everywhere. It caused nineteen deaths and twenty-three injuries, thirteen fatal. Miraculously, the driver survived with no injuries. Some were relieved.

"The car went off-road trying to miss you." Ricky was standing there as he turned around. "I've come to do battle with you, CRAP. The name's Ricky Boy."

"Well, I'm ready. Just say the word!"

"There's something dreadfully stupid about that guy Ricky Boy..." Drago warned. "Maybe it's that X on his chin, like somebody didn't like it and drew on it..."

"You won't talk so tough when you see that I have...THE DOOM CARD!" He showed the card.

_DADADOOM!_ The ox skull featured on the card started to eat him! "Ahahahahaaa!"

"Ack! Where'd you get that from!?"

"I have my connections."

"Connections? Hmmmmmmm.....HMMMMMMMMM...........**HHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM...........**"

"HE GOT IT FROM MASK THE MONEY!! YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET!?!? ******, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, DAN!!"

"Oh, he did?"

"YOU LISTENED SLIGHTLY FOR ONCE!? GOD I'M SO RELIEVED! IF ONLY YOU'D HAVE DONE THAT EVERY OTHER TIME I TALKED TO YOU I'D -"

"Get ready! I'm settin' the field!" Ricky Boy set up the field, which was exactly the same ass the area he fought in with Mask the Money. "Doom Card, Set!" The card dissolved again, and resounded again. He threw a card, which turned into a battlefield.

"This card'll double a Pirate's G's! I still haven't figured out what those are!" He tossed his own battlefield.

"I like your style. NOT!" He tossed another card, which made a sparkly sort of sound as it expanded. "Now, stand! Robotic Wet One Ultra!" Some sort of combination of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, a Power Ranger, Ultraman and a watering hose appeared!

"His attribute's Wet Ones! Wet Ones dampen fire! I'm weak against it! Why do you only carry one element, Dan!? I KNEW YOU WERE A COMPLETE IDIOT!! YOU'RE TOO DUMB AND COCKY TO LIVE!!!"

"Don't worry, we can take him down!" Dan grinned and gave a thumbs-up.

"NO WE CAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN'TTTTTTTTTT....."

Dan threw out another field rectangle before ferociously reusing footage and crying, "Bakugan Stand! Birdman!" Making a falcon cry Birdman appeared, in all his glory.

Ricky Boy threw down yet another field card. The rules were looking pretty flimsy about now. "Bakugan Stand!" He threw down Wet One Gamera, who coughed out a couple of Wet Ones.

"Wha? These rules are flimsier than Yu-Gi-Oh in the first English season! And considering I helped write them I must be awesome!" Dan wiped his nose again. "I'll throw down another face-down and this horrible Bakugan I've never even seen before!"

"NO! WAIT! DON'T USE SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, *******!!"

A lion with some red scales and wings behind its white fur appeared and burped. It shook around and did a dance. It was Panja the White Lion Demon!

"I'll beat you easy! Bakugan Stand! Aqua Seed!" He threw a seed onto the field, which soon sprouted into a blue knight!

"AQUA SEED POWER LEVEL 350 G'S. MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN BIRDMAN, SINCE HE IS WEAK TO WET ONES."

"Here's its ability card! Activate!" Aqua Seed exploded, releasing all of the water Ricky Boy had poured on it yesterday. The massive wave sent all of the Bakugan into Ricky Boy's big mouth!

"They got sent to the Doom Dimension," Drago pointed out, though it was kind of obvious.

"No way! Even Kimba's demon father!?"

"Yeah."

"Man, I wanted a backstory on him! Besides, why would Ricky Boy sacrifice his own Bakugan!?"

"Doesn't matter HOW you win, as long as you WIN!"

"Hey! That's not nice!"

Drago exclaimed, "Even idiots have some moral values!"

"Well, since I only carry around four of my several marbles at a time, Drago's my last one! GO OUT AND RISK YOUR LIFE!!"

Drago emerged from his marble container! "I'M ENDYMIO, YOU MOTHER - AH, SCREW IT!!"

"Ability Card, Activate! Boosted Fraggin'!"

Drago caught on fire! "POWER BOOST!! NOW TO UNLEASH - wait, I don't want to be powerful."

"WHAAAAA!?!? But you're being an idiot, Drago!"

"THIS IS FOR ALL THE TIMES **YOU'VE** BEEN AN IDIOT, DAN!! IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED AND PAYED FOR YOUR SINS!! I DON'T CARE IF I'M GOING TO THE DOOM DIMENSION 'CAUSE IT SOUNDS A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN THE FORM DIMENSION!! BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE **YOU** LIVE!!!" He was encased in rock, then broke free from it. It didn't look very COOL or AWESOME because it didn't glow.

"POWER LEVEL 340 G'S. IDIOTIC MOVE."

"I CALL BAKUGAN BRAWL WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, RETARD!!!" Aqua Seed poked Drago in the tummy softly with his spear, slowly walked behind him and poked his back, then slowly walked back in front of him. He then proceeded to do what looked like have sexual intercourse with his enemy (for reasons unknown) and was about to stab his throat.

Looking hypnotized Ricky Boy moaned, "KILL IT. KILL IT NOW." Suddenly, the field started glowing! Now Drago had 350 G's and Aqua Seed had 340 G's!

"WHAT!?!?" Drago screamed. "NNNOOOOOOOOO....." He started glowing and releasing power, about to accidentally slaughter his enemy...

The wind started blowing again. "BEEPBEEEEEP....." Another car drove off the ramp to dodge them, landing safely in a lake. There were no injuries.

"Dan, your Bakugan Drago didn't use the Ability Card because he KNEW I had a Trap Card down!"

"NOOOOO!! THAT'S NOT THE REASOOOOOON!!"

"He knew their power levels would be switched!"

"So Drago first didn't have any juice, but got pumped at the very end!"

"NO!! I KNEW NOTHING OF THIS, YOU -"

"If Drago hadn't done that it could've resulted in a draw...or a loss."

"Nope, just a loss," Ricky Boy assured.

"IT'S ENDYMIO, ******-*******!!! ENDYMIO...******...******....." Drago began to sob.

"That Mask the Money guy said all I had to do was win against you and get a million dollars..." Ricky Boy looked sad,

"He was just takin' advantage of you is more likely." Even Dan had sense enough to know THAT. Ricky Boy walked away somewhere as Dan said, "What a KILLER MOVE! Let's celebrate!"

"YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE ABOUT THAT!?!? IF YOU WERE SOMEONE'S BATTLING SLAVE WOULD YOU CELEBRATE BEING SOMEBODY WHO'S TIRED AND WANTS TO GO TO THE DOOM DIMENSION AND DIE ALREADY SUFFERING FOR ANOTHER DAY IN HIS LONG, LONG LIFE, YOU INCONSIDERATE ************!?!? HUH, LITTLE ************!?!? ANSWER THAT FOR ME, YOU *******!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW ME INTO THE LAKE, DAN!?!? WHY DONT'CHA!?!?" He sighed. "I'll say this in terms you'll understand. Let's play a game, Dan."

"Uh, okay. What's it called?"

"It's called, uhh...Dan Da Man."

"I like this game already!"

"All you have to do is throw me into the lake over there. That's ALL YOU HAVE TO DO."

"Is that how I win? 'Cause I LOVE winning!"

"To win, you have to throw me in a lake. Bonus points if you act like you hate me!"

"Ooh! BONUS points! I HATE YOU!!" He threw Drago in the lake. "IT'S OVER!!!!! Do I win yet?"

Having landed next to the car Drago shouted, "YES!! YOU WON!! THANK GOD YOU BLUBLUBLUB..." He dipped under.

_Next time on Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Things just aren't the same without Drago. But hey, I won the game! Then again, that win hits me hard once I face off against a whole new batch of Brawlers, when I learn a few tips from some reused creatures! With my cards at my side, just say the word and I'm ready for a battle! There's just one thing missing! Find out what it is on the next episode of Bakugan Battle Brawlers! HINT: it's definitely not Drago!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	4. Chapter 4

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!

Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!

A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!

**Episode Four  
The Wrath of Sugarnoid**

_To further elaborate on last episode's happenings..._

"To win, you have to throw me in a lake. Bonus points if you act like you hate me!"

"Ooh! BONUS points! I HATE YOU!!" He threw Drago in the lake. "IT'S OVER!!!!! Do I win yet?"

Having landed next to the car Drago shouted, "YES!! YOU WON!! THANK GOD YOU BLUBLUBLUB..." He dipped under.

Later that night...

"You're KIDDING!" Alice gasped, saying something mildly interesting for once. "You threw Drago into the river? Is that why you're so grouchy today?"

"I always HATED Drago! Nothing grouchy about it! Just HATE!!" Dan screeched.

"Don't you think you should go back into the deep, dirty river and get Drago out of there?"

"Why would I when I HATE him?"

"Think of him as a bully from school. You get into a fight and drown him on accident."

"Yeah, but he's a BULLY. YOU DON'T LIKE HIM."

"Yeah, but you will forever live with the guilt of drowning a man. Plus, you'd get arrested."

"But marbles don't die." He pouted. "It's not even manslaughter."

"Guess you never realize what you've got until it's gone," Runo said. "Me and my Halo Tiger are as close as close can be, you know!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! YOU HAVE PEACH FUZZ!! SHAVE IT OFF!! SHAVE IT OOOFFFFFFFFF..."

Dan was about to tell his pals he was lying about hating Drago when his voice reappeared in his mind!

_"Bonus points if you act like you hate me!"_ Dan thought. He rolled onto his bed and groaned, "Who needs Drago? I can buy my pudding at the store."

I wanna keep those bonus points,

"Don't say that!" Runo said in a whiny voice.

"Besides, I have Keroro and Tamama," he mumbled. "Right, guys? -"

"Dan, come back!" Marucho cried. "Oh no...he has gone into the deepest depths of his own imagination! He really believes those Keroro Gunsou action figures are talking to him! We GOTTA get him back!"

Under the lake...

It was still nighttime at Bridge Lake. Underwater, a fish jabbed its lower lip ferociously at Drago, who was sitting on a rock. This ferocious poking made Drago open and scream a scream which sounded something like this, only without the "Dracula" part. It was pretty much the same, though. The fish sucked him into his mouth, then spat him into some sort of current. "WhuwhuWWWOOOOAAAAHHHHH!!!" he cried as he spiraled through it.

The next day at school...

In the hallway, he met up with Suchi and Akuma. "Hey, Dan, wanna battle?"

"NO." He continued walking into the classroom.

Dan threw his backpack onto the desk. "I hate Drago THIS MUCH!!!" He looked around, then punched it a couple of times. Before he could stick his tongue out at it and cross his arms, he heard commotion in the corner of the room.

"OOOOOOOH AAAAAAH OOOOOOOH AAAAAH," the class moaned, staring at the blue-and-white Sega Station Portable, or SSP. It was an obvious ripoff of the PSP. Sega consoles would never get back into the market.

"And then you do THIS and THIS! And then you unlock THIS so you can even do THIS!" Rodney showed off his mad skillz.

"Incredible!" Ulysses Barnes stared, completely mesmerized.

"Hey, Rodney," Dan said, stepping forward. "I never knew you were into Bakugan."

"This isn't Bakugan. And I'm not even into the game. But sure, I have a couple of marbles I could use..." He smirked. Dan backed away, cringing.

"You're not ready for Bakugan, huh? It's a MAN'S game. And obviously, you're not, CHICKEN."

"I played it once or twice. Not interested. It's so straightforward, I mean...I could basically explain the whole game right now. You add power, your opponent takes away power, you add power, your opponent takes away power, you battle, the one with the most power wins."

"Hey! It's much more complex than that! Sometimes your opponent can add power, too."

"Well, in reality..." Rodney flicked his hair back and put his elbow on the desk. "Ya see, Bakugan isn't tactical at all. It's all about power levels, really. The Bakugan with the least power are useless compared to others. So in reality, all you need are six marbles of each element. Throw the enemy's weakness out and you win almost every time.

"And sure, you could argue that there are Counters and Traps and what-not. but that's also in another game called Yu-Gi-Oh, which has MUCH more strategy by comparison. Monsters in it not only have power, or Attack Points, but also Defense Points, You can hide your monsters until they're attacked. You never know when somebody will thwart your plan, or when they pull out the winning card to end the Duel. It's much more intense."

"...Yeah, but does your Yu-Gi-Oh game have marbles?"

"No."

"Hmph! You just got OWNED!!"

"But marbles don't-"

"Hey, everyone! Yu-Gi-Oh doesn't have marbles! Let's laugh at him for liking it! HAW HAW!"

"You're an idiot!" a short bald kid named Angelo pointed out.

"Hey, this guy's reasoning skills are _incredible!_" Leg Armstrong said in a weird, nasally voice. He had a star on his green jersey. "He could beat you at just about anything!"

"Rrrrrgh...HATING DRAGO HAS MADE ME ANGRY!!" Dan growled. "There's one thing you CAN'T beat me at -- BAKUGAN!!"

"Why would I want to? What's making me fight you?" Rodney said coolly. "Besides, you're retarded. You hardly stand a chance." He tipped his glasses.

"OOH," Martin hissed. "He's _badass._"

"You can fight me anytime, anyplace, and get your CATS handed to ya!" Dan boasted.

"OOH," Martin hissed. "He's _dumb._"

"Shut up, you, you...reasonable guy! That's it! If I get bonus points for hating Drago, I get bonus points for hating the WORLD!!" He gave Rodney a little shove.

"Uhh...ouch."

Everybody gasped! "He's a criminal, I tells ya! A CRIMINAL!!" Cassandra ran around, flailing her arms.

"Aw, NOW look what you've done...Super Monkey Ball 4 Extreme Jr. Deluxe Adventure Touch & Roll Banana Blitz Inferno The Next Generation just restarted itself! You should be ashamed of yourself." Rodney glared at him.

"Look what you've done!" Stan shouted. "You just messed up his Super Monkey Ball game! How's the monkey supposed to get all the bananas NOW, punk?"

"Terrible sportsmanship, man," Leg Armstrong agreed.

"I hardly even touched him! It was just a little shove!"

"But I loved that monkey so much..." Momochi, the little pink-haired girl in the back, had tears in her eyes.

"Gotta go to the bathroom!" Dan rushed out of the room.

"...What's he gotta go to the bathroom for?" Leg asked. Everybody collectively shrugged.

That evening...

It was yet another beautiful sunset. The train was functioning well...again. Dan sat in his chair and started up his computer. This time, the chatboxes WEREN'T on his screen. He opened up the PC version of...Mega Man X7! "Now to fight some Flame Hyenard," he said, smirking. "I can hate Drago but I couldn't hate YOU!" He plugged in an old-fashioned video game controller and started playing.

"Hek...Agh...it...it HURTS...Oh, it's YOU that's causing my suffering! Then if I tear you to pieces, the pain will stop!" After hearing Hi-Nard say those raspy lines, Dan was PUMPED to hear him speak again!

And then the sound on his computer shut off as the battle started.

"Wha...? WHAT A RIPOFF!! Now I AM angry at you, Flame Hyenard!" He slammed his fist on the Sleep Mode button, now enraged. He ran away and tripped onto his bed. "It's even worse than Drago! Wait, what am I saying...? I HATE Drago! A lot!"

Wherever Rodney lives...

_Good, I didn't lose any important data,_ he thought, turning on Super Monkey Ball 4 Extreme Jr. Deluxe Adventure Touch & Roll Banana Blitz Inferno The Next Generation. _Is it so wrong to know so much about a game I don't even like?_

"Hey," the computer greeted.

"WOAH!!" Rodney shook around wildly. "Wasn't expecting THAT. Who are you!?" A bright light emanated from the screen, surrounding everything and anything in its path! "Aah! It's twice as bright through my glasses!"

_"I...am Mask the Money. Join me and gain ultimate power."_

"No...I'm too genre-savvy to fall for that one..."

"Oh, but you will..."

The next day...

People walked along the strangely-empty street, jibberjabbering about the crap going on in their daily lives. Dan approached the school posse.

"Hey, it's Dan!" Leg pointed out, still wearing his Keroro Gunsou jersey.

"THIS oughta be good," Martin the reasonable guy said.

"Hey," Dan said loudly, "where's Rodney?"

"Oh, he's, uhh...back there." Leg pointed at the far side of the sidewalk with his thumb.

"Oh." Dan slowly turned around. Rodney was standing there, looking all emo and stuff. Something else about him looked suspiciously..._suspicious._ "So Rodney, I-"

"LET'S BATTLE RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" Rodney's voice had deepened, his mouth enlarged with smiling rage. Red speed lines flashed in the background, and the animators couldn't help but replay the same static image zooming upwards over and over again for a while.

"If you're gonna be that way...come 'n' get it!" Dan smiled and stood there.

Rodney sluggishly walked across the street. A car ran over him. He just laid on his face for a second, then slowly got back up with a demented grin.

"H-huh!?" _He's almost as hard to beat up as me...! Almost!_

"I'm a chicken if I like Yu-Gi-Oh, huh?" He held a purple gauntlet to Dan's throat and whispered, "I can play your games too."

"A-a Bakugantlet!"

"That's right," he whispered. "I've had a little deal with Mask the Money recently. Look into my eyes and tell me...is there a difference?"

Dan did so. "They look alrightHOly! They're the same shade of blue as...as...Mask the Money's!"

"That's right, you pitiful, pitiful fool."

"B-b-but...he's the enemy!"

"He is no enemy...with these glasses I see the world in a different light. This shade of blue...reflects the sadness and adversity of human life. How we can change that by removing a soul from happiness' delicate balance."

"N-no...killing someone won't make it right! Rodney, you have to take those glasses off! **Take them off!**"

"No!" His voice was raised. "Never! I see this world in its true light, and now I see...that we cannot have a perfect world with _you_ in our way, Daniel."

"This can't be! I don't deserve..."

Rodney stepped back, blue glasses glaring. "Now I kill you...with my marbles. Field Open." As a dumb example of how time stopped, a kid was about to smack a soccer ball out of the goal.

Now they were in Sub-Terra, I GUESS. Dan was smiling, for some reason.

"And as a perfect world cannot be achieved with you," Rodney said, "it cannot be achieved with your possessions. I set the Doom Card." A purple pulse pulsed through the arena.

"Gate Card, Set!" They both threw down Gate Cards, which made a magical sound effect upon landing. They landed from a large height, for some reason.

"Bakugan Stand. And I refuse to call out these stupid commands any longer." He tossed a marble rather lightly, though it still landed safely and revealed a huge Marcus knight with a shield and large claw! He tried to stab Dan, who jumped REALLY high in the air and dodged the attack.

"What's the data on this thing!?"

"FEARRIPPER. POWER LEVEL 320 G'S. NO OTHER DATA AVAILABLE."

"What a stupid computer! Gate Card Set! Bakugan Stand!" A large crab appeared on the field, who was only to be known as Crabby Pirate.

"Heh. You shouldn't try that with me, Daniel." He set a Gate Card, then lightly tossed out a Giant Black Mantis! Yep, another recolor. "And I activate the Ability Card Marionette."

"WRRROOOOOO!!" Purple energy strings appeared on Giant Black Mantis' scythe-arm-things. The tips surrounded the crab, who proceeded to levitate into the air. He was then dropped onto the ground. So much potential awesomeness...wasted!

"Oh no...Fat Crab!"

_FATALITY,_ a voice echoed.

"What was that!?"

"Oh, that was just something Masquerade programmed into the Doom card whenever a Bakugan goes to the Doom Dimension."

"Oh...well, THAT'LL get annoying fast!"

Giant Black Mantis had dealt the finishing blow, knocking Fat Crab into Rodney's enormous mouth! His belly grew quite large for a second, quickly digesting the marble into fluids...and passing it through to the Doom Dimension.

"Pirate Gamera Sugarnoid, Stand!"

Giant Black Mantis stepped forward. The red palette swap turtle barked. The stage was set to battle. Gamera leaped up and bit it on the neck like the dog he was. They fell backwards and into a pile of dust that suddenly appeared.

"I activate Doom Companion." Rodney grinned as the card broke apart and flew into an overhead portal, sparkling. Both of the monsters flew up into it, presumably being brought to the afterlife.

"No! Sugarnoid! SUGARNOOOOOOOOOOOOOID!"

"Meh." Fearripper shrugged. "Couldn't be helped." He sounded like a bored teenager, surprisingly.

"I realized it was time for those two to go to the afterlife. So it is for you, and when I finish battling with these marbles I will kill you the first chance I get. It's the quickest way."

"What are you saying!? Murder is bad! Unless it's human euthanizing!"

"Then it's _humane_ euthanizing."

"Oh, well...that's okay, then. Robotic Pirate Ultra! You're the only marble I have left! Urgh!" He tossed the marble much more lightly than usual. It rolled VERY slowly toward the field. "OHHHHHH..." he said as it came near. Seeing that it barely missed the target, his voice gradually lowered as he said, "Ohhhhhhh." He ran over to the marble, put it in the middle of the field area, and ran away like it was a firework waiting to explode. It exploded...WITH LIIIIIGHT! It became a palette swap! "Ability Card, Activate! Robotic Pirate Ultra Reinforcement!" He ran back over to the Bakugan, put down a card, and ran away like it was an active grenade about to blow. It blew up WITH LIIIIIGHT! The robot became encased in lava. So did Fearripper, only Fearripper was consumed by it and turned back into a marble. What was the use of Robotic Pirate Ultra being encased in lava? Some theorize that it gave Dan something to make fun of Rodney for.

"Ha ha! Fatality!"

"It doesn't WORK WHEN YOU SAY IT!!!" He sent out the Generic Reaper!

Dan gasped. "The _reaper!_"

"YOU," Generic Reaper boomed, "the boy they call Dan. The one who listens to no one. The one who respects not even his precious marbles. The one who give up anything and everything to win. But in the game of life, you are but a loser. One who only seeks victory will time and time again be met with hardship, torture, dread, and GENERAL UNHAPPINESS. For the only way to be truly happy...is to take things as they come to you, to cross bridges when you get to them. And today our bridges intersect yet again, and we tread the same path." His scythe sparkled. "Unfortunately, only one treads one path."

_That Reinforcement's still got Super Robotic Pirate Ultra's G's boosted, and the Pirate Field Card'll boost his power by 150! That means...uhh...what's that mean again? If only I had Drago! HE'D give me a snappy answer at a time like this! ...Snappy and RUDE!! I HATE Drago! Don't you remember ANYTHING, me!?_ Dan thought. For some reason, he had to throw out his marble again. "Bakugan Stand! Field Card, Open!"

Around the two guys swirled vicious flames. They looked quite...vicious.

Fearripper sighed. He didn't have much to do, so he sat cross-legged, laying his head on his hand. He wiggled his fingers.

"You haven't learned much from the battle with Mask the Money, have you, Daniel? I'll just use Dimension Pour." He poured water on the flames, which were immediately quenched as they had been before.

"I thank you, master, for pouring the elixir of fate on the fires of greed and quenching this boy's thirst for power."

"...You're...welcome, Generic Reaper."

Dan seemed really surprised! "WHA!?"

"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRA POWER LEVEL 360 G'S. GENERIC REAPER POWER LEVEL 370 G'S."

"You fool. Your strategy is predictable and basic, focusing on pure power. But why do I care about this?" He pushed his glasses and commanded, "Start the battle."

Generic Reaper leaped into the air, weapon behind him, saying, "THE SCYTHE OF VICTORY PREVAILS OVER THE PIRATES OF TYRANNY!! RAAAWR!!" Just as the red robot was about to dodge, Generic Reaper flash stepped behind him and slashed, sending Super Robotic Pirate Ultra deep, deep inside of Rodney's deep, deep tummy.

"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_FATALITY._

"I won."

Back on Earth, the goalie missed the ball. Why we care about this is unknown.

Storm clouds appeared overhead as Rodney said coldly, "I won't kill you if you realize your sins, your wrongs."

Dan fell to the asphalt, shaking all over. "I think...I-I think.....I understand."

Rodney's eyes widened. "Really?"

Tears welled up in Dan's eyes and streamed down his face as he shook. "That card you used...was a Counter Field Card!"

"That's not-"

"You used it because...BECAUSE YOU KNEW WHAT I WOULD DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He screamed at the sky as lightning flashed, rain now soaking his clothes. "NOOOOO! NO, NO, !! !!!"

Leg Armstrong looked around, as confused as the other kids were. "Soooo I take it he DIDN'T win that battle."

"Good job defeating that...that..." Momochi burst into tears before she could say the word.

"It was nothing. He was a fool, and he played ME for a fool." Rodney walked away smiling.

"OOH, a double fooly fooly!" Spencer cried. He had unruly curly brown hair and thin, brown eyes, not to mention a cool red headband.

Dan sobbed, "I couldn't...I couldn't do...I...I...couldn't do anything to...couldn't...couldn't do anything to...COULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP THEM!!"

"He looks crazy," Leg stated.

"Yeah," Stupid-Looking Stan agreed.

They looked at each other. "...Let's run for it!" Leg ordered, and they all ran away.

"I lost Sugarnoid...I lost Super Robotic Pirate Ultra...NO!!" He pounded his fist against the concrete. "NO NO NO!!" He sounded like an argumentative toddler now.

_" OOO-O-o-o....."_

Stay tuned for more Bakugan Battle Brawlers! SHING!

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! SHING! Battle on!_

Dan walked down the rainy road, thinking about the battle. "Man, I'm such a jerk. I shouldn't have gotten angry at Drago, even if it was for bonus points. I shouldn't even have been angry at my computer, or even Mega Man X7, or Flame Hyenard. Or...maybe I SHOULD have been angry at Hyenard for being so annoying. Or maybe - wait, now I'm confused! I'm angry at MYSELF now! Wait, what am I saying?

"I thought I could just win with brute force..." He thought back to his battle with Ricky Boy.

_"WHAT!?!?" Drago screamed. "NNNOOOOOOOOO....." He started glowing and releasing power. This time the power wasn't enough, and Drago self-destructed._

"What if that had happened!? Well, for starters Drago would have been happy and not in a lake...and a bunch of crap could have been avoided...now I'm even MORE confused! What's right and what's wrong!?

_"Let's play a game, Dan."_

"Uh, okay. What;s it called?"

"It's called, uhh...Dan Da Man."

"I like this game already!"

"All you have to do is throw me into the lake over there. That's ALL YOU HAVE TO DO."

"Is that how I win? 'Cause I LOVE winning!"

"To win, you have to throw me in a lake. Bonus points if you act like you hate me!"

"And I just went with it! I let myself win! And I bet Drago's drowning right now, and being eaten or something, just because of me winning! I just cared about my own victory! I wasn't looking out for Drago's life! I didn't even care about _Drago!_"

_"Ooh! BONUS points! I HATE YOU!!" He threw Drago in the lake. "IT'S OVER!!!!! Do I win yet?"_

He gasped. "Drago!!" He stumbled onto the bridge, hopefully not about to do what you think he's doing.

Underwater...

Drago sat on an undersea rock and talked to himself. "What life is better? Is life undersea really my best option? Could it be the _only_ option? It's so...so _boring._ Maybe life with Dan was tolerable. Even if he calls me Drago. Even if he likes eating ****. Maybe I just have to take things like they are. Maybe life was better with him. Of course life was better in Vestroia than any of this, but...

_"What a KILLER MOVE! Let's celebrate!"_

"He didn't know...he just didn't know..." Drago began to sob.

Yes, Dan was doing what you think he's doing. He leaped off the bridge shouting, "DRAGOOOOOO!!" His ankle hit the railing, and he flopped into the water. Idiotically he yelled "Drago! Drago!" as he waded through the murky waters in search of his lost marble.

"I've been a bit harsh on Dan...he's a growing boy..."

"DRAGO!! DRAGO!!"

".....I'm sorry for everything, Dan, wherever you are, playing your...marble games..."

"DRAGO!! DRAGO!!! DRA - WAAH!" He tripped on a rock, sending a massive underwater shock wave out to everything in a five-meter radius.

Drago heard Dan. "Daniel!"

Dan heard Drago. "DRAGO!!" He ran toward the sound!

His feet kicked so hard, they swept Drago away on a swift current! "YOU *******, DON'T -- I MEAN, STOP RUNNING, YOU -- YOU DAN!"

"NO! DRAGO, COME BACK!! DRAGO!!" He jumped high into the air, scooping up Drago in the nick of time. "DRAGO...Drago...Drago.....hi."

Drago quickly opened and cried, "Dan, it's really you! I have to say I'm happy to see you again! Ah, I'll never call you ******* again, I just don't have the heart! Oh, Dan, you have no idea..."

The rain immediately stopped, and the clouds immediately cleared. It was what the townspeople called "emotion-weather control," or the EWC system. Now they sat together on the hill overlooking Bridge Lake.

"Drago...I'm sorry about everything. I shouldn't have won that time."

"And I shouldn't have told you how to win..."

"I thought I was your friend, but really I wasn't looking out for you at all. I took you to school when you wanted to stay with the Keronians...I brushed the orange juice stain off of you...I made you drink the orange juice...I did so many other ignorant things! I-I-I-I just don't know how to make it up to you! If there's anything, ANYTHING I can do to make it up to you...just say it right now. Anything."

"Okay...I want you to call me Endymio."

"You got it, Drago!"

"...Wait, you just called me Drago."

"I know, that's what you...told me to call you."

"I TOLD YOU ENDYMIO, MOTHER --" He sighed and calmed down. "Time, Endymio. It all takes time."

"...There's something else I wanted to tell you." He looked towards the romantic sunset, the sky turned beautiful shades of red and yellow.

"What is it, Dan?" Drago slowly turned to him, and looked into his milky brown eyes.

"I wanted to tell you..."

"Yeah?"

"I-I-I-I-I-I l-l-l-l-l-l-love.....playing Bakugan."

"Oh." He backed off, realizing he'd been leaning on Dan's pant leg.

"And I kinda thought that we could-"

"Be partners. For however long it takes."

"Huh?"

"You're not the brightest, that I know, but...I need you. We need each other. I know I've been mean to you in the past, getting you in trouble. I'm sorry about all that."

"You...really mean that?"

"Of course!" Drago looked to the sunset, looking lost in the dazzling sunlight. "We're both after the same thing. And if we have the same goals, the same ideals...we must be a perfect team." Drago turned to Dan and said:

"...will you battle with me?"

Dan just looked at Drago for a second. He hadn't expected this to happen. He hadn't known this day would come. To take everything that happened before this day and put it behind them...Drago wasn't at all like the others.

It was an offer he couldn't refuse.

"Of course! How could I not!?" Dan laughed with joy and relief, and Drago almost seemed to grin.

"From now on, as long as we can...we'll be a proper team!" Drago leaped into Dan's arms. In the shining sunset they looked more beautiful than ever. It was the perfect moment for the two of them.

Back in Your Town...

"Bleebluhblahblahbleebluhbloo..." The Kid Squad was walking down the street, talking about stuff.

"Hey, Rodney," Leg asked, "did'ja redo what you did Friday at school?"

"Nah." Rodney pushed his glasses further onto his nose. "I don't like Super Monkey Ball 4 Extreme Jr. Deluxe Adventure Touch & Roll Banana Blitz Inferno The Next Generation as much as I like..." He whispered, "_MadWorld._"

Everybody gasped. "But that's an M-rated game!" Stan cried, astonished by his answer.

"Hold on, Rodney!" Dan skidded onto the scene!

"How'd you get here?" Stupid-Looking An(ne) asked, baffled- and stupid-looking.

"That's something you'll never find out, _Anne!_"

An gasped into her hands. He really meant business now!

"Rodney, Mask the Money is evil! Haven't you been on the Internet lately!?"

"Of course I have, but everyone else is a fool. Just think about it. NOBODY questioned or even investigated the cards falling from the sky. Everyone's intimidated by a guy who plays marbles well. You invented this game, yet you've been beaten multiple times and clueless about certain cards! How pitiful this world is, and how wonderful it can become..."

"Hey! Don't call me beaten."

Generic Reaper's voice echoed in Rodney's head. _Dan is the one who is throwing life out of its delicate balance. He is the greedy hot-blooded fool who uses these Bakugan for his own victory, his own selfish goals. And if we allow him to become the master of the game, this game feared by all on this Earth, all of God's creatures will be at his beck and call. You may be the only sane man left._

"Go away, classmates! This is personal." Rodney shooed his chums away. "My Reaper speaks to me, and he tells me what must be true, for I look through a blue-tinted lens! I see the world in a different light, Dan, and you will never understand! Never...unless you try them on." He slowly revealed a pair of glasses from his pocket.

_An extra pair!_

"I thought I would spare you once, _just_ once, but this time I will not let you go."

"Ha! I've got protection!" He grunted as he tried to pull down his shades (or were they goggles in disguise? Hmm). They wouldn't come down! "Dangit! Fused with my skull."

_No!_ the Generic Reaper cried. _Subdue him in Sub-Terra. Maybe he will see the world your way, even without the blue-tinted glasses._

"...My Reaper, he tells me to defeat you again in Bakugan. That might bring you to your senses."

"You're on! Bakugan Field, Open!" Stupid things stopped moving to showcase the AWESOMENESS of the time-stopping AGAIN. They set their cards, Rodney sent out Fearripper, and Dan used Drago -- wait, WHAT THE!? Even though he said Super Robotic Pirate Ultra was his last Bakugan before he got Drago from Bridge Lake, he still has another Bakugan besides Drago that he can use!?

"Use caution!" Drago warned.

"I hear ya all too well, Drago. He's obviously got a trap set up, but I've got a trick up my OWN sleeve."

"Really, now?"

_He will never learn his lesson! He will never learn the way! Such is the fate of the one who sees through no blue-tinted lens!_

Rodney threw out his second Giant Black Mantis, and with it came the Marionette ability. Purple stringy things latched onto the opposing Rhino Blaze Demon. This time the strings merely swung the big-winged Rhinozoid over to another Gate Card, where Fearripper was ready to do battle.

"Alright!" Fearripper was ecstatic! "Now I get to do something!" The Field Card below them activated, sending dark ripples through the murky and uncertain waters of life, as Generic Reaper would put it.

"FEARRIPPER POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 400 G'S."

"Oh no you di-in't...Ability Card, Activate! McAfee Firewall! Fire surrounded Rhino Demon.

"FEARRIPPER'S POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 350 G'S. RHINO DEMON POWER LEVEL STILL LOWER THAN FEARRIPPER'S AT 320 G'S."

"That's not good enough." Rodney opened his mouth wide, preparing for Fearripper's fatal blow. Fearripper clawed not at Rhino Demon, but at Rhino Demon's _soul_. He ripped the fear out of him, and Rhino Demon politely swooped down into Rodney's mouth.

_FATALITY._

"Dan! Be more careful and mindful of your actions!" Drago warned.

"I'm being mindful, okay!?"

"Bonus points don't matter in the whole scheme of things, Dan! Get ahold of yourself!"

"You've got a point there, buddy. Bakugan, Stand!" He'd sent out...Drago!

"Just please...call me Endymio."

"Understood, Drago!"

_I don't think I should try that again for a while..._ Drago sighed out a tiny flame.

Not pausing between sentences, the Bakugantlet declared, "GIANT BLACK MANTIS POWER LEVEL 290 G'S DRAGO POWER LEVEL 340 G'S."

"Oh, so THERE'S your Drago. Maybe he sees things my way, for maybe he looks through the blue-tinted lens. Tell me, Drago, would you like to see Dan killed off? Or wiped from existence?"

"Hmm...tough question, but no."

"Huh. Explain."

"Dan's an idiot, I know. But you don't kill an autistic kid because he's autistic, do you?"

"...**YES!!**" Rodney's voice deepened again. His pupils turned to slits, his face turned pale, and his eyes...they became the blue-tinted lens! He had no need for the glasses anymore; their vision, their view of the world...had become his. The glasses shattered in an instant, for they knew they had no further purpose in this world...

"**You've become a complete monster!!**" Dan pointed out.

**"It is not me who is the monster, but this world! It's all an illusion, isn't it? All a figment of someone's imagination? An imaginary world which transcends its own rules and its own laws, its own reality. But it's NOT REALITY!! And I know! I am the only sane man on this whole insane planet! I am the only sane man in this whole insane UNIVERSE!! Everybody takes me for a fool, that they do, but they are the fools themselves, aren't they!?"**

"No! You're just crazy!" Dan shouted, shaking his head ferociously.

**"How are YOU so sure YOU'RE not crazy!?"**

"Well, how are YOU so sure YOU'RE not?"

**"SHOUTING IS NOT THE SIGN of an INSANE MAN!! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE SO INSANE, DANIEL!? HOW!?!?"**

Drago said, "You haven't considered the possibility that-"

**"NO! I AM NOT THE CRAZY ONE, you CRAZY, CRAZY FOOLS!!"**_**FOR I SEE THROUGH THE BLUE-TINTED LENS!!  
AND FOREVER I WILL STAY  
THE ONLY SANE MAN  
WITH THE ONLY SANE WAY!  
I SEE THROUGH BLUE-TINTED LENS!!  
IT IS NOT ONE OF SORROW  
IT IS ONE OF THINGS TO COME  
AND WHAT WILL BE TOMORROW!!**_

_I see through blue-tinted lens  
O 'tis one full of dread  
But maybe if I stay this way  
This will all be in my head__**THE ONLY SANE MAN!!  
And I will be proud of how I saw through  
The blue-tinted lens!**_

I see through the blue-tinted lens  
O 'tis one full of dread  
But maybe if I stay this way  
One day I'll wake in bed  
This will all be in my head  
And I will have been the only sane man...

Drago sniffled, actually feeling sorry for Rodney now. _But I can't just let him win. Who knows what he'd do next? Who knows what Mask the Money would do with him?_

That was beautiful...

"...And now I must finish the battle I have declared." Rodney was suddenly calm again, though his voice was still deep. "Fearripper will battle you."

"FEARRIPPER POWER LEVEL 400 G'S."

"I hope you've got backup, Dan!" Drago yelled. "I can't really predict things like this, y'know!"

"Don't worry, Drago! Gate Card, Open! Intersect!" The Field Card started glowing!

_No! NO! I didn't prepare for this move! Now he's confident! Now I'll never be able to give him the glasses..._ Rodney clenched his fists.

A wiggly multicolored jail cell formed around Fearripper. "That ougtha keep you from brawling!" Dan cheerily said.

"What's your strategy, Dan? Waiting on the right card, or something?"

"Just watch! Bakugan, Stand!" Giant Red Mantis appeared in front of Giant Black Mantis! Apparently he forgot about TWO marbles the first time he battled Rodney. "Your turn to battle! And since he's a palette swap, he comes power-packed with the same exact Ability Card! Marionette!"

"NOOOOOOOOOM!" Red energy strings came out of the scythe-things and surrounded Fearripper! "Go to the same Field Card as that other mantis!" The strings moved Fearripper to the card stated.

"No! You can't treat me like your rag doll! Because I'm highly-"

BLOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHHH!

"What was THAT!?" Drago flew out of a giant smoke cloud and turned back into a marble, or something. We're not sure.

"I researched stuff on DA NET."

Drago gapsed. "DA NET? You seriously call it DA NET!?"

"Of course! Using my net-surfin' Blackberry I found some interesting info on Bakugan tactics!"

"Have you been using any of said tactics?"

"...No, not really, but I found out something about Mine Goats. Anyways, I figured it had something to do with this, and I took my chances."

"OHH. So the way I see it is that he was going to use Mantis as a sacrifice, but you triggered the card somehow so you could use the Mine Goats! Or something? Is that right?"

"Uhh...yeah."

"You're an idiot savant, Dan."

"Thanks. What's that?"

"I'll tell ya later."

"Okay. AAANYWAYS, I personally think Bakugan is way more strategic than Yu-Gi-Oh. It lets you stop attacks, plan ahead of time, set cards in advance..."

"Uhh, I think both games have that."

"Oh." Dan looked around. "Well!"

_I can hardly believe it! So many loopholes even I can't quite understand! I may not be crazy but...I think I'm going...I might be going...a little mad..._ Rodney went on with the game. "Go, my Reaper!"

"I smite you with the scythe of RIGHTEOUSNESS!!" Generic Reaper growled upon being stood, or whatever the term is. He pushed Giant Red Mantis into Rodney's mouth. By the looks of it, Rodney was either enjoying the taste or indeed mad.

_FATALITY._

"Well! That leaves us with one Bakugan each, doesn't it, Rodney?"

"**OF COURSE IT DOES, DON'T TELL ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW!!**"

"He's really irritable, Dan, and crazy. Don't try talking to him too much!"

"Alright, Drago, what would his next card be..." Dan snapped his fingers. "Dimension Pour!"

"Either that's deductive reasoning or lucky guess. Lucky guess?"

"Meh. Kinda sorta both. Mask the Money only used two or three cards, and those were Dimension Pour and Bubble Dimension, plus the Doom card, of course."

"So as long as you don't use an Ability or Field Card, you'll win, is basically what you're saying."

"No, just as long as I don't use a Field Card. My deductive guessing is always right!"

_He'll learn someday..._

"Gate Card, Set! Bakugan Stand!" Drago and the Generic Reaper went head-to-head.

"This time, I shall take down the dragon which guards the cavern of sorrow, and within it the golden boy of greed," he moaned.

"I'll show you golden! Gate Card, Open!" Some fire surrounded the two Bakugan again.

"At this point it's either brilliance, or lucky guessing..." Rodney grinned, baring his sharp fangs. How'd they get like that? "I'll win this one, I know it! **BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL FOOLS, THAT YOU ARE!!** I'll use Dimension Pour!" He poured some liquid onto the flames...but nothing happened.

"You've destroyed THAT card, but not my Character Card!"

"**CHARACTER CARD!? YOU SET THAT!? SUCH A THING EXISTS!?!?**"

"Well, yeah. I DID help write the rules to this thing..."

Rodney stared at the flames in disbelief. Suddenly, the fire grew! "**NO!! I POURED OIL ONTO THE FLAMES!! OIL!! HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN!?!?**"

Drago make an angry rhinoceros sound as fire spiraled around him, eyes glowing a fearsome green.

_Green...tinted...lens..._ Rodney backed away.

"DRAGO'S POWER LEVEL DOUBLED TO 680 G'S."

"This cannot be...! The victor cannot be the enemy, for no one else is capable of slaying this dragon...unless there is a prophecy, and unless the light shines through the tunnel of-"

"I CAN NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ALL OF THOSE BAKUGAN!!!" Flames emanated from Drago's pores. He released his power, and...

GAME OVER YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Rodney lost the game.

They were back on Earth. Stupid stuff started moving again. Now Rodney was the one who fell to the ground. "Now.....now I'll never get the chance...never another chance..."

"Hm!" Dan rubbed his nose. "Guess my nose's runny."

"So you won against Rodney, obviously," Spencer said, stepping forward.

"Yeah." Leg joined in.

_I lost...LOST.....lost...and now he's too enthusiastic! He doesn't realize if you stay pessimistic, then someday you'll have no worries...or.....maybe........_

"Don't take it too harsh, dood." Dan's iPod pumped out a radical rock song as he bent down and put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I had a heckuva time battling you, so...maybe we could battle again sometime!"

"**NO!!** Never! Never again! It would only bring...bring bad.....memories to mind..."

"Just drop all the seriousness next time, okay? Nothing serious about a good game of marbles!"

_Nothing serious about a good game of marbles...nothing serious about it...nothing serious...nothing....._

.....

His eyes broke into several white shards with a large _CRACK!_

"Rodney!" Dan instinctively hugged the no-eyed boy, about to cry again.

Then...Rodney's eyes regenerated. They were no longer blue; now they were as brown as ever.

"RODNEY!!" Dan hugged Rodney tightly, and Rodney couldn't help but hug back.

"Dan, I'm sorry! It's not a foolish planet! Autistic people deserve a chance at life! I like Super Monkey Ball more than MadWorld! This world is real! Mask the Money is a cruel and heartless man! I'm not that genre savvy! _I don't want to see life through a blue-tinted lens!_" Tears streamed down Dan's shoulder.

"Aw, cheer up, Rod. Maybe another battle'll cheer ya up."

"Another...no! I just need time alone!" He put on a clear pair of glasses and ran away.

_And so ends the tale  
of the boy called Rodney  
who saw through the blue-tinted lens..._

But it was not the end of Mask the Money's tale...

Back at Dan's house...

"I'm tellin' ya, Drago was DA BEST!"

"**SHUT UP ABOUT DRAGO BEING DA BEST!!**" his chatroom buddies yelled.

"But I'm serious!"

"You can very well be serious and only mention something once," Marucho muttered.

"But thanks to him, I'm ranked 109th! Wait, that's worse than my rank before...but still, he's DA DRAGONOID, YO!!" He started kissing his marble.

"HEY!!" Drago opened in his palm. "I might have forgiven you, and we may be battle partners, but you're still stupid, and you're still obsessive. So please, please...stop it."

"You got it, Drago!" The marble sniffed.

"Who's mah best buddeh? YEU ARE!!"

"Dan, I said - please, just - Daniel! Please, just - I have a rash! How does a marble even GET a rash? HEY!! DANIEL!! YOU HAVE PEACH FUZZ!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! DAMN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!"

_Next time on Bakugan!_

Uhh...stuff happens! *wipes nose* Seeya there!

We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.

Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!


	5. Chapter 5

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Five**

**Runo SUCKS**

Father Figure got a new car. This one was blue!

"Hey, honey! Guess what?"

His wife sat idly and numbly on the couch.

"That's right! We've got a new car, baby!"

No reply.

"I'll see what Dan thinks. DAN!!" he hollered upstairs.

"Sorry Dad too busy!"

He laughed. "Heh heh. Kids."

"Daniel," Chatroom Buddy Julie sighed, "it's SO nice that you two are back together again. Too bad it wasn't you and me~"

"You mean you want to be my battle partner?" Dan tilted his head.

"No, I WANNA GET MARRIED!!!!!11!!"

"Daah!" Dan backed away.

"I'm surprised myself." Runo crossed her arms. "After all, you're a jerk sometimes."

"I bet you don't know how to treat your Bakugan well at all! Have you heard Halo Tiger's screeches of agony!?"

"Like your Drago's screeches are any more tolerable."

"I must admit, she has a very good point - NO NOT THE CHIN NOOOOO-"

"Apologies concerning the changing of topic," Marucho said in a whiny voice, "but what of Mask the Money? He threatens us all with a diabolical plot to steal our marbles!"

"Yeah! It's not MY fault I lost to him!" Runo pouted.

"Actually, it is," Marucho corrected.

"Hey, Daniel!"

"Father Figure!?" Dan looked frazzled. He swiveled around in his swivel chair to face his smiling father.

He laughed. "I'm not upset! I just need you to go over to the BRAND NEW CAR I just bought. Wash it off, test it out, see if it's worth the million dollars I paid for it."

"WOAH. Sweet! I get to _test it out?_"

"Of course, son! Anything you like! Go on a joy ride. Just don't crash!" He wiggled his finger and grinned.

_Gnarly..._

"Lard chips, LARD chips, eat them up, yum, MINE!!" Dan swerved very dangerously around a sharp corner, sending the blue punch buggy on two wheels for a second. Ladies screamed and got out of the way. Horses whinnied. "Lard chips, LARD chips! VROOOOOM VROOOOOM VROOOOOM VROOOOOM-"

"Hey, Dan!"

"WAAAAAHH!!!" Daniel screamed like a little girl and made a fast, furious and DANGEROUS turn.

Suchi had climbed up over the back of the seat next to him! "Wanna battle!?"

"AAAAAH!! AAH, AAAAAH!!" Dan continued stupidly, making the punch buggy swerve left and right on interstate I-47.4.

Where there's a Suchi, there's an Akuma, and he nearly leaped out from behind Dan and grabbed the steering wheel! "You're driving like an idiot, idiot!" he screamed over the sirens and burning tires.

"AAAH! AAAH! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!" The car was headed straight for Cobblestone Park! They turned the buggy back and forth wildly, trying to avoid obstacles and people. They were about to hit the bench, which was STILL under construction!

"Slam the brakes! SLAM 'EM!!" Akuma demanded.

"WAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!! DOOOOO IIIIIIIITTT!!" Suchi cried.

The car flew off of a hill and blocked out the sun for a second! "WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -"

The car landed safely in front of the bench.

"- AAAAAaaaaahhhhh." The three boys looked at each other.

"Battle!?"

"NO." Dan got out of the car.

"No! Wait! We didn't come all this way just to go on an adventure!"

"While I'm here," Dan chimed, locking the car door, "might as well check things out around here!" Akuma and Suchi pounded their fists on the door, and muffled screams could be heard as Dan walked off, ignoring them.

In the opposite direction...

Some commotion was goin' on by the fountain. Two kids huddled unnervingly close to some blue-haired kid. "Wow," George gasped, "you've got ALL SIX types!" George Kins was a brown-haired guy with glasses. He had a pretty high-pitched voice, almost like Stupid-looking An's only his was kinda sorta masculine.

Ningen chuckled, holding a Bakucyllinder, which was a handy marble carrying case. "Yeah, I'm pretty proud of them myself." Some guy slapped the marbles away! "HEY! I just lost my marbles! Wha 'chu do dat fo?"

"Maybe because you're NERDS, ya little NERDS." A purple-haired guy was suddenly standing there, wearing a green vest and puffy orange-and-green pants. "Besides, you're too NERDY for THAT CRAP."

"Nerdy!?" George Kins stepped forward, fist clenched. "What IS nerdy but a label slapped on by childhood bullies to establish dominance!?"

"Yeah!" Leg yelled, still rockin' that Keroro Gunsou jersey. "Why don't you just BEAT IT!?"

"Make like an egg and..." Everyone stared at Ningen, who had been singing softly to himself. He looked around, frowned, and stopped.

"No, YOU twerps should beat it!"

"EEEE!!" They all ran away like little girls, except for Leg Armstrong, who stayed put.

"I'm an athlete. You don't scare ME."

"I play fencing."

"...EEEE!!" Leg, too, ran away.

"Yeah, that's right. Go be NERDY somewhere else, ya NERDS."

"Hey, kid," a deep, Mask the Money-ey voice moaned.

"Huh!?" He turned around and saw a certain man with a horrible fashion sense sitting on a flimsy tree branch. "What's with the costume, freak? Are you dressing up as a FREAK? Because if you are, you're just dressing up as yourself, ya FREAK!!"

"My name is - WHA!" The branch snapped in half, and he fell down into the bushes again. He got up, brushed some leaves off and continued, "My name is Mask the Money."

"That's nice. Who cares?"

"I DO."

"Wha!?" He stumbled backward, stunned at the force of his words. Nobody had countered his insults before! NOBODY!!

"Seems like you think you're quite the Bakugan brawler, huh?"

"N-no! I don't even LIKE Bakugan! It's for third-class nerds!"

".....So, are you ready to test your metal, Enma?"

He gasped. _This freak knows my name...!_

"I-I don't even KNOW what that expression means! Just have mercy!"

"No! Huah!" Mask the Money leaped into the air. He didn't go very far, and fell on his face. "Bakugan Field, Open!"

"Wait! I don't even PLAY Bakugan! I just told you, it's for NERDS like YOU!!"

"Too bad! Then you automatically lose!"

Enma sniffed. He'd never lost at ANYTHING since he was three! He always cheated his way out of everything! But right now he couldn't cheat his way through anything...because the battle had been so quick!

"And when it comes to Bakugan," he said with a big silly smile, "I'm _deadly serious._" He looked around, grabbed a few of the Bakugan scattered around, and ran away.

With Runo...

"Awwwwwwwww, you CAN'T be SERIOUS!"

In the town of Huaraz, Runo sat at a chair in a bar. Unfortunately, she wasn't even drinking wine. The place was nearly empty, and a jolly dirty blond-haired man scrubbed off the countertop singing, "Scrubadubdub! I love to rub!"

"Do I HAVE to work here, Dad? Why?" She said, in an annoying nasally tone, "WHYYYYY? I hate being a waitress. It's like the most BORING JOB in the UNIVERSE."

Her father replied in a high-pitched Italian voice, "Oh, come on-a, Runo! You know-a these are-a tough-a economic times-a! And besides-a, you're-a perfect for the job-a!"

"But they keep tapping my-"

"You'll-a get over that! It's-a just-a something EVERYONE has to-a go-a through-a in their life-a. And-a besides-a, it'll prepare ya for the real world-a! On-a television-a, people do that all the time-a!"

Runo sighed. "Yeah, whateverrr. But a girl can't get rich when the place is deserted."

"Hey-a! It's-a only empty 'cause it's not-a open yet-a! Honey, put up the open sign-a!"

"Got it!" Runo's mother gave a thumbs-up, not having any real discernible accent except for perhaps the Fat accent, because she was so FAT. She also had hair a few shades darker than Runo's. "But before I go do that, why don't you describe the scenery some more, Fabio!"

"Oh, yeah! There's-a pictures on the wall-a!" He pointed to one in particular of Runo as a baby. She had no nose. "That was-a before you had your nose-a surgery-a! Aren't-a you-a so cute-a?" Another picture was taken looking up Runo's skirt as she winked at the camera. Another had her posing in a business suit, not fully clothed. There was even a Runo doll, which was nearly naked.

"I KNOW what the scenery is, Dad!" She exhaled rather loudly. "And why did you put up pictures of me, anyway?"

"Ah, well, you know-a how bus-a-ness-a is-a nowadays-a. People won't come-a if-a they don't see a picture of a half-dressed girl-a!"

"But why does the half-dressed girl have to be ME!?!?"

"Stealing a picture off-a the magazines-a might get me sued-a! You know that-a good and well-a!"

"Hey, Runo," her fat mother said, "before the people start coming in, would you go to the Cross-Continental Railway?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I hear at the Cobblestone Park, they're having a special sale on half-dressed paintings of women! You know how your father loves that stuff!" She wiggled her finger!

"You know it-a!"

"So I get to not work here!?" She was elated!

"Yes, but if ya don't get back here by six you won't be getting your allowance~!" her fat mother sang.

"Okay! Seeya!" Runo ran away.

Later...

Runo sat quietly on the Cross-Continental Railway for approximately five minutes. She got on at Huaraz, Peru and got off at Your Town, Japan. She came to the Cobblestone Park, in which the southern section was having a sale. It was their monthly Buy Stuff at the Plaza event, and it paid for damages caused by idiots like Dan.

"I hate liver kabobs, liver kabobs..."

"Lard chips, LARD chips!"

"I hate liver kabobs, liver kabobs..."

"Lard chips, **LARD** chips!"

"I hate - AAAH!" Dan and Runo bumped into each other, but the collision couldn't be seen through the blinding flash that came with it.

"Runo...!" Dan said.

"Dan...!" Runo said.

"Why are we saying each other's names like this...?" Dan asked.

"I don't know...!" she replied.

"So...do ya live around here?"

"No, of course not! I live in Peru! Didn't you listen when I said that?"

"So you took the CCR. Heh, we finally meet!"

"Yeah, duh...after talking online for so long..."

"So.....yyyyyeeeaaaahhhhh. What now? My nose is runny. Don't take too long deciding!"

Runo stood up and held a marble painfully between her pointer and middle fingers. "Let's...have...a battle...!"

"Right now?"

"Nah. I'll meet you at...hmm...five o' clock back here, by the Sock Stand."

"Okay. See you then! Lard chips, LARD chips!" Dan skipped away. "Man, I should've taken the car. That'd be so SWEET!"

"He has a CAR!?" Runo looked down at her feet. "Hey! It's...Dan's...Bakupod...!" On the ground was what looked like a watch. In reality it was that thing that gave Bakugan stats whenever one played Bakugan. "He's...got...a message...!"

Onscreen, Mask the Money's dumb mug popped up! "Hey, Dan CRAP, it's Mask the Money here with a little message for you. Well, actually, it's a BIG message for you. Meet me at the river today, about three this afternoon. And come alone...if you know what builds strong bones. Oh, wait I mean good for you!" The message ended.

"I just hate that guy!" Runo's face enlarged at the sight of him. "Someone's got to stop him! Someone SMART! And Dan...isn't smart.

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers will be right back! SHING!_

_And now, back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers! RAWR!_

"Aw, man, I'm late for my afternoon meal! I've GOTTA be! It's -- NOTHING o' CLOCK!?!? WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO!?!? Oh, wait, I'm just missing my -- MISSING my BAKUPOD!?!? I've GOTTA go BACK and GET it!" He ran back to where he was before and looked around. "Aw, man, where'd it go?" He snapped his fingers. "MAYBE the floor was wet, and the Bakupod slipped into somebody's shoe! I've just gotta look for a square heel! ...Oh, wait, they might have walked away already. Maybe Runo has it, but...Runo's not here! That Tsundere!"

At Bridge Lake...

A guitar finished playing its tune as we cut to Runo again. She was standing on the rocky path below Lake Bridge, across from Enma.

"Who're you, ya FREAK!? I'm not here to battle YOU, ya FREAK!" Enma shouted.

Her mouth turned hilariously square-shaped as she said, "The name's Runo, and I'm-a gonna take you down! Darnit, I'm getting the accent now, too!"

"HA!! I'm not supposed to be fighting a LAMER like YOU, ya FREAK."

"Dan's the lamer."

Enma's mouth slowly opened and his eyes slowly widened.

"But who cares about Dan? You gonna battle or what, FREAK!?"

"N-n-nobody calls me a-a-a THAT'S IT!! Whether I become a nerd like you or not, I'm gonna battle you anyways...and WIN, because you're MORE of a nerd, you NERD!!"

Dan was looking over at the lake from atop Lake Bridge. "If only I'd brought some money with me. THEN I'd be able to buy some SOCKS! All I can do for now is look at the polluted waters and-" He looked down and saw Runo and Enma! "Omigosh! It's Runo! RUNO!!" He tripped on the railing as he jumped down.

"Bakugan Field, Open!" Dan got sucked into the void as he fell.

"Heh." Enma smirked. "It's only the two of us now. Now to tie you up and-"

"Runo!" Dan appeared behind her!

"WWWHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!?!?" Enma backed away. "B-but you're the - and who am - w-who am I battling!? I'm so confused!"

"What're you doing here, Dan!?" Runo demanded an answer.

"Well, I was wondering if you had my Bakupod-"

"Is THIS it?" She held out his Bakupod as the Final Fantasy victory fanfare played in the background. Dan held his hands out in surprise, as if he'd been playing Peekaboo with someone's baby, and the music abruptly ended when he snatched the watch out of her hand. "HEY!! That was nice music!"

"Yeah, but I got a message."

"Hey, Dan CRAP, it's Mask the Money here with a little message for you. Well, actually, it's a BIG message for you. Meet me at the river today, about three this afternoon. And come alone...if you know what builds strong bones. Oh, wait, I mean good for you!" The message ended.

"Wait...if YOU'RE not Mask the Money, then..." He gasped. "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING RUNO!?!?"

"No, you dummy! I'M supposed to be fighting THIS guy Enma!"

"You are? Okay." He didn't question anything, not even why Runo noticed he had a new message.

"Gate Card, Set! Bleahh!" They threw their cards like frisbees.

"Doom Card, Set!" Enma set the infamous Doom card.

"Everything rides on you, Sugarnoid...Bakugan Stand!" Runo threw down Chaos Gamera Sugarnoid! All of the Gameras were also Sugarnoid, except for Wet One Gamera. He was the original. "So Dan, whaddaya think of my opening move?"

"Not bad, I GUESS, but I know from experience that the Sugarnoids pretty much suck."

"They don't have wrath?"

"Uh, well, they have THAT, but..."

"SHUT UP, YA LAMERS!! Bakugan Stand!" At first it looked like he'd summoned a spiraling foam football toy, but it turned out to be Rhino Demon again! He sounded like a hawk, though. "Ability Card, Activate! Let's Do Some Damage!" Some fire appeared under and did nothing to Chaos Gamera Sugarnoid. It spiraled around Rhino Demon.

"RHINO DEMON POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 420 G'S."

Rhino Demon shot out supersonic flames, but they didn't do anything.

"Then it's my turn! Ability Card, Lightning Shield, Activate!" She threw a card. it turned into a shield around Sugarnoid.

"B-but I didn't even declare Bakugan Brawl yet!"

"You did now!"

"...Oops."

Rhino Demon spat out a supersonic pulse of flames again. It blew up on contact with the yellow energy shield, which didn't look at all like lightning. What a misnomer.

"RHINO DEMON'S POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 330 G'S."

Rhino Demon proceeded to pick Sugarnoid up and toss him into Enma's mouth. The boy cackled as the Bakugan was sent to the underwor - I mean, the Doom Dimension.

_FATALITY._

"Wow, Runo, you suck!" Dan smiled. "You don't even know what your own cards do!"

"YOU'LL PAY FOR SAYING THAT, DAN!!" Runo shook her fist. "But now is not the time for punching."

_This is bad! I've lost five times in a row, and I'd better win or else I'll lose all my Bakugans! Or is it Bakugan? Ugh! That's one part of the rules we never got straight!_

"Hey, Runo, are you okay?"

"Nyah!"

"Daah! You're turning into a nekogal! Or maybe just a neko! For some reason it's cool to call cat people cats! I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT!!"

"Bakugan Stand!" She summoned Rhinobot! Everything she had besides Halo Tiger was probably a palette swap.

"Hey, Runo, why don't you use Halo Tiger already?"

"Oh yeah I forgot about that one. Crap!"

"Hey, that's my last name!"

"**GET ON WITH IT!!** Gosh, you're all so LAME, you LAMERS! Bakugan Stand!" For some reason he had to throw out Rhino Demon a second time. What a tedious rule. "Ability Card, Activate! Fire Judge!" The card turned into fire, which spun around Rhino Demon. It made him catch on fire, which someone made him stronger.

"RHINO DEMON POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 430 G'S. RHINOBOT DOESN'T DO A **** THING."

"But my Ability Card does! Windy City!" Some wind blew by, nulling the effect.

"ABILITY CARD NEUTRALIZED. RHINO DEMON POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 330 G'S."

"Heh. Nice try, ya LAMERS!"

"He's wrong, Runo!"

"You mean it was a GREAT move!? Thanks, Dan-"

"No, I meant it was a horrible move. Girls SUCK at Bakugan! YOU suck at Bakugan! Hey, everyone! Runo SUCKS!!"

"Hey! It's not MY fault I suck so much!"

"Actually, it is."

"Grrrrr," was all she could say in response.

"Utilize me!" Halo Tiger spoke up, suddenly sitting on her head.

"No!" Runo said, mouth cat-like.

"Runo, you sound enthusiastic! DANGEROUSLY enthusiastic. Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!" he taunted.

Even Enma joined in. "Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"

"I _don't_ suck! Gate Card, Open!" The synthesizer from Reading Rainbow began to play as Rhinobot turned into wiggly lines. "Now his power level becomes that of my Halo Tiger!"

"RHINOBOT POWER INCREASE TO 340 G'S. THAT IS SERIOUSLY THE STRONGEST THING SHE HAS. WOW. RUNO SUCKS."

Rhino Demon swooped down on Rhinobot, but then he got punched by a massive but slow fist! He turned back into a marble and went away somewhere.

"I win!"

"Shut up. You didn't win the whole battle, there's still a tiebreaker. To make things dramatic there's ALWAYS a tiebreaker!"

"I'm just getting started!" She threw out another Gate Card.

"Really? Getting started two-thirds into the game? Wow, Runo SUCKS."

"You be quiet! It's a figure of speech."

"Rrrrrgh **SHUT UP YA LAMERRRRRRRS!!**"

"Bakugan Stand!" Runo threw her Rhinobot onto the field...AGAIN.

"Bakugan Stand!" He summoned - *gasp* - Panja the White Lion Demon!

"Where'd you get MY old Bakugan!?" Dan was stunned and appalled at the same time!

"Got it out of the Doom Dimension."

"Wait - ah - but - Drago said -"

"Yeah, well, Drago's a NERD."

"Uhh...well, so are you!"

"Uhh, well...YOU'RE A LAMER!!"

"I can't just stand here and take that! Runo, get revenge for me!"

"No! I'm getting my own revenge!"

Enma continued, "Ability Card, Activate! McAfee Firewall!" He threw out a common card. "Can't fight fire with fire, ya LAMERS! Because LAME stands for FIRE!!"

"Then since YOU use Pirates," Dan inquired, "are YOU a lamer?"

"Rrrgh I AM NOT A LAMERRRRRRRR!!!"

"Man he's good!" Dan stumbled backward.

"Virus, Activate!"

The synthesizer played again. As Panja pounced, time slowed and soon froze, the two glowing bright yellow.

"SENSING POWER LEVEL CHANGE. RHINOBOT POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 360 G'S."

Rhinobot delivered a powerful uppercut and Panja apparently died again.

"So the match is over...I lost...hey, how come that LAME Game Over Yeah song isn't playing?"

"BECAUSE WE'RE PLAYING ANOTHER ROUND!!"

"Uhhhh...did Mask the Money say so?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, okay. So that...WASN'T...a tiebreaker.....oh." He looked around. "Well, just go, ya LAMER."

"It's all up to you yet again, Rhinobot! Bakugan Stand!" The crowd sighed. Rhinobot AGAIN.

"Bakugan Stand!" He sent out Deerripper, Fearripper's seafaring cousin! "Now, rip her deer apart!"

"Meh! Feh!" Deerripper started slashing the light that just appeared in front of him!

"Hey! Stop that! You're a lamer, Deerripper, you know that, ya LAMER?"

"Shut up!" he whined. "She activated some sort of Ability Card, I _guess!_"

"We're supposed to be battling! You're a lamer, Runo! Just like the rest of 'em!"

"You're right!"

"...You think you're a lamer? HA!! I win."

"No. I'm not battling because I don't have to!"

"So that WAS a tiebreaker? Or what? I'm all confused now. GREAT, now you're even MORE of a lamer!"

"I'm tired of losing my Bakugan to you guys. It's supposed to be a game. You know, the type you play."

"Then why'd you accept the challenge? Hmph! Such a LAMER." He crossed his arms.

"It's supposed to be a game, right, Tiger?"

She sighed. "You puny human girls. Always rubbing stuff. Always growing facial hair. Always being abused~"

"Saywha?"

"Never mind that. Just utilize me!"

"No way! But I WILL throw you out onto the field!"

"HUNH!?!?"

"Bakugan Stand!" She summoned a white tiger with black-and-yellow armor! She was quite mechanical and tubby.

"WRAAAAAAAUGH!!" Halo Tiger roared.

"Let's brawl!!"

Deerripper looked pretty confident in himself, facing off against TWO guys. He danced around a little.

"Ready to KICK SOME ***!?" Halo Tiger screeched.

"READY FREDDY!!" Like a quarterback, Rhinobot charged forth and grabbed Deerripper by the shoulders. "Springboard, now!"

_Wait, _Dan thought, _she had MORE than one Bakugan that could talk ALL ALONG!? What a shyguy._

Apparently by "springboard" he meant "attack", and Halo Tiger pounced, baring her shiny silver fangs!

"Ability Card, Activate! Crystal Thang!"

At Runo's command, Halo Tiger did a little dance, some sparks appeared, and Deerripper died.

"...What? No guns?" Dan looked surprised.

"What, you thought just because it's Halo Tiger that means it has guns? Save that for Master Chief!" Runo snapped.

"...But anyway, that was SWEET!! Nothing like the SUCKY SUCK we got from Runo the last two battles!"

"Does that mean I rule!?" She beamed.

"...No. Hey, everyone! Runo's MEDIOCRE!!"

**"YOU LAMERRRRRRRRRRRRRS....."**

GAME OVER YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Dan and Runo, having completely forgotten Enma, laid down on an uncomfortably steep hill as wind made their hair wiggle in all possible directions.

"Well, you taught HIM a lesson."

"Yeah, well, I tried my best."

"Seriously? So you TRIED to SUCK at first?"

"Wha - I DON'T SUCK, DAN!!"

"Actually, I hate to be a rudy, but you DO kind of SUCK." Halo Tiger interrupted!

"You -- YOU --" She nearly crushed Halo Tiger in her hand!

"Ow! OWW!! Please! Stop it!"

Runo relaxed her grip. "Well, EVERYONE SUCKS a LITTLE."

Dan looked at her, then laughed. "H-hey, you're _right!_ We _do_ kind of suck when ya think about it!"

And they laughed and laughed and laughed...

"Hey, aren't you supposed to buy something?"

Runo looked at her Bakupod. "7:30!?!? But it's so li-"

"_EWC!_" Dan wiggled his finger.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Later that night, at Dan's house...

"LARD CHIPS, LARD CHIPS!!" Dan drove dangerously back home, though he parallel-parked rather well. He opened the door, which had a broken window he didn't seem to notice, and waltzed in.

"Dan! Hope you had a long joy ride!" Father Figure greeted him, standing at the doorway for some reason. "Did you give it a good wash, Dan?"

"...I totally forgot about that!" Dan actually seemed to care! "Quick, get me a pitcher of water!"

Father Figure did so, and Dan ran outside with it. He literally threw the pitcher on top of it. He looked around, shrugged, thought it was clean and walked back inside.

"It's clean."

"Hm? You sure?"

"Yep. Positively."

"Hm. Well. I'll just have to give it a check..."

Father Figure peeked outside. In the moonlight the blue punch buggy was sparkling with cleanliness! "Huh! It really IS totally clean! Well, I..." He looked back at it. The blue paint was slowly sliding off, and the blue buggy was revealed to be...his old car is disguise! "WHAAAAAAA!? How did this-"

Suchi crawled out through the broken window. He was in there the whole time! "Hey, where's Dan? I wanna battle 'im!"

Suddenly, the car flipped onto the house, completely crushing his bedroom! With Suchi and Akuma in it!

Father Figure fell to his knees and cried, "MY DREAM CAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!"

_Next Bakugan Battle Brawlers, me and Runo team up to take on some not-cool guys who think they're cool! Together with Runo, I learn some tips to never ever lose by using some non-counterable counterattacks and combos! Can it possibly end in failure? You'll find out! Trust me, it's not gonna be one-sided! Bakugan Brawl! *wipes nose* Seeya there! RAAAWR!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	6. Chapter 6

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Six  
A Combination Battle**

Dan and Runo were at Six Flags Over Huaraz. It was a very average theme park. Guys in mold and oldy costumes walked around trying to hug people.

"I wanna go on the Ferris wheel!" Runo begged.

"Pffft. Ferris wheels go around and around." He paused for a reaction. "It's BORING."

"Then I'll go by myself...POOPYHEAD!!"

"Oh, I'M not the POOPYHEAD. A certain girl who goes by the name of RUNO is the POOPYHEAD."

"Well, I'm the only one with tickets left. You just ate stuff all day."

"Hey! I have a high metabolism. Unlike a certain POOPYHEAD."

"I'm not a pooyphead! And if we're going on ANY rides, it'll be the Ferris wheel, ya got that!?"

"But I bought you a corn dog!"

"So? What's your point?"

"That's gotta be worth SOMETHING."

"And I thanked you by getting you a cookie. I'm going on the Ferris wheel and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Fine, fine, I'm going...wait! There's something over there!"

"A plane?"

"No! FLOOOOWERRRRS..." He drooled over a bunch of flowers that appeared on two young magicians' chests. A crowd roared with applause! The two preteens were suddenly in it!

"Anybody interested?" the red-haired one of the duo asked. Everyone fell silent. "Well? ANYBODY!?" The crowd didn't make a sound.

"OOH PICK ME PICK ME PICK US" Dan and Runo jumped at the chance.

"Alright, this guy and this midriff-baring young lady, come on up!" the red-haired magician welcomed.

They ran onstage. Runo jumped around, posed, and said, "Ta-da!"

Nobody replied. Not even the crickets.

"Well," the red-haired magician began, "let's start the first trick!" He laid out a deck of cards on a table. "Pick a card! **ANY CARD.**" His voice grew deep and demonic at the end. Nobody noticed.

"Any card, huh..." Dan rubbed his chin. "Hmm...my favorite number's one, but it's also the loneliest one, so since Runo's also here, I'm gonna pick the second one! So I piiiick...THISCARD!" The scene was intense as he picked the card.

And there was a twist.

Just...guess it. Deep down you know what it is.

IT WAS THE DOOM CARD. DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

"The Doom Card!" Runo stated the obvious.

"THAT was a TWIST!" Dan backed away in shock.

"That's because Mask the money's involved!" Runo backed away, getting into a stupid pose.

"Well, **duh!**"

"I'm Ken!" the red-haired one said.

"And I'm his brother, Men!" The purple-haired one FINALLY talked.

"Waaah!" Dan was shocked. "You're his BROTHER!?!? But I thought you were a girl!"

"EVERYONE says that! You, the girl, you must be Runo, that abused girl! And you, the jerk boy, you are Dan CRAP, that Bakugan jerk boy!"

"I've got a plan for this battle!" Runo said with her upper lip hanging goofily over her lower one. "I'm deadly serious about this."

"Hey, where's da magic?" a deep-voiced man shouted. "Hell, I'm ridin' the Ferris Wheel."

"Ready for a combination battle?" Red-haired Ken asked.

At the same time Dan and Runo shouted, "A COMBINATION BATTLE!?!?" It was quite stupid.

"Quite right," Men said, "a combination battle!"

The two kids gasped. "A combination battle!" they repeated.

"Well," Dan cried, "whether it's a regular or combination battle, I'm up for it! Ready when you are!" His lips went a little off-sync.

"What, we're automatically accepting the challenge!?" Runo was astonished by Dan's overconfidence. "But we can just-"

"Bakugan Brawl, Open!" Discarding their noses for a moment, the four marble players disappeared in a puff of light. A roller coaster stopped.

Yes, they're ALREADY starting a game.

They were in Sub-Terra, apparently, throwing out Field Cards and, of course, the Doom Card. As it was set, evil laughter echoed throughout the field.

"What was-" Dan started.

"Oh," Ken answered, "that was just something else Mask the Money programmed into the Doom Card."

"Oh." They left it at that.

"Bakugan Stand!" Men threw out his very ow Super Robotic Pirate Ultra!

"There are so many Super Robotic Ultras running around these days!" Dan shouted.

"That's right! Field Card, Open! Super Robot Reinforcements!" Fire erupted under Super Robotic Pirate Ultra.

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 380 G'S."

"What a DUM maneuver!" Dan taunted. "It's just like mine, and I suck! ...But not as much as a certain poopy RUNO!!"

"Shut up, I'm not poopy! And besides, WHENEVER your enemy has a weak Bakugan, it's a trap!"

"Huh?"

"A trap. You know, the one that...traps you."

"Traps you?"

"You know what trapping is, don't you?"

"Huh?"

Runo slapped him. "STOP YOUR METAL GEARING!!"

"Metal Gearing?" SLAP! "Ow! Aaaanyways, I'll just send out Panja the White Lion Demon!"

"Panja? Didn't you say he got eaten a while ago?"

"Well, just like there's a lot of humans there's a lot of albino lion demons. Get used to it."

"But-"

"Bakugan, Stand!" Dan finally sent out Kimba's evil father. He was snarling behind Super Robotic Pirate Ultra! "Oh yeah! Back Attack!"

"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRA LOSES ATTACK AND GAINS DEFENSE."

"**What's that supposed to mean!?**" Runo yelled, suddenly in the corner of the screen.

"Ability Card, Activate! Marionette!" Ken declared.

"It's a trap!"

"WHAT was-"

"Another thing added to the Doom card."

"Oh." Runo stepped back.

Anyways, Marionette picked up Panja, moved him a little, then plopped him down in front of Super Robotic Pirate Ultra.

"Oh, yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."

Everyone stayed silent.

"ROBOT PAWNCH!!" The robot pirate delivered a killer blow to Panja! He flew right into Men's mouth.

'FATALITY."

"Panja! No! PANJAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."

Everyone stared at Men.

Catching his Giant Black Mantis (when did HE get there? they wondered), Ken grinned a despicable grin. "You know, your Bakugan could do a great magic show. They make a GREAT vanishing act."

"INTO MAH STOMACH!!" Men boomed.

"That was a MEAN can o' beans! What's next, _green_ beans?" Dan inquired. "It's horrible!"

"No. Next it's string beans. That much is certain."

"What are you talking about, Runo? It's obviously baked!"

"SHUT, UP!!" their talking Bakugan (or is it Bakugans? The world may never know) screamed in unison. "Just make your move!"

"Hm," Runo began. "That Giant Black Mantis he just re-tossed is at power level 350, and Ken's obviously got a trap prepared for us."

"He DOES!?"

"No duh. There's ALWAYS a trap. Unless the enemy's not stupid."

"But Men **is** stupid!"

"Hey!"

"Let's fight it anyway! Bakugan Stand!" She summoned a marble. "Ability Card, Activate! Combination of Chaos and Marcus!" From the marble rose Whitesnake, roaring viciously as 80's music played in the background (Jump, to be exact). "When I use this card, Whitesnake gains 100 because his attribute is awesomer than yours!"

"WHITESNAKE POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 400 G'S."

"But didn't you say," Dan timidly interrupted, "that he probably had a trap put down?"

"Who cares? Just listen to the music."

"Okay. Doob, doob, doob, doob, doob da dooby doob, doob doob doob doob..."

With the power of one of Van Halen's songs, Whitesnake gained glowing powah! The vortex of rockin' energy swirled and spiraled around him like a bunch of tadpoles. Nothing could stop him now!

A nerdy voice said, "That won't help you!"

"HUH!?" Runo screamed, looking like a dying old lady.

"It's a trap!"

"Doubletown!" Men shouted.

The music was changed to the Doubletown song. It sounded a lot like Funkytown, only with Doubletown in it and thus completely different. Dan tried to sing along. "Won't you take me to...Doubletown. Won't you take me to...Doubletown. Niiih! I just can't get with this song! It's not hip and happening enough!"

Neither could Whitesnake who, at the sound of Doubletown, wilted like a flower.

"WHITESNAKE POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 300 G'S."

"Please!" Men did declare. "I bet you've only heard the chorus."

"Should've listened to yourself!" Dan taunted.

"Should've stopped me!" she retorted.

"Runo sucks SO MUCH, she needs someone else to RESTRAIN her SUCKNESS!! Now, who's with me!? Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"

"Dan sucks! DAN sucks!"

"Runo sucks SO MUCH, she can't even taunt right! Now, who's with me!? Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"

"_You both suck!_ Mantis, send this snakey into mah tummeh!" Giant Black Mantis smacked the snake into Men's stomach.

"FATALITY."

"Oh yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."

"Snakey! Come back!" Runo whimpered.

Opening his mouth really wide Dan shouted, "Smooth move, Runo! You really know how to dish it out!"

"You look angry, stop it!"

"SHUT, UP!!!" the Bakugans demanded.

Men placed a Bakugan in a machine and immediately flung it out for some stupid reason. "Bakugan Stand!" Super Robotic Pirate Ultra appeared again! He also threw a field card. It sounded like a jet plane.

"Oh no you don't!" First he threw down a field card. Then he continued, "Bakugan Stand!" He summoned Rhinozoid! "Good ol' Rhinozoid! Nothing beats _that!_"

"RHINOZOID POWER LEVEL 290 G'S."

"You've obviously got an ability card to help him out," Men said, "but you're still takin' a chance! Heh heh! This game is so predictable. I love it!"

"I'm-a gonna use Fire Stuff!" He threw some fire. It swirled around Rhinozoid like a bunch of tadpoles, or a sack of potatoes. Who knew. "It boosts his gogos by exactly 10! He can also attack anywhere on the field!"

"Wait," Runo intervened. "What happens when two guys with the same power level attack each other?"

"Hm. Good question. Guess we'll find that out...AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!!"

Nothing happened.

"Oh, well. I guess we won't."

Ken declared, "Bakugan Stand!" Mark the Centipede appeared. He smiled.

"WWWAAAAAAAAH!" Dan screamed, taken aback by this friendly grin.

"It's a trap!"

"Ability Card, Activate! Pirate versus Marcus!" Above them, a hologram of some fat guy meeting a typical pirate face-to-face hovered.

"Never heard of THAT one before. So what, is there a Chaos and Wet Ones matchup?"

"Yes."

"It can't do NUTHIN against my jungle breath!"

"What the--I'm not gonna ask. But in that case, it CAN do SOMETHING! It...makes...your...Rhinozoid...gain...more...power. Ohsh*t."

"Not if I can help it! I use my own ability card! Marcus versus Pirate!" Above them, a hologram of a typical pirate meeting some fat guy face-to-face hovered. "It'll make...your...centipede...stronger. OH SH*T!!"

"It's all in the cards! AAAhahahahaHAAAAA!!!" Mark the Centipede strangled Rhinozoid, squelching him into a mouth.

"FATALITY."

"SAURUS COME BAAAAACK!!"

"Who's Saurus?" Runo asked.

"Haha."

"Hmmhmm."

"Yeah."

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers will be right back!_

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! Battle on! ~Runo_

Ken said, "Dan, you cannot WIN. You've only got one Bakugan left."

"What about ME?" Runo said.

"Eh, actually I thought of bringing in Suchi for backup."

"QUE!?!?"

"Runo, pull something out of your sleeve!"

"Uhh..." Runo literally pulled a card out of her hair!

"Hey! That's not what I meant!"

She threw a field card and cried, "Bakugan Stand! Rhinobot!" The quarterbackin' Rhinobot was summoned! "Yeah! You'll do SO much better than Rhinozoid! Right? RIGHT!?"

Silence.

Men shouted, "Bakugan Stand! Pirate Caped Crusader!" A knight with a cool cape appeared! Sadly, he was discriminated against rhinos. "Thanks to his discriminating power, he gains power when going against rhinoceroses! Attack!"

"BLAH!" Pirate Caped Crusader stumbled forward, wielding a flamin' sword!

"IT'S A FREAKIN' TRAP!"

"IT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD WHEN YOU SAY IT!! YOO SUCK RUNOOOOOOOOOoooo....."

"Triple Battle! Now Dan's gotta throw down a Bakugan!"

"All right! Ready to pull off a smooth move?"

"Yeah, dawg!"

"Frickafrack!"

"Outta sight!"

"Wicked!"

"Radical!"

"Let's slam 'em!"

"Totally!"

"Right, Drago?"

"Meh."

"Keen! Bakugan Stand!" Dan summoned his old pal Drago! "Ready to kick some glass?"

"No."

"Groovy!"

Pirate Caped Crusader dashed forward once more! "Ah, but I am also discriminated against dragons! Only the caped crusaders may survive!"

"Boosted Dragon."

He splattered in the flames.

More music started up. Dan sang, "We did it! We did it! We did-"

"No, you didn't! It's my time to shine!" Ken yelled.

"Oh yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."

"You're a BUMBLING idiot."

"Who said that?" Runo wondered.

"Who cares? Bakugan Stand!" After throwin' down a face-down, Ken also threw down...the Reaper!

"Aah! The Reaper!"

"Don't fear him!" They all stared at Dan. "What? You played Jump."

"Huh," Ken said. "Good point."

"Dan!" Runo demanded. "You take on the harder, more reapery one! I'll take the easier, more robonic one!"

"Yeah! You suck, Runo! That's why you have to take the Pirate!"

"Shush!" Rhinobot appeared! "Link Ability, Activate! Dummy of My Memories!"

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO...DECREASED TO...UHH..."

"No other abilities or traps can be activated this brawl!"

"Hey!" Drago cried. "That's actually kind of strategic!"

"FFFUUUUU-"

"Wait." Men put his arm on Ken's shoulder. "I'm the one who taught you Bakugan. I can help you with this."

"Actually I'm the one who taught you Bakugan."

"Oh."

"....."

"So we're pretty much-"

"Yeah. Screwed."

"Uh, yeah."

"So, my turn. Bakugan Stand!" A football spiraled into the air! It was Rhino Demon, who sounded like a hawk again!

"Just like old times!" Dan smiled blissfully.

"What old times?" Runo inquired. "You never told me about any old times! What's been going on between you two!?"

"SHUT, UP!!"

"Okay, fine, sheesh. Gate Card, Activate!"

"Now's my chance!" Ken threw down a face-down and then activated it! "Ability Card, Activate! Backfire!"

Chopman appeared and chopped some wood in half! "Chop!" the green inmate exclaimed, and the field cards was exodia obliterated.

"Chopman? WHO'S Chopman?" Dan asked earnestly.

"That guy," Runo explained.

"That? What? Huh?"

Runo didn't answer. "Ability Card, Activate! Cut and Savor!" A delicious meat cutlet hovered in mid-air! Then Halo Tiger slashed and clawed and chewed through it! Now the tiger was on the field!

"Raaaah!" Halo Tiger roared like a wimpster.

"How'd she DOO dat!?" Men questioned.

"She used a card," Ken said, giving the obvious answer.

"_Let's clean house!_"

Dan stared at her.

"What?"

"It's just...nobody says "clean house" any more. Cleanin' clocks is all the rage in Japan!"

"Cleanin' clocks?" Ken repeated. He laughed himself to tears. "Man. Cleaning _clocks._ Can you imagine the slang in Asia these days?" He was caught off guard by the impending doom brought upon Men's Bakugan by Rhinobot and Halo Tiger. "**OH NO!!**"

Before he was even hit, Rhino Demon knew he was dead and flew back into Men's hand as if by default. "Not even a cool attack? I'm getting _nothing_ out of this, aren't I?"

"Just a pounding! Now it's my turn!" Dan interrupted. "Bakugan Stand! Turn it ooooooonn!" Drago flew onto the scene just like a field card.

"Let's get this done quick so we can go on the Ferris wheel," Drago said bluntly.

"Ha! He's not that smarticle!" Men said.

"So," Reaper said, "we meet again, Drago-"

"Cut the philosophical **** and let's get on with it."

"Let's brawl!" Dan and Men, who was suddenly controlling Reaper now, shouted.

Like a giant fighting robot, Drago's wings retracted, a power nobody expected! Then the two...held hands and tried to push the other away! Yeah, that works. "Why-aren't-I-using-my-TEETH!?" Drago grunted.

"Here's a better question for the Reaper," Dan cried. "Why do you serve Mask the Money!?"

"He gives me everything I want. Eating those who lose in the fight of life is no crime, so long as it is justice that is done."

"JUSTICE THIS!! BOOM BUBBLE!!" He spat out an exploding fireball, and the Reaper turned to ashes, or, rather, a marble!

"Take that demon to school, Drago!" Runo cheered.

"And you call Japan's slang funny!" Dan chuckled. "Seriously! School's good for you, but NOBODY wants their clocks cleaned for them! They'd rather not know what time it is!"

"Here! Take this mantis!" Ken gave his brother a marble!

"Why can't you use it yourself?"

"I'm..." he sniffled, "not cool enough. I had to be taught all these rules by you, Men. I'm not cool enough. NOT COOL ENOUGH!!"

"Uh, okay. Field Card Set! Bakugan Stand!" Giant Black Mantis appeared behind Super Robotic Pirate Ultra!

"It's powerful!" Runo screamed. "It's got 350 G's!"

"Drago's stronger than that! Were you paying attention to that lat battle at all!?"

"Yes!" She paused. "No."

"And if your Bakugan really is THAT WEAK, then you use a card to help! You really DO suck!"

"Like you don't," Runo mumbled. "Gate Card, Set!"

"I'll set a gate card, too!" Dan joined in!

"Bakugan, Stand!" Rhinobot stood proudly on his new turf.

"Bakugan, Stand!" Dan chipped in with a certain Drago.

"BOOSTED DRAGON!!"

"Nobody told you to attack yet!"

"I DO WHAT I ************' WANT!!" Everyone was blown back by a reasonably big explosion.

"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRA DEFEATED."

"Yeah!" Dan screeched. "Done like dinner!"

"Your slang makes no sense!"

"Come on, Runo! You don't get it!? Your mom makes, or does, dinner for you! School's good for you! So who's the sucky one now? Oh, wait, I know. It's YOU!!"

"Here! Take my Bakugan!" Ken threw all his Bakugan(s, whatever) to his brother Men!

"Okay. Bakugan, Stand!" Mark the Centipede smiled at them again.

"Lemme guess," Dan began. "You're gonna use...A QUARTET KETTLE CARD!!!!!"

"How'd you know!?" Men gasped, awestruck!

"I guessed."

"Oh."

"So WE'LLL activate it instead!"

"THAT DOESN'T CHANGE OUR STRATEGY AT ALL!!"

"Bakugan, Stand!" Drago nosedived onto the field!

"Wait!" Runo said. "What if it doesn't activate!?"

"I'll fix that. Quartet Kettle, Activate!" The Quartet Kettle was activated! "Does that answer your question?"

"Still! What if it doesn't?"

"I believe the rules we five wrote together are set in stone and followed by the entire universe, are they not?"

"Can't argue with that, I guess."

"BOOSTED DRAGON!!"

"I didn't-"

**"I'M NOT TAKING ORDERS FROM YOU TODAY!!!"** Everyone was blown back by a reasonably big explosion. Again.

"Now there's just Giant Black Mantis to take care of."

**YOU MEAN HE WASN'T-"**

"Don't worry, Drago!" Runo winked, her mouth looking catlike. "Rhinobot''ll take care of this!"

"Looks like Men has a trick up his sleeve...LITERALLY!!" From out of his sleeve, Men pulled a card! "Ability Card, Activate! Super Machete!"

Giant Black Mantis did a little dance. Suddenly his scythe-arm-things were...well...exactly the same. But he got a power boost and now had a power level of 450 G's!

"Dan! We can't win! Drago's only got 440 with Boosted Dragon! And what if Quartet Kettle doesn't-"

"It will."

"But-"

"Just let Drago do this! Bakugan Stand!" Drago had to be re-summoned for some reason. "Let's brawl!"

"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA" Giant Black Mantis slashed wildly at Drago, but kept missing because he had horrible aim. Then he actually scored some hits! But so did Drago!

Taking a long pause between shouts Dan cheered, "Come on, Drago. You can do it. Hang in there. Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Keep going. You're unstoppable. Oh, wait, you're losing. What do we do now!? He's almost down for the count! There's nothing we can do! _Nothing we can do!! NOTHING-_"

"YOU REALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT THAT FAST!?!?" Runo slapped Dan in the face. "Quartet Kettle's active! Go, Halo Tiger!"

"Rawr, rawr rawr!" A pimped-out tiger ran to his aid!

Drago was laying on the ground now! "He only has 10 remaining G's. It's impossible for you to lose. Really, Men's dumb, so yeah."

"Saber Savor!" The tiger bit into Giant Black Mantis with her sabers, and then savored. Ken and Men lost, as expected.

The roller coaster suddenly swerved off the track. There were 57 casualties and 1000 deaths, 1 of which was one of the mold and oldy costumed guys.

Ken and Men both said, "We lost." Then they flung a cape over themselves and disappeared.

There was little applause. "What was that, mommy?" a little boy asked his mom.

"A very dumb magic show. Now come on, there's better ride than this crap." The crowd of two walked away, having better things to do.

"Hey, that's-"

"Come on, Dan. We've got a ride to ride. What ride should we go on?"

"I thought we settled on the Ferris wheel."

"Yeah!" Drago squelched from within Dan's pocket.

"Aren't you still TOTALLY STOKED about doing something else, like XTreme Mountain?"

"No, I think I'll go there next time."

"I think I'd rather go there now."

"I'm feeling more in the mood for the Ferris wheel now, actually."

"XTreme Mountain!"

"Ferris wheel!"

"I'm saying XTreme Mountain!"

"And I'm saying YOU'RE A POOPYHEAD!!"

"Hey!" Suchi and Akuma popped up from behind! Suchi suggested, "How 'bout that Ferris wheel?"

"Good idea!" Runo actually agreed.

"How about that brawl, Dan?"

"Heh heh, of course not!"

_Hi! Runo here! Next Bakugan Battle Brawlers, a new marble comes to town but he finds out the city is really weird! He hitches a ride on a bird but it isn't all it's cracked up to be! He finds two girls who take Bakugan way too seriously and then they get into a brawl! There's also some giraffes!_

_This is Marucho saying...Bakugan Brawl!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	7. Chapter 7

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!

Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!

A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!

**Episode Seven  
Daddy 007**

It was another beautiful sunset at Momo Inc. Headquarters, the tallest structure in Your Town. We ease into the scene when…AAH!! A BLUE BAKUGAN!! He had glowy eyes, which kind of stood out against his shady head…and past. OOH.

"WOAH!" he yelped. His voice completely destroyed any seriousness hovering around him or his past. He sounded exactly like a certain Gilbert Gottfried. "A penthouse with a FA-A-Abulous view! Too bad the commute's a real killer. ZING!" He looked around. Nobody seemed to be listening. "Come on! Can't a guy get a little applause?" At least he got some service. A pigeon flew conveniently to his aid! "HEY-O! Taxi!" He leaped on. "Quick! To the flower bed below, and STEP ON IT!"

The pigeon nodded solemnly, the troublesome marble somehow holding onto its feathers by just stepping on them.

At Dan's house…

Dan was laying on his bed, reading volume seven on _Keroro Gunso_. "I wish the next volume of _Bakugan Monthly_ would come out already. I'm starvin' for some marblin'! Knowledge!" Runo didn't reply. "Hey, Runo! You listening to me?"

She was on her cell phone! "You can't tell us what you've been building so long!? Your company is SUCH a buzzkill…Okay, bye." She flipped the phone down. "Dan, I was asking Momo Inc. what they were planning on doing with that construction site. You know, the one in Venezuela. I went there this summer vacation when they were building, now I get THIS news! It's been SIX FREAKING MONTHS. SO LONG." She sighed loudly.

"I bet it's SOOPER SECRET CRIME FIGHTING STUFF." Dan wiggled his fingers.

"Wait, doesn't your dad work at Momo?"

"Well, yeah. But even HE doesn't know! And besides, he works for them, so he might be keeping it a secret. My dad…a spy…AWESOME."

Runo turned to Julie and Alice, who were on Dan's computer. "Your at dans house??? LOL!!!" Julie squeed.

"Yeah. Ever since I came here we've been close friends, even though we argue a lot."

"Oh, well, that's weird, I guess."

"You know," Alice said, "I would go for something a little lower-maintenance. A dance center? Dancing is a big business nowadays, and Momo is a corporation that wants money, after all."

"Daddy 007!" Dan cried.

"That's a stupid name."

"Well, Runo's a SUCKY name. Get used to it."

"WHY YOU-" She got all up in Dan's grill! "If it weren't for the fact that I get off my job by hanging out with you, I'd-"

"Hey!" Marucho appeared! "According to my findings, I should have the correct data for this particular incorporation's newest addition! Drumroll, please!" Someone started drumming in the background. "It's…my family's new house!"

Everyone sighed and fainted.

"Momo Incorporated said they'd give us their newest tower if we paid them enough! And my family's extremely rich! Now we're moving from our hometown in San Francisco into this multi-trillion dollar tower!"

"Hmm…" Dan rubbed his chin. "But if Momo still controls this building…they must be up to something! They're using you and your family, Marucho. _Using you._" His voice went cold, his eyes dead serious. Marucho simply laughed it off.

"But Momo's a trusted organization. They're close friends with my parents. Aaanyways, I've decided to invite ALL of my friends to a party that's going on there! It's gonna be _great!_"

"Maybe there'll be some cool Twilight stuff there!" Runo immediately said.

"Actually," Dan stated, "I never even _liked_ Twilight."

"Me neither," Marucho said.

"**WHAAAAAT!?!?** Then why'd you join the freaking Twilight _forum!?_"

"It's popular," Marucho explained.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"At least WE still like Twilight," Julie said, "right, Alice?"

"Not really."

_**"WTFOMGLOLBBQ!?!?"**_

In some forest…

A bird's nest sat on a tree. It contained eggs…ANDABAKUGAN!! It was none other than Mr. Gottfriedmarble, or whoever he was supposed to be.

"UHHHuuuueeeeeuuueeeeeehhhhh," he yawned, stretching out his arms as he opened. He stretched SO HARD and SO SLOWLY that the egg directly next to him started cracking! And so did the others, because the shockwave was THAT STRONG! "Oh no…OH NO NO NO NO…" He started to panic.

Luckily they all had two days until they were going to hatch anyways! "CHEEPCHEEPCHEEPCHEEP," they cheeped.

"Silence, SILENCE! Order in the court! All five-headed monsters stay down! Daah!" But they only cheeped away.

These voices…they haunted him in his memories…

_Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap._

Somehow they picked him up using only their beaks and willpower, wanting desperately to get rid of this outsider. "YEOWCH! Put me down! I have weapons! You don't know who you're messing with!" But they dropped him anyways. "Tuck and roll, TUCK AND ROLL!!' He turned into Marble Mode again. "OW…that was a rock…MUST…RESIST…SUDDEN STOP…"

Since everybody should know by now that plastic marbles are especially elastic and bouncy, Gottfriedmarble bounced safely into a truck chock full of flowers. "AAH WHATS WRONG I CANT SEE – oh. Phew! _Flowers!_ I'm _safe!_"

But then he realized, "YEOWCH!! **GLASS** FLOWERS!!"

Outside of Marucho's multi-trillion dollar home…

Dan and Runo stood there at the gateway to Momo-Rutabaga Tower. "Woah," Dan said. "So _this_ is what their secret spy headquarters looks like."

"When you first mentioned that…I didn't know you meant it seriously. Really, Dan? Are you still hung up on that?"

"Of course! Who _doesn't LOVE_ the appeal of a super secret spy for a father?" He noticed the line. "Hey, Runo, just realized…there's a line."

"Oh…it doesn't look so bad**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?** There's gotta be like two million people in that line! I can't see the end of it!" She spoke the truth, although there were actually only 800,000.

"I know, right? Anyways, let's just go to the back…"

_"Hippohippohippohippo…"_

Dan's ears pricked. "What?" Runo inquired.

"…You hear that?"

"Hear what?"

_"Hippohippohippohippo…"_

"Oh, that! Hippo talk. So?"

"Nobody talks about hippos like my _dad_ talks about hippos."

Upon closer inspection, his father was attending! "Hippo hippo hippo, hippo hippo _hippo_ hippo hippo!" Father Figure said to a young lady behind him.

"Uh-huh, yeah, okay," she said in response.

Dan leaned in close and whispered, "Spy things."

Runo grimaced.

"Hey, Dan! Hey, Runo! It's great to see you in person!" said a weird young voice. They looked down to see…Marucho!

"Hey, Marucho! What's shakin'?" Dan inquired.

"Wanna skip ahead of this huge line?"

"Even in front of your _other_ friends?"

"Well, the Battle Brawlers are…sorta my only real friends. And for some reason Julie and Alice didn't come." He frowned. "Everyone else is a friend of my parents. They're not here right now."

"They're at the party inside, right?" Runo guessed.

"Nope! Come on in!" Marucho demanded.

Soon, they emerged in his huge marble domain! "The first floor is orange-themed," Marucho pointed out. "Lots of orange. It's also the closet."

"Well," Dan said, "you've sure got a lot of people _hiding_ in your closet!"

Runo thought with stars in her eyes, _Wow…these people are so rich they call their massive welcoming room a closet…and they can hide people there…maybe even their maids…_

"There's so…much…**BLING!!**"

"Ew! You still say 'bling'?" Dan was repulsed! "EW! I KNEW girls had cooties!"

They gazed at the beautiful, shiny, unrealistic flowers. "BLING…BLING…" Runo stared hypnotized at the flowers. Then a fly landed on one. The glass flower shattered instantly, and she jumped back! "**IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!** There's some glass in my cheek! It got in my eye! Wait up!" She stumbled after them.

Soon, our hilarious Mr. Gottfriedmarble came out from a glass flower. "Now's my chance to-" Then the glass, predictably, broke. He bounced wildly onto the floor and under unsuspecting feet. "Daah, DAAH…stop it, STOP it…OUCH, you jammed my shin into my teeth…and I don't have _either_ of those. That must've done a lotta damage! Zing – **OUCH!!**"

The trio walked through a red-carpeted hallway, Runo having long since healed miraculously healed. "Hey, Marucho, how does your family make so much money?"

"They're full-time actors. And I mean _full_-time actors. You may have heard of them. Know anything about Johnny and Maria Rutabaga? They're my parents."

"Oh!" Runo recalled. "They starred in such classics as _Tarzan Meets the Flintstones_! And didn't your dad also star in _Chicago Jones, Cousin of Indiana Jones_?"

"That's right!"

"I can see why they make so much cash now. I heard in Canada TMF was their highest-grossing movie in history!"

"They tell me they can't get enough of acting," Marucho said. "They act all day, they act all night, sleep-act, act while they find more parts to act…in fact, they're hardly home because they're so busy acting all the time. But they're ashamed of me because they say I'm too…_nerdy_ to act and hold up the family tradition."

"_Are_ you?" Dan asked.

"I don't want to act anyways, so if that's what you call it, then yes, I'm too nerdy to act."

"Woah." Dan went silent for a second. "So is there any top-secret facility in this building?"

"Nothing…_except the 101st floor._"

**"101st floor!?"** The very mention of this mysterious name shook them to their core!

"Don't be so scared! It's just a button someone painted on as a practical joke or something. Wanna go see it after I show you the main rooms?"

"Yeah!" Dan was **hyped!** But first he opened a mysterious door.

"Yeah, Dan, you go do that while we leave you behind," Runo said, walking away.

"I'm sure that room is bigger than your house, but there's more exciting things to see," Marucho added.

Dan's eyes glistened, almost like Runo's at the sight of all of that "bling" downstairs. The lights turned themselves on, illuminating the room and giving it a sort of glow. The brown patterned carpet screamed "CLASS!!". And in the middle sat…the toilet.

"**I'VE GOTTA USE THIS!!**"

Marucho and Runo felt the need to stand outside of the bathroom, waiting for Dan. "Wonder what's taking him?" Runo wondered aloud.

Then they heard someone shout, "There's no sink in this bathroom…**IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!"**

Later they kept walking. The room was oddly blue, and glassy… Then Dan and Runo turned around and were shocked to see a fifty-foot whale beside them in a tank! "WHAAA!!"

Then they passed by some giraffes! "WHOOOOOAH!!"

Then they passed by a lazy panda! "WHUWHUWHUWHOAWHOA!!"

Then they came to an art gallery! "I THOUGHT THIS PAINTING WAS STILL IN FRANCE!!"

"We bought it for a billion dollars."

"WAAAAAHHH!!"

Everything was as BIG as TEXAS, even though there's much bigger things than just Texas, but whatever. They reached a TV room which, oddly enough, only had one chair and a desk facing the several-meter-wide plasma-screen television. Dan immediately cried, "I call seat!" Somehow Marucho was already sitting in the desk chair by the time Dan got there. "Huh? There's only one chair…,**IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!"**

"Watch this," Marucho demanded. He typed on a keyboard, and it turned out the TV doubled as a computer!

Julie's humongous scary face popped up! "HI~!" she greeted loudly, voice in terrifying surround sound.

"AAH!! Get me outta here!" Dan begged, being a wimp.

"Did Marucho buy a giant computer or something? Because, like, you're so small! Technology is so awesome, isn't it?"

"Why didn't you come to the party?" the nerd asked.

"There was a party?" Julie looked at Runo. "It was _your_ job to tell me if there were any _parties_ going on…"

"Oh, _right,_ look, I was going to e-mail you, but then my dad forced me to come to the family restaurant. He makes me work all day, can you believe that?"

"Oh, yeah, I totally understand!"

"Then I got caught up in other things, and…you know."

"Yeah," Dan butted in, "Runo's really ZONED OUT these days."

Runo snarled, "WHAT…DID YOU…SAY?"

"I said you really ZONED OUT these days."

_*implied slap*_

"Ow!" He rubbed his cheek, then his nose, the latter for no good reason. "What? I just said you really ZONED OUT these days."

_*implied slap*_

"Ow! That's all I said! I just said-"

"Break it up!" Julie demanded. "My cute little Dan and BFF Runo don't need to be fighting over ZONING OUT."

**"WHAT…DID YOU…SAY?"**

"I just repeated what Dan said!"

**"WHAT…DID HE…SAY?"**

"You don't remember?"

**"…NO."**

"Well, let's just forget all about it!" She smiled and shrugged. "So what were we talking about yestrday Dany-dan???"

"Daaah! Let's get outta here, before it gets worse!" And everyone skedaddled.

On the 52st floor (which is a dumb name)…

There were a bunch of tables, and there was also a bunch of food. A bunch of people gossiped and chatted whilst eating deviled eggs and sliced olives. Mr. Gottfriedmarble over here was still bouncing around, but nobody cared. "Aaaah! Noooo! Make it stop! Make it sto-ho-ho-hooooop!" he cried, but nobody cared. He just _happened_ to fall into Father Figure's pocket, which was wide open and ripe for the catchin'.

"Deviled eggs, deviled eggs," he murmured, shaking around as he searched, "deviled eggs…deviled eggs!" He picked up a shish kebob. "Ah, good ol' deviled eggs. There's nothing better than a good ol'-fashioned _deviled egg!_"

Later, he had eaten too many deviled eggs. _Too…many…good ol'…ol'-fashioned…deviled eggs…_ he thought, clutching his stomach in pain. _Maybe I should turn back and try going to the 101st floor…I heard Billiam talking about that in line. Gosh darnit, can't these people find their bathroom without a freaking GPS?_

He looked through another random door. "Hello? Anyone here?" But there was obviously no-one else around…except for Gottfriedmarble. His eyes floated over to some pretty fake-looking necklaces made of plastic-y rubies and emeralds. "No way, these can't be real," he mumbled, holding some of the (fake) rubies in his palm.

Gottfriedmarble poked his head out, looked at them, and said to himself, _JEWELS!!_

"I wonder how I would look if…" Father Figure looked around uneasily before putting the jewelry around his neck. He looked in the mirror and gasped, "I'm _GORGEOUS!!_"

From the hallway, Suchi and Akuma snickered. "Heh heh," the fat one laughed, "he's tryin' on JEWELRY."

"Hey," Akuma said in response, "he might be trying on girly fake things, but he's also a burglar! That's _cool!_"

"Hey, you're right!"

"JEWELS!! JEWELS!! _JEWELS!!_" Gottfriedmarble walked out the door with a necklace trailing behind him, but Father Figure didn't notice him nor Suchi nor Akuma.

_Round Two, comin' up! SHING! *cue scary Marucho face*_

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers is BACK ON TRACK! What a zinger!_

Lights came on. Cameras started rolling. And there was ACTION!

Ms. Pri stood onstage and announced, "Hi, and welcome back! We bring you tonight the ultra-hip Jen and Ten super sing-sound extravaganza!"

Mist cleared, and revealed two young teenage girls with attitude! One had long red hair, the other short green hair (with a hint of purple)! The crowd cheered, "Je-en! Te-en! Je-en! Te-en!"

Marucho had persuaded Dan and Runo to stay in the TV room and watch Jen and Ten from there, up-close! "Wow!" Dan said. "Two teen sensations I don't know anything about!"

"Hey, y'all!" red-haired Jen said in a deep, manly voice! "We're here to hop with our super-pops we-don't-stop!" Or something like that. Maybe young twelve-or-younger girls would know what she was trying to say.

"Don't miss a beat," Ten said, also masculine, "'cuz we are _hawt!_"

The two locked hands, the camera swirled around, and they stuck one foot in the air, creating a lovely bonding pose! "We're Jen and Ten, y'all! Super sing sound!"

"Ah, lesbians," Dan sighed. "They always look so manly. And they sound the part, too!"

"Ah, Ten," Marucho swooned, "no voice is quite as beautiful as yours…"

"Are you wacked out or something!?" Dan shouted, outraged. "Those girls are straight-up lesbians! You wanna start a relationship with somebody who's not even interested in men!? Disgusting!"

"Are you calling Ten a lesbian?" Marucho made a fist!

They locked eyes and growled! "Grrrr…"

Runo stayed back. "_This_ is gonna take a while…"

"Okay now," Ms. Pri said, "tell us what inspires you the most."

"OMGTHATSMSPRI-"

"Bakugan!" Ten said cheerily.

"Uhh, Bakugan…?" The mention brought up bad memories and primal thoughts in Ms. Pri's mind.

"Dang straight, y'all!" Ten went on to say. "It's the hippest happeningest game _anyone_ who's _anyone_ is playing!"

"Yeah-huh!" Jen added. "Bakugan is the _coolest!_ Like, it's all over the news!"

"Oh, yes, Bakugan…"

_Dan played Bakugan…_

An innate feeling of fear and hatred arose in Ms. Pri's tainted heart. It grew and grew until it could grow no more, and came to a head…

"_Bakugan? __**YOUR INSPIRATION IS BAKUGAN!?!? I'M GONNA SHOW**_** YOU-**"

The screen displayed a grayscale title card saying, "Please Wait" and featuring a jolly Popeye with a huge smile.

"Wow, they like Bakugan too!" Dan was surprised. "Never heard of a LESBIAN Bakugan-brawling duo! Must be the best…of the LESBIAN Bakugan circuit. Heh heh. That's funny."

"I guess they're pretty good," Marucho assumed.

"**You're calling them GOOD and you don't even KNOW them!?**" Runo was blazing with rage!

"I said I _assumed_ they were good!"

"Oh, well, that's okay, then." Runo calmed down.

"And I just said they were the best of the lesbian Bakugan circuit."

"**AND HOW DO YOU—**"

The door behind them opened. A German Shepherd with a plate on his head arrived! Said plate held a couple of shish kebobs. "Shish kebobs for your needlessly-angry friend, monsieur?" his high-tech collar said in a very butlery voice.

"**I'll show YOU needless—**"

"Calm down! This is Jimi, our butler dog. If you hurt him you'll be arrested!"

"Hmph." She pouted and crossed her arms.

Back with Suchi and Akuma…

"JEWELS! _JEWELS!_ Can ya believe it, _**JEWELS!!**_" shouted Gottfriedmarble, walking out the door and being painfully visible.

"Hey, this guy's even _cooler!_" Akuma said, pointing him out to Suchi. "But _dumber!_"

"Yeah, arguably," Fatboy agreed. "Hey, if we steal HIM, we'll steal BOTH the obnoxious toy AND the fake-looking jewelry!"

"And then we'll sell 'em for cold, hard cash…" Akuma rubbed his clammy hands together. "On the count o' three, you snag 'em! One…two…three!"

"Urgh!" Suchi lunged at him tummy-first! He caught the marble with his hands, though.

"YEEOWCH!! I'VE BEEN CAUGHT!! RELEASE ME!! LET ME GO!! LET ME ROAM FREE!! WOULD IT KILL YA TO LET A GUY STEAL SOME _**JEWELS!?!?**_"

In a fancy black limousine…

A different but similar-looking woman drove Jen and Ten through the Venezuelan streets. Jen moaned masculinely, "I'm BORED. I wanna play Bakugan. Work's BORING. I'm bored."

"Yeah," Ten said in a husky, scratchy voice. "I'm BORED. You aren't even the real Ms. Pri. Where _is_ she?"

She was tied up in the trunk with tape over her mouth. "Mmmmmfmmmm…" she mumbled. Ms. Pri struggled to say, "BAKUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!"

"That information is classified," Ms. Brown stated. "Look, I don't wanna hear anything about Bakugan after what I just saw happen at the show unless I get paid for it. So just zip it, okay?"

"Fine," they sighed irritatingly.

Jen and Ten fans surrounded an electronic display on the side of Mump Tower, holding "ILUVU" and "JENTEN4EVA" signs, and the like. The fans were enormously destructive and completely idiotic, killing policemen and staff members who were trying to hold them back. Jen and Ten, the superstars themselves, emerged from the parked limo and onto the pavement.

"Hi~!" Ten waved to the crowd.

"Hey, y'all~!" Jen added.

Ms. Brown tried to handle the crowd, shouting, "CLEAR THE WAY, YA HOOLIGANS! DON'T MAKE ME SPIT THE HURRICANE ON YA!"

_Jen and Ten, I am Mask the Money._

But the two girls had already heard this voice. They still looked around and tried to act surprised.

_Yeah. Over there, to your right – no, your other right – no, you're looking up now – no, that's your sister you're looking at – for crying out loud, OVER HERE!! GOD, you two are stupid._

They took a few minutes finding a spiky-haired fashion disaster lurking in the crowd.

_Yes, over_ there. _Now that you've _finally _gotten it right, I hope you're _finally_ ready for some Bakugan action._

"Oh, a Bakugan _battle?_" Ten said.

"NO MORE BAKUGAN TALK OR I'LL SPIT THE HURRICANE ON EVERYONE!!"

"Look," Jen said, coming closer, "we already have the Doom card because you've met us before. So just tell us what you want us to do, okay?"

A hurricane had been unleashed on the wild crowd, but Ms. Brown turned to the "girls"…and saw nothing but the limo! "Huh? Where'd they go…?"

Back with Suchi and Akuma…

"Okay, alright, fine! I guess I'll agree to be your loyal slave if you don't slaughtuh me like you warned me you were about to!"

"Don't worry," the fat one said, holding him in one hand, "you'll be safe with us…"

Akuma lifted up the jewelry as he said, "I'll take 70% of the profit, and you…huh!? This jewelry isn't real, it's so obviously _fake!_ It's just plastic!"

"But at least we have this Bakugan!" Suchi tossed the marble into the air a few times. "Mr. Gottfriedmarble's gonna work with us for a long, long time, now, isn't he?"

"My name's not Gottfried! Why does everyone _think_ that? I keep tellin' ya, it's Aquis-Preyus! Preyus! _Preyus!_"

"Fine. Mr. Gottfriedmarble-"

"GAAAAAH!! I can't take it anymore! Everyone keeps calling me Gottfried! When will it end!?" Preyus rolled down the hall, thoroughly upset.

"…Wow. Remind me to challenge Dan to a brawl after the party, okay, Akuma?"

The marble continued to roll, and sooner or later he ended up in the TV room, where Dan and the gang were having food. Preyus conveniently bumped into Marucho's foot! Since Marucho was so smart and nerd-like, he noticed him instantly, unlike EVERYONE ELSE IN THEIR UNIVERSE. "Hey, it's a Bakugan!" Marucho said, picking him up.

"Please don't call me Gottfried! I'm _sick_ of everyone calling me Gottfried! It's a nightmare that never ends!"

"Okay, I'll just call you…Preyus?"

"You're such a smart boy! A smart, smart boy! I'd let you own me and use me in your marble games any day!"

"Well, okay, then." He placed Preyus in his pocket.

"What was that?" Dan said, having stuffed a bunch of "deviled eggs" into his mouth.

"Nothing important."

"Oh."

"Monsieur Marucho," Jimi said from behind them, "you have further guests to attend to. Please welcome Jen and Ten. They tell me they are a super sing sound sensation, but I have no idea what in the hell that means. Would you please define this term for me, monsieur?"

"I don't know, either."

"I guess it is just a mystery, then." Jimi hung his head and backed out of the room.

"Hey, y'all!" Jen said, posing with Ten in the exact pose they'd seen on television. "We're here to say that we're here to brawl with just you today!"

"So get ready," Ten said, "'cause we're here to play! Oh yeah. When I say-"

Jen cupped her hand over Ten's mouth. "Shut it with the Hillshire!"

Ten put her hand over Jen's mouth! "Mmfmmfmm mmm-"

But it was time to go into their Super Sing Sound pose! "We're Jen 'n' Ten," they struggled to get out, hands still on each others' mouths. "Super sing soond!"

"See, Dan?" Marucho said. "They're dysfunctional! They can't be in love with each other!"

"…We'll just ignore that statement!" Jen went on to say! Jen took out a blue marble! Ten took out a brown marble! "Let's throw…a Bakugan block party!"

"So do you guys feel like brawlin'?" Ten asked.

"Any time, any place, I'm READYTAROLL!!" Dan went on to say! Dan took out a red marble! Dan took out a red marble! "The only way to prove there's incest between you two is a Bakugan brawl, am I right? Am I right? Can a Danny get a HOL-UH?"

"AAH!!" Runo squealed. "This STANKS! I've only got one Brawler! How am I supposed to take on two party crashers in a game that's optional in that you can choose to play or not and it affects almost nothing!? I **hate** this!"

"'Tis unfortunate," Halo Tiger said, "for she doth not know what her decision could be."

"I guess this is gonna have to be a brawl between boys and girls! Ready to rock and roll, Marucho?"

"Ready!"

The two did a more manly version of the Super Sing Sound pose! "We're Dan and Marucho! Awesome Action All the Time!"

On the roof of Momo-Rutebaga Tower…

They all stood atop the three-mile-high tower. Why? Because they thought it would be a cooler place to brawl. But don't they go to another dimension when they brawl, making this not matter in the slightest? Don't ask. Anyways, now they were all equipped with their own turkey basters, from which they could launch their Bakugan! Except Marucho had the official Bakugan merchandise because, you know, he had way too much money.

Dan posed with his turkey baster, trying to look cool but failing because it was a freaking turkey baster! "Runo, check this out! Now I can squirt out my Bakugan from this squirt gun thingy! Yeah! This is too rad!"

"Alright, alright, stop goofing off," Runo said bluntly. "It's just a cooking utensil, nothing to get worked up over."

"I'd give you two real shooters," Marucho said, trying to get his official Bakugan merchandise on right, "but you didn't come with money, and you'd have to pay for it. The family's gotta get money somehow, as my parents say."

"That's alright, Marucho. This turkey baster's **AWSUM!!**"

"Hey, boys!" Jen said in an obviously-manly voice as usual. "We bought our own official Bakugan merchandise, too!" They had the rounder, LAMER, more GIRLY models equipped!

"We can do this, Marucho! They have the rounder, less threatening version! We can take 'em!"

"So, up for a friendly game of…DOOM CARD!?!?" Ten wiggled the card around gleefully.

"DAT'S DA DOOM CARD!!" Dan said, pointing out the obvious.

The skull on the card zoomed in, laughing. _….._

"So Mask the Money was behind all of this!" Marucho reasoned.

"Hmm…lemme thinkYES."

"I should've known!" Runo shouted.

"Heh heh!" Dan chuckled. "Runo's a little slow."

"YOU'RE SLOWER!"

"But how…could you be so…STUPID?" Dan asked. "You trusted a fashion disaster with super saiyan hair? How COULD you!?"

"Super Saiyans are cool," Jen pointed out. "They have superhuman strength and can, like, Kamehameha and all that. We used to watch a lot of Dragon Ball Z, so yeah."

Dan squinted his eyes. "Why did you girls ever watch Dragon Ball Z…?"

"A girl can't watch that?"

"No…because it's a **MANIME!!**" Fire erupted from Dan! Figuratively!

"They have a point!" Marucho assured.

"Who cares!? Let's just show 'em our moves and BRAWL 'em!"

"…Yes!" Marucho agreed.

They each held out a card, chanting, "Field, Open!" Well, everybody except Runo. Her hair stopped waving around in the wind, and some pigeons stopped in mid-flight.

They were soon in Sub-Terra, or something, where Jen and Ten made the opening move! "Doom Card, Set!" And they set their Doom cards. Ten got the extra one from Mask the Money, giving them an unnecessary copy available for retail sale. They seeped into the ground like a shuriken made out of slime!

"Gate Card, Set!" they said at the exact same moment, dropping their cards like atom bombs. They combined to form a Windows symbol.

"Now, let's start brawlin'!" Ten announced. "Bakugan, Stand!" She tossed a marble onto Marucho's side of the gaming field. She then started doing the Batman disturbingly! "Perfect bullseye~!" she said, blushing.

"Ew! She looks like a transvestite!"

Lo and behold, Terry HeadTerror was summoned!

"CURRENT POWER LEVEL 290 G'S. NO OTHER DATA AVAILABLE."

"There's _never_ any more data available!" Marucho sounded angry for a second there! "I just need at least 300 G's to defeat it…"

"Pick me! Pick me!" Preyus shrieked, sitting in his hand. "Pick your good old friend Preyus! Pick me! You know you want to!"

"I'll pick....."

"Pick the one that's sitting right there in your hand!" With his other hand, Marucho started to lean forward, about to grab him… "Yeah, that's right, go real slow! No! Go faster! Hurry up! Choose me already!"

"I'll choose Preyus!" He FINALLY decided!

"Phew! I was thinkin' you weren't gonna use me there for a second! Alright! Just stand back and watch the magic!"

"Prepare yourselves for battle! Bakugan Brawl!" He loaded the marble into his thingamabobber and launched it out. It didn't look extremely cool, but we'll manage! "Preyus, stand!"

And stand he did. Not only did he stand, but he leaped out of a vortex of water and landed perfectly on his feet! He kind of looked like a marine Power Ranger with an all-black helmet and a blue-and-purple motif. Wait, he didn't look like a Power Ranger at all. "Preyus has arrived! That's your cue to cower in fear!"

"…Wow. Just…wow." Dan stared up at him.

"He's got just about all the things that technically make things cool! All he's missing are Eva fins!" Marucho cried.

"I know, but…something about all those cool things working together makes me feel oddly repulsed."

Preyus laughed maniacally. "Get ready kitties, because this big dog is comin' for ya!" His frilly fins came up!

Dan gasped. "Eva fins…!"

"Maybe you're right," Marucho said, frowning.

"Heh heh! Nice CLOWN ya got there," Ten said tauntingly. "Is he one of those KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE?'

"I sure hope so!" Dan shouted back. "Because those clowns were totally badass!"

"Attribute, comin' up!" Ten said, making a peace sign.

"Right!" Preyus made a peace sign, too. "I love joinin' in with the ladies! But before we get really intimate I hope you don't if I go CHANGE…" He started glowing! Everyone looked away! When the glowing stopped, he had become a ghastly orange! "…into something more comfortable."

"He's even more repulsive than before!" Jen sounded appalled!

"But he changed his attribute to Terry!" Marucho said. "And I read his effect before battle to more properly calculate exactly what kinds of strategies I can employ with him on my side."

"IMPOSSIBLE!!" Dan screeched.

"IT'S NOT UNHEARD OF, ****IT!!" Drago replied, speaking for once this episode. "IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! WHAT, NEXT YOU'RE GONNA SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EVEN **EXIST!?** But…to be fair, this is the first time I've ever seen it happen. It's what the Preyus…es…are known for."

"Phew! That feels better…_much_ better…" Preyus got comfortable in his new color scheme. "What say my next move is with you, my lovely ladies? Eh? _Eh?_"

"I know nothing about this stuff and yet I'm disgusted!" Jen said, backing away.

"Told you, Marucho!"

"No, I hypothesize that they're just cross dressers now."

"Oh. Hey, you might be right on that one."

"This clown may well _be_ a Killer Klown from Outer Space!" Ten was really scared now!

The entire field turned earth-y just for the two brawlers! "POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 440 AND 450 G'S," their BakuGantlets stated.

Preyus started running, slow at first, but quickly picked up speed! "Hiiii…yah!" He brought his two fists down on Terry HeadTerror, instantly obliterating him!

The marble rolled back to Ten's feet, leaving him/her speechless. "Uh…I…"

"Thanks, ladies!" Preyus declared, blowing a kiss. "I'd love to stay and chat, but that'll have to wait until we next meet! Best wishes!" He turned back into the blue marble he always was and was sucked back into Marucho's hand.

"Thanks, Preyus!" he said. "That worked a bit better – and a bit worse – than I had expected!"

"Hey, don't mention it…except to everyone you know! HA!! Gets me every time!"

"Boys, your fun time is about to be over!" Jen said.

"Yeah, well…you're not GETTIN' any fun time!" Dan retorted.

They stared deep into each others' eyes, and Dan gradually realized, _My GOD…he IS a cross dresser!_

A real CREEP shows up on the next Bakugan Battle Brawlers, but first me and Marucho have to defeat the Super Sing Sound Extravaganza, and every time I say that some of my manliness dies. Hey, this is Dan, and even I'm scared by the revelation to come! Who would've guessed their true identities? It nearly sent me packin'! Then Drago kinda sorta explains how all the Bakugan showed up! I've gotta tell ya, it's pretty ridiculous!

Meanwhile, Marucho sits depressed outside, and there's also a rainbow. A stranger walks over to him and holds out his hand…and turns out to be Preyus holding an umbrella! Then it starts raining.

_This is Marucho saying…Bakugan Brawl! We'll see you there!_

We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.

Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!


	8. Chapter 8

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Eight**

**Time After Time**

_In the last episode, my (Marucho's) family moved into the huge Momo-Rutabaga Tower and threw a big party (even though my parents are never home). I invited Dan and Runo, and we found an unexpected guest who called himself Preyus. He was kinda dumb. Later the Super Sing Sound Extravaganza (no, I have no idea what that means) dropped in. What we DIDN'T know was that they were working for Mask the Money and trying to eat our Bakugan!_

_We discovered that Preyus had a special attribute-changing power, and that Jen and Ten weren't actually girls! What's gonna happen next!? Well, my calculations suggest Dan and I win..._

"Alright," Jen declared, "time to get busy! Bakugan Brawl!" She tossed a blue marble onto the scene. "Ready to brawl, Danny?"

"Ihh! Stop pretending I have a crush on you!" Dan shivered.

"Come on, you know you're interested!" Jen winked.

"Aah! I'm straight!"

Before Jen could say anything to that, Feardipper emerged from his capsule! Similarly to Fearripper and Deerripper, he was a big-clawed humanoid.

Dan went into his thinking mode. "Alright, HIS monster's sitting there at about 300 G's, but I've got a feeling she's just like those magicians Ken and Men and is about to TURN UP DA HEET. Well, Dan da Man's gonna turn up the heat for ya! Bakugan Stand!" Birdman soon stood triumphantly behind Feardipper. They both had 300 gogos of power.

"That's your best move, huh?" Jen said in response.

"Please! You act like you've never brawled me before!"

"B-b-but I haven't! I don't know anything about you! Honest! Your move, Ten!"

"Okay, girl!" she said to Marucho. "You ready to party?"

"I'm not a girl!" The nerd was disturbed.

She did the Batman again before saying, "Bakugan Brawl!" She'd sent out another brown marble. "Make room for Rhinotron!" Everyone's favorite rhinoceros Bakugan (or ALMOST everyone's) rose!

"RHINOTRON AT POWER LEVEL 320 G'S. BIRDMAN AT POWER LEVEL 300 G'S."

"Get ready to be cooked like a rhino-burger on a rhino woodfire grill. Gate Card, Open! Ring of Fire!" Predictably, a ring of fire circled around them.

"BIRDMAN POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 400 G'S."

"Your marble," said Dan, "is about to go between two bread slices and right into my mouth."

"Ability Card, Activate!" chanted Ten. "Wet One meets Terry!" In the air hovered a hologram showing an uptight mother taking some Wet Ones out of a package, about to wipe down her table. The Terry-attribute Rhinotron roared with energy! Now he had some disinfectant!

"It's a trap!" Luckily Marucho didn't have to ask about this, as he had researched the dumb specifics about this cheap doomy card.

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 420 G'S."

"I'd say," said Ten, "you're about to get creamed like corn and stuffed into my belly like Thanksgiving dinner!"

"Aw, snap! I didn't even know you _celebrated_ Thanksgiving!"

"I didn't! Attack his Birdman!"

With his trusty quarterback charge, Rhinotron slammed straight into Birdman and gave him several chest injuries. Indeed, Birdman was sent packing right into Ten's big mouth.

"FATALITY."

"It's gone!" Dan stated the obvious once again. "Good thing I have ten more copies back home!"

"Too bad. It must be hard to have your trusty buccaneer devoured by some _girl._"

"Hey! We're only tied one-to-one! The Awesome Action All the Time tag team's gonna come up strong, right, Marucho?"

"I sure hope so!"

"Girls rule, boys SUCK!!" They stuck out their tongues at them.

"Easy for _you_ to say. Or should I say _HARD_ to say, since you're ALSO boys! Heh heh! You suck just as much as I do!"

"Only harder!" Marucho defended.

"Just don't let your guard down, both of you," Drago concluded.

"I get it," Marucho continued. "They combined their Terry and Wet One attributes to create a cleaning, working-class mother! Wait…"

"…And what else does that mean?" Dan cocked his head.

"The rules you established for Bakugan are complicated, but I hypothesize that you may not be able to combine the attributes of Pirate and Wet One! Boy, this game sure doesn't make a lot of sense."

"You **KNEW** about this!?"

"I told you, the rules are very complicated! And besides, if you established them, you should be the one who knows all about them!"

"Not true." Dan crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue.

"The answer's pretty obvious as to how we can gain this power-up. With Preyus' ability to change attributes, we can simply change him into his ghastly Terry color scheme if we wish for him to combine forces with one of my Bakugans, or change him into a horrifying Marcus mode and allow him to join forces with YOUR Bakugan."

"Now you've got it!" Preyus congratulated. "Smart, smart boy!"

"It's far from over! We can still do this! Bakugan Stand!" Marucho launched out a Wet One Gamera! "Ability Card, Activate! Water Refrain!" Some blue stuff pulsed throughout the field, like a watery Doom card would! "According to the card effect, this will prevent any other player from using any Ability Cards this turn!"

"Well…we can still beat you! Bakugan Brawl!" Jen launched her Rhino Torpedo, which was simply a blue Rhino Demon, out next to the turtle.

"We rock~! Oh yeah!" The girls high-fived.

"When I say Hillshire you say farms. Hillshire." But nobody paid any attention to Ten, slightly hiding her true identity once again!

Drago noticed that two water Bakugans were pitted against each other. Marucho was clearly deep in thought, while Dan was twiddling with his thumbs. "Dan?" Drago asked.

Dan was thumb wrestling with himself, handling his hands as if they were an intense video game! "You're not gettin' me THIS time!" he yelled to his appendages. "Woah, that was a CLOSE one! Whoop, almost got me there! I'm catchin' up! Aw, missed!"

"DANIEL! **DANIEL!! STOP TWIDDLING YOUR ****ING THUMBS AND LISTEN TO ME!!**"

"Aw, come on! Let me finish this game first! I've almost got it – oh, left one dodged again! But he'd better watch out, 'cuz I write better with my right hand!"

While Dan wasn't looking, a giant tsunami washed over the field! "******ING DAN NEVER ****ING LISTENS!! YOU TAKE THESE *******S ON YOURSELF, MARUCHO!! MARUCHO WHO'S NICE ENOUGH TO CALL ME BY MY REAL ****ING NAME!!**"

"Break it up, everyone!" Preyus demanded. "My ears, they're _stinging!_ Give a thumb wrestler a break, will ya?"

"No," Marucho decided, "we have to work together on this. The only way we can defeat them is by using the abilities of both players to counter the strategy they're setting up. Dan, finish your thumb wrestling game and do something strategic!"

"Good, because my left hand just won! Gate Card, Set!" He completed the Windows symbol again! "Bakugan Brawl! Snakerake, Stand!"

"Gate Card, Set!" retorted Ten, giving the symbol one square too many. "Bakugan Brawl! Rhinotron , Stand! Again!" And Rhinotron stood again.

"So we just power up and power through!" Dan decided. "I just activate another ability care, right?"

"You _could_ do that," Marucho said, "but I could also play a Chaos-attribute Bakugan to complete our line of defense. Playing a Chaos-attribute Bakugan will combine the three to make the triangular symbol of Pirate, Wet One and Chaos! Personally I much prefer fire, water and light, but I don't make the names…"

"And doing that will boost their power, right?"

"Precisely! I don't have a Chaos Bakugan with me, so we will just have to use Preyus!"

"WHAAAAAAA!?!?" Preyus shrieked. "You're gonna risk sendin' me into THEIR mouths!?"

"We already risked that!" Marucho replied. "You didn't say _anything_ that time!"

"I should've!" He made a weird, long, slurping gasp.

"Don't worry! We believe in you! And believing always works!"

"Oh, you're right. Such a smart boy! I could never resist smart boys!"

Marucho loaded Preyus into the spring-loaded launcher and cried "Bakugan Brawl!" in the most intense voice Marucho-ly possible.

A curtain appeared. It slowly opened to reveal a guy with an umbrella! Then it revealed that the guy was a jolly Preyus! He said in a weird, high-pitched and scratchy Gilbert Gottfried's voice, "_Mind if I play?_"

"Ihhhh! Gross! Hug me, Jen!" Then Jen hugged Ten.

"Good job!" Marucho pumped his fist! "Your gross-out tactic's working!"

"I didn't know this was a gross-out tactic! Just let me do my REAL tactic…my really COOL tactic! Let's change into something more…CHAAAOOOTIIIIIC!!!" His stomach glowed this time, showing that your stomach acid is the most chaotic part of the body! Or maybe it was the most like Marcus, because it gave him a dark color scheme! "Oops, my bad!"

"That's not a tactic at all! Please stop being stupid!

Dan gasped. "I've never heard him use that word before…he means _business!_"

"Well, whatever, y'all," Jen said, relieved the strategy failed horrendously. "Gate Card, Open!" The field turned all earth-y, just like it did earlier. Rhinotron gained some orange energy!

And they just stood there until the BakuGantlet declared, "POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 390 G'S."

Instantly, Preyus freaked out. "DAAAAH!!" He started running away, biding for time while Dan and Marucho thought of something! "Help, somebody! Call 911! HU-RU-RU-RYYY!!"

"Keep running around like that while we think of a plan!" Marucho hollered.

"Not sure how long I can keep this up, but okay!"

"WATER REFRAIN NEGATED."

"Huh? What caused that…?" Marucho wondered.

"Do something!" Dan shouted. "You're the small smart guy!"

"Still getting' chased around here! Get an ambulance because someone's tryin' to KILL me!"

"Ability Card, Activate! Pirate meets Marcus! Not as strong as the triangular formation, but it'll have to do!" A pirate met a fat kid, thus combining their powers successfully!

Preyus instantly felt the surge of power handed over by Snakerake! He smiled a devilish grin and said, "Here's what you get for chasing me around." And in one swift uppercut, Rhinotron was down for the count!

"Hey, Jen," Ten said timidly, "never suggest that your enemy might be a Killer Klown **again.**"

"I might be a klown, but I'm a killer too, and don't you ladies forget it!" Preyus was sucked back into Marucho's hand.

"Preyus," Marucho said sternly, "if you had turned into an attribute like Air Vent I wouldn't have had the proper card to fuse you with anything! Then you would have lost your life!"

"Lighten up, I won! Just teach me all the attributes and how they look again so I don't mess up like that later, okay, Honcho?"

"I'm not Honcho."

"Sorry about that, Honcho."

"Now I know how Endymio feels…"

"Who's Endymio? Is he someone I should know?" Dan asked.

"**I'M ****ING ENDYMIO!!**"

"No, silly. You're Drago!"

"**THAT'S THE NAME YOU FORCED UPON ME, YOU—**"

"Holler at ya, girlfriend!" Jen hollered from across the field. "It's been nice playin'-"

"-against a sista who backs what they're sayin'!" Ten hollered.

"You da bomb, girlfriend!"

"And this match is about to end!"

"We're not cross dressers!" Marucho corrected. "_You're_ the crossdressers!"

"I'm not your girlfriend!" Dan joined in. "I'm not even a girl! That's your girlfriend, right there! Yeah, right next to you! Because you've got incest there with your little lesbian friend, and you ain't got SPIT on us when it comes to playing Bakugan! Bet you couldn't even save your own CATS! Unh!"

Jen grunted with rage! "Hurrrr! Bakugan Stand! Bakugan Brawl! Aqua Seed!" She, too, had a seed which erupted into a blue knight! "I LUV this game! Because that's just what girls say, and that's just my style! Holluh!"

"Huh," Aqua Seed said gruffly. "Fancy seeing YOU again."

"Well, **I** don't fancy!" Dan cried.

"Girl, time to get your swerve on!" Ten said, and we assume that must be encouragement.

"Ability card, Activate!"

They declared in unison, "Tsunami Wave!"

"It's a trap!"

Aqua Seed's eyes glowed. He spun his spear around, and suddenly he had a roaring wave at his command!

"Heads up!" Dan shouted.

They waited a few moments. Then the wave FINALLY carried every single Bakugan on the field into Jen and Ten's mouths except for Aqua Seed!

"FATALITY."

"Yum~!" Jen and Ten said, rubbing their quickly-shrinking bellies.

Marucho stood there, mouth hanging open.

"There was nothing in the Bakugan handbook about GIANT WAVES. Oooooh. Ihhhhhhh."

"Come on, you guys!" Dan shouted. "That's cheating! That's even more cheap than the Doom card! And look what you did to poor Marucho! He's petrified!"

"It's not so much the killing of Bakugans…it's the fact that they're actually enjoying it…and eating it…"

The two laughed maniacally and in a disturbingly-manly fashion. "Sorry, boys…" they said in chilling unison.

_AAAND the brawlers will be back right after these messages._

_And now, back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers! Now in disturbing surround sound! RAAAH_

"You twisted twins, you _cheated!_" Dan said, angered.

"PRESENT STANDINGS: GAME TIED AT ONE GAME EACH. EVEN THOUGH MARUCHO HAS AN EXTRA DEFEAT SYMBOLIZED BY A LIGHT. SO REALLY, THEY'RE NOT TIED AT ALL. MY BAD."

"So whaddaya say we play by _their_ rules, Marucho?"

"No holds barred? Alright!"

"Gate Card, Set!" He dropped a card, and it grew. "It's up to you, Drago," he murmured to his turkey baster.

"I'm not even going to try correcting you.....*******."

"Bakugan Brawl! Stand!"

Drago was unleashed, the guy we've all been waiting for! "**ENDYMIO!!**" he said like a Pokemon.

"Bakugan Brawl! Terry, stand!" Terry the Centipede, who looked a LOT like Mark, appeared in front of hm.

"That's peachy with me! Gate Card, Open!"

"Ring of Fire!" Drago's voice commanded the infamous ring of fire to circle around them!

"POWER INCREASE TO 420 G'S."

"Do it, Drago! You've got enough power to smack that centipede silly!"

"RAWR!!" he rawred, breathing heavily into Terry the Centipede's face. He didn't take this very well, and prepared for action!

"Ability Card, Activate! Hookin' up Wet One to Terry!" Ten said, revealing her card. In it, a Wet One had fallen onto an uptight mother's head! It was exactly the same as the other card, but different!

"It's a trap!"

"Oh NOOOOOOOOO!!"

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED To 440 G'S."

"That's not all, y'all! Ability Card, Activate! A Trogdor!" But there was no Trogdor. However, a path DID open up in the flames. "This allows us to toss another one into the fray!"

"It's a trap!"

"How..._CHEAP!!_" Dan was disgusted by their repulsive, icky cheapness! "You cheapos! You fiends! Why, you remind me of two fiendish little boys I once fought. They were called Ken and Men, and they both SUCKED."

Aqua Seed drew his lance-spear, spun it around a few times, and stood gallantly in the midst of oncoming war! "And this time, I expect to _win!_" he declared. "Putting up with another warrior will have to do for now!"

"CHALLENGER INCREASED TO 530 G'S. 530 G'S…530 G'S…530-"

Marucho hit his BakuGantlet. "Phew. I was HOPING nothing major was wrong with thing."

"Soory, but you're gonna lose this time!" Ten smirked.

"Wait, I've never fought you before!" Dan stated. "Why do you act like you know me from somewhere!?"

"Th-that's the thing! I-I don't!"

"I'll trust you THIS time." Dan crossed his arms soon after rubbing his nose.

"It's impossible for us to lose!" Marucho jammed a bunch of buttons into his BakuGantlet and concluded, "According to the BakuGantlet's complex assortment of algorithms, there's a 99.9% chance that we win, unless our lives are more dramatic and serious than what we have originally percieved!"

"So basically we pull out a combo to finish the game!"

"You're smarter than I thought sometimes, Dan," Drago said.

"Thanks, Drago!"

Marucho declared, "Counter Ability Card, Activate! I'm thinking that if I combine Pirate and Marcus again, the power boost will be enough to combat against both of our opposers! Go, Preyus!"

A guy with an umbrella named Preyus stood on the field again! "Hey, Ms. Lady Dragon, wanna be my dance partner, huh?"

"I'M NOT A LADY!! PAY ATTENTION NEXT TIME!!"

"Since when did the rules say BOTH sides were affected by A Trogdor? No fair!" Jen declared.

"You haven't let us finish the turn yet!"

"The SCOUNDRELS!" Dan said. "They're soiling the good name of Bakugan! Hmph. Trying to tell us this is against the rules…they should know they've been BIG CHEAPOS this ENTIRE TIME."

"Exactly! And through some strange rule in the book, something called a diagonal attack can counter A Trogdor!"

"But A Trodgor is invincible, I tells ya! INVINCIBLE!!" Jen frowned, having lost hope in her card.

"Attribute Change!" Preyus did a bunch of weird poses, eventually gaining the dark color scheme! "Let's change into something Marcus is gonna love! You know what that means, boys and girls…MARCUS!!!"

"It's working!" Marucho said happily.

The two laughed maniacally before going on the offensive. "I hope this is gonna be your last stand, Ken and Men!" Drago wisely figured.

"I don't know who Ken is OR Men is, but they sure don't sound like nice people to meet and know!" Preyus wisely deduced.

"Ability card, Activate!" Dan brought out the next piece of the combo!

"BOOSTED DRAGON!" The dragon was instantly boosted!

"AAAAHH!!" The two boys hugged each other! "WE'RE GONNA DISAPPEAR LIKE A LADY IN A SAWED-IN-HALF BOX AT A MAGIC SHOW!!" Jen shrieked.

"HILLSHIRE FARMS CAN'T SAVE ME NOW!!" Ten wailed.

"POWER LEVEL COMBINED AN DINCREASED TO 1020 G'S…1020 G'S…1020 G'S…1020—"

"And now the BAKUGANTLET hates us, too, y'all!" Jen cried. "EVERYTHING'S gonna be hatin' on us now! Y'AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!"

Even as Drago boom-bubbled the two opposing marble guys, Aqua Seed stood bravely in the face of death. So did Terry, but everyone forgot about HIM.

"Yeah!" The Awesome Action All the Time duo caught their marbles as they came to them!

"We did it, Dan! Just as I figured!" Marucho lunged towards and glomped Dan.

"Yeah, totally!" Dan hugged him back.

Jen and Ten sighed. "At least they didn't figure out our true identities, except for maybe that dragon…" They sighed again. "But they make a lovely couple!" They looked at each other and gasped. "But WE make a lovely couple!"

Runo's hair stopped shaking in the breeze. The pigeons were shot down by a lucky hunter, who had to move into the city since deforestation was going on.

The blue-haired girl took one look at them and said, "_Huh?_"

Dan, still hugging Marucho with one arm, said whilst wiping his nose, "Heh. Too easy."

She ran up to them saying, "So come on, guys! Answer two questions for me! Did you win?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Were they lesbians?"

"No, but we found out something even MORE disturbing…they're gay."

"But isn't that the term for male homosexuality?

"_Exactly._"

Runo shivered. She realized she recognized the hugging Jen and Ten from somewhere, but decided she would be shaken to her very core by the revelation. She didn't think into it much further than that.

"You know, girls…boys…wh-whatever," Marucho said, "just like drugs, teaming up with Mask the Money can have harmful effects on your health, both physical and mental. Mostly mental, in this case."

"Mask is whack!" Dan said, for some reason. "So don't do it!"

"Well, maybe we LIKE being under Mask the Money!" Ten said, crossing her arms now.

"Yo, yo, yo, we gotta roll!" Jen waved goodbye. She gasped. "I, like, totally forgot!"

They both said to one another, "We've got a SHOW to do tonight! Motorbike!" they hollered to the skies.

Some 80's music started playing in the background as a two-seat hoverbike cruised in from above. Jen took the driver's seat. They wiggled their arms in the air as the hoverbike cruised on away, shouting, "SUPER SING SOUND SENSATION RAWKS!!" They dropped their launcher-things!

_If you're lost you can look--and you will find me…time after time…If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting…time after time…_

_Time after time…time after time…_

Drago sighed. "I don't have a full understanding of the English language just yet, but I believe the word for those two would be…cross dresser?"

"You are SO right on that one, Drago," Dan said bluntly. "SO right."

"But the problem is not the fact that Ken and Men are cross dressing and pretending we don't know their true identities."

"True identity what now?"

"Never mind that, Dan is totally clueless. The problem is that Mask the Money is our prime target here, and he's the one hiring all these idiots to work and play marble games for him!"

"I say we challenge that varmint to a showdown!" Preyus jumped up and down on Marucho's head. "Mask the Money sounds like a perfect name for STEALING! Sounds like a real rascal, that one!"

"Well, what do YOU think, Drago?" Dan asked his shoulder buddy.

"Hmmmm…"

In the TV-that-doubled-as-a-computer room…

"Come on, Drago!" Julie demanded. "I KNOW you can do it! Explain what happened on Bakugan Day more!"

"I believe now it is time to tell more about the universe I come from," the red marble said solemnly.

"You mean Vestroia, right, Drago?"

"Don't ruin it for everyone, Dan.

"Vestroia is an alternate universe comprised of six different worlds all held together by a circle of force. Fire, water, earth, air, light, the dark side of the force…humans would know them well. In the center of our universe lie two cores, one red, one blue. The red one is Infinity, the source of all positive energy, and Silence, the source of all negative energy. These two opposing forces maintain the precarious equilibrium of our dimension. Don't ask me about that one. I'm clueless, too.

"But there was one Bakugan who wished to seize all control for himself. This had never happened before. His name was Naga, and he wished to penetrate the core – stop laughing, Dan! You're so ****ing immature. Anyways, he wished to penetrate the core of our universe. This had never been done before. Somehow, however, he didn't succeed and released ALL the negative energy. It infected Vestrioa and has spilled into your world. And how did it spill into your world, you ask? Well, you should know by now…

"…in the form of a trading card/marble game."

_Wow, this is all starting to make sense now! In a weird way! It's kind of like if somebody wanted to take over the Sega game company, accidentally destroyed it, and sent some of his tainted money into the rest of the economy of another world! It's like some kind of wormhole sending these creatures into our dimension, in the form of a sort of Yu-Gi-Oh/Beyblade/Battle B-Daman game thing! The crazy thing is, them appearing in the form of a game made everyone think it was a marketing stunt! And the "marketing stunt" worked! Boy, were we wrong! Wrongy wrong wrong WRONG!_

"Did you think I came here on my own health?" Preyus interrupted Dan's thoughts. "Because that would have been CRAZY! I would NEVER do that! I used to be just a peace-lovin' young Bakugan enjoyin' the summer of his young life…"

His imagination featured Preyus fighting Rhino Demon in a ring of fire! "Oraoraoraoraoraoraora!" he punched. "ORAAAAA!" He knocked the enemy out! "Heh heh! A good ol' knuckle sandwich gets 'em every time!" Then a Windy One Gamera fell onto his head and knocked HIM out!

"Liar!" Marucho said. "We can all see your thoughts!"

"Okay, okay, Honcho! No more lyin'! Anyways, when I woke up in your world I was FREAKED!! Imagine wakin' up in a stranger's home in the form of a handheld marble! It's a real-life nightmare! My past was but a foggy memory. All I knew was that I had to dig deep down and find the Preyus I always knew I was! And now I have…in battle!"

"Please let Drago keep talking," Marucho asked.

"Like I was saying" - he looked at Preyus strangely - "when Naga was messing up our universe and sending everyone onto your planet, one human had crossed over – into Vestroia."

They gasped. "A human was able to cross over!?" they all shouted.

"Yes…a human was able to cross over."

"A human was able to-"

"Alright, alright, THAT'S enough. So like I was saying, this guy crossed over, and he was the one who showed Naga how to find the center of the world. He gave him the key to opening the portal. That was the last I saw of Naga. Well, he was pretty annoying, so…I was glad to see the last of him. The negative power corrupted the hearts and minds of the Bakugan who lived there…except for me and a few others."

"…Why?" Marucho inquired.

"Why? BECAUSE WE'RE AWESOME!!" Preyus screeched ear-splittingly.

"The violence escalated, and it seemed there would no end to our ferocious all-out one-on-one slapfights. That is when I decided to step into your realm and put an end to the insanity."

"Wait, now my mental timeline is all messed up," Dan said, grabbing his head. "I started playing Bakugan, what, a few months ago? And I've only known Drago for one of those months!"

"Time paradox?" Drago guessed.

Everyone shrugged.

"Anywho, when I crossed over, it was in the middle of one of Dan's games. That's the first you saw of me."

"I kinda remember now…that fight was WICKED! Giant robots and dragons dukin' it out! If only it were longer!"

"Oh…well, wow." That was all Runo could say…until she continued by saying, "So Halo Tiger, how long have you been on Earth?"

"Just after Drago left, I followed."

"Wait," Marucho stopped her. "How did Drago leave?"

"How? BECAUSE HE'S AWESOME!!" Preyus screeched.

"Oh, okay. Gotcha."

"Continuing from where I left off back there, I too realized that our world was in danger of falling apart. I had to come to your world. Just when I left, I saw the Infinity core leaving to enter your realm – forever!"

"But isn't that GOOD?" Dan asked. "Positive energy? It'll make everyone happy!"

"Dan, a positive world is no better than a negative world. There will be no excitement, as every moment feels identical, and those who are unaffected will certainly become suicidal…what a cruel, cruel world." Halo Tiger shivered.

"In order to return to our homeland," Drago said, "we must return the two cores; otherwise, Vestroia will be DOOMED. We must destroy the human who corrupted Naga's mind."

"But who IS he?" Dan wondered. "Hmm…it couldn't be Mask the Money, now, could it?"

"Actually, it probably IS him," Marucho said.

"If I remember correctly…"

_"It's Michael,"_ a chilling voice announced from…somewhere. We're not sure.

"Michael who!?" Dan yelped in surprise.

"Like, hold on!" Julie dug through her stuff. "Michael, Michael, Michael…oh, here it is!" She pulled out a magazine titled "Pop Weekly". On the cover was a blurry picture of a shady man dressed in all black, except for his white shirt and white gloves! The headline read, "Celebrity Ghost Sighting?"

"That's him!" Drago declared. "Looks blurry, but it's definitely him!"

"Everyone knows he's deceased," Marucho added. "In fact, that's a reported and photographed sighting of his ghost. That's the last news I've heard about him, which is surprising since he was all over the news for months after his death."

Dan snorted with laughter.

"What is it?" Alice asked, actually saying something again.

"That guy's totally creepy!" He had to laugh in his palm. "There's a hilarious joke they made on Family-"

Alice's eyes started watering.

"What, what is it? You're not RELATED to this guy, are you?'

"I hope not, 'cause this guy needs a TOTAL makeover and QUICK!!" Preyus said. Marucho scooped him up angrily!

"Be more considerate! Don't you see Alice is about to cry!?" He turned to the rest of the gang. "Guys, I know this is gonna sound weird, but is it possible that instead of Michael going to heaven or whatever the normal place is, he went to Vestroia instead? I mean, there's no logical explanation. He wasn't even a scientist, so he couldn't have invented very much."

"Naw, sounds too far-fetched to me," Dan said, crossing his arms.

"Wait a sec," Runo said. "You think there's some connection between Mask the Money and this Michael guy?"

"Probably…probably NOT," Dan said. "Because as I should know, Runo is usually WRONG. Because she SUCKS."

"I keep telling you, I don't suck!"

Alice started dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

In Mask the Money's little hidey hole..

"Hey there, Hal G.," he said to a face on the wall. Quite disturbingly, the face started to talk back to him!

"How is my little plan coming along, Mask the Money?" the face said, in a voice a bit higher-pitched and softer than you'd expect.

"Let's just say…it's going better than I'd expected…Hal G. The more we battle, the more our Bakugan evolve. Soon we'll have just what we want…the Infinity core. Muahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa….."

Alice gasped. It couldn't be true! She looked at a picture of her with Michael. _After all these years…you couldn't have. Grandfather Michael…are you in Vestroia? It…it can't be…_

"Yes," Mask the Money said, "soon the Infinity core will be ours…"

_Hey, this is Runo, and coming up on the next episode of Bakugan Battle Brawlers we get on the ICR to pick up Alice! Dan kind of ZONES OUT there. There we also meet Ben and Ken, who challenge us to a brawl. Wow, we've been fighting a LOT of twins lately, but…I don't wanna know. Marucho is totally pumped about the battle, and everything starts out okay, but how will it end? We win as always! If we didn't, one of our main characters would be gone! Wait, now that you know the ending of the battle, there's gotta be some other way I can get some viewers…uh…it's gonna be WICKED!!_

_Bakugan Brawl! Let's do this!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	9. Chapter 9

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Nine**

**Fight or Flight**

A train passed overhead on a very high and long railroad as two boys talked to one another nearby. "Hey, you know what's totally COOL about Bakugan, dude?" the spikier-haired one to the right said, leaning on a rail. "Usin' the ability cards to block a move!" His bushy fake eyebrows rattled with excitement!

The slightly-less-spiky-haired and more-glasses-y one replied with a snort, "Well, gee, what gets ME totally stoked about it is getting into a combination attack with your rockin' ability cards! Because DUUUUUDE! You've _gotta_ see one of THOSE!" He looked to the side with a guttural laugh. "Hey, Ben, you GOTTA see THIS girl. Let's teach her a little something, huh?"

"Hey, little girl!" the one called Ben shouted. "Want us to teach you some of our totally rad Bakugan moves?"

"Huh?" The teenaged and not-very-little girl had been looking through a chain-link fence at the train station.

"Yeah!" the other brother screamed. "They're really cool!"

"Sorry, not interested."

"Hey, why're you standing near the gate like that? In the two days we've come by, you've been there every time! Huh huh!" The huh-huh symbolized guttural laughter.

"I've been waiting for some guy here…" And we dived head-first into a short flashback.

_A businessman walked through the train station, holding her younger brother's hand. "Seeya later," her brother mumbled sadly._

"If only my brother would come back…I've been waiting for him…"

"Uhh…whaddaya say we wrestle, Ken?" Ben suggested.

"Uhh, why?"

Ben whispered, "To get into character."

"OH. Urgh! Take that!" They pressed their arms into one another!

"Waiting won't make anything happen…you have to _make_ things happen." Mask the Money appeared suddenly! He revealed two Doom cards! "I can give you anything you want, with these."

Ben got close and whispered, "Are your glasses on straight? Because we've met you before!"

"Really? I don't know you, do I?"

"Uhh…no? Just give us the cards!"

"Okay, but use them wisely…muahahahahaaaaa…" Mask the Money walked off, having given away the cards.

"Let's sell 'em on the internet!" Ken insisted.

"Huh huh! Then you can, like, BUY your brother back! Isn't that what you want?"

"I'm not sure if that's possible…but if you can get him back somehow, I'll do anything to repay you…"

"Then…uh…give us all your Bakugans!"

"Okay."

"Score!" Ben and Ken high-fived.

At the Cross-Continental Railway terminal...

All of the CCR's train terminals were high-tech and cutting edge. Solar panels both inside the building and out, wide open spaces, refreshments, random weird folk, goodie bags...almost makes one want to postpone their trip.

Two strange people began running towards poor Alice, still dressed in the same old, same old yellow dress. "Alice!" one Runo-y voice squelched happily.

"Oh, heh heh, it's you," she laughed wimpily. Both Runo AND Marucho were there to greet her!

They took five minutes of silence to get seated in an comfortable-but-plastic orange bench. "What's up? Exhausted from the trip here?"

"No, not really," she uneasily replied. "I came from Moscow, so, y'know."

"I understand completely!" Marucho said, on the other side of the bench. "Although had you made proper arrangements, my butlers would have picked you up on our private jet!"

"No, that's okay."

"Really!? Because you know you could get on it whenever you want..."

"Advertisin', ADVERTISIN'!!" Suddenly, like a mosquito coming out of somebody's mouth, Preyus appeared! "Geeeeeeee WILIKERS, you sure are prettier up close than you are on that huge television thing Honcho's got!"

"Why, thanks!" she mustered. "And you're handsome~!"

"Awwwww, I smell shipping!" Runo blushed.

"Also, I brought Preyus and Halo Tiger something from back home!" Alice said cheerily, digging through her bag. To the Bakugan, she'd completely opened up!

Halo Tiger suddenly jumped out onto the bench with the other, bluer Bakugan. "Really? Truly?"

"You know what they say! A good Preyus could never resist a gift from a lady like you!" Gottfriedmarble said. She held out what looked like combinations of a cell phone and a tablet. "What the heck are these?"

"They're battle simulators! Use them when you go do battle! Copyright 1959, antique and Russian handcrafted!"

"Ya see," Marucho said, interrupting their romantic conversation, "Alice is the shy one of the Bakugan Battle Brawlers. More of a tech buff than anything else."

"She doesn't battle, though. Why is she in our group, anyways? I mean, Bakugan is just too--"

Marucho whispered to his blue-haired comrade, "_Don't ask. You don't know what she'll do if you bring THAT up._"

"Oh. Uh, okay."

"What were you saying?" Alice cocked her head.

"Nothing! Just disregard it!"

"Is Dan by chance around here, in this specific CCR terminal?"

At the terminal...somewhere else in the terminal, I mean...

"Fat chance!" Dan said, walking through a crowded hallway. "Wait, what?"

"I just said, 'You should know all about this, Dan,' " Drago clarified, sitting in his breast pocket. "Haven't you noticed we've been WALKING IN F***ING CIRCLES!?!?"

"Nope! Hey, let's keep going left!"

"No! That's just getting into the same circle AGAIN! Some Dans never learn..."

They began to go around the same circle again. "Hey, Drago," Dan said, "I wonder what'll happen if we go RIGHT this time."

"PLEASE do that!"

As they were about to turn the corner, Suchi and Akuma leaped out of the hallway! "Surprise!" Suchi cried. "Let's brawl!"

"Aah! No!" Dan ran away, fearing for his life. Drago sighed.

Back with the others...

"My Alice senses tell me...Dan's nearby, and he just said "fat chance"," none other than Alice said, pressing two fingertips to her forehead.

"Ah, well, guess he didn't show up!" Marucho sweated a little. He murmured to Runo, "_Did you remember to tell him?_"

"_No._"

Marucho's eyes grew wide. "Sooo anyways, what compelled you to visit us here so suddenly?"

"I just felt like seeing you all in person...but I guess Dan's not around, for whatever reason..." She bowed her head a bit. "Thank you, Runo, for letting me stay with you at your house."

"No problemo! You'll _love_ it in Huaraz! Everyone's totally _stoked_ about you staying with me! My mom even made her Bleep Surprise just for the visit."

"Wait, what's Bleep Surprise?" Marucho wondered. "I always thought it was TUNA Surprise. What's with the sudden name change?"

"It attracts more customers."

"OHHHH. Alright."

"But I don't feel like eating any, so...guess you'll have to eat it all up."

"Don't worry. I love tuna -- I mean, bleep."

Runo blushed again. "I smell shipping! Alice x Preyus, Alice x Bleep...what's next?" Marucho stared at her, disturbed.

Suddenly, as Marucho and Runo got into an argument about how much bleep her mom was going to make and for whom, Alice remembered Drago's speech in the previous episode. She also had a ditzy smile as she thought back to it.

_We must find the man who corrupted our world. I remember his name. His name...is Michael._

_"It's Michael," a voice from the doorway clarified. Wait, was that just a vision she had? It wasn't totally clear. gee, thanks for ruining the WHOLE MOMENT with your CRAPPY JUST-NOW CLARIFICATION._

_Why do I keep having these visions?_ she thought, ditzy face gone. _What exactly does Grandfather Michael have to do with this? What's he up to? Why does he want to destroy Vestroia, the home world of the Bakugan? Bakugans? Ah, whatever. I'm going with the cool way: Bakugan. Anyways..._ She looked back at Runo and Marucho.

"Hey, when you get there, you wanna have two slices of bleep?"

"S-s-stop calling it that! I'm NOT having any slices of BLEEP, I am having two slices of TUNA! Got that, woman!?"

_They're having a stupid argument,_ she realized. _If they knew I was so interested in finding out more about Michael, what would they think of me? I know Dan's reaction to him wasn't very pleasant..._

"Hey, you!"

Ben, Ken and that girl stood before them! "Where's the one called Dan CRAP? Heh heh, CRAP. Huh huh," Ken chuckled gutturally, pushing his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose.

"Not here. Who the hell are you?" Runo snapped.

They held out some Doom cards.

"Hoo!"

"Haa!"

"AAH!"

Believe it or not, those were all actually screams.

"YOU were SENT by MASK the **MONEY!?!?**" Runo screeched.

Dan was JUST CONVENIENTLY turning the corner JUST THEN. "Phew. This is the place!"

"I TOLD you to TAKE A RIGHT [i]SO MANY TIMES!![/i] But you're here now, so...where are your friends?" a certain Drago muttered.

"I remember them discussing something about benches, and winking a lot, like everyone was in on it. But I wasn't...until Dan da Man went on da case! Just like secret agent Daddy 007!"

"Don't get into that again."

_Back outside of the station, where Ken and Ben and Girl were before..._

"Runo, are you sure you forgot to tell Dan?" Marucho said, preparing for battle with "new" foes Ben and Ken. "I mean, he DID wink a lot in our last chat."

"Totally! And besides, we don't need a JERK like HIM to help us. We've got Alice on our side."

"But...uh..." One of Alice's knees buckled under the strain of it all.

"There's two of us," Runo said confidently, "and two of them! (and Alice) It's a perfect match-up! Let's GET 'ER DONE!!" A blue inferno spiraled around Runo.

"Ken, did'ja hear that?" Ben said. "Looks like we've found some decent competition. Two of us, and two of them! (and her)"

"Uh, guys, are you, like, sure about this?" Girl said likely.

"Are you saying you _don't _want us to _battle??_ HA!!"

"If we beat them, uh, y-y-you'll get to see your brother!" Ken lied.

"Oh, uh, I, uh, guess I believe that."

"Sure ya do, girly," Ken said slowly. "_Sure ya do._"

"But...uh..." One of Girl's knees buckled under the strain of it all.

"Looks like she's thinking of Bakugan strategies, too!" Marucho shouted.

"What makes you think that?" Alice wondered aloud.

"Just look at you two!" Alice and Girl were in the same position. "You're like soulmates! Destined to be exactly like one another in composure!"

"Qui'cher yappin'!" Runo demanded.

"Field, Open!" the four competitors called out. Everyone on each side held hands. Things stopped, but you KNOW you don't care about THAT right now. Pretty soon, they were settin' the Doom cards onto the table.

"Gate Card, Set!" they said simultaneously. A near-Windows symbol was the new battlefield.

"I wonder what attack we should use first," Alice wondered.

"How about this one?" Marucho grinned. "Bakugan, Stand! Hueh! Super Robotic Wet One Ultra!" A real poser was summoned on the opposite side of the flag. "Do your stuff!"

"A Super Robotic Wet One Ultra? Huh huh! Don't make me laugh! MORE! Bakugan Brawl! Super Robotic Marcus Ultra, Stand!" A real poser was summoned in front of Ben.

"You know what that means!" Preyus screamed in agony. "Right? Because I don't!"

"It means," Alice mumbled, "that their power levels are doubled."

"CALCULATING POWER LEVEL. MULTIPLIED BY 2. BOTH POWER LEVELS ARE 620 G'S."

"Useful, huh?" Ken mentioned.

"No, not in this case," Alice said bluntly.

"Well, you better rethink that, 'cuz here comes the awesomest part...the Ability Card! Y'see, since both Wet One and Marcus are next to each other on the element wheel, my guy gains the power of Wet One!"

"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 700 G'S."

Alice checked through her Bakugan data stuffs power-packed into her watch. "Wait, how does that even make sense?"

Halo Tiger decided, "Marcus and Chaos are a powerful force when used with one another."

"WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT EVEN MEEEEEEEEEAN!?!?" Runo yelled.

"It means Super Robotic Marcus Ultra gets to slaughter you with a gallant punch! You gonna use an ability card or somethin'?"

"Uhhhh, nope!" Marucho's eye sparkled.

"Well, TOO BAD!" He opened his mouth wide and, with a punch in the gut, Super Robotic Wet One Ultra was sent flying in, just part of today's meal. "Yum yum. Huh huh!" Ben said, rubbing his stomach.

Marucho looked down, apparently saddened. "Hey, short kid?" Ken taunted. "Sad now that you've lost your little Bakugan through a vanishing act into my brother's tummy!?"

He turned his head back up slowly, teeth sparkling. "Thanks for getting rid of him for me."

"What's with this kid?" Ben whispered to Ken.

"I dunno," Ken whispered to Ben. "I mean, nothing was up with his the LAST time we battled."

"WHAT last time?"

"NO last time! This is the first time we've ever met, you know that?"

"Hmm. Well, you DO look familiar, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"_Perfect..._"

"What's perfect?"

"Everything! We get to beat you up and all that crap!"

"Oh. You seem suspicious, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"_Perfect..._"

"If you don't want me to think you're suspicious, don't act suspicious!"

"W-we're not suspicious!"

"Oh, well, I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt."

"_Perfect..._"

"Poor Bakugan...!" Girl said, shocked by the tasty display.

"Hmph!" Ken grunted, catching his Bakugan after that fit of sudden repetition.

"You're gonna pay for being suspicious!! Bakugan Brawl! Rhinobot, stand!" Everyone's/no one's favorite white rhino arrived on the scene.

"Let's shut'm down, Men -- I mean, Ken!" Ben backtracked, holding a card with confidence...and style.

"Huh huh, yeah, you go do that!"

"Gate card, set!" And so it was, next to Rhinobot's. "Bakugan Brawl! Snakerake, stand!" And there was a snakerake, which needs no explanation.

"SNAKERAKE POWER LEVEL 320 G'S."

"He's goin' with Snakerake!" Runo scowled. She mumbled suspiciously whilst rubbing her chin, "And its power level is at 320..."

"Well, yeah, that was obvious!" Marucho said, pumped for battle. "I know how to take him down, don't worry!"

"Wait!" Alice finally butted in. "Don't be so eager to jump into battle! Remember what happened last time, with your robot thing. You don't want that to happen again, do you?"

"Of course not!" Or did he?

"Look at what you're up against!" They looked up at the trio, who looked to be mumbling to each other. Alice and Girl were like mirror images. It was ridiculous.

"Yeah, two oddly-familiar guys and a girl who's a lot like you," Runo stated. "Anything else?"

"Not them! The field! They've activated a diagonal relationship between Pirate and Marcus. Don't just focus on THEIR ability cards, focus on the ability cards THEY use as well."

"You put emphasis on weird words, Alice," Runo admitted.

"Maybe...but do you understand now? And next time, Marucho, you really need to power up your Bakugan so that it can actually defeat the enemy." She held her hand up to her mouth. "Did I just say too much...?"

"AH, NOT BAD!!" Preyus spat into Alice's face, suddenly appearing by her side. "Brains as well as beauty! A winning combo!"

"I envy you," Halo Tiger gasped.

"Ah, well, you know, that's just my seldom-used job in the Bakugan Brawlers brigade! I'm starting to like you two!"

"Like I said," Runo whispered to her comrade, "Alice x Preyus. _Alice x Preyus._"

"Oh, I'm not a Bakugan, so I'm not usable in battle. But Halo Tiger and Preyus would make a **great** team, am I right?"

_She heard us!?_ Marucho was shocked.

On the other side of the flag-like field, Ken said, "Huh, what're those other guys talking about? I mean, two girls and a guy! Whatevurrrr!"

"Guys, I think they're talking about Bakugan strategies," Girl said hesitantly. "And we should be discussing them, too."

"No way!"

Before he could say "huh huh", Marucho broke the tension, arguably! "Gate Card, Set! Hyaaaaargh!" A card flashed over, making the row closest to our heroes a little bit longer. "Now, Bakugan Brawl! Terrycloth, stand!" A blue crab appeared. It wasn't terry cloth-like at all. What a gimmick. As if to laugh at this shortcoming, its orange eyes sparkled like a deer's in the headlights.

"My God!" Ken gaped. Realizing he sounded a lot like Men, he shook his head wildly and forced everyone to forget all about it. "I'll take him down!" Ben gave him a glance of accusation. "Huh huh ha-huh huh!" he managed to push out of his ailing throat. "Somebody give me a lozenge! Bakugan Brawl! Fearripper, stand!"

With a little teenagery "rawr" a guy who rips the fear out of many stood gallantly before them.

"Yeah, boy! Gate card, opeeeeeee-e-e, e-e, en!" Runo sang weirdly. Something which has no name was activated just as Fearripper ran, for some reason. The field started to glow!

"FEARRIPPER POWER LEVEL 350 G'S. RHINOBOT POWER LEVEL 410 G'S."

Ben gave Ken another odd glance, for some reason. "Heh heh -- what?"

Hushed, Ben uttered, "_Act harder._"

"Uhhh HUH HUH HUH HUH HUHHHH!! Ability, activate! Diagonal Relationship between Pirate and Marcus!" An image of a pirate and a fat guy appeared over their heads. The two had their backs to each other, so their relationship was pretty diagonal indeed, perhaps. And with that, Snakerake squealed as Fearripper ran after the rhinoceros!

"FEARRIPPER POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 450 G'S."

Fearripper slashed at Rhinobot and slaughtered him so hard that he fell into a certain Ken's mouth.

"Hey, yo! No fair!" Ben yelped. "You're gettin'_ all_ the good meals this time around! I mean, this first time!"

Runo bit back tears, then retorted with a line meaningful enough to capture the essence of losing one's adversary forever... "Hey! Gate card, set! Bakugan Brawl! Panja the Chaotic White Lion, stand!" Panja the White Lion Demon appeared, only this time his wings and scales were the same color as his fur, and he wasn't actually the same guy. "C'mon! Come and get me!"

"She still thinks we're gonna fall for THAT?" Ben remarked. "NEWS FLASH! She's LAME! Just because you've got the field card doesn't mean it gives you the radical advantage! Bakugan Brawl! Rhino Demon, stand!" Despite what you might have been expecting, it did NOT look like a football when it appeared this time, thank heavens.

"BAKUGAN POWER LEVEL STABLE."

"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean!?" Ben shouted.

"Uh, please don't say things like that," Girl timidly said, and - wouldn't you know it - she caused Alice to speak for a moment, too.

"Hey, guys," Alice said, "I feel the need to say something right now. Ignore me!"

"Ability card, activate! Rapidfire!" Some fire appeared, saying '' right before a black-and-purple turtle was summoned over it.

"What kind of silly move is that?" Preyus said, levitating as apparently usual. "Not only did he cut into his brother's battle, or somethin' like that, he used FIRE to summon a MARCUS! It just DOESN'T WORK that way!"

Screaming like a frightened hawk, Rhino Demon stood on Turtle Marc's shell. They made a, uh, _formidable_ team.

"POWER LEVELS COMBINE. POWER LEVEL NOW A WHOPPING 610 G'S."

"Hyuk hyuk!" Ben suddenly developed a signature laugh! "That ability card let a hip-and-happenin' turtle join the fight! Now the guy's TWICE as strong! Almost!"

"A combination play!" Ken was nearly awed by his brother's performance. **Nearly.**

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?" Marucho screeched, completely overreacting and flying backward a few hundred centimeters.

"Huh huh! He can't even compreHEND how specTAcularly RADical this MOVE is! Let's go easy on 'im, bro!"

Ben whispered to him, "If you don't know him well enough to predict he's faking, you're an IDIOT, Men."

"That's not very nice."

Speaking to his team again, Marucho's glasses became intensely reflective, just like Gendo's. "Desperate times call for desperate measures..._and these times are not very desperate...!_"

"Oh, well, whatever you're planning, go ahead." Runo shrugged. "Just DON'T BE AN IDIOT!!"

"Gate card, activate! Trade-Off!" For a moment the field glowed...and then the two guys were transformed into marbles again!

"Oh NO, man!" Ben looked at the marbles, then at Ken, then at the marbles again in disbelief!

"He beat...our Bakugans! Huh HUH!?"

Terrycloth was also sent back to its respective owner. "Heh!" Marucho said, catching the thing. "You see, the card Trade-Off allows the player activating the card to promptly send any Bakugan - or combination thereof - with a power level over 400 G's back to the opponent, which in this case would be that guy over there, whose name I don't really remember."

"Well done, Marucho," Halo Tiger congratulated.

"Now THAT'S usin' USEFUL cards for ya!" Preyus congratulated.

"So...are you boys paying attention?" Runo called out.

"Huh HUH!" Alice chuckled.

"Grr! She stole your laugh! Let's never forgive her!" Ben roared.

"Huh huh! Yeah, I OWN this laugh! Nobody, especially not a LAME, QUIET type like YOU is gonna take it from ME without a FIGHT! A...Bakugan fight, that is. Oh yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire." Luckily, everyone ignored that last part, as usual.

"I set another gate card! Bleh!" Marucho did so. "Bakugan BRAWL, bleh! Terrycloth, stand yet again!"

"Not THAT dum-dum again! Then I'll..." Ken noticed Ben was staring intensely at him again, sweaty.

"_Make that laugh yours._"

"Huh huh huh HUH!! Take -"

"I see your card and raise it WATER REFRAIN!!" The short dorky kid's card stuck into the field and pulsed through it.

"Huh huh! What's THAT gonna do?" He pretended not to remember what the card did.

"Obviously I don't know you, so it should appear that I was right to give you the benefit of the doubt!"

"Perfe -- uh, I mean, continue."

"Huh? Oh, right. Like I was saying, you cannot activate your ability card right now because I've sealed it!"

"Nice move, huh, but there's no way you can win this battle!"

"That's right, Girl!" Ben said rather loudly. "We're doing this so that you can see your brother!"

"Wait, what did he just say?" Runo asked the other Brawlers. All the others could do was shrug, so they all ignored it.

"Ben...Ken..." Girl muttered, smiling weakly.

Ken nodded a little before shouting, "Bakugan Brawl! Super Robotic Marcus Ultra, stand!" A burly black robot came up behind Snakerake, gettin' pumped all the while.

Runo scoffed, "You're using THAT one again? Don't make me-"

The robot had Snakerake in a hugging choke-hold!

"What the -- this is all so totally WHACK!" Runo panicked. "Why are they doing this!?"

"Huh," Ken grinned.

"Hyuk," Ben smirked.

_Two brothers with their goal within reach once again...!!!_ they thought in unison.

"There is only one decent explanation," Marucho said, pushing his glasses. "These Bakugan are masochistic."

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers will be right back!_

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! Battle on, kiddies!_

"Gate card, open! Now!" Ben commanded, and purple light began to emanate from below the two wrestlers. Snakerake now had the upper hand as he magically swirled around the robot's grasp and started choking HIM instead!

"Why the schnoodle would they be schnikeys-in' masochistic!?" Runo seemed to be blaming Marucho.

"I don't like this." Marucho pouted. "The brawl's getting weird and Runo just invented a new slang word.

"They're trying a battle sham," Alice said quietly.

"Sham-what?" Runo said, and the two faced her again.

Before she decided to answer, the force from a squished Super Robotic Marcus Ultra blasted Terrycloth into Ben's mouth!

"Nooooo!" Girl screamed, holding her hands over her ears to stop the chewing noises. "No, poor Terrycloth! We hardly knew you!"

Ben paid no mind. "Yummy in da tummy! Crabs make a good vanishing act -- into my stomach! And by vanishing act I mean meal!" he said, avoiding suspicion at the last moment.

Marucho turned around.

The other marbles flew away, having completed their battle whammy whatever. "Good job, bro. Hyuk hyuk," Ben hurriedly added. "We've just sent those OTHER DUMBER Bakugans into the Doom Dimension!"

"It's the ultimate fake-out!" Ken said. "And, huh huh, best part is our guys get to stay in the battle! Let's have a victory wrestle! Huh HUH!!" They dog piled atop one another for a few seconds.

"So that's why it's called a sham-what! It's all a sham and it...wait, what was I saying?" Runo said. "And, wait, how does that even work? Was anybody harmed? What?"

"Bit of reckless strategy, if you ask me," Alice said, scratching her chin.

"So!?" Ben interrupted. "We're gonna be as AWESOMELY reckless as we **** WANNA be, right, Girl?"

"You and that person behind you, you mean?" She pointed to the seldom-useful girl by the name of Girl. What a horrible name.

"Y-y-yeah, hyuk hyuk!" He sweated profusely, turning to Ken for assistance.

"Uhhhh, she's got a brother, a-and we don't know where to find him! Right, Girl?"

She nodded a little.

"Huh huh! And she loves Bakugan, right, Girl?"

"Eh, not really."

"And we have this Doom Card, see?" He held up an aforementioned Doom Card.

"I thought you already threw both of those onto the field!" Marucho shouted.

"Uhhhh, Mask the Money gave one to Girl, but she didn't want it!"

"That's not true!"

"You be quiet."

"Oh, um, okay."

"So like I was saying, huh, this girl, huh, she doesn't know where her brother is, huh, y'know? So, like, we were thinking, huh...if we used these Baku-gan or -gans or whatever we could raise our ranks, right? And then our ranks'll get so high he's sure to notice us sometime!"

"Your plan's flawed," Girl stated, somewhat wisely. "How can you be so sure he loves Bakugan so much he's just gonna HAPPEN to face you? And maybe you're not that great at playing the game, anyways."

"Who's telling the story?"

Girl stopped.

"That's so sad," Alice said, connecting spiritually with Girl somehow. "Poor girl. She's so easily manipulated she doesn't have the strength to break free and be smart about things."

_Maybe Grandfather Michael could help her._ A slightly-scary image flashed through her mind.

"Yeah! We'll do _anything_ for Girl!" Ben said.

"Oh, boo hoo! How sad! Cut the crap before I beat you twice as hard as I'm planning to!" Runo rudely said.

"Send me in, milady!" Halo Tiger said. "_Utilize me!_"

"Whatever you say, polite old English lady! Bakugan Brawl! Halo Tiger, stand!" At her command the large cyborg of a tiger stood somewhat gallantly...and roared.

"If it's a battle you want, it's a battle you shall get!"

"I'm gonna step it up a notch!" Ben shouted. "I've been waitin' in the WOMB for this! Battle, huah! Birdman, stand!" Now an anthropomorphic bird stood in front of the largely-forgotten Panja.

"PANJA POWER LEVEL 290 G'S. BIRDMAN POWER LEVEL 340 G'S."

"You don't have a chance! ...Unless you use an ability card, of course!"

"WE'LL SEE ABOUT -- oh, you're right. BUT WRONG!! Gate card, open!" She forced some other guys to join in on the fight!

"I-i-i...huh-huh-hu-uh...IT'S A QUARTET KETTLE!!" Ken howled.

"Oh, goody good day!" Preyus flexed his thumbs. "I get to show my stuff and do my thing!"

"GOOD GUY POWER LEVEL A WHOPPING 590 G'S. BAD GUY POWER LEVEL A WHOPPING 690 G'S."

"What was that about good guys and bad guys?" Girl asked.

"You be quiet!" Ben demanded. "Power levels haven't changed, and we're still ahead!"

"YOU be quiet! Ability card, activate! Cut and Savor!" She threw the card into an unflattering place, which made Halo Tiger embarrassed and want to join in on the brawl.

"Been waitin' for ya, Haley!" Preyus greeted.

"That's NOT MY NAME!!"

That was their cue to end the match. All three of them kicked/pounced/scratched wimpily and together defeated their enemies. Marbles bounced away.

"Good work, team!" Halo Tiger brightened up some. "We couldn't have done it without all three of us. Except for maybe Panja, we could have done it without him."

The lion frowned.

"No way! Huh, this isn't even possible!" Ben and Ken shook heads voraciously.

"Please! Stop the match!" Girl sobbed. "Please stop! My brother means a lot to me, but not enough for me to just go along with your stupid plan like I have been for the last hour or two! One stupid plan isn't worth all these lies!"

"What's the matter, Girl?" Ben asked, obviously not listening.

"You're so cruel! Not only are you fighting these marbles, but...but you're **eating** them! And saying it's yummy!" She made a sobbing gasp and fell to her knees. "Something's wrong...this game used to be so much more innocent-seeming. But it's like that guy with a horrible fashion sense just came to turn it all around, and made me face the cruel, cruel reality!"

"She's right!" Alice marveled. At the same moment she, too, felt her knees buckle under the stress of the moment.

"No way! We're gonna keep fighting until we win! Huh! Huh!" Ken huh'ed.

Runo screamed back, "IF IT'S A FIGHT YOU WANT IT'S A FIGHT YOU'LL --"

"Wait!" Alice grabbed her shoulder, barely able to stand back up. "You have to stop fighting."

"Why? Because wittle baby Girl's cwying?" She sighed. "Seriously, all this crying is getting on my nerves.

"Runo," Ben said in a serious tone, "we won't get much brawling done if she doesn't stop crying. Let's stop the match, Ken. Victory comes to us, but not at this point in time."

"Yeah," Ken replied, "you're right. In the words of the Reaper, victory comes to those who follow their path wherever it may take them."

"Truer words have never been spoken, my brother." Suddenly they sounded like two completely different people. (And not personality-wise, they really did sound like they were actually Ken and Men in disguise. Like that would ever happen!)

"Are you sure?" Girl said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "If you recall the Doom cards, nobody will get harmed...right?"

"...Hey, you're right. Hyuk hyuk!" Ken and Ben smiled at one another. "Doom Cards, return!" The cards flew magically back into their hands.

Runo and Marucho grew near-dangerous smirks. "Let's do it."

"Bakugan Brawl!"

"Wait! No! I didn't mean that!" She silently sobbed to herself.

Back inside of the station...

"Hah! Hee! Ho! Hah!" Dan ran wildly, running over several people accidentally. "Hey, those training exercises really DID help me!"

The other six kids stood on an escalator heading down. "After all of that, we lost anyway..." Ben sighed, now giving off the aura of some other familiar guy. "Oh well. We'll probably see you guys again!"

"Yeah!" Ken agreed, having changed just as much.

"Ah, don't sweat it," Runo said. "Things get said in the heat of battle."

"Your Bakugan skills are quite good," Marucho said. "Almost as good as mine!"

Ben and Ken were a bit saddened, wanting to respond but knowing it to be true.

Girl caught up with the brothers as they tried to walk quickly away. "Hey, I know you meant well during the battle, but please don't let me get involved with your crazy schemes again. You've really changed. I really hate you." With that, she walked away, off to wherever.

"We've changed...?" Ben was confused.

"Hey," the blue-haired one said, "how come you called me Runo? I don't remember me ever saying that to you guys."

"..._**HEAD FOR THE HIIIIILS!!**_" The brothers Ken and Men ran away from the brink of discovery.

"Now that I think about it," Marucho said, "those two look a lot like Jen and Ten, the cross-dressing duo we met at my place."

"And THEY looked a lot like Ken and Men, two magicians I brawled at a theme park with Dan!" Runo punched the nearest pillar, making some cracks. "Ken...Men...**YOU TWO GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!**"

But they didn't, escaping her tsundery reach. Soon they forgot all about them and any other twins they might encounter throughout the series...FOR NOW.

Right outside again...

Mask the Money looked around...and saw nothing. _Weird,_ he thought, _I had the strangest feeling I'd find a couple of Doom cards around here somewhere..._

Back with Dan...

Dan decided to give up after a while, now just sitting on a plastic bench with his buddy Drago. "You know, I heard about this guy who got lost in the train station for a YEAR. What an idiot! Hope we don't turn out like him!"

"You're just the type of person to do that, Dan..."

"You really mean that!?" Dan sounded ecstatic, for some reason.

"HEEEEEEEEYYYY!!!" some little kid suddenly shouted. "Talkin' Backooganz! Lemme see the talkin' Backooganz!" He eagerly grabbed at Drago.

"Woah there, little obnoxious buddy!" Dan pushed him back. "No touching Drago until I get over this cold! You could get infected!"

"Huh!?"

"You like Bakugan a LOT, huh?"

"Eh. Sorta."

"Well, I'll tell ya this...it's not pronounced Backooganz."

"Awwwwwwwww." He pouted. "I just remembered! I have to go meet up with my sister today! She's weird. After all these years of asking my dad finally said I could go!"

"Well, don't see why I should really care! Bye!" Dan flashed his round teeth, relieved that a guy more annoying than him was off his back.

"Hey! Dan!" a Runo said.

Dan turned around to face three other kidz. "Hi there."

Outside...

"You mean to tell me you were here THE WHOLE TIME?? And here you had me thinkin' I was only imagining all those hints you gave me! And you gave no effort into finding me? Thanks for NOTHING, guys!"

"It's not like we WANTED to find you," Runo remarked. "Besides, it's your fault for getting lost."

"Stop fighting!" Marucho interrupted.

His ultimate powers of persuasion instantly calmed them! "So you had a good time brawlin'? Did Alice do anything at all?"

"Oh, no." She looked down bashfully at some ants. _Maybe I should tell them about Grandfather Michael and the weird dreams I've been having lately, _she thought. "Wait. I have something else to tell you."

"Hey, what was that about Bleep Surprise?" Dan cupped his hand over his ear. "I couldn't hear you over that BACKGROUND NOISE."

"Wait-"

"What background -- OH. THAT background noise. Anyways, stop calling it Tuna Surprise, it sells better that way."

"Wait, you-"

"I wonder what's making that irritating background noise? It sounds oddly familiar, like a sound I don't hear often." Dan turned to look at Alice, who wiped away a tear. "Hey, Alice just got something in her eye!"

"No, I just got something -- wait, you're right. Oh, well, whatever, it's nothing."

"You're sure of that?" said Marucho. "I was pretty sure you were about to say something right there."

"No, really, it's nothing."

"I was kinda starting to like that background noise..." Dan contemplated.

_Coming up on the next Bakugan Battle Brawlers Dan has Drago Runo's got Halo Tiger and Marucho has Preyus but look out a new Bakugan in on the horizon!!! Lol Julie thinks their all so cute and cuddly but just wait until Billy shows up he proves they have a real dark side!!! This ones got real bite. so get some rest because these bakugan will haunt your nightmares forever!!! So dont miss it!!!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	10. Chapter 10

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Ten**

**  
****A Perfect Match**

A very fluffy tumbleweed rolled through the red canyon. People lived here?

"I hate you," a boy's voice echoed. "I'm gonna clean the floor with you today. And you wanna know why? Because me and my Bakugan are a precision team, AND we're in the top twenty of the world Bakugan players YEEEEEEEHAWWWWW!!!" Said kid held his hand out to the stars, as if he were a dancer or something. His cap was emblazoned with an electric bolt, topping off his long blond hair nicely. He also had an orange-and-black vest to show off.

"Wow, that's really cool and stuff!" Julie squealed, standing across from him. Her skimpy purple-and-pink clothing was well suited to the harsh climate...or was it? It was also well suited to perverts. "Not only the ranking stuff, but even the hating stuff! I like bad boys! Is that really true, Billy?"

"You bet your Bakupod! Am I right, Cyclon, or what, y'all?"

A Terry cyclops-thing opened up in his palm. "UGGPUFHHUBLEHHHH," it spewed.

"_What!?_" Julie seemed offended! "What the heck is he saying? That some sort of new chatspeak or something?"

"Yup, we're a perfect match," Billy ignored. "I hate to say it, Julie, but...you're Texas toast."

"Toast!? Texas!? OMG I LOVE texas toast!" She looked as if she were about to swoon! "I've gotta brawl right here, right now, this early! Field, open!" They bubbled out of this existence and into some other place where they usually go to play Bakugan.

"Gate card, set!" They set two gate cards.

"Alrighty, Baku-babe," Billy taunted, whatever kind of taunt that was, "this time you show me what you've got!" He winked.

This time Julie REALLY swooned! "Aaahh, such charm...ah! And you seriously called me Baku-babe! I'm flattered! Bakugan Brawl! Armory Arms, stand!" A brown snake with a helmet sort of thing on its head appeared. Its tail extended into a spear of sorts.

"Pretty impressive." Billy tipped his hat. "Bakugan Brawl! High Noid, stand!" A brown humanoid battle wolf also appeared. The two Bakugan guys looked each other over, suspicious of one another. "Do it!" The two looked confused for a second before High Noid finally started running towards Armory Arms!

"Ability card, activate! Poison Faaaaayng!" Julie moaned, commanding Armory Arms to charge forward and nibble at High Noid's neck..._painfully._

"Hey, wait!" But nobody listened to Billy.

"50 G'S TRANSFERRED FROM HIGH NOID TO ARMORY ARMS."

Julie squeed. "I get to crush my crush if you know what I mean!"

"Arf!" High Noid was flung back, looking like a defeated and weird pup.

"Ha! That was just a warm-up!" Billy lied. "Gate card, open NOW!"

The space under Armory Arms and High Noid started to glow and change into a huge card! Yeah, High Noid and Armory Arms were suddenly on the same space! Before anyone could say "WHAAAWTF", the Noid was orange with power! "Row ROW!!" it growled.

"Friend or no friend..."

"HIGH NOID'S POWER LEVEL DOUBLED TO 520 G'S."

"...you're goin' DOWN like an amateur at the rodeo."

"Ooh! Good one!" Julie complimented.

"Go! High Noid! Take 'em out o' the stables!!" And with a nibble on the neck, he did just that...we think.

"Aaa-uhhh! Wuhhhh!" Julie made a Home Alone face as the screen split rather dramatically to show both the weird facial expression and the marble laying there.

"You sure showed me, huh?" Billy remarked. "Nice one, but you're not gettin' a foot out o' the farmhouse with that one!"

"That was only my warm-up! But hey, thanks for saying I showed you something!"

"Wha? No, no! That was an insult! You showed me you dang near SUCK!"

"Whatever! Bakugan Brawl! Tuskor, stand!" Julie summoned a rock-hard mammoth that was so rock-hard, it even had literal rock limbs and rock in some other miscellaneous places.

"TUSKOR'S POWER LEVEL 350 G'S."

"Ha," was all Billy could say. "High Noid, stand again! And now, ability card, activate! Whirlwind!"

High Noid spiraled around as if he were the Tazmanian Devil in the outback. And, hey, it did look like the outback out there, am I right? Anyways, he spun really quickly around Tuskor.

"Ha, haha, hahaha! Yer Tuskor doesn' even know where ta' go!"

Indeed. Tuskor was looking around, just standing there. It attacked a few times, but mostly it just didn't give the effort.

"Heh, heheh, heheheh!" Julie chuckled.

"Hey? What's so funny, Baku-babe? That's MY gig! Don't steal my gigs! You crazy girl!"

"HIGH NOID POWER LEVEL DECREASING...DECREASING...DECREASING...DECREA--"

Billy slapped his BakuGantlet.

"DECREASING...DECREASING..."

"What in the tarnation is goin' on here?" He punched his BakuGantlet, only hurting himself on the cheap plastic it was made of. "Now you just made me hurt myself!" He sighed. "You tell me what kinda dang tarnation's goin' on here, Julie."

"I'LL DO THAT FOR YOU. HIGH NOID HAS BEEN POISONED. CHARACTER CARD IS STILL IN EFFECT."

While you weren't paying attention, High Noid was busy glowing purple.

"No way anything good 'n' holy could've done that!" Billy was awestruck.

"It'll continue to decrease, as long as he keeps running around and not doing any real damage like that!" Julie kind of explained.

"HIGH NOID'S POWER LEVEL STILL DE--"

"You shut up," Billy said.

"Now, Tuskor! _Step on it!_"

With a mighty stock elephant sound, Tuskor slammed its two front rocks onto the tuckered-out and panting High Noid. Needless to say he got "killed" in the process.

"Aw, man!" Billy mustered.

Julie smiled and caught her marble with STYLE. "Now, gate card, SET!!" With impressive yet somewhat sad vigor, Julie threw down a magical wishy-washy gate card. "Bakugan Brawl! Tuskor, again!"

"Cyclo," Billy decided solemnly, "I'm gonna have to get'cha in there. You better be okay, make it out alive, alright?"

"FEHOOSEPHEBLABLEHHHH," it spewed.

"I take that as a yes." For some strange reason, Billy had a signature Bakugan baseball pitch, and he used it to throw! The resulting throw also caused his hat to fly off. How'd he get it back? "Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!"

"BOOLAHHHHHHHH," a club-wielding orange-painted cyclops guy spewed.

"CYCLOID'S POWER LEVEL 370 G'S."

"Love ya, Billy, but I hate the...Cyclo...Cyclon...Cycloid...wh-wh-whatever that thing is! It's a fashion diSAster, that's all **I** know!" Julie insulted.

The guy we'll just assume is called Cycloid rubbed his one big eye. "PHUBLEH!?!?"

"Gate card, open!" she howled. "TRIPLE Kettle!" At an instant, the field under the two guys glowed with some weird, strange-languagey text. "Triple Kettle allows me to--"

"I already KNOW what that crazy moon language says! Everyone's used it a thousand times! Mostly you and your gang, but everyone else should! If a third weirdo's got to be in this battle, Mr. Not-Nice Jenkins is about to step into the classroom! Ability activate! Smackdown!"

Cycloid glowed, and you knew you were in for something awesome until only his left, unarmed hand grew. Well, so much for that. But then, with an unintelligible BLARGH, he did manage to smack down, truth be told, onto the now-cracked gate card.

"Oh NOOOOO, my GATE card!" Julie dramatically shouted.

The gate card blew up into a million sparkly pieces.

"Give'm a love tap, Cycloid!"

"Hey, what's that?" Julie thought that over for a moment. "Hey, I think I want one of those!"

"JEPHLEHHHH!!!" Cycloid was about to attack, supposedly, when Tuskor blew up and that was the end of it. That's just how much of a wimp Tuskor was. Just how much.

Billy caught his marble and said, "That's how you brawl, Baku-babe."

"BLEEEHBLU**BLEH.**"

"Ah! I'm flattered again! Let's brawl again sometime~! Like right now!"

"Hey, how many rounds're we playin' here?"

"Uhhhh...however many it takes!"

"For what?"

"Bakugan Brawl! Sphinxguy, stand!" Lo and behold, a guy who was also a sphinx appeared before them. He looked like he meant business, but he wasn't really looking at anyone in particular, so that might not mean anything. "Ability card, activate! Ape Power!" The field glowed orange!

"SPHINXGUY POWER LEVEL 250 G'S."

Billy pitched again! "Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!"

"BLEEEEEEEEE--BLEH?" Cycloid felt a hat fall gently onto his head. This outraged him, making him feel...nasty! He stamped his feet around in unimaginable anger! "UEHUEHUEEEEHHHHHHH!!!"

"Now! Terragram!" Julie demanded.

Some more fancy moon language appeared below them. Nothing else. ** NOTHING ELSE.**

Cycloid looked worried. He turned around innocently to Billy before spewing, "GHLEHFAJEHKAFEHSADEEEHHHHHH!!!"

"Okay, okay! Ability card, activate! Smackdown!"

"Oh no! Not THIS again!" Julie looked scared, I guess. Scared because of the giant hand, or scared that she used the same tactic twice and failed both times? Who knows for sure. Maybe she was just getting bored.

"Alright, Cycloid, now you do your thing!"

"BLEBU**BLEHHHHHHHH?**" The cyclops slapped the field with his big left hand and turned Terragram into a splatterhouse of sorts.

"BLAAA--"

"I quit!" Sphinxguy suddenly admitted, and he flew back into Julie's pocket.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Julie sighed. "My Bakugans are so undependable..."

"JULIE DEFEATED."

"Heeeeey! Don't push that into my face like that! Why'd you do that?"

"UHHHH...BECAUSE."

"Well, don't do it again, 'cause I'll come back and I'll be bringing the sass with me!"

"...UH, OKAY."

"Well...I _lost!_ I just can't believe it, I just _lost!_ I mean, I can't believe that I just _lost!_"

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP MOANING ON LIKE THAT, I CAN JUST DO THAT JOB FOR YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JULIE?"

"Yeah! You can start right now!"

"JULIE DEFEATED. JULIE DEFEATED. JULIE..." And the BakuGantlet continued to speak until they warped back into our reality.

"...YEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!!! We did it, Cycloid, we really did it!" Billy cheered. "We're the sheriffs in THIS town! Can I get another yeehaw?"

"YEEEKFJASDSFJAFKLEH."

"Now that's just gibberish. Hey, Julie, lemme tell you a story."

"Huh? Why?" she inquired. "Because you LUV me?"

"No, course not! I just wanted to get you off my back for a few hours! Wanna know where I got this here Cycloid?"

"Where?"

"In Bakugan Valley."

"Wait, Bakugan Valley? No way THAT exists! I LUV u but your such a liar sometimes yknow?"

"Shush up, listen to the story!"

Julie obediently sat down on the rocky red rum raisin ground, ready for a story time tale.

Acting out parts as he went, Billy told his story. And it went like this:

"In the farthest nether-regions of the deepest cave in the loneliest valley of this here Grand Canyon we all live on, that there's Bakugan Valley, and it holds all the Bakugans you could ever dream of, I tell ya. And I went there, brave adventurer like myself, not finding gold or diamonds but finding something even greater: a friend.

"And then we schooled you! The end."

Julie got up with a start. "Worst story ever!"

"True story. Worst, that it may be, but true."

"True? TRUE!? How can I expect it to be true if it doesn't make any sense! More like a fable than anything else, I mean, there's no description! How is ANYONE supposed to find this supposed Bakugan Valley!? Ugh! It's times like this when I need Dan around!" She turned to the camera and growled. Also, her BakuGantlet had been talking this whole time.

That night at Julie's house...

Julie's house looked pretty average, with some trees and grass around it. You would have never guessed she lived atop the scenic Grand Canyon.

"UGH!! I can't beLIEVE I lost to my childhood friend Billy!" Julie screamed, sitting at a pink desk in her pink room.

"Oh NO, that's the real Western guy, isn't it?" Alice said, making it seem like a disaster.

"Was it really that bad?" Dan said, pointing out something.

"No...I mean, yeah! It TOTALLY matters THAT MUCH! And it does because I..." Dan was on the chatroom! She couldn't let her know she was trying to decide between Dan, Billy, and some other kid named Jim! "I...HATE him! That's why it's so bad, I HATE him!" And she regretted those words. "But seriously, his Bakugans are DUMB."

"**HOW SO!?!?**" a certain Gottfried voice interrupted.

"Uh...he's named Cycloid? That's pretty dumb, for starters. Tuskor's a WAY better name. I should know."

"Interesting! Hey, Hobo Tiger, you know anything about this guy?"

"No, not by name, no."

"Hey, Drago, how about you?" Dan asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," Drago replied. "Maybe. Kinda sorta."

"Awesome!" Dan beamed.

"Kind of a thin cyclone-wielder, if you ask me."

"No way! He's actually a pretty tough customer!" Julie corrected.

"Oh, sorry. Kind of a thin, cyclone-wielding tough customer, if you ask me."

"You're so slick, Drago!" Dan rubbed him.

"Ow."

"Julie," Marucho shouted, "you don't know what you're missing, not having a talking Bakugan and all!"

"I'm perfectly fine!"

"He's right," Runo added. "Halo Tiger has added so much to my life! ...Kinda!"

"No! No!" Julie waved her hands around so as to shield herself from the screen. It was ineffective. "I don't want a talking Bakugan! I don't! I DON'T!"

"They're spherical miracles!" Dan added. "Hey, that was a clever rhyme back there! And that last line almost sounded like it rhymed! Maybe I could try rhyming some more!"

"Dan, i normally luv ur voice but id rather get away from it rigt now!"

"Spherical~miracles~always tryin' to help 'cuz they're spherical~" sang Dan poorly and to the tune of _Spider-Man_.

"What Dan said!" said Runo.

"They are, quite frankly, awesome!" said Marucho.

"Hide the kids! Eat the food! But don't run out 'cuz then you'll ruin the mood!"

"Eh," said Alice.

"Look out--they're sphericalmi-ra-cles!"

"D'aah! Log out! Turn off! TURN OFF!!!"

_Click._

_Phew,_ she thought, wiping away some sweat. _Glad I'm away from THAT nightmare! Now to get some sleep!_

But the nightmares DIDN'T END.

_That night, Julie dreamed. And she dreamed something terrible._

_She sat in a blank room on a wooden chair. Heads flew out of nowhere to talk to her._

_"And I went there, brave adventurer like myself, not finding gold or diamonds but finding something even greater: a friend."_

_"They are, quite frankly, awesome!"_

_"...spherical miracles!"_

_"Eh."_

_"How many rounds're we playing here?"_

_"Look out--they're sphericalmi-ra-cles!"_

_"Eh."_

_"Hey, how many rounds're we playing here?"_

_"Eh."_

_"...Awesome!"_

_"...sphericalmi-ra-cles!"_

_"And then we schooled you!"_

_"OMG I LOVE texas toast!"_

_"Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"_

_"Worst, but true. Worst, _BUT TRUE.

_WAAAAAAH!! Get me out of this crazy place! This place is DUMB! As dumb as Cycloid! Somebody heeeeeeeeelp....._

_"Eh."_

_Stay tuned for more of the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back. Battle on. Unless you don't feel like it. Then you don't have to._

Julie flopped onto her bed. APPARENTLY, it was daytime or something. "Ugh! I just wasted all my time running around, looking for the supposed Bakugan Valley! It doesn't exist! I knew that, so why did I go there anyway? Stupid, stupid! I'm fine! I don't need one! Talking Bakugan are all big fat dummies! Usually! Except for the ones I know...i-i-i-NOT including Cycloid! Cycloid, you SUCK! Ah, stop hiding it, Julie! You're an insecure little girl who just wants to give into peer pressure more than anything!" She started crying onto the carpet. "More than anything in the WOOOOOOOOOORLD!"

"_Julie, I'm here._"

She looked around. "What was that just now? A robotic voice?"

"_Julie, I'm here for you._"

"Wait, who?" She looked up at her cabinet. There was a conveniently-brown Bakugan waiting up there. "Where were you all this time!?"

"_Uhh...somewhere. I dunno, you have to give me time to think on that one. So, like I was saying_" - he gave a hearty cough - "_I have long searched for a human with which to share my joys and sorrows, assuming in my deep despair that I would never find it. But here I find a damsel, whose voice rings so deeply and sincerely throughout my shattered, broken, so utterly broken heart. Your voice._"

"Oh, I think I get it," she said, tears wiped away, back on her feet. "So until now I wasn't being honest with myself! My voice wasn't PURE enough for you to hear! And you were there all this time!"

"_No. I'm...pretty sure I just got blown in from the window. Strong winds out there. Bakugan don't have purity-based hearing._" He coughed. "_So like I was saying, now that the barrier of glass has been removed, I feel like I've known you for...uh...let's...just try to get to know each other from here on out. My name is Terry Gorem. Don't call me Gore. That's too bloody. What's your name?_"

"I'm Julie! Please don't call me Julester!" She instantly ran to pick up Gorem. "Let's be friends forever...and ever...and EVER...and ever. Sound good?"

"_Uh, yeah, uh...guess so._"

Suddenly, at the same spot where Billy and Julie first brawled...

"You're goin' down like...uh...Texas toast?" Julie guessed angrily.

"Not the right way to use that term, Julie," Billy scoffed. "Texas toast ain't goin' down, 'less it's down some young man's stomach with a hearty serving of meat. And I know you're not a man, am I right, Julie?"

_He's got me cornered! Cornered in his city of comebacks!_

"Uh...uh...well, I've just now decided that I hate you! I've fallen for some guy named Dan Cra -- I mean, Kuso."

"Good. Always wanted you off my back. And now I guess this battle's the only way to get you off fer good."

"Also, I got a talking Bakugan!"

"Well, that's nice. Field, open! YeeHAWWWWWWWW....."

Suddenly, they were setting gate cards and getting the game rolling.

"Okay, Julie, time to get your second helping of old Western-style PAIN!! High Noid, stand!" Billy pitched. A wolf appeared.

"MY turn!" Julie threw a gate card down -- right next to High Noid!

Billy cringed. _Is it me, or did she just figure out my High Noid may or may not be able to attack sideways!? What a sidewinder!_

"Bakugan Brawl! Tuskor, stand!"

Mortal enemies were summoned. A tough brown wolf. A rocky elephant. Who will win!?!?

"TUSKOR POWER LEVEL 350 G'S."

"Ability card, activate! Nose Slap!" Let's ignore the fact that elephants don't really have noses, and trunks and noses are different, and just concentrate on the fight already. Said trunknose grew abnormally long, like a weird chain mace, and started slapping the field nearby where High Noid was standing! "It makes Tuskor's snout grow huge and attack the next field over! Alright, Tuskor! Lock him in the stables and _don't let him out 'till supper!_"

Tuskor, in a fit of intense rage, slaughtered High Noid and sent him back to Billy, who was shocked by her newly-attained dissing abilities.

"Well, that solved one problem. Wolves can't beat elephants." Billy tipped his hat. "But you'll be sad to know that your best...is not good enough! Gate card, set!" The elephant cowered in fear as a card was set in front of it. "Bakugan Brawl! Wormpoint, stand!"

A giant earthy sandworm appeared, dug underground, made an eagle's caw, came back out, went back in, then came back in with a resounding "CAWWWWWW!!"

"WORMPOINT'S POWER LEVEL 340 G'S."

Wormpoint dug underground AGAIN and wiggled around. Julie made a really audible gasp.

"Ability card, activate!" Billy went on. "Sand Trap!"

Some notreallydeep sand appeared under Tuskor's feet. It didn't look like much, but, you know, elephants. Wormpoint revealed itself again just to taunt Tuskor some.

"Silly Billy!" Julie rhymed, reminding herself of Dan. "There's no way that card could--"

"CARD DECREASED TUSKOR'S POWER LEVEL BY 50 G'S."

"...oh..."

A giant mouth appeared from below and gobbled up Tuskor. "_**NOM,**_" it boomed, going underground then overground then underground then overground then underground again. Each marble was returned to its owner.

"Another question answered. Elephants can't defeat worms." Billy brought up a respectable and fairly solid point.

Julie was in deep trouble! What could she possibly do? What she SHOULD have done in the BEGINNING! Yeah, THAT'S the thing!

"Gorem, help me. Help me!"

"_I will do my very best to--_"

"Like, I'll _die_ if I don't get this brawl turned in my favor!"

"_Oh, in that case I'll definitely win...for you, I guess._"

"If worms can beat elephants, I'd bet'cha any of my two penny loafers that you'll be just another scrap in the pigsty for the pigs to come eat up after I'm through with this'n!" Billy said confidently. His Wormpoint was back on the field, marking the first time anyone has ever played a Bakugan without having to say "Bakugan brawl stand" in recorded history.

"Gorem, show me what you've got!"

She threw a marble. But like a boomerang, the marble came back.

"WHAAAAA!?!? But Gorem, when I throw you out, that means you get out and you battle! You're supposed to be obedient, like Pokeymans!"

"_I have no idea what a "Pokeyman" is, but I can tell you that the time isn't right._"

"Why?"

"_Uhh...I dunno, it...just isn't right. Maybe it's something about the temperature in here. Either way, I just...don't feel like it. Doesn't feel safe._" He coughed.

"Okay, sooooo.....did you...know if it wasn't safe for me in those two other rounds I just went through?"

"_Uhhhh...maybe._"

"_Hurry up, Julie! _ Dang, yer as slow as a cowpoke on a Saturday afternoon! DO something already!"

"No!"

"Then I guess it's STILL my turn! Gate card, set!"

SHWOOP.

"Batter up!"

"No!"

"Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!" Just then, that fat cyclops guy popped up again.

"OOOOGBUFEBLEHHHH," he spewed. And he was right in front of Julie now.

"Ability card, activate! Staredown!"

Cycloid's eye started glowing bright red. Then...it STARTED FIRING A LASER.

"_See? Told you something about the temperature wasn't safe, Julie. Lasers are dangerous stuff. Don't play with firearms._"

"I didn't know you could see in that ball form!" Julie said.

"_Now you do._"

"I'm learning so much today!" The laser got close to her, and she leaped back! "Aah! A laser!"

"_See what I told you? Please follow my advice. It's always right because I don't give much advice._"

"This laser's dangerous, all right, yep yep! This here box it's makin' around the whole field'll make every single one o' yer Bakugan it's gonna be holdin' lose 50 G's!"

Julie squealed, "Aah! AAH! Quick, summon a gate card over there!" SHWOOP. "Quick, summon Sphinxguy over there!" RAWR. "Quick, don't get killed! AAH! A--"

"_Wait a second, stop screaming for a moment. If it decreases the attack of everything else by 50 G's...isn't that a pretty slight difference? I don't know. Ask someone else._"

"Huh." She stared blankly. "Well, anyways, I'll use the ability card Copycat!" A certain Wormpoint guy flew out of the ground. "This allows me to copy Wormpoint's ability!" Sphinxguy clawed Wormpoint. An astounding finish.

"Purdy good, I say, but not good enough for Billehboy! Ability card, activate! Grand Slide!" Some red pulsing in the ground caused Sphinxguy's card to move next to Cycloid. Since the rules were so weird, I guess Cycloid could now use an attack similar to Nose Slap. However that works.

"SPHINXGUY'S POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 250 G'S."

"Oh NOOOOO! There's no way I can counter that with, say, an ability card!"

"OOGFEBLE-EH, PEROFIGFIBLUBLE-EH!!!" Using his hammer for a change, Cycloid whacked Sphinxguy with a hammer, doing decent enough damage to defeat him. The marble bounced away. Julie must not have cared about it.

"I've had just about ENOUGH o' THIS!" Billy shouted.

"Enough of what?"

"Enough of what? Enough of you not usin' that there new Bakugan you just announced you had earlier today! You start braggin' about it but then suddenly you just keep it to yerself! If you don't use you Bakugan for once I'm gonna have to get over there and make ya."

"FFFEH!"

_What should I do!?_ Julie thought, feeling like she'd been suddenly shoved under the spotlight. _I've got two choices: A: use Gorem, or B: get beat up! What's better for our personal well-being!?!?_

"_I dunno, Julie. It still feels pretty warm in here. Or something. I don't know if I want to share my sorrows with anyone, if that means them sharing their sorrows with me. I mean, I just wanted to talk, is all. So why don't we just--_"

Julie did a pitch of her own...and glowed an orangey orange somehow while doing it! "Batter up, Baku-*******. Gorem, stand!" And she threw the marble with such force and fighting spirit that it hit Cycloid right in the horn and made him fall over onto his back!

"JEHSUHAFABLAHHHH!!!" he spewed, kicking up a dust cloud.

"Hey!" Billy cried. "That wasn't very nice, now, was it? Fer starters nobody calls me a *******, and for seconders nobody hits Cycloid in the danged horn! Good thing hittin' Bakugan in the horn doesn't have any effect whatsoever on its power!"

Suddenly, a golem appeared, towering over everybody with his extremely long legs. He looked like a yellow-and-brown castle pillar, somewhat, now with his arms askew and a thick green moss growing at the top.

"BLEH-BU-BU-**BWEH**!?!?" Cycloid spewed in shock.

"What's that thing called again? I'm afraid I can't remember the name for the life o' me," Billy asked, a hand cupped over an ear.

"That...is Gorem!"

"Hey, Gorem! Pick me up, would ya?" Julie demanded.

And the mighty castle pillar stood, turned to her and said, "_Er, okay. If you want me to._" And he lifted her up in his big, rocky hands.

"Oh, Gorem, you're the best Bakugan a girl could ever have!"

"_Thanks,_" with a cough.

"...!!!!!" Cycloid was so filled to the brim with rage, it might just have spilled over out from his mouth! But it didn't, so that was good.

"Well, let's just see what happens if I do this! Ability card, activate! Mega Impact!"

"_Rrrah!_" Gorem braced himself for the oncoming power boost of...

"GOREM POWER INCREASED BY 50 G'S."

"430 G's!? Even with 50 not bein' much of a number all by itself-like, takin' care of this mockery of yer basic golem is the first thing we gotta do, now, Cycloid!"

"ERGH!" Cycloid gave a nod.

"Gate card, open! Level Down!" More of that weird language appeared underfoot, and made Gorem kneel! "This makes'm lose 100 G's!"

"GOREM POWER LEVEL REDUCED TO 330 G'S."

"Protect me, Gorem!"

"_I...don't think I can right now._"

"Now I'm sad!"

"**_Nnnooooooooo!_**"

"Not so high 'n' mighty now, when you've gotten off yer high 'n' mighty perch? Go now, my Cycloid!"

"RAREGGAFRAGGEMAFRAH, RAGAMAGAFRAGAMUHFLAHHHH!!!" Cycloid said with power and anger, rushing forth...slowly.

This gave Julie enough time to say, "You won't be alright, since I'm not using an ability card!"

"_Please use one, or I'll have to just die out here. Or whatever happens when we lose._"

"But we can't lose!"

"_Or what? What'll happen?_"

"Uhh...Billy will...hold me in low regards!"

"_You care about Billy?_"

"Uhh...maybe."

And just then, for a moment, Gorem felt he and Julie were just alike. They were gonna get along swell.

When nobody was looking, Julie activated an ability card.

Cycloid was still charging forth. "....."

From out of nowhere, miscellaneous Japanese characters appeared all around Gorem as he spoke the words: "Rise, shining rock!" Capitalized English text took its place, the letters reading straight downward: "THE BIG SHIELD!"

He held out a big shield.

Cycloid suddenly gained speed, turning into a mere impression in the air! He battered the shield with his hammer hitting it tens of times a second and faster than the animation could ever display, all the while chanting battle cries of "ARARARARARARARARARARARARARA!!"

This slowed down to "ARARARA! ARA! ARA...ARA...ara...a...ah..." Cycloid collapsed.

"CYCLOID'S POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 270 G'S."

"****it, I THOUGHT that would've DEFEATED him!" Julie groaned.

"Hey, Cycloid, ya tired?" Billy asked.

"YEAH!"

"Give it a quick hit, just fer good measure!"

Cycloid shrugged before another one of those "ARARARARARA"s. Instead of slowing down, his hammer broke, and he began to sob, and so that was the end of it.

"...And for our finishing move, we punch him!" Julie cried triumphantly.

"_...He's already on the ground, sobbing. Why should we punch him when he's on the ground, sobbing?_"

"I SAID for our finishing move we PUNCH him."

"_Okay, fine._" He punched Cycloid out, and THAT was the end of it.

"...Oh, Gorem, you big, beautiful *******!" Julie leaped around dangerously. "You did it!"

"_Uh, should I take offense to that?_"

"Not when I say it to YOU!"

They warped back onto the scenic red Grand Canyon brawling arena area.

"Good job back there, Julie," Billy said. "Had to admit that back there was some purdy good brawlin', I tell you what."

"And I'll tell YOU what," Julie said. "I think me and Gorem are gonna be a perfect match!"

"Does that mean you're in love? Does that mean you're off my back?"

"Uhh, maybe!" She winked.

"Blecch! Gotta get out o' this here canyon place, waaaaaugh!"

"FAHFLKEUGFNCWFAOFMBFHJAG!!!"

Billy and Cycloid stormed off.

Back at Julie's house...

"Look, guys!" Julie showed off her brand-spankin'-new Bakugan to her Internet chums. "This is Gorem! You can call him Gore!"

"_No you can't._"

"Wow, I'm so glad you've given in to peer pressure and gotten a spherical miracle Bakugan of your own!" Dan beamed.

"According to my calculations, I'm so happy for you!"

"That's, like, cool, I guess!"

"Now **I'll** have to give into peer pressure and get **my** own talking Bakugan!" Alice said, sounding but not feeling elated.

"HI I'M PREYUS AND THIS IS MY BUDDY DRAGO!" Preyus said in one breath.

"_Drag-what?_"

"It's not Drag-OH or Drag-ON, ****it, it's ENDYMIO!" Drago -- I mean, Endymio corrected.

"_Oh, okay, then. I'll call you Endymio._"

"Oh, that silly Drago! Don't listen to him!" Julie dismissed it with a sassy hand wave.

"_Uh, okay._"

"Grrr..." Drago cursed under his breath.

"And this is Tig!" Runo said, perhaps affectionately.

"I told you, do not call me that! My name is Halo Tiger, _there is no Tig_."

"She's silly, too!" Runo similarly dismissed.

"See, Gorem? You have MAny FRWIENDS now!" Julie curdled, rubbing and wiggling Gorem around.

"_They're my friends?_"

"Yeah, duh!"

"_Uh, sure._" Cough.

_Marucho here. Shun just joined Foursquare, so we're all hyped and ready to get out of the house/huge pricey tower and sneak into his summer house on the South Pole! But he finds us anyway! We end up having to battle him, predictably! Also, unfortunately (or, alternatively, fortunately) our arguably most humorous member of the team Dan Cra - excuse me, Kuso - is out sick. Please, help us, Shun! Wait, Shun's not even here, he can't answer -_

_whisperwhisperwhisper_

_I have to follow the script!? Oh, is THIS a dilemma! *deep breath* __Onlyifyoubrawlusfirstbutthat'''tforgettoKEEPBRAWLING!__ Bakugan Brawl! Let's do this!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	11. Chapter 11

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUNS HERE YAY -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Eleven  
Coolest Guy Alive**

Dan, Marucho, and Runo were at a pier together...just when we got a little character development on Julie and Alice. Anyways, a big weirdo with wavy green-and-purple hair stood at the end of it. "Hey, yooz threez kidzez, ya wanna battle...zez?" he asked in a really weird voice.

"Are you one of Mask the Money's lackeys, by chance?" Marucho wondered aloud.

"YEPzez!"

"This is getting quite old," he whined, putting one hand on his forehead. "If we choose to refuse our battle invitation, we have a zero percent chance of losing our Bakugan. It's the smartest--"

"I'll battle you, just for fun!" Runo put her Bakugan launcher thing on.

"No way!" Dan cried. "I call dibs!"

"This is MY battle! I called first!"

"Keroro Gunsou calls dibs!"

"When did that action figure get here?"

"GATE CARD OPEN-zez!" the weirdo said, and since Dan AND his action figure BOTH called dibs, he went in there to brawl.

Four rounds passed. Weirdo got beat up some. So did Dan.

"Alright!" Dan boomed. "Here's the tiebreaker! Drago, come out here!"

Drago appeared, and sighed. "****it, Dan! Do you always have to ****in' take every ****in' chance you get at murdering two more of your Bakugan? Stupid, just plain ****in' stupid."

He would have to face a green Rhino Demon known as Rhino Demoneer.

There was a gust of wind.

Everyone came out of the portal.

"Hey, who won?" Runo asked, looking agitated.

"Uhh...I dunno!"

Weirdo leaped onto a boat and revved it up! "Youzez threezez have notz seenz da lastzez of MEzez!" The motorboat practically flew away on the waters.

"And Dan Da Man wins again. Told ya there was nothing to worry about, Drago!"

"And now two survivors of Vestroia have just been EATEN and forced to fall into a WORSE THAN DEATH EXPERIENCE! ANd you STILL think-"

Dan got hit in the head with a fish...a tuna. "Hey, a fish! Maybe it's a prize for winning! Aoum!" He ate the whole thing in one bite. Then he fainted.

"Dan!" Marucho and Runo came to his aid, both blurting out, "Dan, I hope you're alright! Dan, avoid brawls you don't have to play! If you hadn't called dibs you wouldn't have eaten the fish, so I hope you're happy!"

At Dan's house...

Father Figure opened the door, holding a bottle of medicine and a lil' cup for holding it in. "Da-an, gotta take your Piscehelpebin!" he sang.

"Meh, not right now," the bedridden son moaned back.

"But if you don't take it, you'll never get any better! Mom wants you to take it, too!"

"Mom's in a coma! Besides, it's banana-flavored. That's the worst flavor of medicine the world has ever known...next to grape."

"Well, your loss!" Father Figure shrugged, walking back downstairs and not fearing for his son's health in any way imaginable.

"...So Dan, you feel mostly alright, affirmative?" Marucho asked, sitting next to him with Runo.

"Yeah...'cept for the memory loss and I'm seeing things...is it just me, or are Suchi and Akuma still living on the roof, and is the car still there?"

"They're still there."

"Oh, good. Then I feel one hundred percent better!"

"Better stay in bed a little while longer..." Runo said.

"Glad you care so much all of a sudden-"

"_...Mr. Bedinski._"

"...grrrrrrRUUUNOOOOOOOOO I KNEw this would turn into a total snooze fest! La-ame!"

"Calm down, calm down!" Marucho raised his hands like a referee to stop the dumfight. "Let us discuss Bakugan strategies. According to my data-"

"IN ENGLISH." Runo brooded.

"...Okay, so Dan, every single one of your Bakugan are Pirates."

"Correct!"

"And Runo, every single one of YOUR Bakugan are Chaos."

"Yeah?"

"And every single one of **MY** Bakugan are Wet Ones."

"What's your point?"

"...WE NEED MORE ATTRIBUTES."

"Oh, you mean like buying more?" Runo said. "I could totally do that when I get off work."

"No, I mean going to the South Pole in order to find Shun and tell him to join our team so we can all five together have five attributes. Because you KNOW we'll ALWAYS be fighting together, right?"

"...Not a flawed plan at all!" Runo agreed. "I hear Shun's joined ! We can tell exactly when he's leaving home and exactly where he lives, so then we can ask him without being shot at or anything!"

"Well, _I_ say it's pretty flawed!" Dan pouted.

"Really!?" gasped Marucho. "How so?"

"Shun's...a BIG DUMMY."

"More like a BIG HUNK."

"...Right. A BIG HUNK O' DUMB."

"...Well, you're sick in bed, so us two will just go take my half-billion-dollar private hovercraft to Shun's house!" Marucho hopped off the chair. "C'mon, Runo!"

"Alright! It's so awesome that Shun has a vacation house here in Japan, right, Dan?" Runo gave some slightly useful info.

"Grr," Dan Da Man bared his teeth.

In Marucho's hovercraft (with snacks)...

Runo stuffed some Chex Mix into her mouth as they huddled around the laptop. "OHHHHmygawd," she spittled, "Dan's gonna be SOOOOOOO mad when he figures out what we're doing. Om nom nom nom."

"It should be any moment now," Marucho speculated. "According to .edu, Shun goes out every day about this time to stare at the moon. It should be safe to sneak up on him riiiight aboooooout..."

_Shun has just exited location Shun's House at the South Pole._

"Now! Butler, fly us to the South Pole!" he screamed to the guy in the front seat.

"Yes, right away, sir."

"I wonder why Dan thinks Shun's such a dummy all of a sudden," Runo said, still eating a bunch. "I mean, if they ever meet, it seems like they SHOULD be the best of buds! I mean, really! Calm, cool, collected guy meets spastic jerk hero! How can they **not**?"

"Polar opposites?"

"WOW, THAT'S not interesting in the SLIGHTEST!!" Preyus butted in.

"Fear not, Master Marucho, for we arrive here at our destination," the butler said. Outside of their plexiglas windows lay a vast expanse of icy mountains in the night. And in the middle of them lay a vast estate, filled with lush grasses and heavy artillery!

"Wow, this house is awesome and physically not possible!" Marucho marveled.

"Wow, that was SHORT!" Runo marveled.

"Eh. Gets longer the more you ride it."

The butler landed the aircraft. The two self-proclaimed brawlers leaped off and into the snow. "Looks like it would be so cold," Runo pointed out, "but...why can I wear these revealing clothes and not feel it?"

"Speculators say that Shun has hired a group of private scientists and engineers just to help build a field of warmth around his house. Apparently took five years of work, or something to that effect. Either way, I sure don't get it, and I'm supposed to be the SMART one!"

In front of them stood a huge wooden gateway, closed and not letting them see the particularly awesome front yard. "Hey! Open up, Shun!" Runo yelped.

The gate opened.

And there was LIGHT!

Suddenly the front yard was illuminated, mysteriously, half a kilometer long and full of extreme woodland creatures. Grizzly bears with roller skates! King penguins with top hats! Pygmy hippopotamuses with functional angel wings! Three-foot-tall geckoes with attitude! Multicolored hedgehogs! Electric ducks! Tree-climbing rhinoceroses! Herbivorous tigers! Dark blue trees! All that and _more!_

Marucho slapped his hand to his mouth and struggled to keep his surprise inside. "It's even more awesome up close..."

"...Cool..."

"Well...l-l-l-let's...not waste any time--"

"Wheeeee!" Runo boarded the tiger, which was chewing grass.

"No, Runo! That's dangerous! D-d-DANgerous conduct!"

The tiger looked around, then sniffed.

"See? It's fine. This tiger's too awesome, anyways. Now, tiger! Take me to Shun's house and follow my command!"

"Yip YIP!" The tiger leaped and bounded forth.

"You're even better than that OTHER tiger I know!"

"Wait - uh -" Marucho reached for them, but without luck. "Guess I'll just have to get a mount of my own..." A pygmy winged hippo seemed to take a liking to him. He got on. "Giddyup!"

"Whoop WHOOP!" The pygmy hippo flew at an average speed of ten miles per hour.

They shortly arrived at Shun's cool house. It looked like the type of place a cool kid would live in, that's for sure. It was an ice pyramid! Runo met Marucho at the entrance to this place.

"So why the heck would this place be warm," Runo asked, "but still have ice in it?"

"Complex and accurate science?"

They all shrugged. Even the hippo!

Inside it looked like a true ice paradise.b The pillars were ice, the ceilings were ice, the floors were non-slip ice, ICE! Again, it was not cold.

_Wump!_

Was that a weird sound they just heard from their left?

_Dump dump!_

The walls over there, were they about to attack?

_Da doop doop!_

"Okay, Runo...proceed with caution..."

_Dananaaaaaaaaa..._

"I'm scared..."

"Don't be!" Runo demanded.

"Alright..."

_KAPLOOOOOSH! Bang bang! Ragglefraggle! Oopadoopadoop! Bleh! Blah! Froot Loops! Warning! Pigglewiggle! Oop doop!_

"This is just a joke now," Marucho deduced. Good for them, because they just reached a dead end.

"Now we break through the walls!"

Runo was just about to command her tiger to attack when the wall before them slid down, revealing Shun! The Shun in question was dressed in full Sega uniform, even wearing a cap to show it off to the world. He was even playing a Sega Station Portable while sitting on an office desk.

"Yo."

Their expressions were blank.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Runo put her hands on her hips and stood up.

"Oh, nothing." He looked down at his Sega attire. "Oh, this? Sega's paying me to endorse them. Don't mind that. I'll...put a blazer on over it, if you want."

"No, no, not that! I mean the...attitude, the personality! I thought you were all cool and stuff!"

"I'm still cool. Probably in a literal sense, too. But what the hell is going on with _you,_ just breaking into my house?"

Marucho blurted out, "We heard you joined Foursquare -"

"That's everyone's excuse. You don't come to my house unless I let you. It's, you know...rude. And I was in here the whole time. This happens a lot."

"W-w-well," stammered Marucho, "m-m-maybe you'd react differently if we told you that we need your help to defeat Mask the Money! He's mean, taking away everyone's Bakugan and eating them, and if we don't get all six attributes on our side we automatically have no chance of besting him in combat!"

"I think you need better logic, kid."

"You can call me Marucho."

"Uh, yeah, Marucho. Just get out of my house and don't ask me to join any of your Bakugan-playing teams. I play alone."

"At least tell me why you're acting so weird!" Runo said.

"Fine. Somebody gave me a stern talking to about life, I changed my personality, and...now I might act a little differently, buuut I'm still the same Shun on the inside." He put his Sega merchandise into sleep mode and set it on the desk. "Now get out."

"WHAAAAA!?!?" Marucho gasped. "But...but...but-but...but..."

_BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS WILL BE RIGHT BACK. HUAHHHHH_

_BACK TO BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS. HYAHHHHH_

Marucho and Runo banged helplessly on the once-voice-controlled doors. "Shun! Shun! Let us back in! Defeat Mask the Money with us! At LEAST let me keep the tiger!"

Somewhere else, Sega-endorsing Shun was in one of the outhouses behind his pyramid. He wasn't there to use the bathroom...he was there to talk with a Bakugan, who was waiting on the wooden shelf.

"Shun," a haughty voice said, "are you SURE you want these kids to leave? I mean, they sound like total idiots, but even so, I mean, th-th-they came a long way! Do you _really_ want to send them away just like that? Don't you want to, oh, I dunno, battle them? It's not like it would be any trouble, anyway. I mean, I COULD -"

"I guess you might be right about that," Shun said, leaning against the wall and looking out the window at the moon...as usual.

"Good! Besides, I will practically EXPLODE if I don't get to battle again soon! Don't just do what's best for your heart, do what's best for me, your comrade!"

"...Okay, Skyress. I'll give them a battle before sending them off."

Intense music started up. Shun opened one of his outhouse drawers, peered inside, and knew this was going to be a brawl those kids would never forget...

Pacing back and forth in the Antarctic tundra...

"I can't believe he just blew us off like that!" Runo moaned.

"I know, right?"

_Dododoom!_

"And what the hell was that noise!?" Runo stopped pacing.

"Hey!" Marucho realized. "Dramatic music...THAT means..."

_Dadoom! WompWEEEMPwawawo-o-ooomp..._

From out of seemingly nowhere, Shun leaped onto the ground like a ninja warrior!

"Hey, Shun's back! Does this mean you're gonna join us? And let me keep the tiger!?"

_*cowboy spur sound effect*_

Shun said nothing. He slowly rose, as if poised to strike. He tightened his fingerless gloves, making his hand go all wiggly.

"So you're gonna join us!?!?" Runo repeated.

"Only if you beat me."

"I've got dibs on THIS one!" Runo excitedly chirped.

"No way! I have a better chance pitting my Wet Ones against his Air Vents! Polar opposites, remember?"

"I'll take you _both_ on."

"WHAT!?!? You can't be serious!"

"Very much so." Shun turned around, to his Bakugan which he was now holding, the green Skyress.

"Oh, yes! You just HAVE to utilize me in this battle! Oh, are you not going to? Are you implying that I'm weak!? Foo-"

"I won't be needing you in _this_ match."

"FOOL! **FOOL!** That's BLASPHEMY!!"

"You be quiet." He put the marble in his pocket.

"...What's he doing? I can't hear him, for some reason!" Runo complained, field card in her fist. Marucho shrugged.

Shun ripped a wooden slab out from behind his back!

_Is it a weapon?_ Marucho thought.

He unfolded its four legs!

_Is he going to fight us with a TABLE?_ Marucho thought again.

_Freaking tables!_ Runo thought.

He slammed it on the ground, along with a triple checkerboard! All of the pieces, marked with everyone's favorite Bakugan attribute's color, were already set! "Eight to a player. Ready when you are."

Blank expressions all around.

"To king you must reach the two rows where my pieces are right now."

"....W-w-w-well, even though it's not BAKUGAN, at LEAST he still doesn't know what he's doing, right? Two against one! No losing when you've got, uh, sixteen-on-eight!" Runo sounded worried.

"Do not worry, Runo, for checkers is a non-complicated but deep game involving strategy and...jumping over all of Shun's pieces. Do you...have any chairs?"

"No. We stand." Shun's voice was serious, mellow...and _cool._

Marucho wiped the sweat from his brow. _Oh, shookins! If intimidation was his strategy, it probably worked!_ he thought in peril.

"What are you waiting for? You can decide who gets the first move."

"I will!" Runo raised her hand.

"No! Let's predict what our opponent's moves will be! Shun, you go first."

"As you wish."

And now, everyone was positioned at their side of the checkerboard, Runo taking left flank, Marucho taking right! No matter what the game, Bakugan, checkers, Space Mambo, they were going to win it!

Shun moved one piece forward.

"Runo, we've got to work together on this!" Marucho called out to the other end of the table. "Strategize!"

"There will be no discussion at the table."

The two friends made eye contact for a quick moment, then turned back to their playing field.

Before the short guy could make a move, Runo moved one piece forward.

_This is NOT good! Runo's got herself into a position in which I predict Shun might be targeting! Oh, what is Shun's complex strategy here!? Okay, get yourself together, Marucho. Alright, then..maybe if I move this piece here and let it sit there, it can guard against any later tricks he might be planning! But maybe if he moves over here, he can jump there. But when should I worry about that? As long as I have to? Too much pressure! I move here._

Marucho moved one piece forward.

Shun moved one piece forward. Now one piece was a few rows ahead of the rest of them.

_I see what Marucho's trying to do. He's thinking up of crazy strategies to try and predict whatever Shun's doing. Deceptively simple so far. If I can get much farther I can probably jump him, maybe even two in a row soon... But wait! Maybe he's going to leave all his other pieces back there and pick off of me! I won't be having that!_

Runo moved one piece forward. Two pieces next to each other.

_Good! Maybe Runo's strategizing! But this strategy just will not do! It should appear that Shun is taking up a scapegoat strategy, because if he moves here and then here...Runo'll be done for! She cannot be eliminated! For the sake of our teeeeeam!_

Marucho moved one piece forward. One piece on each side.

Shun moved another piece forward.

Okay, the suspense is killing everyone. Who won and how?

Well, Marucho had his field set up in some sort of crazy defensive maneuver, though most pieces were just safe on the sides. Runo was sending her troops forth, and was positioned in such a way that she could destroy Shun in one more move. You see, at this moment Shun had taken his turn, and he had completely ignored Runo's warning. Instead, he moved another piece forward, setting his destiny in stone.

"I've got you now!!" Runo cried.

The white piece went up and down, hopping over the carefully-positioned losing strategy of the cool kid. Six checker pieces were arranged like the side of a die, then two more formed a six cross-section of sorts, making two sixes joined by a square of four. Using this dumb situation to her advantage, Runo was successfully able to not strategize crazily and just win already!

"Oh no, we...won...!?" Marucho looked up at them, once grief-stricken. "Oh, THAT'S a relief."

"Ah, beaten again." In an instant, Shun folded up the game table and put it on his back again. "Too bad I lost, but hey."

"You know _nothing_ about checkers strategies!" Runo pointed out. "Why did you even try to take us on with that!? You're so much less cool than I imagined!"

"You will find that coolness is a feeling, not an adjective." He blew away in the wind.

Her heart skipped a beat.

He suddenly reappeared. "Oh, and I know I suck at checkers. I was just tired of playing Bakugan, and I thought my intimidation tactics would actually work. So much for that. I knew I shouldn't have played against you, but SOMEBODY convinced me OTHERWISE."

"Maybe this is a good thing!" Skyress said from his pocket. "Maybe you should listen to MY advice more OFTEN. Hmph."

"Maybe she's right. I'll just have to talk to Hammy the Hamster again."

"HAMMY the HAMSTER!?!?"

"Long story. Anyways, until we next meet on the internet chatrooms...and get out." He blew away in the wind.

"...Oh my GAAAAAWD!! We totally got Shun on our side!" Runo cheered. "Yes! This is totally sweet! I mean, I whole-heartedly expected this to work, but never like this in an easy game o' checkers! Ha HAAAAA!"

"We'd better go home and tell everyone the good news! Who knows, maybe Shun'll be on the chatroom tonight!"

"Cool, let's go!"

Fitting parting words for a battle with the coolest guy alive.

_Hey, Dan here. I figure out that Mask the Money is ranked number 619, while Shun is all the way down to rank 613! What the heeeeeeck, man? Hey, we're on the same team now, so maybe I'll be able to talk to him about it! But he won't tell anyone! What the heeeeeck? So I'll just battle it out of him! Oh and his mom's sick too. Hey, be there! Bakugan Brawl! *wipes nose* Heh heh!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	12. Chapter 12

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Twelve**

**Bakugan Stall**

Today we look back on Huaraz, Peru, a city which now looks nearly totally unremarkable thanks to the intense urbanization and mostly-sameness. A bunch of people stared into the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit cafe, mostly perverted men.

"I'll be right with you..." a shy, shy, so very shy voice mumbled.

"Aaaaahhh," crowds of grown men swooned.

Alice, dressed in a skimpy maid outfit, struggled to keep up with the customers. "One low-fat espresso for you boys," she said in a hard-to-hear voice.

"Espresso, right!" some fat boy said, taking a lil' cup and drinking some. Then he fainted on the table.

"Hey, do you hear the fire alarm?" another minor cried.

"No, why?"

"'Cuz yer smokin'!"

"Smokin' HOT!" the others chimed in.

"Aah!" Alice tiptoed away.

This was the perfect time to think, _I wonder if I told Runo that Grandfather Michael is also Hal G. Boy, what a tale! No, think shy thoughts! Oh, I wish I could tell someone..._

At the counter, some glasses-wearing guy said to real coffee-making Fabio, "Hey, that waitress of yours sure is good fer business! Makes up for the food, ya know!"

"If-a you mean business by sex, you're-a right-a!" Fabio replied with a hearty laugh. "But-a seriously-a, don't-a tell my dear Runo-a. The skimpy clothing-a doesn't-a seem-a to be-a working as much-a as it used to-a, if-a you know what I mean-a."

At the sink not far away, Runo was washing dishes...and she looked so darn giddy! She washed dishes way too quickly, and with real style, too!

"Runo, might I ask what is wrong?" Halo Tiger asked from her pocket. "You seem a little too...cheery."

"It's just that I'm so excited, because oh my GAAAAAWD Shun's joining our team! He might be a little weird, but hey, Shun!"

"Where was I when all of this happened?"

"Hey, Runo--"

One of her cups broke as it hit the ground.

"...Hey, just...wanted to talk about...something," Alice said. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, nothing! It's just oh my GAAAAAWD something AWESOME is gonna happen on the chatroom tonight! Better keep it a secret so that you can find out right when it happens because it's just so...oh my GAWD this is so SWEET!"

"Can we talk about something?"

"Oh my GAW -- yeah, we can talk."

At Shun's cool house...

_Waaamp wooooomp WEEEEEEMP wooooooomp_

The worst flute in the shape of a leaf you've ever heard played. Shun was playing it, sitting on the pointy roof somehow, looking at the ever-full moon as usual. He was wearing a purple coat-type thing over a black shirt tonight. He felt tempted to break the thing in half. "Man, I'll NEVER get good at playing this thing!" he groaned.

"Hey, Shun! Even more weird crap, coming soon!" It was Hammy the Hamster, sitting on his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong? You haven't spoken to the brawlers yet. Why?"

"I don't have their IP address, so even if I wanted to..."

"Oh, that's too bad. Try to find it somewhere!" Hammy chirped.

"Good idea."

At Dan's house...

"DAN RANKED AT NUMBER 532."

Dan scanned the Bakugan leaderboards, which were mysteriously tracked by who-knows-what. "How'd Runo get up here so fast?" he wondered aloud. "And at number one is a _big jerk!_ Named Mask the Money! And Shun, you're really lettin' yourself go, at 613th place! What the heeeeeck?"

"So Shun used to be number one?" Drago said from the table.

"Yeah...until he DROPPED HIS MARBLES and never bothered to pick 'em back up again. I heard a rumor he's quitting Bakugan."

"WHAT!?"

And then we flashbacked.

"I remember the first time I met Shun. It was on the Internet! I found some guy when Bakugans started falling down from the sky. We laid down the rules! And everyone followed them! EVERYONE!"

_"How about for the Air Vent attribute, we invent a Backdraft ability which does thus and so, and then a Triple Kettle ability which does thus and so, and then a blah ba blah ba blah?" Shun said over a private chat._

_Dan gave a thumbs-up._

"And then they were the rules, because we said they were! But then, RIGHT in the middle of a jam session, he logged off...FOREVER."

_"What cards ya got today, Shun?"_

_"Sorry, I'm...too COOL for this." Shun logged off. FOREVER._

"It's like he changed when his mom went into the hospital. Why would that ever happen to anybody? Personality changes after trauma? Ha!"

"Dan, you're stupid."

Back on Shun's pointy roof...

"Shun, stop beating yourself up!" Skyress demanded. "And stop talking to Hammy the Hamster! He doesn't exist! He's giving me the creeps! And nobody gives ME the creeps!"

"Quiet, I'm deep in thought."

"F-f-f-fine! But don't take this as an act of inferiority! Hmph!" The Bakugan rolled away.

_Beep...beep...beep...beep...went the steady beat of the machine._

_Shun sat alone with his mother in a hospital room._

_"Shun...you...came..." she said weakly. Once a powerful and strong woman, his mother had since fallen into weakness, sickness and, soon, death._

_"Mother...is there anything you want me to do for you?" Shun said._

_"Oh...yes...there is...something."_

_"What is it, mother?"_

_"It's...in my...purse," she choked out. "I...think...you'll like it."_

_"But...mother, you know I don't want anything. I don't need it. I'm too cool for that."_

_"I...know that. That's always your excuse. Too cool for this...too cool for...that..." his mother said wistfully. "But sometimes a mother gives her children things...because she...wants to. She just...wants to make them...happy. You are...not...too cool for this." She struggled to smile. "Now...go home and...open my purse, and...with luck you'll...come back in time to see my smile then."_

_"Don't think like that!"_

_"Oh, you shouldn't say that. I'll...be done in a few days at best, you and the doctors...know that full and well."_

_"...Okay, mother." Shun and his mother exchanged a hug, perhaps their last._

I wish mother would stop not caring for herself and...care for herself instead of me! She KNOWS I'm cool enough to last on my own out in the world!

_A single flower petal blew onto the table._

_Shun used to live with his divorced mother in a cheap apartment. Things were hard, but they were good enough. Now things were uncertain._

_"Shun!" a familiar voice boomed, hurting the boy's ears. His grandfather was on the television/phone screen. "Your house is about to me under MY control now! SO watch out, because I'm MEEEEEEEEEAN!!"_

_"Nobody's the boss of me! Not even my mom, because _I'm too cool for that!_" He burst through the door, forgot to lock it behind him, and headed straight for the elevator._

_Floor eight...seven...six...the broken elevator went back up to nine..._

_Shun slammed his hands against the cheap wooden doors, almost breaking them._

I'M TOO COOL FOR THIS, ****IT!! I CAN LIVE ON MY OWN, ****IT!! AND IF ANYONE'S GOING TO STOP ME, I'LL BE ****ED, ****IT!!

_Out the door to the hospital he went._

_Beep...beep...beep...beep..._

_His mother was wearing an oxygen mask now. An army of doctors and nurses looked over her._

_"It looks like...she's stabilized," a nurse said._

_"...Shun..." she said in her sleep._

The only thing between me and my mother,_ Shun thought, standing at the crosswalk, _is this 'DON'T WALK' sign! And she's gonna LIVE, ****it!

_The people walked._

_All except for Shun._

_Because Dan was there, too._

_"Hey, Shun!" Dan grabbed a starting-to-walk Shun by the arm._

_"What!?" he snapped._

_"Hey, don't get so snappy! Where've you been? Mom's in the hospital? What a bummer! Oh well, no time for that now! Let's get in the roof of Momo and start a brawl up there, because never have I had the pleasure of brawling you IN PERSON!' Without hesitation, Dan pulled him toward the tallest tower in all of Your Town._

_"Wait! Urgh! I'll say this once, and I'll say this many times more! I'M TOO COOL FOR THIS!!"_

_"Don't worry, Shun! Battles don't add time, remember?"_

_"Oh, phew. Fine, I'll battle."_

_"But the elevator ride's gonna be long, so sit tight!"_

_"Wait! I want out!"_

_"Whoops, too late!"_

_Within moments they were on the top of Momo Inc.'s headquarters of Your Town, Japan. Apparently, they were both ready to brawl._

_"Field, open!"_

_They appeared in another dimension. Shun hoped not for long. Why did he bring his Bakugan here again? Who knows? Kids bring them around everywhere these days._

_"Gate card, set!"_

_NYEEEEOWWWWWWW SHWOO-OO-OOP!_

_They both landed from twenty feet in the air without injury, as usual. "Look what I have here!" Dan began a stupid taunt. "It's your name, "Shun", but it's spelled out "Loser"! That works so much better in other languages, just trust me on that one!"_

_"It's times like this when I hate your attitude!"_

_"Too bad! Hwuh!"_

_NYEEEEOWWWWWWW SHWOO-OO-OOP! went another gate card._

_"Bakugan Brawl! Rhinozoid, stand!" An unremarkable rhino I'm sure you all know by now, now stood there waiting for something to do. "Take THIS on for size. Heh heh!"_

_"Bakugan Brawl! Falcon...er, Raven...er, wh-wh-whatever your name is, just get out here and brawl."_

_Moldy Raven emerged, a green man-bird, and gave him a harsh glance._

_"Al talk and no show again, Shun?" Dan taunted again. "Well, too bad, because I'm-a comin' with reinforcements! Warrius, stand!" He tossed his marble into the fray. Out of it emerged an orange-and-red ogre with a double-sided spiked club! How was Shun going to get himself out of THIS one!?_

_"Roar!" Warrius spun his club around and bared his shiny square teeth._

_"WARRIUS 290 G'S, SKY - RAVEN- FALCON - WH-WH-WHATEVER 310 G'S."_

_"Ability card, activate! Ring. Of. Fire!" I was tempted to sing as a ring. of. fire surrounded Warrius. Moldy Raven, a guy in an eyeless and stupid costume, shielded his eyes! Maybe that part of his suit was as thin as a tissue?_

_"MOLDY RAVEN'S POWER DECREASED TO 260 G'S."_

_Dan pumped a fist half-heartedly. "Ha! Just taught you a lesson in ultimate kung-fu moves back there! Just watch this uppercut!" Soundlessly, he held one arm at a right angle._

_"That is NOT kung-fu...s-so watch out! Gate card, activate!"_

_The area around Warrius grew cold and frigid...frigidly so! The fire went out, and Moldy Raven flew around some, just 'cause._

_"MOLDY RAVEN POWER LEVEL UP TO 360 G'S._

_"WHAT!?!?"_

_"Don't you remember, Dan? I MADE UP that card! You're even MORE of an amateur than I once THOUGHT!"_

_The really cold waters wiggled around some. Then Moldy Raven thought "screw it let's kick him" and shoved a foot full o' pain into Warrius' mouth._

_"Keep rollin', Hotshot!" Dan cheered...or...taunted?_

_There was a long, unwelcome pause between them._

_With deep breaths and a lost temper Shun said, "You...have just...crossed the line. You can take my patience...and you can take me to the top of Momo Your Town Tower...but never again will you call me a hotshot."_

_"....."_

_"Because I'm a COOLSHOT, ****it! Gate card, set!"_

_NYEEEEOWWWWWWW SHWOO-OO-OOP!_

_"Bakugan Brawl! Moldy Birdman, stand!"_

_"Ew, he's gross!" Even Dan had to hide his eyes from THIS moldy customer, even though he hadn't before._

_"...End turn...****it."_

_"And again, no first strike!? Wow, this is getting complicated! 'S rackin' my brain, man! What is this, CHESS!?" Dan clutched his forehead. "Oh well! Let's throw strategy out the window! Bakugan Brawl! Panja, stand!"_

_It seemed as though Panja the White Lion Demon had a grudge against Moldy Birdman, perhaps for shaking mold all over his luscious mane. But we digress. Anyways, Panja flew in front of Moldy Birdman, still in a standing position somehow._

_"MOLDY BIRDMAN POWER LEVEL 290 G'S, PANJA POWER LEVEL 300 G'S."_

_"Let's --"_

_"Let's --"_

_They looked at each other uncomfortably._

_"Let's ba--"_

_"Let's ba---"_

_They hesitated._

_"You speak first, Dan."_

_"No way! You're the COOLshot, right!?"_

_"Hm, you're right. I AM the coolshot, ****it! Let's battle!"_

_The two enemies swirled around each other, not unlike they might in a western-style shootout. Only in this battle they shot themselves out at each other, resulting in a tackle where Panja was obviously a bit stronger._

_"Gate card, open!" Shun commanded. Wind spiraled up from the depths of a gate card and gave Moldy Birdman the strength he needed to prevail!_

_"MOLDY BIRDMAN POWER UP 100 G'S."_

_"I don't like AMATEURS," Shun said snootily._

_"YOU'RE the amateur! Ability card, activate! Flameying Wing!"_

_Instantly, Panja's wings caught on fire. He was obviously in pain, and obviously it was impossible for flight, but SOMEHOW he was still airborne. He backed up for no discernible reason, then proceeded to attempt to slam the daylights out of 'im! He succeeded, and then rubbed all the fire and pain of his wings onto the man-bird hybrid! The pain made Moldy Birdman become a marble once more._

_"...Ba--"_

_"Ba--"_

_They hesitated again._

_"Ball's in your court, COOLshot."_

_"**** RIGHT it is! Gate card, set!" Shun replaced the destroyed field...again. "Bakugan Brawl! Moldy Raven - that's the name, right? Oh, good - stand!" On that same not-near-Rhinozoid field, Moldy Raven stood and waited, hungry for more._

_"Come on, quit stallin'!" Dan yelled, agitated. "What, does Mr. Coolshot not have any game left after Dan Da Man battled it out of him? After one little battle where he lost? Poor Coolshot!" He rubbed his eyes tauntingly._

_"I've got game, g******it! Just make your move already before I taunt YOU."_

_"Okay, alright, fine! I'll go along with your NOT-game!" Dans nickered to himself. "Bakugan Brawl! Panja, stand again!" Panja moaned at the proposition._

_Panja had 100 less gogos than Moldy Raven._

_Still, they got ready to square off._

_"Let's just brawl already!" they said together, no hesitation this time._

_The two square danced in the air. They continued to square dance. Yep, just...square dancing, is all._

_"Hey, Shun! Just wipe the floor with me already! Stop square dancing!"_

_"You're right. This ain't a rodeo. You do something, because I'm not causing anything like this."_

_"Okay, fine...because I'VE got ACTUAL game, unlike YOU, a certain COOLshot. Ability card, activate! Flameying Wing!"_

_"Gate card, open!"_

_"D'aw, not again!"_

_"You...really should have seen this coming, Dan. God, you're so much more of an amateur than I thought."_

_As Panja flew in pain, Moldy Birdman braced himself for impact...heartily._

_"MOLDY BIRDMAN POWER LEVEL APPROACHING 520 G'S. NOW IT IS, INDEED, 520 G'S."_

_As Panja flew forth, Moldy Raven took him down in a big suplex maneuver!_

_Without moving a jaw Dan said, "Still slacking off, huh, Coolshot?"_

_"Of course not! Didn't you see that big suplex maneuver I just pulled off? Feh! You're so stupid, Dan!"_

_"And you're one to talk!"_

_More Bakugan stuff comin' up! Ka-SHING!_

_Let the REAL games begin! Coolshot coming through! RAAAH_

_"Come on, Shun! Let's brawl!" Dan beckoned._

_"We HAVE been!"_

_"Let's brawl, for real this time, no gate cards or anything! You wanna show me you got game, huh, Shuncoolshot, huh? Well, Mr. Coolshot, just prove it to me!"_

_"Very well, then. Bakugan Brawl!" Shun threw a marble over near the bored Rhinozoid. It opened up and, in a flurry of sparkles, a magical butterfly princess appeared!_

_"...Whatever the heck THAT is, why should I, Dan Da Man, care?"_

_"Because of THIS! Ability card, activate!" Rhinozoid got pierced through the heart and flew away._

_Then, Dan remembered something Shun told him...and he flashed back. Ominous Latin chanting started up._

"How about for the Air Vent attribute, we invent a Backdraft ability which does thus and so, and then a Triple Kettle ability which does thus and so, and then a blah ba blah ba blah?" Shun said over a private chat.

Dan gave a thumbs-up.

Dan GAVE IT A THUMBS-UP.

How could I!!? _he asked himself, fearing perhaps he had gone mad. _This is the worst kind of irony! I gave a thumbs-up to the card that would be Rhinozoid's bane! This stinks!

_"That's right. This is the new ability card Backdraft, and ****it I made it!"_

_"Is MAKING DUMB MOVES ALSO one of the things you made?"_

_"No...but it's something YOU made."_

Darn, he's good!_ Dan started to worry. "W-w-well, Rhinozoid is done goofin' aROUND! Rhinozoid, stand!" And so Rhinozoid reappeared. He wasn't killed by the card, which was kind of good, I guess._

_"Ability card, activate! Backdraft!" Shun sent his magical butterfly princess back to his hand._

_"Double-you tee aych, man?" Dan did another half-hearted uppercut. "Is this some sort of fake out? Or something you push into a BEST FRIEND'S face when you DON'T WANNA SEE 'IM any more?"_

_"Eh. Little of both. Just keep playing."_

_"Why? Because you love pushing stuff into your friend's face SO MUCH!?"_

_"...Kind of...but I'd rather be fighting my rival than having a heartwarming moment with my dying mother in the hospital, APPARENTLY. Also this makes me feel like I'm going to turn 20 faster. But that's none of your business...****it."_

_"Hey, can't we talk about this right now? Or, hey, what about AFTER the brawl when we're outside of the time-stopping dimension?"_

_"This is why I don't log on any more. Moldy Raven, stand!"_

_"Gate card, activate!" Dan summoned a bunch of fire and black rocks._

_"Y-y-you don't have any game, you hear me, Dan? __**You have no game!!**__"_

_Rhinozoid rammed into Moldy Raven, thus killing him._

_"Hey! This isn't a real game, Shun! You're not even stretchin' it out! Come on, show me you got game!"_

_"****it, Dan! Just finish this so I can go meet my DYING MOTHER in the HOSPITAL! The sooner I can get out of here, the faster it gets out of my cool life. Can I just forfeit -"_

_"__**NO!!**__ Show me you got GAME, Shun! Come on, you can do this! It should be like a habit to you now! Get out there again, Rhinozoid!"_

_Rhinozoid sighed._

Concentrate, Shun.

GENERATING LIST OF OPTIONS.....98% COMPLETE. 100% COMPLETE. HERE ARE YOUR OPTIONS...

---- USE AIR BATTLE AND DEFEAT RHINOZOID 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS

---- TRY BEST TO FORFEIT, .1% CHANCE OF SUCCESS

-- BEAT UP DAN UNTIL HE GIVES IN, 75% CHANCE OF SUCCESS **TOP-RATED OPTION**

---- DO NOTHING, 50% CHANCE OF SUCCESS

---- KILL YOURSELF

---- THINK HARDER AND PULL UP A GREATER LIST OF OPTIONS WITHIN 5 SECONDS

YOU HAVE SELECTED OPTION 3.

RUNNING OPTION 3...PLEASE WAIT...TIME LEFT: 0.01 SECONDS.

_"__******IT, DAN!!!!!**__" Shun grabbed Dan by the shirt collar and punched him in the face several times. "_**LET - ME - FORFEIT!!! AND - FORGET - ALL - ABOUT - THIS - BRAWL - AND - GO - WITH - ME - TO - THE - HOSPITAL!!**_"_

_"Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-whatever - uh! - you - uh! - want - uh! - me - uh! - to, i-i-I'll do it - uh!"_

_"...Wait, that actually worked?"_

FINISHED RUNNING OPTION 3.

OUTCOME: SUCCESSFUL

**BACK TO MENU**

_Father Figure was busy driving around in his peach-colored buggy advertising weird and creepy car company J-VIS TAC. His wife was in there, right next to him and laying on his shoulder. "Now, THIS is what I call a joyride!" Father Figure exclaimed._

_"I thought we were searching for a parking space," Dan's Mom said._

_"Oh."_

_Her face began to redden as she discovered they had been wandering around the parking deck aimlessly for two hours. "FaaaaTHERRRRR...FIIIGURRRRRRE...you are in deep trouble when we get home from this Take Your Beloved to Work Day thing, you got that?"_

_"Yes, Dan's Mom."_

_"And when we get home you'll --"_

_"Hey, Mo-om! Da-ad!" Dan and Shun ran in front of their car, waving their arms around!_

_"...Wait, is that Dan and one of his little friends? Hey, hey, hey, wait! Stop the car! Stop it! HIT THE BRAKE!"_

_He didn't hit the brake fast enough._

_Beep...beep...beep...beep..._

_"Shun...Shun..."_

_"Don't worry, ma'am. Shun's here."_

_"Shun....."_

_They wheeled a boy in, not the shining figure of health he once was but a character with a broken right arm and left leg, sitting in a wheelchair. "Mother!" he shouted._

_"Shun!" She woke up immediately, seeming to have gained energy from his very appearance. "Come...over...here.....let...me...feel your...unbroken hand...before I...go...un...der..."_

_"Mother..." They held hands. "You're not going to die here." He bit back tears. "Really."_

_"You know I will."_

_"Don't think like that!" He held her tighter. "I'll stay here with you. The doctors here will let you live."_

_"Bardus disease...they...say it...cannot...be...cured..."_

_"They have treatments. They might even find a cure someday. I know you can live a while longer, come on and stay with me." Tears came out. "Stay with me!"_

_"No! I won't! I...can't! Bardus is just...too...much.....take...this as...my parting...gift...to you.....now go...have...fun."_

_He took his hand away for a moment. Within it was a Bakugan._

_"That's what it is? Your parting gift to me is a Bakugan? That's it!? Your parting gift to me, your only son, is a ****ing Bakugan!? Is this all I inherit, is this all I ****ing get!?"_

_"Call security!" one nurse, pulling Shun's wheelchair away from the scene, hollered._

_He still latched on to a railing."I can buy three of these from the store dirt cheap, and you don't even know the first **** thing about Bakugan, so how do I know if it's even good at all!? Think about how I'd feel if I found out your ****ing parting gift to me was a Bakugan that's not worth ****!!"_

_"It's...the...only thing...you're...good...at.....and...it's...special."_

_"And it's gonna be special right up your **** dying *** if you don't --"_

_Shun was safely sped away by an army of security guards._

"...And then she gave you me, the end. Oh, come on, Shun, that can't posibly be the end of the story! There's so many plotholes! That was the worst story ever! I could make a HUNDRED better stories than that piece of crap! I feel INSULTED!"

"There's a bit more. Mom died. Following the incident, I bailed myself out of jail for five hundred dollars and, thanks to my cool regeneration skills, got out of my wheelchair in about a week. I became a great brawler and was able to afford all of this stuff. And then Hammy the Hamster came and gave me a hard lesson on life. Now my brain functions normally. The end."

"...Well, what about your stupid grandpa?"

"I stayed with him for about a week in our ninja house."

"But wasn't that your summer house?"

"It is now. First it was a house house, then it was a summer house, and now it just belongs to some hoboes on the street."

"OH. Where's your grandpa now?"

"He...went missing." Shun looked awfully suspicious of something.

"Oh, that answers everything. It's a bit of a better story now, but still, I could think of a THOUSAND better ones. And in excess of that!"

"Don't treat that like a fairy tale, Skyress. Those are my _personal memories._"

"Oh. Longest flashback ever!"

At Dan's house...

"That is unfortunate, Dan."

"I KNOW, right? And I think he might have beaten me up once or twice, Drago! Rumor has it he even locked up his ninja warrior grandpa in a secluded room of his summer ninja house! And rumor has it now a bunch of bums off the streets of Tokyo are living in it! Well, one thing's for sure...the Bakugan brawling world won't miss a no-show coolshot has-been like HIM..."

"Maybe not...wait, what was that about coolshots?"

At Mask the Money's ever-changing hideout...

Mask the Money stood before a world map. A bunch of number all over -51 appeared on the screen, worldwide.

"Brilliant. More brawlers are fighting daily. All of these Bakugan are strong...except for Skulltronoid with -50 and Big Tongue with 0...actually, everyone's weak compared to my Hydranoid. Mu hu hu hu..."

"Haaaaaaaal Geeeeeeeee." A weirdface popped out of Luxembourg. "How's everything going? Everything according to plan?"

"Yes, very much so. We must have the most perfectly-evolved Bakugan in order to bust into the Infinity Core. Hydranoid shall be that Bakugan."

"Excellent! Now we shall begin the evil laugh! Mu-"

"And then we give all that power to someone else."

"...WHAT!?!?"

"Yep. Everybody knows what I look like. Now they're starting to just avoid me and any pairs of twins I happen to find holding Doom cards. I don't want to change my radical sense of style, so..."

"Give it to that guy across the street, Bob! He's never brawled before, and he's so normal he practically blends into the surroundings! Perfect! MU-"

"Not him. Dan."

"...Wh-wh-why Dan?"

"Dan's cocky, arrogant...arrogant...last name is CRAP...nobody'll suspect him. With that red-and-yellow hero boy outfit, he'll blend in even better."

"...Absolutely correct! **MU-**"

"Nah, never mind. Let's give it to someone they'll never suspect..." He moved the computer's cursor onto Shun.

"...Shun? Why Shu- OHHHH. Because nobody suspects number six! The sixth ranger is never evil! Everybody expects him to be evil, but then they all say "oh, that's too typical" and just right-out stop thinking that, y'know? And then BOOM! he RIGHT then becomes evil! The perfect plan!"

"And now may we partake in the daily evil laugh, Hal G."

"Mu hu hu hu hu hu hu hu ha ha ha ha haaaaa."

_This is Dan, fillin' you up with the milky nutritious info YOU need for what's coming up! Is Shun my best friend again? Or is he a card-carryin' villain for Mask the Money!? Well, he did play a friendly game of checkers with Runo and Marucho, and he did join the gang...SUPPOSEDLY! Or maybe this is all a big fat TRAP! Whatever! I'm NOT falling into it! Anyways, watch! *wipes nose* I always win, anyways!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	13. Chapter 13

_[i]One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan![/i]_

**[center][b]Episode Thirteen**

**Just For The Shun Of It[/b][/center]**

Today we look back on Huaraz, Peru, a city which now looks nearly totally unremarkable thanks to the intense urbanization and mostly-sameness. A bunch of people stared into the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit cafe, mostly perverted men.

"I'll be right with you! Hold your horses!" a tsundery, tsundery, so very tsundery voice cried.

"Aaaaahhh," crowds of grown men swooned.

Those three boys sat at the counter, all raising their hands. "Hey, Runo, get'cher *** over here!"

"I said I'm coming!" Runo ran up from behind a corner. "And, hey, watch where you're grabbing!" But she couldn't help chuckling and blushing.

The one they were REALLY staring at was Alice, who stood behind the counter and gave them all drinks. "Espressos...the usual?"

"Yes, [i]_please!_[/i]" The boys all drank their drinks at once, causing the fat boy to faint AGAIN.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" Runo thought aloud. "They're only using me for touches and giggles. Nothing major. Boys! Who needs'm!"

Dan and a tall Marucho sat at a nearby table, sipping real espressos as she marched by angrily. "Hey, Marucho, she looks an-gry," Dan sang in a whisper.

"Oh, wait, who's Marucho?" the kid asked. "Oh y-y-yeah-y-yeah, I'M Marucho, huh huh!" But trust us, he didn't sound like Ken, just some fat kid, strangely.

"...Yeah! Good thing you figured THAT one out, before it was too late! Heh heh, yeah. Anyways, I hope we get some job interviews today! I'm just so gosh darn excited for this job!"

"Uh, job? I thought we were just sittin' here, eatin' coffee!"

"Too bad, because I signed BOTH of us up for interviews!"

"Daaaaah! I'll admit it, I'm [i]_not_[/i] the [i]_real_[/i] Marucho! Daaaaaaaaaaahhhhh..." He leaped and crashed through the window, running far, far away...

"...Wonder what's up with Marucho today. Oh well! Time to prepare for mah interview! Runo, gimme a Bleep Slider, please!"

"Just give me a second here, we've got a lot of hungry and thirsty customers...and ALICE ISN'T DOING A THING! Completely useless!"

"Ruuunoooo~get us our stuff pleeeeeease~"

"Coming!" she growled.

Dan added, "And just to let you know, I'm gonna get a job interview here, so you two won't be alone here for long!"

"Can't laugh right now! Gotta deliver the goods!" Runo rushed away.

Suddenly, Preyus fell down from the catacombs above and smack-dab in the middle of Dan's table! "YO, DAWG, WHAT'S SHAKIN!"

"Hey, Preyus! Where've YOU been?"

"With that Poncho kid, up there in the catacombs!"

"There are catacombs here?"

[center]_In the catacombs of MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit Restaurant..._[/center]

Yes, there were catacombs above the restaurant, and with all the other zany happenings occurring in future-never-real-day Huaraz, it should come as no surprise. Marucho found himself up there, having just awakened from some sort of coma, and decided to wander around, since dead guys were intriguing.

Among the creepy, preserved skeletons and the aging outfits some wore, Marucho found...the coffee bean motherload! A few brand-spankin'-new bags of it sat unguarded on the floor, dispelling all of Marucho's previous fears! "Hey!" he exclaimed. "I think I just hit -"

From the sheer force of his voice, a lot of perfectly-preserved bones came tumbling down from their pedestals, some ruined forever.

"...the motherload," he concluded in a saddened mumble. Without hesitation, he began to walk away., forgetting all about it.

[center]_Back at the first floor..._[/center]

"Whaaaaa! Marucho and Runo went to visit Shun! Ah no, not Mr. Coolshot!" Dan gripped his head in an effort to come to terms with this madness! "How dare they not LISTEN to me! And they brawled him in an effort to make him join the Brawlers! And, lemme guess, they LOST HORRIBLY. It was a bad idea right from the start! I shoulda -"

"W-w-well, let's not get hasty here," Preyus said. "Besides, what's the worst that could happen? Let's say, uh, they WON against Shun, and, uh, now he's joining the team!"

"[b]**NO! I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS! WE CAN'T HAVE SHUN IN THE GANG, WE JUST CAN'T! IT'S JUST TOO -**[/b]"

"Woah, woah, woah! I never said that was true! You're really excited about gettin' a job here, right?"

"Yeah! Totally!"

"Then just focus on that! Shun's not joinin' nobody! Don't you worry your little head off!"

"Great advice, Preyus!"

"Listen to old uncle Preyus more often!"

"I will! I'm just fine, as long as...that guy isn't around!"

Alice noted the angry fire in his eyes...and dropped a mug. "Uh," she said in recoil.

"Eeeeeeeeek!" Runo squealed. She dropped a few espressos. "You made Alice look startled! How dare you! NEVER AGAIN."

"Hey!" the three boys said in chorus. "What're you doing?" They immediately pointed to Dan.

"I was just -"

"You're scaring Alice! Our waitress! And nobody scares our waitress! Except us!"

"And you're not us," one of them said afterward.

"...Lucky Marucho's not here to tell the truth about it," Runo muttered angrily. She wandered off to try and get foodstuffs.

Preyus looked to one side, then the other.

"...[i][b]**I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY, TRULY SORRY! THE TRUTH IS, SHUN'S LOST! LOST, I TELLS YA! AND HE'S JOININ' THE BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS JUST AS SOON AS HE GETS THE IP ADDRESS TO THE CHAT! PLEASE, SPARE MY SOUL!**[/b][/i]"

Dan put his hand over Preyus. "Don't worry, your soul's -" Comprehending what he had just said, he clenched his hand into a raging fist! "[b]**NO! I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS! WE CAN'T HAVE SHUN IN THE GANG, WE JUST CAN'T! IT'S JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE! I NEED TO GO OVER TO SHUN'S HOUSE AS SOON AS I GET MY JOB AND TEACH HIM A LESSON HE'LL NEVER FORGET FOR THE REST OF HIS YEEEEEEEEARS!**[/b]"

Dan panted and tried to calm himself down. Everyone in the restaurant (read: three boys and some waitresses) stared right at him.

"...What? Why're you staring at me? I'm just ranting."

"Hey, he's right," one guy muttered. Business continued as usual.

"...D'oh," Runo murmured to herself, walking away as fast as possible...but then Dan grabbed her by the arm! "Aah!"

"Runo, why'd you go recruit Shun! You KNOW he's a coolshot! And coolshots are DUMB! With a capital D-U-M-B spells DUMB, which is what a coolshot like him is! And that's DUMB!"

"What the heck is a coolshot?"

"Tell ya later! Anyways, all you need to know is that coolshots like HIM are DUMB, and total JERKS! So lemme just say I -"

A note gently drifted through a window...and jabbed Runo in the eye before sailing off. "Hey! Ow, my eye's got a [i]_papercut!_[/i] It's so painful! Like, I don't deserve this!" She ran off, sobbing.

Dan, not caring, snatched the letter up. He started reading it aloud:

"Hm. Cordially addressed from Shun...ugh...to...Dan Da Man! Hey, I'm liking this! Open it, and..." He put on his best fancy pompous accent. "Dear Dan Da Man, I hereby invite you to a totally rad, awesome, and kewl party at my equally rad, awesome and kewl pyramid house located at the South Pole. Come whenever.

"Sincerely, Shun.

"Wait, what's this at the bottom - SEGA SYMBOL!"

[i]_SEGA_[/i]

The very mention of it gave him nightmares. Sega, the rival and eternal mortal enemy of Nintendo. Sonic and Mario may have gone to the Olympic Games, but oh ho ho, that was only the start of an escalation in their battles! They were opposites, almost like Infinity and Silence, only they made more sense!

[i]_The nerve! He writes me a fancy letter and is all like "Dan Da Man, you ah da man" until he pulls this out and BOOM! he pulls out a bombshell like this! It was all to get the rumble rollin'! All to get me riled up and ready! All to add fuel to the flames of our burning, never-ending argument! He KNOWS I always liked Nintendo better! Nintendo's da best! And it always will be, forever ever and forever ever!_[/i] Dan shook his head around in denial.

He slammed his fist on the table, spilling a delicious cup of coffee. [i]_That's it! This is the last straw! The final bambino! The Fourth Child! The bad boy of this whole bebop stand! I'm postponing my interview and going straight to Shun's house, which is just where he wants me to be![/i]_

_[center]I_n a dark, secluded area...[/center]

Shun and Hammy the Hamster sat in a sooper-seecret room. Shun turned on one of the lights with a tug of its chain. He pointed to the blueprints on the wall with a pointer stick.

"Um, Shun? Do you really want to do this? I mean, we want you to be level-headed, don't we?" The hamster was worried, and it showed.

"If I hate Dan as much as I remember hating him, yes, I'm sure!" Shun, wearing a KISS THE COOK shirt, said. "From what I recall, he was a complete idiot. Much worse than I used to be. Oh SO much worse."

"If you insist...go on, Shun."

"Okay, then!" He pointed to the first step on his blueprints. "The first step involves Dan sitting on this chair, a rolling chair. Little does he know that the chair is being pushed by me onto an elevator, which is moving up. Then, the elevator stops at an angle and he rolls through a parking deck, going through all the floors. Then he falls into a vacuum tube, which sends him far up into the stratosphere. Then I send out one of my private jet reserves, which is specially equipped with a large net to catch him, and then it flies over the ocean! Then it flies over a volcano and releases him, and Dan thinks it's all over, but then he lands on a trampoline and falls into the ocean, and he thinks he's safe, but it's not, because then (here's the best part) he gets attack by antarctic sharks!"

"Shun, you're sounding like you had a lot of fun devising this impossibly long plan."

"That's because I did!"

"When did you get the time to plan and set up all of this?"

"I planned it some time before I gave that house to the bums."

"Oh, that explains it. Sort of. But I digress!"

[i]_Ding-dong!_[/i]

"Someone's at the door!" Shun said with a start. He immediately opened the closet door, ran down the icy hall, and opened the front door. It was...Mask the Money!

"Ahem. Excuse me, kind sir -" Shun slammed the door.

[i]_Ding-dong!_[/i]

He opened the door again. "Kind sir, might I interest you in this Doom -" Shun slammed the door.

[i]_Ding-dong!_[/i]

"Want some free Bakugan?"

"Sure." Shun took the Bakugan out of his hand and slammed the door.

"Wait, you have to use - ah, this plan was flawed from the start." Frowning, Mask the Money made his way back to base.

"Who WAS that guy?" Hammy wondered.

"Just an evil guy."

"Don't you think using these evil Bakugan might make YOU evil?"

"Nah. All his evil plans involve using the Doom card, which I don't have. So don't worry, Hammy. Dan should be coming any moment now, so lemme just set up this trap..."

[center]Outside of Shun's house...[/center]

"Thanks, Marucho's Butler!"

"Anything for a friend of Master Marucho's!" Butler waved to Dan with a big smile.

"Hey, butler, let us off here, too!" Suchi and Akuma were in there with him! But before Dan could notice, Butler shut the door.

[i]_Good thing he has no idea what Marucho thinks of this!_[/i] a kid named Dan thought. He poked the gate a little, and it opened! From there, being completely calm and focused on pwning Shun in a marble game, Dan passed by all of the awesome things in his front yard. It was too easy.

He came to the actual hallway, and was surprised to see something in the middle of it...a rolling chair.

[i]_If it's Dan sitting in a chair he wants...then it's Dan sitting in a chair he gets! But his other victories won't be so easy! I'll get past your plans, Shun! Just you wait!_[/i]

Dan sat in the chair...just before Shun ran over from out of nowhere and started pushing it slowly! "Wha! How'd you get here, Shun!" Dan cried. "And why can't I get out of this chair?"

"I should be asking you that," he replied coolly. "And you can't get out because there's tape on the seat!" He held in the urge to laugh.

"This is just evil, man! EVIL! Almost like YOU'RE evil or something! Almost like you've gotten taken control of by Mask the Money!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

[i]_First coolshot, now this!_[/i]

"Elevator going up. Seeya."

"Huh!" Dan looked around just as the doors closed. "I got pushed into an elevator?"

He completely ignored the panel of useful buttons until it was too late. The elevator opened...into an angled and near-empty parking deck! He helplessly rolled down one floor, then another, then narrowly dodged a speeding Ferrari! "Somebody help me!" he screamed, but nobody heard.

Finally, after twenty floors of torture in five long, long minutes, Dan thought it was all over...but it wasn't! Now the private jet reserve was coming in with a large net to catch him!

"Aaaaah! It can't be over just yet! I'm Dan! Dan Da Man! Don't -"

He flew right through the gigantic hole in the net, passing by a volcano with a trampoline over it.

"Phew," he said to himself, flying through the stratosphere of who-knows-where. "I thought for sure that thing was going to catch me. See that! Nobody messes with Dan Da Man! Especially not crappy Sega lovers! I hope you hear that, Shun! [i]_I hope you he-_[/i]"

He landed in a pile of smothering snow. Well, at least he was safe...UNTIL THE ANTARCTIC SHARKS STARTING CRAWLING ON THE ICE FOR HIM, HUNGRY FOR BLOOD!

"SHAAAAARKS! WHERE'D THESE SHARKS COME FROM! AAAAAAAHH!" he screeched scratchily, scrambling to get out of the snow. The rolling chair tape easily peeled off, and he tried to get up and use the chair as a weapon! "Get back, or I'll make you eat this! Nyeh!"

The three sharks looked around. One looked at the steel wheels of the chair and began to nibble...straight through the first one. Then the other two joined in and they all started taring the chair limb from limb!

"Ha! Decoy strategy!" Dan laughed and ran away. "Now, where's Shun? I gotta get revenge! Probably through a marble game!"

Shun was watching the whole thing in his closet via a satellite video camera thing filled with techno mumbo-jumbo. "I can't believe this! The plan actually failed! I mean, it wasn't actually plausible, but if it HAD worked the way it was intended to it would've been the most awesome thing EVER!"

"Well, maybe Dan's not so bad," Hammy chimed in. "You don't want another murder to happen, do you? Besides, he's a strategist! He fed the chair to the sharks and now he's getting away! Such determination..."

"Don't honor him just yet. He's got immediate bias toward any Sega lovers, obviously thanks to his deep hatred of me. And he didn't even bother the elevator controls! Although I was surprised to see that he could pull the rolling chair off towards the end."

"OH MY GOSH, SHUN, DAN'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! AND HE'S ARMED! ARMED AND DANGEROUS!"

Dan found their sooper-seecret hiding place! "Come on out, Shun, and stop hiding like the Sega-endorsing evil Mask the Money-luvvin' coward you are!"

Shun slowly turned around. He looked to the side, at what he was holding. It was an antarctic shark, caught in a chokehold!

"[b]**OH my GOSH, SHUN, LOOK! HE'S GOT AN ANTARCTIC SHARK caught in a FREAKING CHOKEHOLD! DO SOMETHING, QUICK!**[/b]"

"Quiet, I can't concentrate!" He quickly found a huge, heavy sword on the wall and wielded it with ease!

"Are you telling me to be quiet, Shun?" Dan said in a serious tone. "Are you telling [i]_me_[/i] to be quiet? Are you telling [i]_ME_[/i] to be [i]_QUIET_[/i], SHUN! Well, that is IT, yo, the FINAL STRAW in the PIGPEN! We're fighting HERE and NOW and I DON'T care if we get your TV trashed in the process!"

Shun turned around to the television screen. It was displaying exactly what was happening right now. [i]_Wow._[/i]

"No. We're taking this fight outside, in my yard, and that is final."

"Why should I care where we fight? Why should ANYONE care if it's in YOUR house? Because nobody cares about you, Shun. Nobody!"

"Well, if you had any game at all, you would let your opponent choose the arena in which you choose to fight."

"He would! Well, in that case feel free to fight in your yard! Because, you know, [b]**I don't care!**[/b]"

They proceeded to exit his house and prepare to fight in his awesome garden.

"And now we have a fair fight!" Shun shouted across the forested yard. "Let me lay out the rules...which you will follow if you have any game! ONE: we may use any resources found in this front yard! TWO: don't kill anybody! THREE: if nobody is knocked out within five minutes, we will be forced to...um..."

"Play Bakugan," Dan said. "If nobody wins this, we'll do a Bakugan brawl."

"...Okay. FOUR: no calling for help!"

"Can I just tell the rest of the brawlers about this?"

"No. I'm getting this all on tape. We can post the video on YouTube after we're finished. And if I see you break these rules, I'll be the winner, there won't be another match, no exceptions, no way to get around it, and you'll be shamed for life. Understood?"

"Understood."

"And we begin...now!"

"Shark attack!" Dan immediately threw his shark at Shun, taking the opportunity to run away into the cover of the trees.

Shun faced it head-on, slapping it away with the side of his sword. He kicked it lightly, persuading it to uneasily flop away. He found a winged pygmy hippo and flew high into the sky.

"Bob, find this!" While nobody was looking, Shun stole one strap of Dan's goggles! The hippo known as Bob sniffed it a few times before instantly knowing the other's location. Bob nosedived straight into the trees, and Shun held on with his free hand.

Dan was sitting on top of a giant herbivorous raccoon. "Come on, boy," he said, trying to get it to move. "Come on...we need to hunt and kill a coolshot here...work with me..."

"Hyah!" Shun whacked Dan on the head with the side of his blade, knocking him off of his mount! The raccoon ran away from the premises. Bob landed safely, and Shun motioned with one hand for it to run off somewhere.

With an "ow" Dan backed away. He dug into his pocket for a weapon, and he took out...his McAfee Firewall card! "Papercut!" he cried and, aiming for Shun's eye, he threw a card - successfully.

"You hit my eye!" Shun's left eye fluttered, trying to stay closed. "You dirty *******!"

"Don't use such language, Shun!" Hammy said.

"Shut UP!"

"I didn't say anything!" Dan said, running behind him in order to pick up his painful card. "But now I am! That was revenge for sending the letter which scraped across Runo's eye! You just don't do that kind of stuff! And you never said never play fair! That's not in the rules!"

"Shut UP!" As Dan reached down for his card, Shun slammed his sword down in front of it to stop him. "If you had any game you would get this over with! Urgh!" He tried to elbow him in the throat, but Dan ducked quickly.

"Ultimate kick!" Dan kicked just as Shun backed up, having used so much force that he flipped over somehow! "Ow! How'd [i]_that_[/i] fail?" Shun kicked him in the back of the head with a surprisingly hard foot. "Ouch! I think I'm dying!"

"In that case, I'll win soon. ...Wait, you-"

"Psych!" Dan kicked his feet, making Shun lose balance and fall over while he got back up! "Ha! Dan Da Man is never out for lo-"

"Sword push!" Shun shoved the blade forward, bruising Dan in several areas and pushing him back down!

"Double papercut! Think fast!" Dan threw two more Bakugan cards. They missed their target, but they got Shun's scalp and drew blood!

"Ah! Sword slice!" Shun made two quick slices on each of Dan's arms, also drawing blood!

"Second ultimate move!" Dan tried to punch Shun in the face, but failed and flew forward somehow.

"Sword poke!" Shun pushed the blade of his sword slightly into Dan's stomach. It didn't touch any vital organs, but it also drew blood. "****it, I should just kill you now!"

"If you did, you wouldn't have any game!" Dan said.

"Well, then I'll -"

[i]_Beep._[/i]

"Well, time's up." He revealed a timer in his back pocket. "That was a bit less awesome than I expected. Today's a bit of a disappointment. Looks like we'll, uh, have to settle things in a brawl. I'll just let the two of us heal our wounds some and -"

"If you had any game, you would be able to brawl even [i]_with_[/i] the wounds, like [i]_me._[/i]" Dan stood up.

"...Fine. Whatever." He brushed a red streak of hair out of his open eye and set his sword on the ground. "Now seems like the perfect time to use the new Bakugan some guy gave me."

"Let me guessMASK THE MONEY!" Dan said ferociously.

"To tell you the truth, yes. But -"

"I knew it! I knew you were a traitor all along! A traitor to Bakugankind!"

"...Whatever."

"Field, open!" they chanted before being transported to another dimension.

"Gate card, set!"

FWEEEEEOWWWW SHWOOWOOWOOP.

"Well, if Mask the Money's gonna give you a Bakugan, it's probably not complete crap! Brawl! Stand!" He summoned...Laserman, a Marcus-attributed machine gun-wieldin' robot ready for action and deliverin' a hearty helpin' of PAIN! Shun punched in some fancy numbers on his BakuGantlet. "Hey, this actually seems pretty useful. Good thing I suddenly have his matching ability card."

"Whatever happened to using your Doom card?" Dan hollered.

"I told you, I [i]_don't have one!_[/i]"

"Wh-wh-whatever! Bakugan brawl! Pirate HeadMantis, stand!" He summoned a never-before-seen scorpion pirate with a big nose.

"CALCULATING POWER LEVELS."

"Stupid dial-up!"

"Ability activate! Leap Sting!" Laserman's Boba Fett-like mask glowed purple before revealing twin pairs of machine gun cannon thingies!

"Good thing I'm not on the same card as him!" Dan said in relief, just before the guns fired at a not-moving Pirate HeadMantis. "Oh no!" And no, the pirate did nothing as the machine guns fired. It's a shame, too, because he died. Kind of.

"Well, I can't lose round two! I'll set another gate card" - shwoop - "and play my Rhino Demon! Stand!" Instead of being a standard football, Rhino Demon leaped out of its marble, somewhat more spectacularly.

"Air Vent Butterfly Man, stand!" The AVBM, a long-time rival of Dan's, appeared in a flurry of sparkles. "Ability card, activate! Air Battle!" AVBM started gliding around the field, probably to show off how pretty he was.

"It's flying [i]_outside the card spaces!_[/i] Unbelievable!" Dan cried. "My brain is totally racked!"

"Well, YEAH," Drago spoke up.

"You were here this whole time! I was starting to think I left you at the restaurant!"

"You didn't. I saw the whole thing, yes. And this card lets AVBM attack anywhere on the field, meaning you're going to be attacked right now."

"Row, row!" AVBM said in a deep voice, sprinkling pixie dust all over Rhino Demon.

"SCRYYYYYYYY," it cried in a blood-curdling scream. It transformed back into a marble.

"I guess my last option is to use you, Drago!" said a certain Dan.

"I expected as much!"

[i]_Bakugan Battle Brawlers continues after this! And don't listen to Shun! He's dumb!_

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! And you SHOULD listen to that, because it's true!_[/i]

"Hey, Shun!" Hammy alerted. "Use that second marble Mask the Money gave you!"

"This one?"

"No, the one in your other pocket!"

"Oh, this one?"

"Yep! That one's really strong, so use it! Keep the other one in handy, though."

"Thanks for the advice, Hammy. I appreciate it, even if it looks like I don't sometimes."

"Don't worry. I know you care, Shun. Hey, where's Skyress?"

"Not here right now."

"...And where would that be? We're working on being more descriptive here, Shun!"

"She's in the closet, probably watching everything on tape. And yeah, she was there the whole time. But there's a battle going on, Hammy! I can't talk right now! Dan's firing insults at me and calling me a little yellow-bellied chicken! You think I can take that?"

"Work on your self-tolerance, Shun!" Hammy the Hamster disappeared for the time being.

"Mr. Coolshot's gonna make his next move," Shun said to Dan. "Bakugan Brawl! Hydranoid, stand!"

Now, right now, at this very moment, Shun tossed the strongest Bakugan in existence onto the field. It was Hydranoid! This beast came fully equipped with a heavy, wingless, dragon-like body and a multitude of spikes covering its whole body. It had an extra large horn on its nose. Also, it had big purple teeth in the front.

"HYDRANOID POWER LEVEL 450 G'S."

"WHAAAAA!" Dan said, astounded. "That's the highest power level I've ever seen in my life!"

"Same for me," Shun said, more calm but still caught by surprise.

"You should be surprised," Hydranoid said in a surprisingly young, mannish, kind of bland voice. "I'm the strongest Bakugan ever created. And I feed off of the Bakugan I send to the Doom Dimension. But that's all you need to know about me. Cower as I become your bane, Drago, and give me power."

"Um, I don't have a Doom card," Shun pointed out, "so that might be disappointing to know..."

"What? No matter. I'm strong enough. You're just a small stepping stone on the path to my ultimate goal."

"This ends here and now, annoying whoever-you-are!" Drago said.

"Ability card, activate! Boosted Dragon!" Drago gained a bunch of power!

"You still don't have enough power to beat me," Hydranoid scoffed.

"Bring it on!" Dan demanded.

"...As you wish. Fear my tail!" Hydranoid turned backward, shook his butt around, then slapped Drago in the face with his heavy tail!

"Yeowch! ****, that looked dumb!" Drago turned back into a marble.

They appeared in Shun's front yard again.

"...So you WEREN'T under Mask the Money's control!" Dan said. "I knew it!"

"No you didn't!"

"Silly Drago! Anyways, guess you won fair and square, even if you were using Bakugan that someone ELSE gave you."

"So? Still fair. And you've have to be pretty low game-wise to say it's not."

"You're right, Shun. So, did brawling today teach you anything?"

"Nope."

"Nothing?"

"...Well, it told me that when Mask the Money comes to your door and offers free Bakugan you should take them and slam the door in his face."

"Oh."

"Also, I'd be glad to have the IP address of the Bakugan Battle Brawlers."

"Wha? But I thought -"

"Thought what? I was beaten by Marucho and Runo in a game of checkers -"

"IN a GAME of CHECKERS! Man, that's low!"

"Yeah, much. Anyways, I just needed the IP address to get onto the chatroom. I don't know what would've happened if you'd released all of your anger on there. But...guess I should be honored to join your team." They shook hands.

"You should be! Heh!" Dan smiled. They weren't quite friends, but hey, at least they'd settled things.

"...Wait, where's the other strap of my goggles? And, hey, is that the butler flying away?"

"Don't worry. We can take my private jet reserve."

"Oh, good. Wait I forgot all about that job audition!"

[i]_Hey, this is Dan, and coming up on Bakugan Battle Brawlers, we try to get the lowdown on that creepy dude Hal G. We go to a totally less-creepy mansion out in the country. Once there, we find out it's pretty high-tech! It's like a sci-fi B-movie! But creepier! And multiply that by...two! You've just gotta see it! Bakugan Brawl! Seeya there!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_[/i]


	14. Chapter 14

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Fourteen  
MJ Jokes? That's Low/Stereotype Five**

Runo and Alice sat in side-by-side beds in Runo's bedroom. "So yeah, we're glad to have you here working permanently for us! It's got me totally stoked!" Runo said.

"That's...good to know," Alice mumbled.

"And I overheard my dad saying you were, and I quote, the sexiest thing in this-a joint-a. I'm not sure if I should be angry at him or happy for you, really!"

"I hope that's a compliment."

"Probably, coming from him. Yep. Looks like you, the abnormally quiet shy girl, are getting ALL the attention. Yep. You. Just you. Yyyep."

This was a great time to flashback.

_"Wait. I have something else to tell you."_

_"Hey, what was that about Bleep Surprise?" Dan cupped his hand over his ear. "I couldn't hear you over that BACKGROUND NOISE."_

_"Wait-"_

_"What background -- OH. THAT background noise. Anyways, stop calling it Tuna Surprise, it sells better that way."_

_"Hey, Runo--"_

_One of her cups broke as it hit the ground._

_"...Hey, just...wanted to talk about...something," Alice said. "Is something wrong?"_

_"Oh, nothing! It's just oh my GAAAAAWD something AWESOME is gonna happen on the chatroom tonight! Better keep it a secret so that you can find out right when it happens because it's just so...oh my GAWD this is so SWEET!"_

_"Can we talk about something?"_

_"Oh my GAW -- yeah, we can talk." Even though they never really talked at all._

_Well,_ Alice thought, _now's the perfect opportunity to talk about Grandfather Michael. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yes. Do it. Yep. WIll do. Yep. Totally. Wait a second. Wait for it. Wait. Wait. Okay. Soon. Getting to it. Okay, this is getting tiresome, let's just say it already._

"Runo, I HAVE to tell you something. Wait, are you even awake?"

She snored, obviously sleeping. "Hate...liver kebobs..."

"Well, gosh dangit!"

In some secluded forested area...

A run-down, heavily-damaged car cruised on down the forested lane and headed straight toward a much fancier house. It was nothing compared to Momo-Rutabaga, though. It "parked" clumsily into an ivory pillar, and everyone was lucky it wasn't totally destroyed.

Out came the driver...Billy! "I must be doin' _sumthin'_ right," he said, tipping his hat. "Never imagined I'd get this far down the road."

"IT'S BECAUSE BLEHDAFEHSAGELAHEHKEREHLAGEH!" Cycloid spewed.

"And here I thought you were beginnin' to make sense." He began to push the door, but it opened automatically, letting him through! "Ah! Fancy living, that! Fancy if you wanna get attacked by a criminal!" He laughed.

Inside was a red carpet, a fancy tall stairway, and a group of tough brawlers! There was Carlos Santana, best bald brawler of Mexico and pretty much anywhere else since he was in fourth place, Jackie Chan Bruce Lee, the oriental-looking female-looking third-ranked one, and Combo Charlie, the backwards-cap-wearing fifth-place one.

"Hey," Billy said with a small wave. "How's everything?"

Behind him, a white-haired pretty boy suddenly appeared. When did HE get there!? "I'm looking for, oh, a suhtain TOP BAKUGAN BRAWLERS PAHTY," he said, putting his hand to his chest and turning his chin up. "Would we happen to be the-uh?"

"I dunno, maybe? I mean, they just gave this here address, and since this is the only house I 'kin find anyway, guess this is the place!"

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you couldn't take a JOKE when you HE-UH one."

"And what would you be meanin' by that? What's the joke? That wasn't funny! Get out before I hit'cha or sumthin'!"

"No, no! The JOKE is that I am displaying my WEALTH of BRAWLING skills. And yes, it IS funny if you happen to have a sense of hum-uh that I possess. As for my brawling status, I just so happen to be rank numbuh two in this whole enti-uh suhcuit of brawlers. And that's VERY GOOD, you know."

"Yeah, like I didn't know who ya were already. Get lost before I MAKE you lost, Klaus London."

"Ah! The nuhve!" Klaus, astonished, puffed his chest up and stormed off.

"...You have gotten obtained some amount of skill," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said, looking up slightly.

"Yeah, chico!" Carlos Santana said. "Good job on that one. I've always wanted to give that snob a beating Mexico-style. Nice to meet you, hombre!"

"Hey, thanks, y'all." Billy blushed, which he regretted. "I'm Billy Johnson, tenth-place brawler. Yeeeeeeehaw!" He gave a half-hearted thumbs-up yeehaw combo.

"Heh. Double digits, yo, double digits!" Combo Charlie said, laughing. "Can you believe this, man? Double digits! I mean, this kid's got double digits!"

" 'Eeey, when is this party getting under way, man?" Carlos looked around in confusion. "Only five of us are here, and even then one of us is already walking away! I should have brought my tortilla chips! That would've been TIGHT, man!"

"Well, dawg, it couldn't be the wrong place, now, could it?" Combo Charlie checked the invitation and tch-ed in frustration. "Man, now we gotta wait for some five other brawlers to show up!"

"And if some five of brawlers are of the being late," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said, "then what of we are going to what do at this being moment now?"

Klaus was suddenly back. "Well, now that oy've recovuhd from Billy's sudden outbuhst" - he shot Billy an evil glare - "I'm quite ready to brawl someone. Anyone up fo' it?"

"I will do this of being ready for a brawl of between doing you and myself," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said, stepping forward.

"I know you know I got the skills, gente, so I'm not letting you down on this one! Count me in!" Carlos said, inviting himself into the brawl.

"You know me, man. Me, I'm up for a brawl any day, man!" Combo Charlie said.

"And...you? Billy?" Klaus said, feeling sick about it but knowing it would be the polite thing to do.

" 'Course I am! Let's brawl, five ways all around!"

The art degraded as they commanded, "Field, open!"

Everyone went into another dimension.

"As you all may know alreadeh," Klaus exclaimed, "if you ah all as smaht as I think you ah, let's all be in agreement. This is an exhibition battle! No, wait...a speed play! Invented by yours truly!"

"What the hell is a speed play, man?" Combo Charlie asked. "But like Carlos might be sayin', sounds tight, man."

"One o' those battle royal things I've heard about?" Billy said.

"If the all of you is be now the agreeing with this what Klaus is being saying," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said, "then thoroughly in that case and agreement I am being of willingness to be of trying it and in turn of going along with you in process."

"Wait! Hold on, gente!" Carlos Santana cried. "I still have no idea what this speed play thing is supposed to be! Somebody give me a heads-up here, amigos!"

"You'll see!" Klaus held out a gate card. "Gate cod, set!" He set the card...and it took up the whole field.

"Well, this is just fine 'n' dandy! I'll brawl with m' Cycloid! Right?"

"AFOOGABEH!"

"Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!" He pitched and summoned his signature guy! "Ability card, activate! Big Fat Migi!" Suddenly, Cycloid's _right, more useful_ hand grew, along with his mallet-club-thing.

"BLABLUBLUBLE-EH, BLABUBUBUBLE-EH!" he taunted and spewed incomprehensively.

"That's nuthin'!" Combo Charlie started to breakdance! He did it very well, actually, accompanying it with grunts and what-not. "Huh! Hmm! Yeah! That's it! Now, Bakugan Brawl! Harpus, stand!" He leaped several feet into the air before tossing an Air Vent marble. It opened up into a green avian lady with little clothing and a lot of hair!

"Dang, man! What is this, WHAT is THIS?" Harpus complained, disgusted by Cycloid's presence. "What the heck kind of Bakugan IS this guy?"

"Ability, activate! Feather Shot!"

A bunch of wind spiraled around Harpus. "Oh, yeah, this is where it's AT! Watch me pound this ugly thing's face in! Wah!" With a whap of her wings, a huge gust of wind want sent Cycloid's way. He was now having a lot of trouble guarding against it.

"Heh! Now I've got lil' Double Digits runnin' fo' his money!"

"Ability, activate! Single Face of Many Rage!"

"What the -- ****, man, I didn't hear no other Bakugan come in!"

Suddenly, some other red Bakugan was also there. With one of his four arms he wiped over his calm face...and it became one of many rage!

"You two of the brawling will not be very able of the fighting and of the eventualling defeat of my Bakugan by name called of Asian Deity," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said. "Beauty and combining with the strength is wondrous in this!"

Then, they all shielded their eyes, for a spectacular light just blinded them! It was one of Neon Genesis Evan-- wait, no, it was just a floating eye with feathers and tentacles.

"Yeh, mi amigo! Tenticlear's got you all so that you cannot move anymore!" Carlos Santana cheered. He proceeded to chant "Ten-ti-CLEAR" for a while.

"Man, what the hell is _that?_" Combo Charlie said, confused. "I mean, ****, man, I don't mean to be mean here but...****, look at that thing!"

"Watch as you all get crushed by ME!!" Klaus brought attention to himself.

"Certainly you are of the many confidences, Klaus," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said.

"Where is YOUR Bakugan?" Carlos Santana said. "Show it to us and take your tail out from between your legs!"

"Hmph! Already the-uh! Ability cod, activate! Sing, my Bakugan!"

_Beep. Boop._ The middle of the field started beeping and booping. Standing idly, each Bakugan was pulled closer to the middle. Soon, a mermaid playing a harp rose from the field!

"Allow me to introdeuce you to my beloved Bakugan Splash Woman. Huh hahp playing is very beautiful, is it not?"

"It being of the mediocrity," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee dared to say.

"Ah! Well, who cayuhs about your puhsonaliteh, anyways?"

Jackie Chan Bruce Lee gave him an evil glance, but kept her cool.

"Anyways...does anyone ELSE CAYUH about my PRECIOUS SPLASH WOMAN'S ABILITEH?"

"Well, whatever, man! If you're gonna say it, just do it!" Combo Charlie insisted.

"Alright, then! My beloved and beautiful Splash Woman allows ME to -" But he was interrupted by purple glowing madness!

"****, man! All you had to do was say it!"

"Who's there?" Carlos Santana said, startled. Everyone looked up to see gathering storm clouds. The clouds opened up, revealing a pathway of blue light...and a levitating Mask the Money was slowly descending via that path!

"My name is Mask the Money."

"AAAAiyAAAA!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee screeched, slamming both hands to her face. "You being the ranked upwards on number the one first consecutively this time!"

"So you've heard of me."

"Who hasn't!?" Combo Charlie said.

"How'd you get heuh?" Klaus asked. "Don't you KNOW the PROPUH way to entuh a deul?"

"Nnnno, not really. Besides, it's cooler this way."

"Cool? COOL!? What is this COOL of which you speak!? It doesn't have any meaning in this sentence! That's _blasphemeh!_"

"Look at your feet."

Carlos Santana looked reluctant. "Why we gotta follow yo**MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING DOING HERE!?!?**" Right below them, seated in a purple haze, sat the legendary orb of Sega/Silence and, within that, Naga!

"Floors of being is have disappear!"

"Did the floors disappear, man, or am I just having a freakout or somethin'?" Combo Charlie wondered.

"Hey! None of us wanna be here no more, Mask the Money!" Carlos Santana cried. "Let us out before we come up there and MAKE you send us back!"

"Oh, I'll bring you back to your world soon enough, fellow brawlers. But first...a word from our sponsor."

"Play the tape recording!" Naga demanded.

"Huh!? Tape recordin'!?" Billy said. "Whaddaya need fancy stuff like that for!?"

Mask the Money played the aforementioned tape recorder. It said, "_naga. naga. naga. worship him. bow to him. worship naga. fight for naga. protect naga. NAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_"

"My brain hurts!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee recoiled after that big shocker!

"Is it just me here, or is there something seriously wrong with her right now!?" Klaus screeched.

"I don't feel persuaded, man," Carlos Santana said bluntly.

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!!" Mask the Money demanded as they teleported back into the fancy foyer. He was suddenly at the top of the steps, looking down on all of the brawlers. "I have brought you all here for a very important announcement. You feel better, right?"

"Yeah pretty much," the crowd mostly said, almost in unison.

"Good, because - and listen good - your mission...is to destroy Dan Kuso. Oh, sorry, I mean Dan CRAP. Because when you use the right Japanese characters, it comes out as CRAP."

"Why should we destroy HIM?" Combo Charlie asked. "I mean, it's not like I've got anything against him. Heck, I don't know who he is! And I don't know about you guys, but I sure don't feel like going after this whoever-he-is brawler guy!"

"Also destroy the Bakugan Brawlers group."

"Hey, I kinda get where Charlie's goin' with this," Billy joined in. "I mean, I know a certain someone from this Brawlers group, an' she's real annoyin', but I wouldn' kill 'er for it. I'm a gentleman, I wouldn't touch a girl like that on account o' my values."

"Of his his this plan, I would be seeming not to understood of this his plan. Maybe not because of English."

"You're _right_ it's not because of English, amiga! It's because what you're saying sounds really stupid! Don't be tonto, Tonto!"

"Yeah! Don't be tonto!" Harpus said, almost out of nowhere.

"Well, **I** suhtainly don't know WHY you foolish fools would pass up a GENUINE offuh like THIS just because of some MORAL VALUES," Klaus countered. "If you foolish, fooly fools would just leave it to me, I would SUHTAINLY take Dan and his gang of pretty boys and handsome guhls out of the pic-chuh. Unless...you fouh have any GAME."

"Oh! Yes! I've got game, hombre! I've got game!"

"Having of the game, is it good? Then answering something of yes, that is until I can make of sure?"

"Yes! Game is off the CHAIN, man! And I'M off the chain! So I've got game, and I'll show you that!"

"Don't you dare look me straight in the eye and tell me that I have no game. Me, tough westerner like me, and you say I ain't got any game? Now, that's just a crazy thought right there. And just like these other respectable brawlers I can prove it to ya, just you wait."

At the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit Restaurant...

Fabio and Fabio's Wife were relaxing on the couch. "Honey, the catacombs-a are-a starting to get-a in-a my way-a when we're in the bedroom-a," Fabio said, drinking a notreal espresso. "You know, they keep-a falling-ing-a, and-a I keep-a kicking-a them off-a the bed-a. Now there's a whole big pile o' bones-a! Could you clean-a that-a up-a for me-a, honey-a?"

"Sure, Fabio," Fabio's Wife obeyed, immediately getting up and walking down the hall to do something he was too lazy to.

Alice burst through the door. "Aah, I overslept! Hi, and, um, sorry!"

"It's-a okay-a," Fabio dismissed. "Come into my bedroom-a later-a and-a feel free-a to take-a a day-a off-a."

"Thanks. Do I have to go into your room later, then? Because -"

"Yes."

"Where's Runo?"

"At the store-a, getting a couple o' things-a, at the store-a. Oh, and-a that-a reminds-a me-a...Dan's-a working-a here-a soon-a! I-a know-a how you like-a Dan-a!"

"I kind of LIKE Dan. Where's Dan right now?"

"He's down-a-stairs-a, making-a sure-a he gives-a the customers-a what they want-a!"

That gave Alice a spectacular idea! _I'll tell Dan about this! He's trustworthy, sort of, compared to Runo! It's the perfect plan! Oh, and maybe I can chat with Shun! Wait, I forgot what I just thought back there. Oh well! Time to go get Dan!_ She ran out the door with a "thank you".

"Don't-a mention it! And-a remember to-a come up here-a to earn-a your free-a day-a later! Or there will be con-se-quen-ces!"

_Oh, wait. Dan's gonna be a JERK about it._

_--Flash back to episode eight...--_

_Dan snorted with laughter._

"_What is it?" Alice asked, actually saying something again._

"_That guy's totally creepy!" He had to laugh in his palm. "There's a hilarious joke they made on Family-"_

_Alice's eyes started watering._

"_What, what is it? You're not RELATED to this guy, are you?"_

_Oh, no, I can't do this!_ Alice bit her lip, leaning against the door. _That's it! I'll just call the most respectable guy I know who's not named Shun!_

At Momo-Rutabaga Tower...

"You know, since I AM so RICH and all," Marucho said as they walked down the hallway, "I would have gladly picked you up and brought you here in one of my many, several private jets, or one of the several new hovercrafts! And, shucks, this is an honor, you coming to visit me all by yourself! You're so, uh, brave today! Let us sit over here, by the original statue of _The Thinker_!" They each took a seat at a solid gold table.

"Actually, Marucho...I have something important to tell you. And-and DON'T think you're interrupting me, because you're NOT! Not THIS time!" Alice was panting now. She hadn't gotten this angry in weeks. "I have a confession to make. And I don't care WHAT you think about it, just HEAR ME OUT."

"What? A...confession to me?"

_"I love you."_

"No! Not interested! Not like that!"

"Not interested in what?" she said. "I haven't said anything yet. Goodness, Marucho, I thought I could _trust_ you!"

"N-n-n-no! You CAN trust me! Honest! What is it!?"

"You know that missing scientist Michael Kors? Well, he's my grandfather."

Marucho looked to the stars and screamed, "**NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**"

And yep, you, the reader, are no doubt confused and possibly offended. You see, in a timeline that won't exist, there once was a guy named Michael Kors, who was a fashion designer. Then one day he had a meeting after one of his fashion shows with notorious hypnotist Vice President Killeye. Nobody knows what transpired that evening, but all we know is the outcome: he suddenly wanted to get way too much plastic surgery, changing his face completely, and his personality became a lot more creepy. He spontaneously wanted to become a mad scientist, so he got several degrees online. Afterward he traveled to a bar in Russia for whatever reason and got into some crazy antics. Soon after, Billy Kors-Berenstein was born. Five years later, Alice Kors-Berenstein was adopted. She never really got to know her grandfather. Professor Kors ran into the deep woodlands of Conifer Island in hopes of accomplishing his newfound dream...to become a mad scientist.

And so ends a sad, sad tale that will never be. It's not real, but it is in this dumb story now, so don't shoot me.

And just as soon as I finished saying that, all of the brawlers gathered in person at Marucho's big tower.

"Wha?" said Runo.

"So Michael is your GRANDFATHER!?!?" said Dan.

"Wow, this is amazing!" said Julie. "I never knew you'd gone through so much tragedy! Can I have your autograph?"

"No."

"That's odd," said Shun, wearing a full jeans outfit: jeans, jean shoes, jean shirt, jean jacket, and a funky squishy 70's jean hat. "But I just met you, so I haven't really judged, so."

"Thanks, Shun," said Alice, sitting in the one chair they could afford to have in that room.

"Don't mention it?"

"This is something else," Hammy the Hamster popped in and said. "I never knew there could be a girl with such convoluted and twisted family lines!"

"Neither did I, but now is not the time. I don't want anyone else to see me "talking to myself"."

"Understood! Bye!"

"And there's more," Alice continued. "About six months after the Bakugan came..."

_Alice was relaxing by the fire in her wooden country house. She was busy examining a gate card when she heard someone's breath not far behind her. "Huh? Who's there?" She turned around in her rocking chair to see her grandfather Michael breathing on her neck. She got up and hugged him. "Grandfather!" But he looked pretty ineffectual about it._

_"What's this?" he said, taking her gate card and looking at it from both sides._

"It looked like he really hated Bakugan, as if he just wanted to rip that card to shreds or something. And then, the very next day... he disappeared. It's always like that, without warning!" She cried into a tissue.

"Don't worry, Alice!" Dan said, trying to comfort her by rubbing her belly. "After all, it's not YOUR fault your granddad's so creepy!"

"Don't rub there!" She pushed his hand away.

"But bellies..."

"Hey, Alice, I just figured out this is all so highly illogical!" Julie pouted. "You get away from my Dany boy and stop trying to get all the attention drawn to yorself okay???"

"Why would anyone wanna do THAT?" Runo huffed. "So LA-AAAME-uh!"

"Alice," Drago said, "have you heard anything about what really happened to Vestroia?"

"Not really, but if my grandfather really is going there...we might just have to go out there and find him."

"Oh, sweet, maybe we can BEAT the information outta him!" Dan said.

"He doesn't play Bakugan."

"I mean in real combat! Man, the rush I got fighting with Shun today was out of SIGHT, yo!"

"...Okay. Should we all go out to Conifer Island right now?"

"Let's do it...right after a brawl!"

"Wait, who said that?"

Suddenly, Suchi and Akuma were there! "Stop bein' a coward and BRAWL him! Again!" Akuma persuaded.

"No way! How do you guys keep following me!?"

Suchi and Akuma shrugged.

"Okay, if those two guys are going to follow you around wherever you go," Shun said, "I'm out."

"Come on! I'll lock them out of the hovercraft!"

"We'll _pick_ locks!"

"Youbequiet!"

"I don't think I like them, either!" Julie frowned. "Guess well hav 2 let go of dnay boy then??? : ("

"Don't be so sad," Dan comforted.

"REALLY YOUD SAY THAT!?!?!?!?!!?1"

"Aah! No! I mean, BE so sad! Man, I'm never gonna be so comforting again, thanks to YOU!!"

"Why don't we just drop Dan?" Shun said. "I mean, no offense to you, just stay calm -"

"No way!"

"- but it's really important that we go there. We need more information if we're planning on saving Vestroia."

"But it's in RUSSIA! near MOSCOW!" Runo exclaimed.

"Yeah?" Alice asked.

"Yeah what? Vice President Killeye was from Peru, the man who supposedly changed Michael's life! And you know how Russia is!"

"Don't talk about Russia like that! I was _born_ in Russia!"

"Okay, fine. But you know how Peru is with Russia..."

"Nope. I don't think anyone knows how Peru is with Russia."

"Fine, fine, looks like we're taking a field trip."

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers will be right back!_

_The Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back. Battle on._

We beatboxed into Your Town, Japan, where Father Figure and a still-paralyzed Dan's Mom were standing. A fancy black limo was parked outside of Dan's house, and some kid was pushed out of it, along with another thin-fat duo. "Hey! My parents'll make sure Suchi and Akuma don't get out again!" Dan complained.

"Dan, we don't have that kind of time OR patience," Father Figure said, hugging Dan with his free arm. "Besides, we're still trying to get that car out of the roof."

"Can we stay with you for a while!?" Suchi said with a big smile.

"Sure, Dan's friend, you can stay here!"

Suchi and Akuma high-fived. "Ye-heah!"

"Aw, no! Kick 'em out!"

"So long, master Dan's parents," Butler said, taking off with the limo. The limo cruised up the road and, once it was out of sight, started flying into the horizon!

"This is awesome!" Julie squeed. "I mean, it's too bad Dan couldnt come, but wow, this is just like Harry Potter!"

"Except with technology," Runo said, spoiling her excitement.

"We're almost there!" Marucho cried, looking out the window with glee.

"Already!?" everyone else said.

"Yes! It should be that huge dome-shaped building down there, the only building on Conifer Island!" Below them was an island full of conifers. They swiftly landed and broke into the building without much description.

"Dan would've gone crazy in here," Runo said, looking around with wonder and awe. Michael's lab was awesome. It was filled with a bunch of funky, mad scientist-y gadgets. "It looks amazing, really. I didn't actually think Michael was taking all of that science stuff seriously, really! Not like this!"

"Me neither," Marucho said. "All this stuff is really, truly astounding! I thought it might be very dusty as well."

"It's because I come every so often and clean," Alice admitted.

_"You're a weirdo, Alice, so GTFO!"_

Alice cringed as she thought about what Dan might say. "Anyways, l-let's just split up, okay?"

"Affirmative!" Marucho agreed. They followed her command for once. Runo went with him, and so did Julie, so Alice went alone or something.

"Hey, Preyus, do you feel something?" Halo Tiger asked from a pocket. "Because I certainly do."

"Yeah, no kidding! I feel all jumpy and what-not! Whazza hoozah!"

"Do you not USUALLY feel that way?"

"Nope, just talkative. W-W-W-WAIT!! I gotta jump RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOOOOOW!!!" Preyus leaped inconveniently onto a control panel. "Oops!"

"Preyuuuus!" Runo scowled, turning to look at what was happening. His stupid jumping had activated a monitor!

Michael's surgery-edited face was staring right at them! "YOWZA, what a face! Get me OUTER here!"

"The former Michael K. here, now Michael G," the guy onscreen said. "For years I have been trying to develop a teleportation device, which should be able to transport an object from one place to another. But one day, while I was working..."

_Michael was working on his machinery as usual. "Do dee do dee do..." he hummed, pounding his fists on the control panel. Suddenly, as he was somehow repairing his machine, the really really huge teleportation portal screen whatever started glowing white and rainbow-y! All of the color started flying out with the glass panels, like a dead Yu-Gi-Oh card!_

_"Ach! Ooch! Eech!" Michael shielded his eyes as the glass stabbed all over him. "Stop it, I'm vulnerable!"_

_Within a matter of seconds, all of the glass in the machine was gone. "Well, THAT was a real bummer," Michael stated. "Well, time to scrape off all this glass and...put it all back in, then! Do dee do dee do..." But before he could walk away, a sparkly wind pulled him back! "Waaaaaugh! Why can't you leave me alone, big machine!? Woah!" He was dragged in!_

"This would soon become a routine, though I didn't know it at the time."

"CRAZY GUY!" Runo shouted. "SO HE POUNDED ON HIS MACHINE, SCRAPED ALL THE GLASS OFF OF HIS SKIN, GOT SUCKED INTO A BIG WORMHOLE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND **THAT WAS ROUTINE!?!?**"

"Runo, mad scientist, remember?" Marucho said.

"The story's getting good! Don't interrupt it!" Julie got in closer.

"I later learned that I had accidentally opened a gate to a new world: Vestroia. As unbelievable as it sounded at the time..."

_"Wowowoah! Where AM I?" Michael said, now levitating within a giant pepper. Around him flew popular monsters such as Flameyboy and Boboflarenoid. "And, hey, there's a bunch of zany monsters down there! Is this a dream?"_

_"NO IT IS NOT A DREAM!!" a dragon said, flying up and then back down to Michael's level. "I...am Naga. Tell me, little human boy, how you get into our world."_

"And there I was, face-to-face with the dragonoid known as Naga."

Now all of the Brawlers (except Dan) were watching! "Best story EVER! Unlike Billy's!" Julie screeched.

_"Aha!" Naga revealed a collectible trading card. "I can use this! I can certainly, DEfinitely use THIS!"_

_"That's just a collectible trading card!" Michael gasped. "That's completely illogical, and I should know because I'm a SCIENTIST!" Suddenly the card blew him away. "Waaaaaaaaaugh!"_

"When I came to, I was back on Conifer Island, but to my surprise, in our world, six months had passed by! I realized that not only was time completely different there, but my going there had also caused some nonsense about collapsing protons to happen, thus turning everyone into both a marble and a trading card and also causing them to make all these crazy ability cards to fall to Earth! While I was gone, children all over the world were playing with these monsters of Vestroia in the form of a children's marble card game! These cards were absorbing their energy, although who knows how THEY got there or how they worked at all, and the monsters could only come to Earth in ball form. INGENIOUS. It is only on the battlefield with their same dimensional structure that they can transform back into their original forms.

"Although I really don't know why humans can go between dimensions. We're just special that way." He walked offscreen, and the screen went fuzzy.

"AWWWWW," the audience aww'ed.

"The show's over! I can't believe it's not still over!" Julie was outraged.

"I'm so sorry," Alice said.

"You don't have to apologize, Alice!" Marucho assured.

"No, I'm sorry about bringing you to a film with an indecent ending."

Marucho wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Stop treating it like it never happened," Shun said. "Coming from a mad scientist-type, it might not be all true, but some of it probably happened. Even though I still don't get it, but hey.

The story still continued! Now a more horrific, green, cloaked version of Michael appeared! "All hope is lost!" he screeched, waving his snakelike tongue everywhere. "This is Hal G., Michael never existed, and I was too lazy to write over those previous, uh, fictional events!"

"I knew it was just a movie -"

"NOITWASN'T, JULIE!!"

"So all who DARE to watch this, bow down to Naga! That is all! Also, I'm a vampire, so don't approach me! See? Look at the cape! Mu hu hu hu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!" He raised his cape some and disappeared...via a fuzzy screen.

"Ohhh, what a tragedy!" Julie blew her nose in sadness. "That was one of the best films I've seen in ages!"

"Okay, we all know it was a good film!" Shun tried to calm her down. "But it was also a true story! So what can we decipher from this, gang?"

"Well, my grandfather's...evil now. Why?"

"Minus energy!" Halo Tiger said. "Naga has a lot of negative energy around him...like this building!"

"It makes me jumpy!" Preyus said.

"Don't know how THAT works!" Marucho said.

"Do YOU feel it, Skyress?" Shun said, pulling Skyress out of his pocket.

Skyress made exaggerated coughing sounds. "Why'd you KEEP me in there!?!? I was GAGGING and CHOKING and I couldn't BREATHE!"

"Bakugan can't breathe. Or do anything else you mentioned. Anyways, answer my question."

"Obviously! I mean, would you REALLY think I'm any worse than these other inferior Bakugan because I couldn't sense it!? Of COURSE I do! Gosh, you're just like -"

"This is why I don't talk to you much." He slid Skyress back into his pocket.

"Hey! I wasn't done talking --" Her voice was muffled and virtually silent.

"Hey! Everyone!" Marucho shouted. "While carelessly messing around with this mousepad clicky thingy, I was somehow able to zoom in on the background!"

"How'd you know what things to press in a mad scientist's laboratory?" Runo said.

"I dunno, lucky guess? Anyways, just look what I found!" Marucho clicked several thousands of times and zoomed in on...Mask the Money! "It's a rejected techno band player!"

"No, it's Mask the Money," Shun corrected.

"Figures..." Marucho pondered. "They are working in kahoots with each other! This will change our outlook on Michael and Mask the Money forever! I mean, Hal G. Wh-wh-whatever."

"That dirty, corrupted soul..." Julie trembled in her boots.

"Oh!" Alice stumbled forward in shock.

"He said he works for Naga," Halo Tiger said, "and a little bird told me that Naga is powerful, so maybe they are BOTH serving Naga?"

"Also he's a vampire!" Preyus interrupted. "Don't go near 'im!"

"...Yeah." Shun sarcastically agreed with him. "And I heard something about an Infinity Core that they're trying to find. So if we want to prevent something really catastrophic from happening, we should find the Core before they do."

"But where do we start looking?" Marucho lost all hope.

"_Well, Julie has heard of a place called Bakugan Valley. Bakugan Valley. Sounds like it could hold some useful, Bakugan-y info._" A certain voice coughed.

"Who said that?" Julie looked around with a grin on her face. Nobody looked amused. She took a Bakugan from her pocket and cheered, "It's Gorem!"

Only Alice clapped. "What? It's polite."

"Well, YEAH, there's a place called Bakugan Valley!" Julie continued. "It's got all the Bakugan you can dream of! It's located in the heart of the Grand Canyon! It's a scenic cavernous wonderland! But there's lots of icky bats."

"Eww, let's not go there!" Runo brushed off the idea like a piece of irritating tape.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that one," Marucho said with a sweat drop.

"Uh, I'll just do whatever you do," Alice admitted.

"Okay," Shun said with a sigh, "guess we're not gonna find the Infinity Core."

"**Fine, we're going!**" Marucho blurted out. "But EW, icky bats! I had better invent some bat repellent or something!"

"Great. When do we get going?"

"Right now!" Marucho said as the flying car came barging in through the automatic doors. "Because hey, what's stopping us?" He shrugged.

"But I've got some pizza in the oven back home!"

"Pizza!? In that case we'll stop at your cool house for it! I sure could never resist a good pizza pie, that I cannot!"

"Let's just get in the car already!" Julie was the first one inside, having gotten a head-start.

"Okay!" everyone else thunderously roared. They all got in...except Shun, who stopped for a moment to turn around.

"Hey, what's up, Shun?" Hammy inquired.

"Oh, just some shady figures back there. We'd better get out of here before they start haunting us or something."

"Shun, why are you talking to yourself?" Runo hollered. The engine was starting up.

"Hammyyyyy, not in front of my friends! Well, SORT OF friends!" He hustled into the car and slammed the door. It cruised forth on the ground for a few moments, then cut off the exhaust and flew through the skies.

"Hey, are we still leaving Dan??"

"Affirmative! If my calculations are correct, nearly everywhere Dan goes, those two punk kids are sure to follow!"

"Hey, what am I sitting on?"

"Is Dan here? I wanna give'm a POUNDING!!"

"EEK!! Get out of our car!"

"Is Dan even _here?_"

"No!"

"Okay, we're leaving!"

Meanwhile, the five shady figures watched their car go. "Wow," one figure said in Billy's voice. "Ain't that the prettiest thing you'll ever see."

"And it'll be youhs as soon as you beat the crap out of everyone inside," Klaus' voice said. "Except for maybe the butleh. Youh a crappy drivuh, so you'll REALLY NEED HIM."

"What's THAT supposed t' mean!?"

"It MEANS that you CRASHED the CAH into the BUILDING, theuhfo you AH a CRAPPY DRIVUH."

"Why, you--!"

Jackie Chan Bruce Lee got between them! "Argument we not are having! If there any argument that we are being having, you of the double will talk out of system of you! Is everyone understand?"

Billy sighed and dropped his fist. "Yes, JCBL."

"What you say!? It not JCBL!"

"Sorry, whatever yer name is."

"Hey, y'all, stop all this crazy mess!" Combo Charlie insisted. "If we're gonna take these brawlers down, we gotta follow 'em! And that means now! Er, soon!"

"Hey, anyone of you chicos got snacks?" Carlos Santana asked. "Uh, I could use some."

"Here. Emergency noodle cup always have behind backside of shirt mine in case one of the someones happens to be of the getting of hungry."

"Uh...I-I don't know what you just said, but hey! Free food! Gracias! Hey, gente! I think there's enough for everyone! Let's have a noodle party!"

"AH! I am ABOVE such CRUDE things! AH! Combo Charlie, ah you with me? We've got to track down those brawluhs as soon as possible!" Klaus sighed. "REMOTELY possible with these IDIOTIC and IMPUHTINENT things!"

"Naw, we've got time! Who's got the utensils? 'Cause I ain't digging in with my hands!"

"Utensils for the emergency as also?"

"Thanks! You just come up with everything, don't you, Jackie Chan?"

"It Jackie Chan **Bruce Lee.**"

"**AH! This is ABSUHD! See you Bakugan Battle Brawluhs whenever I get around to it!** And, hey! If you four take any longer I shall LEAVE WITHOUT you!"

"Hey, this noodle party is totally tight! I'm totally glad I asked about food, man!"

"I'm glad too, y'all! Now, I'm not used to these out-o'-the-country noodles, but DANG, they're fine!"

Klaus sobbed softly.

_Hey Julie here! just met up here at Bakugan valley and boy o boy is it a strange place! -Julie_

_lol serching 4 infinity what we really need is curage! -Julie_

_Just saw vestroya. Looks like an acid trip!(not like ive ever had one). LOL I could hardly take it it was 2 much!!!! -Julie_

_Glad 2 kno dans back here. OH DAN. well anyways I hang in there and brawl and dans gonna protect me right? Getting better at baseball pitches! -Julie_

_battle on! -Julie_

_*Battle -Julie_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	15. Chapter 15

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Fifteen  
Duel in the Desert**

The car flew, stopped for a second, and flew again. Suchi and Akuma were dropped off in the ocean. They hit the frigid water with a ploosh, gasping for air and flailing around helplessly. "Those BLUB jerks!" Akuma managed to say. "What'd we BLUB ever do to them?"

"I dunBLUBno!" Suchi hollered in panic. "All I know is that I can't BLUB swim!"

"Hey BLUB I see something swimming in the water! Maybe we could ride it?"

"Sweet! Good job, Thinman!" Suchi and Akuma high-fived shortly before dipping under. After a few seconds, they surfaced again with a gasp.

"Never high-five me again underwater or you'll be a thin boy too, Suchi!"

"I'm sorry BLUB. H-hey, that thing's getting closer! Grab onto my back and I'll jump!"

"Who said you get to make the rules?" But Akuma jumped on anyways.

"On three! One...two...three!" They pounced.

On an Antarctic shark.

As the three surfaced Suchi said, almost in denial, "We made it! We are actually riding a freaking _shark!_" He laughed to himself.

The shark was shaking like a bull in a rodeo and tearing Akuma to shreds in its deadly jaws! "Not me!" he cried. "It hurts to speak! It hurts to breathe!"

"I'll save ya, buddy!" But just then, Suchi fell backward into the water.

See what happens next on the Suchi and Akuma show...after the break.

But right now, what's important is what the Bakugan Battle Brawlers are up to! Their car dropped Shun off at his cool house. "Be back in five minutes!" Marucho said, waving. "Try to bring the pizza back hot 'n' steamy!"

"Will do." He held up his hand as a signal of wavytude. Then he walked through the gates and rode pygmy winged hippo Bob through the garden.

_I wonder if the pizza's not burned,_ Shun thought. _With all my money, the thing I DIDN'T spend much money on was the kitchen, of all things._

He opened his pizza oven, which happened to be Sega brand Custom Pizza Video Gamer's Choice Fiveyearsinarow Pizza...Pizza. He took the pizza out of the old-style oven, bringing with it a lot of smoke. After he was done coughing, he realized that...the pizza was in perfect condition, topped with amazingly-undamaged pepperoni in the shapes of all your favorite Sega characters.

He bothered to read the several haikus on the box:

_Sega brand pizzas  
__Perfect, straight from the oven  
Genuine goodness._

_Sega not only__  
Gives you great games like Sonic  
But also great food!_

_After just one bite  
You'll want to eat even more  
But don't eat too much!_

_Sega brand pizzas  
Best for eating while gaming  
Meh everywhere else._

_Why am I eating this crap? Oh yeah, because Sega endorses it. Plus I don't want to disappoint that Marucho kid._ He looked around before running away, hoping to catch the car before time ran out.

Just as he left, Mask the Money crawled through the window in full thief attire with a little paper bag. He saw two out of three evil Bakugan sitting on a counter, so he stole them (rightfully? Almost!)! "Mu hu hu hu h-"

"Hey, Shun, I think I hear something!"

"YOU HEAR NOTHING!"

"Oh, never mind."

"Good, 'cuz I need to bring this pizza and fast. I think the five minutes are almost up, Hammy!"

"**OHMYGOSHHURRY!!**"

When the coast was clear, Mask the Money continued and, eventually, finished his evil laugh.

By the time Shun got outside the house, the flying car was LEAVING. "Oh, s***," he cursed, and he made his way up to the staircase. "Knew I shouldn't have read those Sega pizza haikus."

He leaped up the hidden staircase on the back of the pyramid house, found his Emergency Home Grappling Hook, and used it to grab onto the car's hood...successfully! He was soon flying a few meters below them.

"Hooray!" Hammy the Hamster cheered. "Your insane physical strength and dexterity allowed you to grab onto the car! But...can you climb up and get in the back seat again? I mean, you're still holding that pizza in your other hand!"

"I know, right? And I have no idea how I'm gonna climb up this thing! It's already hard to stay on with one hand! And now it's getting cold again and I'm just wearing jeans." He tried not to shiver. "Bet those other brawlers don't think I'm still here..."

"Relax, Shun!"

"HOW can I relax when I'm SEVERAL FEET IN THE AIR, trying to hold a steaming hot PIZZA while I'm trying to HOLD ON FOR MY LIFE with the other!?"

"Fear not, Shun, for I see the forty-eight states not far below us!"

"Great view, but why'd they go so high?"

"No idea! Let's work on fixing that obliviousness, Shun!"

"Okay, good idea." His feet touched land. "Here we AAH!" He leaped forward to avoid the car, which crash-landed...but was instantly repaired. He removed the grappling hook and put it in his deep pocket...and realized that they were in big, red, dusty, fully-modernized Grand Canyon. He put the pizza down slowly and looked around. _Wow._

"Shun got here already!?" Runo was shocked as she stepped out! "Wow, you're so rad!"

"No, I just clung onto the hood of the flying car with a grappling hook."

"THAT'S EVEN COOLER!!"

"Hey, r we getting dan?" Julie asked. "I mean, we already dumped Suchi and Akuma into the ocean. They have sharks there! They'd never make it!"

"Just to be safe," Marucho decided, "we would be better off without our leader. Is everyone adequate with my proposition?"

"Yeah," everyone said, except Julie, who frowned.

"And before we get on the road, let us all partake in the eating of some of Shun's delicious pizza!" Marucho happily took a slice, took a bite, and slowly slid it back inside. "...Okay, never mind that! Julie, show us where Bakugan Valley is! Lead the way!"

"Will do! Hop on in, 'cause Julie's drivin'!"

"Julie," Butler said with a sense of urgency in his voice, "it would be wise if somebody who had EXPERIENCE driving would drive. Such as me."

"Nonsense, I can drive!" Julie squeezed herself into the driver's seat as everyone else hurried back in (except Alice, she was in there to begin with). She pulled the car out of neutral and sped forth...for five seconds until stopping at a sign reading "Bakugan Valley". "Told you I could drive!"

"Yeah, for five seconds," Runo groaned. "Maybe shorter."

_Man, I HATE Julie deep down inside!_ Runo thought. _She's all lovey-dovey with Dan, whom I hate!_ Hey, she's just like Helga Pataki.

"_It doesn't look specific,_" Gorem said. They were looking at a vast expanse of rock and what-not and have-at-you. "_Where do we start looking?_"

"Say hi to Gorem, everybody!"

"**Hi.**"

"He's the best Bakugan ever ever ever and he's never ever leaving me ever ever ever!"

"_You're scary._"

"Say hi to him, everybody!"

"**Hi.**"

"AAAANYWAAAAYS-A, let's start at that cave right there! Watch out for those icky disgusting bats, all!"

The butler safely parked the flying car right outside of the cave. Now they were walking through it, with no icky disgusting bats in sight. "This is a cave...in Bakugan Valley!" Julie squealed. "Yeah! Bet you knew that already, right?"

"**Yeah.**"

"We're so smart! Let's try to lean left, gang!"

"Oh, right, Einstein thinks _she_ knows," Runo grumbled.

"Hey! Einstein's a man!"

"Excuse me? IS a man? I think he WAS a man, since he's NOT ALIVE! Ooh, SOMEONE'S clingy!"

"And that someone is RUNO!"

"Oh, I think that someone is a person standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF Runo RIGHT NOW!!"

"You mean GOREM? Oh, I think you need to go back to second grade, Runo, because Bakugan aren't human!"

"_Don't pull me into this._"

"Too late, Gore!"

"_Don't CALL me that._"

"I think somebody's Bakugan is being mistreated," Runo said, rubbing Halo Tiger painfully against her cheek. "Oh, I think her name is JULIE!!"

"No, I think her name is Runo! Oh, am I right? I am! Because Runo's STYUPID! And in Dan's own words, _Runo sucks!_"

"Don't you dare go there, sister."

"Runo su-ucks, Runo su-ucks!"

"STOP that! I mean, seriously, no one's joining you!"

Alice looked around timidly before mumbling, "Runo su-ucks..."

"I SAID NOBODY'S JOINING YOU!!"

Alice backed down.

"Well, no one's joining YOU, either! And, oh, I think here in America, we have the right to free speech! Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"

"Julie su-ucks! Uh, the-e mo-ost! Julie su-ucks! The-e mo-ost!"

"Stop it! Both of your chants are HORRIBLE!" Shun tried to get between them. "Face it, we're lost, and the only way we're getting out of here is if we get together, stop saying we suck, and _move it._ Besides, you two are fighting for Dan's affections, right?"

"Right!" they both cheered.

"Oops! I was trying to hide that from the rest of the team!" Runo covered her mouth in shame.

"**It's obvious. Everyone can see it.**"

"Anyways, from what I can tell, Dan thinks you're too tsundery and you're too chatspeaky."

"**WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT US!?!?**" They suddenly grew huge and surrounded Shun!

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger." They immediately backed away. "And besides, you don't want to be like Sakura and Ino, do you?"

"Who are THEY?"

"Fine. I'll tell you a story, but I'll make it quick. One day there was an ineffectual boy named Sasuke that everyone loved. There were two girls named Sakura and Ino that both pined for him. If rumors went around that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, they'd grow it long, because everyone loves the ineffectual kid SO much. Anyways, they ended up in a catfight, Sasuke probably doesn't care for either of them, and they end up crushed. Also Sakura cut her hair at the end, so maybe you should be more like here. Wait, never mind, it was cut off so she could escape from an attack. The end."

Julie clapped for a seconds. "Great story. But I think that's impossible because Dan OBVIOUSLY loves ME! Seriously, have you seen how he reacts to me when I kiss the screen?"

"Scared and confused?" Marucho answered.

"Wha - yeah - NO! He LOVES it! Dont you see now why everyne wuld ship us nsted of with that Runo girl over there?"

"Uh, guys," Alice said, being attacked by a bat colony.

"Oh, quit mumbling and let's go," Runo demanded.

"Uh, okay."

"Wait! Everyone follow ME, Julie! Because, you know, I've been here before!"

"Let me lead," Shun said.

"Why?"

"I'm not catfighting?"

"I figured it was impossible for a boy to catfight, buuut okay!" And everyone followed him without much argument.

"Hey, guys," Alice said.

"Not now!" Runo snarled.

"...Aw." A scorpion had poisoned her foot.

"Hey, I think I've found an oddly-convenient doorway," Shun alerted. "Let's push it over and see if it happens to be where something related to Vestroia is!"

"I love your sarcasm!" Julie said.

Shun easily pushed down the doorway. They reached a room filled with colorful light and floating pillars! "WOOOOOW!" Julie marveled. "...This is a great place to put on makeup!"

_She can't stay serious for a moment, can she?_ Shun thought.

"This is the plAAAYAAAYAAAAACE!!" Preyus and the other Bakugan started floating up into the sky!

_SHWOOP, SHWOOP, SHWOOP SHWOOP! SHWEEEEOOOOUUUMMM!!_

Such were the sounds effects that the Bakugan made when they flew out of sight and then transformed into a spiraling void!

"AAH! Good if you wanna get your makeup ALL MESSED UP!!" Runo badly retaliated, and they all shielded their eyes and braced themselves.

They were now in what looked like a messed up watercolor image of the six Brawlers in front of respective backgrounds. There was one big glowing ball in the middle, but it was really small, so it didn't seem like it mattered. "Looks like the animators ran out of budget!" Hammy the Hamster panicked.

"What budget?"

"Hey, everyone! Shun's talking to himself!" floating Marucho announced.

"Why are we floating around like this?" Runo wondered.

"Woo!" Julie started flying in circles. "She can FLY!"

Marucho gasped. "This is...!"

"Yes," Halo Tiger, still a marble, said from above. "Our dimension."

"Which we've been in several times already...?" Alice mumbled.

"Hey, according to what her grandfather said, can't you transform into your original forms right now?" Shun guessed. "No offense, but the ball form's kinda weird."

"...You're right."

But then everybody else turned into a Bakugan! "Woah!" they all shouted, falling into watercolory dimensions.

Runo appeared in the white, kind of darkened one. "This is the Chaos world, where I was born," Halo Tiger said.

"Gee, seems like a crappy place to live."

"It does now, thanks to the interfering purple stuff."

"Even without it gee, seems like a crappy place to live."

"...Yes, it does now, doesn't it?"

Marucho appeared in a blue place with a bunch of crystals in it. "This place looks kinda snazzy!" he exclaimed.

"Yep!" Preyus cheerily said. "But hey, who brought in the new furniture?"

"You mean it didn't ALWAYS have the gems in it? Boy, does THIS seem like it once was a crappy place to live!"

"Hey!"

Julie was in a dark void with rocky pillars in a pile of lava. "What's going on heeeere!?" she wailed.

"_It's MORPHING! Into EVIL!_" Gorem shouted.

Shun appeared in a completely dark-purple place. A Moldy Birdman dive-bombed from a single skylight into a purple haze ocean of sorts. It exploded into a mushroom cloud.

"Bizarre," he stated.

"Don't worry, YOU'RE safe. I mean, nobody CARES about THAT thing, that THING that just exploded in the ocean," Skyress said. "IT'S HIS OWN FAULT." A few red tornadoes blew through their holograms.

Then all five were blasted back into their own universe. "Wha! Explain!" they all said at once.

"I must admit, I am totally schnikey'd!" Marucho gave in to the "craze".

Then everyone "gasped" at the same time!

"Like, gasp!"

"Angry gasp!"

Shun gasped.

Alice didn't do anything.

"I concur!" Marucho technically gasped.

They ran out again thanks to a sudden, convenient cave-in! Oh, and Alice was attacked by another big bunch of bats. Now the whole cave was caving in on itself! Luckily they found the exit quickly (leading everyone to wonder why they felt lost in the first place) and escaped just in the nick of time. Now the whole cave was blocked by a lot of huge rocks.

"THAT was much too close for comfort!" Marucho said.

Shun dusted his jean clothes off. "Well, now we know that cave has some connection to Vestroia. But exactly what kind? Halo Tiger, any ideas?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. We just kind of floated up and away into holograms and...honestly, I am as confused as you are!"

"Maybe it's just a viewing portal, or whatever you call it, to the Bakugan world. Either way..."

"Then how did it show us Vestroia?" Runo asked.

"Aren't the Bakugan world and Vestroia the same thing?"

"_Yeah, pretty much,_" Gorem said.

"Uh, erm, I didn't see anything," Alice said with a bat still in her hair.

"Maybe because -- wait, have bats been attacking you this whole time?" Shun asked.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"...Um..."

"Don't force her, Shun!" Hammy the Hamster cried. "Be gentle! Smart, but gentle!"

Shun sighed. "Okay. Well, maybe it's because you don't have a Bakugan."

"No duh!" said Skyress.

"What disturbs me," Halo Tiger stated, "is the rate at which Vestroia is being destroyed."

"Hey! What're you doin' down there!?" Billy yelled from some cliff above.

"Huh? Uh..." Alice looked up at two mysterious hooded figures.

The cloaked dudes leaped, tumbled in mid-air, and landed clumsily on the ground, spraining their left ankles. "Ow!" they both yelped, wobbling whilst holding one ankle.

"Told you all this looking-cool stuff is only for professionals!" Combo Charlie remarked angrily. His voice wasn't nearly as raspy and hoarse as it may have seemed before...somehow.

"Sorry. It worked on paper."

"What are YOU doing down here is the question," Runo said, getting up in their grill.

The two of them took off their hoods, revealing their identities! Julie swooned at the sight of her precious Billy, because she seemed to like most guys no matter what. "Hey! Billy! I luv u!"

"How many people do you claim to have affections for?" Marucho inquired.

"Who cares?? Anyways, that guy's my neighbor Billy, and I have no idea who that other guy is!"

"If you looked up at the Bakugan leaderboards, you might know me as Combo Charlie."

"So...yeah!"

"What are you doing, snooping around here?" Billy asked suspiciously.

"You're one to talk," Shun retorted, gesturing toward their black cloaks.

"Yeah, well...uhhmmm, we live here! And we hear tell there's a storm comin', so we brought our ponchos!" This brought a startled look to the Brawlers' faces!

"Heyyyy! I watch the news! There's no storm coming!" Julie said.

"True. Then ya caught us!" They threw away their cloaks somewhere, either to forget all about them or get them all dirty before they pick them up again. "We've got these here Doom cards!"

"So you are Mask the Money's lackeys!" Marucho decided.

"Why would you join up with that creep!?" Julie said.

"Well, we thought it was a dumb idea at first," Combo Charlie recalled, "but then that guy Klaus said if we don't brawl you, we won't have any game! So since we have game, we're takin' you on!"

"And yer WIMPS!!" Billy taunted.

"Who's goin' to the butcher first?"

"...I will." Shun stepped forward.

"OMG BILLY!!! Im joining up with him!!!" Julie stood next to him.

"Field, open!" they all cried at the same time.

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers continues right after these messages, y'all!_

_Now, back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers, man!_

They had their gate cards set. They were all in position.

"And now," Billy said, tipping his hat, "I s'pose it's about time for us t' get to brawlin'. Shall we?"

"No! I'm not ready yet!" Julie was messing with her purse...or something.

"Well, too bad, 'cause I'm brawlin' without yer consent! Bakugan Brawl! Terry High Noid, stand!" At his command, the wolf arose from an orange vortex, complete with a grudge against elephants. "Alright, it's your turn...that is, if you've got the _game._"

"Yeah, CHUMPS," Combo Charlie said, "let's see how you do against US, about the only people in this place who have GAME."

"Oh, shut up! I'll show you I have game!" Julie stepped forward, right after Shun did. "Heyyyyyy-uh! I stepped forward first! Doesn't that mean it's **my** turn!?"

"No, I am...pretty sure Shun stepped forward first," Marucho decided.

"Oh, come, now! Just because everybody luvs Shuny here or whatever doesn't mean he gets to go first!"

"No, he's definitely going first."

Runo jotted down some stuff in a notebook. "Love interests: Dan...Billy...Gorem...Shun..."

"Yes, Shun's going first," Shun insisted. He placed a marble into his spring-loaded BakuGantlet and yelped, "Bakugan Brawl!" Moldy Raven's marble was thrown near High Noid. "Moldy Birdman, stand!"

"**It's Moldy Raven,**" everyone else in the immediate area corrected.

"Oh, right."

Moldy Raven was busy flying over High Noid and appearing in front of him rather than behind, perhaps in a useless, showy kind of fashion.

"Your birdbrain isn't gettin' past my...wolfbrain! Gate card, open!" Everything turned into a desert. "And now, ability card, activate! Desert Thunder!" How spinning like the Tazmanian Devil was thunderous is beyond me.

"HIGH NOID POWER LEVEL 460 G'S."

Anyways, the wolf stopped spinning around and decided to just run a few laps around Moldy Raven, who just kind of stood there.

"Heyyy, you know what would be good to say right now Billy?" Julie looked around with a big grin on her face. "That High Noid is - heh - running circles around shun!" She held in her laughter -- badly.

Billy stared at her.

"Let's just ignore that. Ability card, activate!" Shun threw a green glowy card straight at High Noid's shadow, locking him in place strangely. "Shadow Scrap!" The desert disappeared from right under their feet.

"HIGH NOID GATE CARD HAS BEEN NULLIFIED. CALCULATING...CALCULATING..."

Billy jabbed at his BakuGantlet. "Gosh dangit, why's this thing so cheap!?"

"HIGH NOID POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 310 G'S."

"Shun's ability card wiped out High Noid's advantage completely!" Marucho screamed.

" 'Atta boy, Shun!" Preyus cheered. "Even though I hardly know you, I'm rootin' for you!"

High Noid sttod there with a wacky look on his face. You could tell he was used to a lot of wacky hijinks back in HIS day. Moldy Raven slowly walked up to him, looking calm. Then he grabbed his shoulders and BAY-UM! Suplex maneuver! High Noid was down for the count!

"Wha-a-a-wha?" Billy looked at the marble in disbelief. "This obviously isn't over, uh, eastern hemisphere FREAK!!"

"Hey! Don't be like that, man!" Combo Charlie defended. "Besides, I see why he's ranked six now! Basic strategy! But he's gonna see why I'm up one higher now! Huh! Heh! Yeah! Aw right!" He started breakdancing and what-not, then kicked his Bakugan onto the field! "Bakugan Brawl! El Condor, stand!"

"Okay, let me take this, uh, other birdbrain on?" Julie stepped forward again. "Okay-uh-whu-WHA!?!?"

They weren't fighting a bird in any way, shape, or form. What they were up against looked like some sort of skull talisman with limbs stuck on with crazy glue. It wiggled around, letting its limbs flail, saying, "ABABABABA."

"Who stepped forward first this time?" Shun looked confused. "It was me, right?"

"No, this time is was most certainly Julie," the referee Marucho said.

"Yes!" Julie cooed. "Bakugan Brawl! Tuskor, stand!" She summoned a big elephant before Billy and Charlie.

"TUSKOR IS BETTER BY 10 G'S."

"Ability card, activate! Nose Slap! _Get ready to face the BFE!!_" Tuskor now wielded its snout like a chain mace!

"If by that you mean big FRIENDLY elephant, I'm ready! Ability card, activate! Blow Away!" Combo Charlie commanded a whirlwind to surround Tuskor and send it somewhere else.

"Aah!" Julie panicked.

"Your p***-poor pachyderm is no match for my ability, 'cuz it neutralizes YOUR lame ability!"

Tuskor's snout was forced to contract as it touched land again. Now the medallion Condor guy was ready! "ABABABABA!" it howled, dancing in that weird, freaky, flailing fashion.

"Oh, SNAP!" Runo snapped her fingers and did a weird little dance. "That girls in TROUBLE! Now you're REALLY cruisin' for a bruisin'!"

"Uh, what?" Alice mumbled.

"No, that's definitely not something Dan would say."

"Oh...sorry."

"Gate card, open!" Everybody was now in an air vent, meaning it was all green and windy around the two fighters! El Condor got a glint in his emerald eye.

"OPPONENT POWER LEVEL INCREASED BY 100 G'S."

El Condor fired a giant energy beam from his mouth, blasting Tuskor clean off the field. He looked around just to make sure that Tuskor was done for. As the elephant somehow fit into Charlie's elongated mouth, the medallion shook around with a hearty "ABABABABABA!!" Then it seemed to frown as it was sucked up into Charlie's palm.

"Tough luck, yo! That's what you get when you play the best!" Charlie smirked. "What about you, double digits? You getting any meals?"

"Shut yer food hole! Gate card, set!" Billy set a gate card. "And now, Bakugan Brawl! Wormpoint, stand!" A terrifying carnivorous worm showed its face! "C'mon, Julie, no need to be scared."

"Hey your right! Lemme do this!" Shun and Julie stepped forward at the exact same moment!

"Wha...who goes first this time?"

"Well, I did this and so and so and that..."

"Well, my foot's out a bit farther..."

"You're lying!"

"I'm not!"

"You just moved it!"

"Can I just go first?"

"Ok dont mind me!" Julie danced away.

"Bakugan Brawl! Moldy Birdman, stand!"

"**IT'S MOLDY RAVEN.**"

"Oh, right."

As Moldy Raven flew onto the field, "THE BATTLE CONTINUES."

"Dang, there must be sumthin' SERIOUSLY wrong with this BakuGantlet o' mine!"

"Time to blow YOU away this time around!" Combo Charlie did a radical breakdance. "Hah! Yeah! You're likin' this! Let's brawl! El Condor, stand!" A creepy medallion bounced off his kneecap.

"EL CONDOR BETTER BY 10 G'S. MONEY IS ON HIM."

"Gate card, open!" For some reason, Shun pointed at it with two fingers. "Mirror Turf!"

The ground below Moldy Raven's feet turned into a card with his reflected image...and some crazy moon language. It made him say in a really deep voice, "Oh, yeah. This is MY mirror turf!"

"ASSESSING POWER LEVEL........................"

Billy smacked his BakuGantlet. "Godd***it! Can't this fancy hardware stuff go any faster!?"

"................POWER LEVEL DOUBLED."

Billy facepalmed. "THANK you!"

"Smooth move, Shun..._not._ Ability card, activate! Solar Blecchzus!" Combo Charlie summoned clouds through which light streamed.

"Wh-what'd he say?" Julie said.

"He said Solar...uh...I dunno." Shun shrugged it off.

"Sorry, man, but my ability's better," Charlie said, confident.

"G'S DECREASED TO 280 G'S."

El Condor's eyes shone emerald before shooting an energy blast at Moldy Raven. It sent the suplex-er straight into Charlie's mouth. "Hm. Second course." He patted his stomach. "Good job, El Condor!"

"ABABABABABA!!" It shook around and turned into a marble again.

"They even took out Shun's Moldy Raven!" Runo sounded amazed. "And Shun's awesome! How'd they do that?"

"Higher rank?" Shun suggested.

"Right, that! You got any advice, Halo Tiger?"

"Even I do not know," Halo Tiger admitted.

Julie looked around expectantly. "I thought somebody was going to say something? Oh well, guess I'm wrong!"

"Now they will!" Charlie said out of almost nowhere.

"I knew youd come in 4 me in the end combocharlie!"

"Uh, what the hell is up with this girl?"

"Oh, nothing, she's just crazy in love with every boy she meets at some point. Komba...OCharlie..."

"Hey, the name's COMBO CHARLIE, girl! If you're gonna get it wrong, get it wrong to yourself! Don't say stuff like that out loud!"

"Let's just put these pigs in the pigpen, Combo," Billy said.

"Dude, it's either call me Charlie or call me Combo Charlie! It's never Combo, that just ain't right!"

"Less tough talk moar battling! Bakugan Brawl, hwah! Armory Arms, stand!" The big brown armory snake appeared now. It unsheathed its spiky not-really-a rattle and, strangely, rattled it as if it were one.

"I hope yer stupid snake is ready for the POUNDIN' it's about t' receive!" He did another baseball pitch and NO IT WAS NOT COOL. Especially after he's done it just about every single time he plays a Bakugan. "Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!"

"ASAKEFAHABEBAH!!" it spewed this time.

"BATTLE CONTINUES."

"WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS!?" Billy whacked his dysfunctional BakuGantlet again.

"Huah, hiyah, wah!" Julie made some strange hand movements. "There is NO way I'm losing to a weird mythical creature from Europe! Gate card, open! Mirror Turf!"

The ground below Armory Arms's scales turned into a card with his reflected image...and some crazy moon language. It made him say in a high-pitched voice, "Oh, yeah. This is MY mirror turf!"

"Hm, looks like everyone's getting that card now," Hammy said.

"I might need a new strategy," Shun said, rubbing a chin of his.

"Talkin' to yourself, Shun?" Combo Charlie hollered.

"Kind of."

"Heh heh! Look, Shun's talking to himself!"

"**So?**" everyone said back.

"Heh heh…oh."

"ARMORY ARMS POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 600 G'S."

We quickly zoom by the field once more. Well, didn't get to see much back there, did we? So much for that opportunity.

"Ability activate! Smackdown!" Again the worst hand of the lot, the unarmed left, expanded.

"BLEHHHHHHH!!" He smacked the field into submission…predictably.

"EEK! I forgot all about that signature move, somehow!" Julie almost flung her useless headphones clear off with THAT one!

"Heh heh, what a ditz!" Marucho chuckled after this SILLY fit of forgetfulness!

"SMACKDOWN NEGATES MIRROR TURF."

"I'm the KING of, uh, Terry stuff, and yer not even close to bein' the queen, or the old maid!" Billy cried. "Time for a hammer slammer!"

"Wait don't you mean its…HAMMER TIME???"

"…No."

"STOP! HAMMERTIME!!" Cycloid cried anyways.

"Aah! He likes me! EW!" Julie ran away and cowered behind Shun.

"Get off," he demanded.

"No, let her get off on her own time," Hammy the Hamster insisted. Shun growled softly.

"UGGGGHAAAAAAA!!!" Cycloid spewed, bringing down his hammer with a mighty KRASH.

Instead of being destroyed or hit, Armory Arms swam off into Billy's mouth like a slow-moving roller coaster. "Armory! Arms!" Julie was tempted to run after the snake…until Billy ate it with a hearty western gulp. "Armory Arms, waaaah…" She fell to her knees, then to the ground in a big heap. Luckily Shun moved away, and was unharmed.

"Julie…" Alice mumbled.

"That wasn't very fun at all!" Combo Charlie said, already poised to breakdance. "Rumor had it you were GOOD!"

Shun tossed a new gate card out. "We'll just have to wait and find out about this rumor."

"Oh, really? Well, me and Double Digits here are gonna raise the stakes in AWESOME!"

"I'm…not…named…DOUBLEDIGITS!!" Billy shouted in Combo Charlie's face.

"Well, you are to me, homie!"

"H-hey, is that nickname s'posed to be affectionate or something?"

While they were busy yapping, Shun had summoned his green butterfly man, or princess, or whatever-it-was-again. Whatever, let's just call it AVBM. He/it looked at the nearby humongous worm, distressed.

"Ha! Yeah! Break it down!" Combo Charlie breakdanced another one of his cards out onto the field. "Gate card goes swimmin'!"

"Wha?" Marucho rubbed his eyes in confusion.

"Ha, wha, yeah! Gat card goes swimmin' and my guy goes for a DIVE! Bakugan Brawl! El Condor, stand!" He kicked the marble three times, then bumped it onto the field with a quick thrust. It was now steamy amulet versus insectoid.

"_Julie..seriously?_" Gorem asked, levitating. "_Wipe your tears, Julie. I hope you're better than this. Come on, I AM about the strongest Bakugan you have. Use me and win automatically every time. Because I'M ONE OF THE MAIN CHARCTERS TOO, AND WILL NEVER REALLY DIE. At least not in the hearts and minds of everybody._"

"R…really?"

"_Plus if I died they would lose sponsors._"

"Hey, you're right!" She immediately cheered up and got back on her feet! "What motivational advice that was! I love you, Gorem! You're sweet!"

"_Literally?_"

She didn't answer. "This ones 4 u bily!" She pitched like a baseball hero, glowing orange as she went backward JUST enough. "Bakugan…Brawl!" The marble flew like a speeding bullet and…flew onto the ground behind the worm.

"…But…I was aiming for the…" She pointed to the supposed worm head.

"…Maybe the universe decided that joke had lost its luster?" Marcho guessed.

"**What joke?**"

"Oh, never mind."

Now Gorem stood triumphantly over the eeeevil wormy thingy. "_See what happens when you're the main character, Julie? Just watch._"

"No way, he's wrong as a dull needle!" Billy activated his own reinforcements! "Gate card, open! Nobody Cares!"

"NEW FIELD." That's it, just…a new field. Yeah, just a grey, crazy moon language-filled field.

"BATTLE!" they cried, even though the winner was probably obvious now that they BOTH KNEW THE EXACT POWER TOTALS OF BOTH BAKUGAN. So either Billy was obviously dumb, or he was obviously planning something.

Wormpoint wiggled around the field, seeming to taunt Gorem. "_Oh, he's SO hard to hit,_" the golem said. He punched one of the many exposed wormy segments and obliterated Wormpoint in one fell blow.

"**Yay,**" said everyone who wasn't evil. Or named Alice.

"Wait! The gate card…" But, as usual, nobody paid attention to Alice. "No! He's not safe! HE'S NOT SAFE!!" She began to howl like a madwoman! "Get him out of there! GET HIM THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!"

Gorem kind of fell into the ground. "_Huh? Wha? Oh, I'm just sinking like quicksand._"

"IT'S QUICKSAND!! IT'S QUICKSAND!! ONCE YOU LAND ON NOBODY CARES, YOU GET SWALLOWED UP BY QUICKSAND!!"

"_Oh, I didn't know that, thanks,_" Gorem said sarcastically, almost completely swallowed up.

"We gotta help him!" Julie said in the voice of an older, more annoying person.

"Ha! Looks like yer Gorem's up to his armpits in Momma's own home-made batch o' trouble!" Billy laughed. "Thought I told you, I'm the king and you're not even the little ol' maid! Cycloid, get out there!"

"!!"

"Who's the mainER character?"

"And who's the main course?"

"Don't finish my puns, Combo!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Cycloid raised his mallet in preparation for attack!

"Ability card, activate!" Shun stepped in. "Scarlet Twister!"

The AVBM, whom I guess everyone forgot about, summoned a not-red twister around Gorem and made him disappear, JUST in the nick of time. Oh, but he reappeared on another gate card.

"RAA-eh? Blargh?" Cycloid looked around in confusion and disgust. He looked up to see Gorem standing a few feet away. Despite this, he continued to pound the ground with his stone mallet. "BLARGH! BLARGH! BLAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"

"GOREM HAS RETURNED TO HIS CARD SAFELY. WHAT A HEARTWARMING TALE."

"You hush up, gauntlet!" Billy gnawed on the gauntlet in anger.

"_Thanks, butterflyman. Even though I know you will not reply._"

"Don't mention it!" replied a raspy voice.

"_WHA?!?!_"

Before he could ask any more questions, AVBM turned back into a marble and got sucked into Shun's fingerless glove, and Gorem into Julie's longer fingerless glove. "Shu-u-u-u-uuuuuuuuun!" she moaned angrily in an escalating tone of voice. "You sacrificed Air Vent Butterfly Man!"

"And? Gorem's a main character. We'd lose sponsors."

"Oh yeah right."

"Sponsors? Who cares about the money?" Combo Charlie set a new card. "Ha, yeah! Goin' for another swim! Gate card goes swimmin', Bakugan goes for a dive, and he's taking you with 'im to the bottom! Bakugan Brawl! Buzz Bee Toys, stand!" He summoned a bee unaffiliated with such a company. Looked more like a limbless hornet, though. "Now for the big COMBO CHARLIE COMBO!!" he then howled.

"Bakugan Brawl!" Julie re-summoned Gorem. "You cant pull off tht supr Charliecombo this time Charlie! Now, Gorem!" she howled.

"I wouldn't bet on that one! Gate card, open!"

Marucho whispered something in Julie's ear. "I'll see your gate card and raise you MAGMA PROVIDENCE!!" She changed the field from Windtown to Erfworld after magma raged throughout for a second. "Thanks a lot for that suggestion Marucho!"

"You're welcome!"

"BRAWLER'S POWER INCREASED TO 480 G'S."

"Now, finish him with a big clap!"

Gorem pulled back his awesome fist, forced to clap El Condor into submission instead. It made a big dust cloud, but it was less awesome. Well, maybe it was a BIT awesome, seeing as Combo Charlie was in awe of it.

"…Woah," Combo Charlie stared up at the colossal golem.

"_You are not the Terry master, Billy. You feed off of it and the leafy greens it grants you!_"

"Yay! You tell that billy whose boss!"

"_You're not the Terry master, either._"

"Oh, come on!"

"Hey, Shun!" Hammy beckoned. "Tell 'em it's time to lock and load!"

"No! Why would I say that?"

"Come on, just say it!"

"LOCK AND LOAD!!" He loaded a Bakugan into his marble launcher.

"Wow your so cool shun!" Julie said, amazed.

"He IS!" Runo swooned.

"I don't get it," Alice mumbled.

"Uhh…good job!" Marucho cheered.

"Wow, that's some catchy phrase you got goin' there," Billy decided.

"Catchy? CATCHY? That's AWESOME! No wonder he's not a DOUBLE DIGITS like YOU, DOUBLE DIGITS!"

"Shut up about that, Combo!"

"See how that went, Shun? Now, let's brawl!"

"Bakugan Brawl! Skyress, stand!" For the first time in this fan fiction, Shun unleashed Skyress…

A green vortex erupted from the marble! It circled up towards the heavens, summoning fearsome thunder and lightning, the darkest of storm clouds, and then…the most heavenly of light. From this most heavenly light descended an avian – no, a dragon! It was a feathered dragon with emerald-marked head, forest-toned body, and the roar of a thousand ferocious cries.

"I am the great Skyress!" she yelled. "All shall bow before my might, or face the wrath and the fury of my all-powerful tyranny!"

"BATTLE CONTINUES."

"I'm…decidedly unamused," Combo Charlie said. "Gate card, open! Quartet Kettle! Go, Harpus!"

"Hee HEE!" Julie giggled like an excited baby as her Bakugan glowed, then flew out onto the field to fight again.

A weird bird lady appeared on one side. "AH'M HARPUS!!" she screeched. "Wait, who's that over there? Who is THAT over THERE? What is it, a dragon, a bird, what? I have no idea what THAT is supposed to be. What, what's it called, Skyress? What, it's a sky empress? That's not a species, that's a fancy name! It does not work, it DOES NOT WORK. Get me away from this thing before I explode or something."

"You insolent little harpy…!"

"Yes, the 'harp' stands for 'harpy' and the 'us' stands for 'we're gonna beat you like a fresh egg'!"

"Ugh! I don't get your inferior harpy jokes!"

"Ability activate! Feather Storm!"

Wind spiraled around Harpus and became a swirling ball o' pain. "This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me, because it doesn't hurt me at all!" But the wind orbs bounced off of Gorem's massive palm, which came in just in the nick of time.

"_Show some respect, lady. It may be a fight, but, well…th-there's still rules. Yeah._"

"They ARE!?!?"

"Ability activate!" Shun said. "Green Nobility! Violet Winds!" But the winds weren't violet, and…whatever, just read the story.

Skyress became covered in what looked more like green fire than it did wind. "That's not even wind!" Harpus complained in an old hag's voice. "That's more like energy, or fire, or SOMETHING!"

"That energy or fire or something is going to KILL you!"

Skyress bumped into Harpus…apparently hard, since it slaughtered her. The marble bounced away.

"Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" Combo Charlie made an annoying scream.

But wait! There was still a weaker, more wimpy character to defeat! Gorem danced around Buzz Bee Toys, arms askew like a defending basketball player! "Hey, everyone cheer for Gorem!" Julie cried. "Come on, cheer!"

"**You can do it, Gorem.**"

"Now, finish it the exact same way you did it before!"

Gorem again did not finish off the enemy spectacularly. He just clapped and BAM! Buzz Bee Toys was yesterday's hip new thing.

"Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" Combo Charlie made an annoying scream.

"**Outta sight.**"

"Now there's only Cycloid to murder!" Skyress said. "I'm going to have a great time doing THAT…collectin' the spoils of war…destroying a vastly inferior life form…"

"I'M collectin' the spoils THIS time around!" Julie decided.

"_But that's ALSO yesterday's news,_" Gorem said. "_You've already done that! Unless you have another signature Bakugan who talks that you haven't told me about, it is NOT INTERESTING._"

"Bakugaaaaan…"

"_Oh no. You are not doing that pitch again._"

"Brawl! You, Gorem, are sorely mistaken!! Stand!!!" She did the oh-so-FAAAAABULOUS pitch again, bending backward, glowing orange, yadda yadda yadda, the Bakugan opened and released Gorem early this time so he rammed into Cycloid this time and Cycloid was pushed back so that was kind of a nice touch.

"BLAHBABLAH, SIR!!" he spewed at Billy, pushing himself and Gorem back onto the field.

"Wha? Oh well." Billy shrugged the mostly-nonsense command off. "Ability activate! Big Fat Migi!" The useful arm swelled up to a big, fat size! "And if it didn' work the first time, daddy always said, try, try again!"

"FEBLEHKFWAOJAHEHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cycloid went berserk on Gorem's (impenetrable) shield! But it was impenetrable, so imagine how that turned out.

Combo Charlie looked around and noticed that no one else was saying it. "The shield's drainin' his power, man!!"

"CYCLOID'S POWER LEVEL ERRATIC."

"WHAWHWHWEHH!?!?" Cycloid looked at the broken hammer pieces in shock!

"Use an impact move, Gorem!"

"_And here I thought you wanted me to clap again._" He cracked his knuckles for a second. He punched the air in practice a few times. Then he took a deep breath...and spun around for a super-strong kick to the neck! It caused Cycloid to explode into a fiery mushroom cloud – in other words, be defeated.

"Yes!" Julie jumped for happiness. "Yessss! YYYESSSSSSSSSS!! You did it, Gorem! I knew that wasn't yesterday's news! It's TODAY'S HEADLINE!!"

"_Uhh…noit'snot._" Cough cough.

They soon arrived in Bakugan Valley again.

"Wow, that was fun!!" Julie exclaimed. "Hope you're your old self again Billy!" She gave him a hand to shake, but Billy slapped it! "HUH!?!?!"

"Get off yer high 'n' mighty saddle, Julie. That was some dirty dancin' you pulled off in the end. You just got lucky, is all. Plus, if you fight my Cycloid with yer Gorem again, that's just yesterday's news. It's boring, and we've already seen it, so why bother?"

"But billy…"

"No 'but billy's! Yer yesterday's news! YESTERDAY'S NEWS, and don'choo ferget it! Get in the car, Combo."

"I'm not Combo!"

"And I'm not Double Digits!"

They stepped into Billy's old shoddy car and drove off a rocky ramp. They never saw that car again…because it fell in a ditch and was damaged beyond repair.

"Billy, wait!" Julie helplessly screamed. "It cant end this way!!!" She fell down and cried like it was a Greek tragedy.

"There was something between you?" Runo said.

"I thought there was something between you and ME," Marucho admitted.

"So did I, honestly," Shun said.

"Can I admit something?" Alice raised her hand timidly. No, she couldn't.

Julie's loveless cries could be heard throughout the valley…

Meanwhile, at Dan's house…

Dan wasn't with the Brawlers today, thanks to the growing Suchi and Akuma conspiracy. He had to waste his time playing a soundless Flame Hyenard stage.

"Buuuurn," Dan moaned lazily, filling in the words that should have been there. "Buuuuuuurn to the grouuuuuuuuund. Wooooo. Woooo, wooooooooo. Why am I still playing this?" He turned off his computer. "Hey, Keroro, you got any advice?"

"Maybe you should try playing with yer Bakugans, Dan!" a Dannish voice replied.

"Hey, good idea! Thanks, Keroro Gunsou!"

"No prob!"

"Dan, this is nonsense," Drago said from the tabletop. "Do something constructive with your time. Call your friends up and see how they're doing."

"What could THEY be doing that's interesting without ME?"

"Uh, well, maybe Julie's typing up untrue blog posts about how you supposedly love her."

"Ew no!"

"Or you could read some of your favorite Ke-"

"Read all five volumes!"

"…Okay, what about-"

Suchi and Akuma burst through the doorway, perfectly unharmed. "We've been through a lot today," Suchi said, panting. "Can we just battle you or something!?"

"No!"

"Awwwwwwww!"

"But hey, maybe you'd wanna play with my Keroro Gunsou figures! I just bought this one yesterday!" He held up a figurine of some bland boy with slightly unique black hair. "I'll be whoever this kid is, and you two can have the first tw members of the Keroro gang!"

"Uhh…" Akuma shrugged at Suchi, who also shrugged. "Okay."

"Great!"

They sat around the room, criss-crossed and acting out dumb things with their action figures. "Hey there, aliens!" Dan said, wiggling his figure. "Doop da doop da doop!"

"Oopdoopdoop!" Suchi said with glee, shaking around Tamama.

"This is so STYOOPID!!" Akuma/Keroro roared.

Father Figure opened the door. "Hey, I was right! You really ARE friends! I can tell Suchi and his pal are gonna stay here for a looooooooooooong time!"

"Looooooooooooong time? No! You can't do this to me, Dad! I mean, I have work tomorrow, but come on! This is NOT what it looks like!"

"Are you really playing around with toys?"

"Yes!"

"Good, because that's what it looks like!" He slammed the door.

Suchi and Akuma smiled evilly and pulled out a bunch of marbles. "No! I'm not gonna brawl you!"

"Then we'll ASK you to brawl us every day until we win."

"Th-th-this is terrible!" Dan backed away.

"If you ignore them, they'll go away," Drago said.

"You heard what your dad said," Akuma warned.

"N-n-n-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

"Come on, it's not THAT bad," Drago assumed.

_Hey, I'm Dan, and I start work at the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit Restaurant! We fuel up on espressos and bleep so-and-sos, and I'm glad to be somewhat avoiding Suchi and Akuma again! Just like Mom said, wash the dishes and you'll get allowance! Wait, what? Anyways, one of us could be a spy! Is it Runo, the tsundere? Julie, the gross one? Alice, the shy one who keeps to herself and never really says anything important and doesn't brawl? Marucho, the short one with a lot of money? Shun, the rational one? Or is it ME!?!? My money's on me! Oh, and that's Jackie Chan Bruce Lee, one of the top brawlers! She's be in the third spot if our ranking system weren't so messed up! Maybe she's a spy? Stuff gets warm as Runo wants to challenge me! Oh well, we all knew it was gonna happen!_

_Bakugan Brawl! *throws marble* *wipes nose* Seeya there!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	16. Chapter 16

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Sixteen  
No Game No Glory**

Somewhere secret…

Three out of five people sat around a dark, creepy table. They were still wearing those darned cloaks.

"Hey, where's those other two guys?" Carlos Santana said, impatient.

"They died," Kalus said. There was a pause. "I'm kidding. They're brawling. What, nobody's laughing? Laugh, I say! Laugh or you haven't any game!"

"_Heh heh heh,_" they laughed weakly.

"Good. Now, we must bestow a name unto our team. What shall we call it, now? I say we call it…Mask the Dynasty! Yes! Everyone, vote foh it! Vote foh it, I say!"

"Why we be should have listen to vote suggestion of you?" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee complained. "Of a beside, you not even have name of the England, so why you say one is being from the London?"

"As I was saying befouh this IMPUHTINENT little BRAT so RUDELEH INTERRUPTED meh, everyone must vote! Vote, I say, or you haven't any game!"

"Fine, okay, hombre! I'm voting for Mask the Dynasty, too!" Carlos Santana spat out.

And so it was named…

With our main cast…

Four out of six Bakugan Battle Brawlers stopped off at the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit Restaurant to eat things. "Julie looked pretty sad," Runo said. "Is she always heartbroken like that?"

"I have no idea," Marucho sighed.

Shun was, today, dressed in a baggy white T-shirt and black shorts. He examined the photographs and dolls sitting around the place. "Why are we eating here?" he asked everyone.

"I work here!" Runo exclaimed. "Alice and I are the waitresses here!"

"Then who's serving us the food?"

"Dan is!"

"You mean HE works here, too?"

"He just started recently. He SHOULD be coming soon…"

As if on cue, Dan appeared before them…in a short-skirted maid uniform! He slapped four menus onto the table. "MewMew Braw- oh, it's you guys! 'Sup?"

"Oh God," Shun said, turning away.

"Espressos for everyone?" Marucho clarified.

"Sure!" everyone else said.

"Hey, can I sit here with you? I sure could have mahself an espresso!" Dan pleaded.

"Suchi and Akuma are dead, right?" Runo wondered.

"No, they're back home. But I gave them a decoy, so THAT'LL keep 'em busy!"

"…If you say so. Come back with five espressos, alright?"

_I wonder how Julie's doing,_ Shun thought.

In Julie's bedroom…

She sat on her bed in a fetal position. Rocking back and forth, back and forth…

_What's happening to Billy? What's happening to Billy!? What's happening to my Billy!?_

Back at the restaurant…

_…Do I really care?_

A short time later, Dan was sitting with da crew, sipping some real good coffee. "Yum! This is SOME beverage!" he cried, rubbing his nose in victory.

He looked around the table. Nobody else was drinking. "What, what's wrong? Is it just the fact that Julie's gone? Why's she gone, anyways?"

"I shall tell you what happened," Marucho said, and within twenty minutes Dan had a play-by-play update of what happened.

"Wow! I suddenly might have sympathy for Julie now! Wait, she loved Billy, not me?"

"Both of you, probably."

"And what was that about game?"

"They…said they had joined Mask the Money to prove they had game."

"Wha – we've gotta meet up with Julie ASAP, dawgs!"

"To calm her down?"

"No! To tell her she's just a big wimp, and we're throwing her out!"

"WHAAAA!?!?"

"She doesn't have any game, does she? Here two respectable gentlemen with GAME come, then BOOM! there she goes, weeping like a baby, just because she has no game to call her own!"

"But," Drago interrupted, "isn't the Infinity Core our first priority? Deal with Julie later, when she calms down."

"…Good point! We'll just make that gameless Julie suffer!" He took a swig o' espresso with angry eyes.

After paying 120 nuevo sols for their drinks and such, the gang went outside. While they were busy meeting up with Dan (still dressed as a maid), Butler was busy making renovations to the flying car! Everyone thought it looked exactly the same, except for the tinted red windows. As they appeared, Butler removed his not-useful wrench from the untouched exterior and slid in through the front door.

"Come on, people!" Marucho cried, dragging them all in at once by the wrists excitedly. "It must be totally different inside now!"

"Sure," Alice mumbled.

It was! Now the inside practically looked like a hotel suite (they were even standing in a red carpet hallway)! On either side were entrances to six bedrooms, one for each Brawler and none for anyone else who might be riding in the car like, oh, say, one of Marucho's OTHER friends. Or maybe he had no other friends, seeing as each bedroom was labeled with a sign for each group member.

"The butler did this in twenty minutes?" Shun asked.

Ignoring him Marucho said, "Now we can all rest in comfort whilst the tired butler does all the work!"

"He needs a suite…" Alice murmured.

"Should we not sit down in the lobby for a time?" Marucho beckoned for them to rest on some pure gold fleece couches.

"Okay!" Dan plopped down…ON JULIE!?!? "Aah! It's an uncomfortable lump!"

"No, silly!" Julie hopped up, happy as ever (you know, before she was sobbing). "It's Julie, and Im so happy to see my dan!"

"Aah! Not your Dan!" He leaped out the window in fear! …Then he crawled painfully back in. "Hey, Julie! I just remembered to tell you something: you're fired!"

"Whaaaaat!?" Julie said, appalled. "But this isn't my job! I don't even HAVE a job!"

"Then you're…uh…not a part of this team anymore!"

"But I use the Terry Bakugans!"

"…Fair enough. But I've got my eyes on you…" He pointed to both his eyes, then Julie's, and sat with caution back on the couch.

"Wait, then…" Alice thought about this. "You're not upset anymore? About Billy?"

"Of COURSE not!" Julie posed. "You didn't think I was gonna go around moping forEVer, did you? I have to get up and go, GO!!" She bounced around some.

"Aah!" Dan backed away. "Okay, okay! Your fighting spirit scares me! You'd BETTER prove it to me that you've got enough game to last in THIS tough environment…or else…you're REALLY fired! Or, whatever."

"YES!!" Julie pointed her finger to the stars. "From now on, I'm only looking to the BRIGHT side of things!"

"She scares me," Alice whispered, hiding behind Runo's back.

"Oh, come on, Alice," Runo barked. "All SHE'S got is game and fighting spirit. Calm down, for Pete's sake!"

"Now, which room will I be staying in?" Julie asked them.

"…The one labeled Julie?" Marucho answered.

"Oh, right!" She stumbled off into her bedroom, carrying some light luggage with her.

A little while later…

Travel in the normal-looking front of the car was going smoothly, and Butler looked content.

"HEY, GUYSES!" Preyus screeched, jumping up and down. "We're approachin' a PLACE!! Which place, Shun? WHICH PLACE!?!?"

"Bloo Mini-Canyon," Shun said, reading a nearby map on a computer, which was for some reason in the lobby. "It's got some deep ruins, making it a good place to dig." He was actually pointing to Bloo Mini-Canyon 2, contrary to popular belief.

"Man, ah am so PUMPED!!" Dan said, doing a little dance.

"Whatever we do…" Alice moaned, "I just hope we don't find anything danger—"

Runo smacked her upside the head. "DON'T UPSET MURPHY'S LAW!!"

"Owwww!" But instead of reporting Runo's cruelty to the others, she shrank away and kept to herself.

"I hope not, too," Dan said, hearing her. "Mask the Money's gang keeps following us…how do they _do_ that?"

"I've been thinking," Shun said, leaning against the wall like the rebel he apparently was, "don't you think all this is rather…strange?"

"Wh-wh-w-what do you mean?" Dan said, forgetting that he'd implied wondering about that himself.

"Just a coincidence, that's all!" Julie said…with spunk.

"You actually think that's the case? They know our every move, dam – I mean, darnit! They're tracking us! Tracking us so that they can play…marble games with us and stop us from playing, or something, I haven't gotten that far yet. Maybe they've sent out a spy."

"You mean…one of us?" Runo leaned forward in shock.

"You mean…Julie…?" Alice looked like she was about to break out into a sobbing fit, holding her hand to her cheek and whimpering.

"I don't believe it!" Dan got into a crazy thrashing dance of RAGE! "Are you saying there's a traitor in MY hand-crafted team!? I don't think that's possible, no I don't!"

"No, not here…there are only two other people who know our whereabouts. There's that butler guy…"

The driver coughed a couple of times.

"…and Webmaster Joe."

"**COLLECTIVE GASP!**"

"Of course! Webmaster Joe!" Dan screamed. "Oh, wait…I'm always watching, aren't I? Add me to the list!"

"Oh yeah, THAT guy!" Runo sighed with relief.

"Yeah! Webmaster Joe!" Marucho said.

"WHO IS WEBMASTER JOE!?!?" Drago shouted.

"He manages our website," Dan said solemnly. "He also keeps track of everything we do."

"Why in all that is holy would you let him do THAT!?!?"

"MmMMmm." Dan mumbled and shrugged.

"He could be a fourth-grade student," Runo said, "or a forty-year-old stalker. We don't know, since we've never even seen him!"

"Sounds KREEPY, if ya ask me!" Preyus said.

"Well, he does a REALLY good job at managing the website…" Marucho guiltily twiddled around with his hair. "But you never really hear from him in the chatrooms, so he is a REALLY mysterious entity."

"He catalogs EVERYTHING we're up to online," Shun said bluntly.

"Some heroes YOU are," Drago groaned. "You can't even save YOURSELVES! I ought to curse you out…"

"Maybe this was all a setup!" Marucho crossed his arms and pouted in dismay. "Imagine if all of this was leaked to Mask the Money!"

"**COLLECTIVE GASP!!**"

"Wait, is THIS why you lied about us going to Bloo Mini-Canyon?" Skyress said from Shun's pocket.

"Yep."

"**COLLECTIVE GASP!!**"

"Oh, come on! It's the only way to stop them from meeting us at the right place! Then we won't be swayed into brawling them as we for some strange reason keep agreeing to do!"

"But you lied!" Dan said.

"But I saved us!"

"But you lied!"

"But now you Bakugan won't get killed!"

"But you lied!"

"Quiet down, all!" Marucho pleaded. "This is just like a celebrity posting that he or she is going to Times Square when in reality she is headed to Alasksa in hopes of trying to avoid a vicious and power-hungry gang! _And that's bad!_ Oh, wait wait…it's good? I'M SO CONFUSED!!"

Before anyone could continue speaking, Butler spoke over the intercom. "We are approaching our destination of Bloo Mini-Canyon 2. Prepare to land."

They looked out the clear window. Before them was a vast dark-blue landscape...which was right in the middle of a sea of orange and red. "This is NOTHING like Bloo Mini-Canyon!" Dan cried. "Rrrrrgh Shuuuuuuun…"

They soon started walking along a dark blue rock path until, suddenly, an evil laugh of sorts rang out! "Ha HA!!" some lady laughed, dressed in a cloak and standing on an impossibly-tall pillar. "Therefore, some of all the Brawlers have the showing up ability quality!" she said loudly, so the people below could hear it.

"See? They're tracking us!" Shun made a fist. "Next time I'll say we're moving to a farther place! Bloo Mini-Canyon's too close to its sequel, anyways!"

"You're right! **I** might be the spy around these parts!" Dan joined him in his fisty ways.

"You know me?" The mystery woman smirked, tore off her cloak, and leaped off the ledge! "I Jackie Chan Bruce Lee!!" She landed impossibly gracefully on the rock, jumping back to her feet. "Let show you me to the power being descended from…third the best of brawler in universe!!" She placed her palm before her, demonstrating her amazing palm prowess.

"**GASP!**" Marucho alone gasped. "Wow, that's not quite the best but so close to it that she might be really good!" he figured.

"Billy was tenth…" Runo said.

"Charlie was fifth…" Alice said.

"Then JCBL shouldn't be much harder!" Dan said.

"IT NOT JCBL!! And a me is surprise that you not scare to battle I."

"Hey, take a chill pill!" Julie revealed a strange medication from her nonexistent pocket. "What do you people WANT from us!?"

"My only reason the DOOM CARD!! Huah!" She now held the card in her prowess-filled palm.

"Wow, you're crappier than ME! And sometimes," Dan said, holding his own standard gate card, "crap is what crap does."

"Wait dan!!" Julie touched his shoulder. "Don't go it alone pleas!!" Everyone else revealed standard gate cards just for him.

"I said crap is what crap does!" Dan barked at them. "So let me do this alone!"

"Are you sure? We could always be cheap, you know!" Runo said.

"If I did that…y-y-you heard what I just said! That crap metaphor!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make any sense! What'd you say it for!?"

"If I did this cheap," he said, "I would be cheap crap."

All eyes were upon him as the wind blew through his jacket.

"This challenge is mine, and mine alone…and I accept it. Anyway, I wanna test my strength, and I can't do that while I'm fighting with you guys. It's just the way I am." His fist, clutching a marble tightly, shook without control. "We'll take on Mars, Jupiter, the third best in the universe and any other brawler who challenges us in this whole wide world! Are you with me, Drago?"

"…Of course."

"Then let's do this! Mask the Money is nothing but a stepping stone!"

"Uhh, assume is good. Then we do battle!!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee was as ready as he was.

"Alright! Field, open!" The glowing cards illuminated the night.

_Bakugan Battle Brawlers right back will!_

_And now, back to the Bakugan Battle Brawlers! Arms…ON!!_

"ARE YOU READY, JACKIE CHAN BRUCE LEE!?!?"

"I AM READY, JACKIE CHAN BRUCE LEE!!"

They jumped in the air and released two red gate cards.

"And now," Dan cried, "Bakugan Brawl! Giant Red Insect, stand!" What stood was, in fact, a giant red praying mantis.

"To summon a guy first turn?" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee taunted. "Please! Do not tell Jackie Chan Bruce Lee that all moves yours shall be seen coming like so! Huah hueh, hyah! Bakugan Brawl! Man Canyon, stand!" A red Sphinxguy was, at her command, summoned in front of him.

"Talk about predictable! Gate card, open! TRIPLE Kettle!" Dan yelled, and the area around the two Pirate guys started glowing, as things usually did.

"You said 'trap'," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said. There was an awkward pause. "Better to make right choice, friend."

"Send me in, Dan," Drago said. "I don't wanna be used at the end of EVERY game."

"Not yet! That's what I had planned! Lemme try something else first! Urghle burgle!" He threw another gate card, making a bent-over line of three. "Now, Bakugan Brawl! Pirate Seed, stand!"

A vortex of flame and treachery arose from the card, and left behind a typical pirate in its wake. "Arrrr!" he said, holding up his hook hand.

Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's eyes widened. _What he thinking!? That TERRIBLE move! None best Jackie Chan Bruce Lee that dumb way! I throw in any other Bakugan, then he be of the losing! Then go to dimension of doom!_

"Grr!" Dan said, gritting his teeth and biting off some grass, which he heartily chewed.

"Okay~" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said. There was an awkward pause. "If you want to! Hueh hui huah! Bakugan Brawl! Scorpiorrior, stand!" She made her warrior in scorpion-like armor roll out onto the field! He had a double-edged spiky club, best weapon of the seven seas.

"Ability activate! Sling Blazer!" Dan activated something! With a rub of his scythes, Giant Red Insect now wielded a sling! He used this to scoop up Man Canyon and take 'im away. The creature was haphazardly thrown next to Pirate Seed.

"I not believe it! But I any path should have had the guessing of that the pirate summoned that way, my be battling there as well!"

"Right you are…I think! This ability (that only the mantises have HA) lets me take your guy away somewhere! And look, now two of your Bakugan are destroyed!"

"Huh? Wha?" Two marbles rolled over to her. "Wha! I wasn't looking! He beat…them both!"

"That's what you call Mustache Maneuver!" Dan caught his own two Bakugan. "Only the true pros know it!"

"You just right now made it up!"

"I know, right?" He loaded one Bakugan into the launcher again.

"You know, Dan," Drago said, "if you're not using me again, this most definitely will NOT be the brawl's last round."

"Don't worry, Drago! I'll TOTALLY win WITHOUT you! Giant Red Insect, stand!" The mantis stood doubtfully.

"Not once again! You only get lucky! Now watch true energy working! Huah hueh, hyah! Yah! Bakugan Brawl! Asian Deity, stand!" The mighty many-armed Bakugan stood there…and did several fist pumps YEAH.

"ASIAN DEITY POWER LEVEL 370 G'S. GIANT RED INSECT POWER LEVEL 330 G'S."

"This is going to be difficult," Drago said. "You're going to lose. Be careful, Dan."

"I'm not gonna lose, Drago!" he retorted. "So stop saying that! I'll just make 'im burnt toast with this card right here!"

"…Not quite. Activate ability! Much Grief!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's Bakugan switched between his three faces, now looking totally bummed out!

"Woah!" Dan gaped. "Like, his face changed!"

"Boohoo!" Asian Deity sobbed, insulting people. "Woe is me! You're not gonna harm a poor defenseless religion guy, are ya? ARE YA, HUH!?!?" With that last statement, he held out his arms and activated his ability!

"This ability unallows ability that is your ability to be an ability," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee put simply.

"Ha ha!" Asian Deity laughed like a grade school bully as he pranced around stupidly.

"No way! This annoying and distracting grief-stricken dance is making me take pity on the guy!" Dan said.

"Woe is me, woe, woooeeee," the deity sobbed, spinning around on his head, "and there's nothing you can do about it! Huah!" He did a roundhouse kick on Giant Red Mantis, kicking him out of the game and into Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's mouth.

"Taste similarly that the bear meat," she remarked.

"No! Giant Red Inseeeeect…"

"Hey, Dan," Drago said, "I've got two tips for you. One is to look at his three faces. Each has a different power."

"One's happy, one's sad, and one has big sharp teeth?"

"Exactly, kind of. Second, use me next."

"You seen nuthin' as of yet! Asian Deity, now you go die so other many weaker guys summon in place of yours!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's command forced Asian Deity to fade away and be replaced with the two dead guys from earlier in a flurry of magical activity!

"WHAAAAA!?" Dan danced around confusedly. "But you said – but I said – but I might be the – but uh –"

"Using of the Revive card on turn prior in game," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said, "handed me advantage to top!"

"Fiddlesticks! So now I'm at a disadvantage, having lost Giant Red Insect…"

"Right you are, Dan," Drago said, feeling proud of him. "But really, use me next time."

"This game's been going on TOO LONG!! I'M COUNTING ON YOU DRAGOOOOO!" Dan threw a gate card in desperation. "Drago, stand!"

The famous dragon mascot character appeared from a bunch of flames! "FINALLY!" he cried, unfurling his wing-arms.

"Happiness because of the Drago? Good! Ha hueh BRAWL! Asian Deity, again stand!" And now, it was merely a brawl between two tough customers. It was almost like an old-style Western shootout, except not at all. "Let me tell you something. This why I escalate through fame to become third best in universe! To make it big, put all on this line!"

"I've already been doing that! Bakugan Brawl! Pirate Seed, stand!"

"ARRRRRGH, ye mateys!"

"ASIAN DEITY IS STRONGER. NO OTHER DATA AVAILABLE."

"What a piece of junk!" Dan slapped his BakuGantlet silly.

Since Dan really has no idea what his Bakugan power levels are for some stupid reason, and he just needed an excuse to pile on some unneeded dramatic tension for this battle, Pirate Seed immediately fell backward into Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's mouth, no punches or anything. "Pirate Seed!" Dan cried, reaching out toward the fallen pirate.

"Arrrr! I woulda been still with you if not fer yer horrible so-called knowledge o' power levels!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOO!!" Dan pounded his fists on the ground.

While he was sobbing momentarily, the gate cards were busy flying around by themselves and dropping into a straight line formation, doing whatever the hell they wanted. "All is in its place," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee remarked.

"Huh? The field moved?" Dan regained his composure. "What the-"

"You see, Dan, this field crafted just for Dan. It being that the place that the strongest his Bakugan share final fight with strongest mine Bakugan." She laughed a bit to herself. "I set this up!"

"Oh no! She was planning to get Drago into this kind of position _all along!_"

"**AND YOU WERE ****ING STUPID ENOUGH TO GO ALONG WITH IT!!**" Drago screamed back at him.

"Oh, come on, Drago! We can do it!" Dan said.

"I KNOW **THAT** PART, BUT WE COULD'VE BEEN DONE A WHILE AGO!"

"Too bad! This is a way to test my real, true, inner strength, without any help from my peers! JCBL might be tough, but _she's not better than Dan Da Man!_"

"Start the big finish! Huah hueh huah! Bakugan Brawl! Scorpiorrior, stand! Teach him that it JACKIE CHAN BRUCE LEE!!"

"Right on!" Scorpiorrior agreed to it. "Hey, CHUMP, it's Jackie Chan Bruce Lee!"

"Since when did EVERY Bakugan talk?" Dan wondered. He shrugged it off. "Oh well! We're gonna win this Drago! Gate card, activate!"

Fire enveloped his body as he said, "BOOSTED DRAGON!!" He then spat a boom bubble of fire at Scorpiorrior, who died without another word.

"Keep doing that, Drago, and we'll win just like that!" He struggled to snap his fingers.

"And we COULD HAVE DONE THAT EARLIER."

"Anyways, go back out there for another round!"

"Good thing I didn't really go anywhere!"

"DETECTED POWER LEVEL INCREASE TO 440 G'S."

"Boosted Dray-gun being the stronger than one myself thought," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee decided. "No worry…I know his ENTIRE deck layout…"

Dan heard what she just said and stared.

"Hueh hyaa! Bakugan Brawl!" She summoned Man Canyon! The sheer force of their pirate brotherhood must've made their power levels go up to 500 and 590 (with Drago obviously being the stronger one)!

"Hang in there, Drago!"

"Hold. Ability card, activate! Jammin' Ray!" Man Canyon glided around the field and shot laser beams everywhere with his…JAMMIN' EYES

"MAN CANYON POWER LEVEL INCREASE TO 600 G'S."

"How'd THAT happen?" Dan said, wondering about how JAMMIN' EYES worked without using a period, but not really. "OH NO DRAGO YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!!"

"I [b]**KNOW**[/b] THAT!!" As the jammin' eyes began burning the ground at a steadily deadly rate, Drago simply kicked the energy beams back into Man Canyon's face!

"DRAGO WINS BY A HAIR…HEH HEH…OF 10 G'S."

"What the – ugh – gah! What the hell just happened here!? That not in rules! You cannot be doing that of watch by rules! No! Cheater!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee demanded an explanation.

The marble, glowing intensely with red, landed in Dan's hand. "I don't have an explanation, yo! I DON'T!! Drago, what about you?"

"I DON'T KNOW, Dan! It's a REALLY HOT ENERGY BUILDUP!!"

"Pudding?"

"NO, JUST ENERGY!! Wait, wait, it's starting to cool down…"

"I guess yer just BURNING with PASSION AND INTENSITY!"

"Oh, Dan…"

"Bring on the heat already! Drago heated up but not being the contender!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee cried from the other side of the arena. "Brawl or else!"

"Alright, Drago! Are you ready or _are you ready?_"

"…YESIAM!!" (/watch?v=JtoQG2kdlYc&feature=related - go listen to it while you read) Something about the fighting spirit or passion or vigor in his voice forced a link to a song on YouTube to be linked to, and play in the background. Either that or it was next on Dan's iPod playlist. If the link doesn't work, it was Mega Man 5's Wily Stage music.

Asian Deity stood menacingly at the other side. "I shall make things very hard for you," Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said. "Ability activate, huah! Single Face of Many Rage!"

"RAAAAAH!!" He had many rage, all right. "MY BURNING RAGE OF DESTRUCTION WILL CUT **YOU** IN HALF AND CAUSE **YOU** TO FEEL THE BURNING PAIN OF **YOU**R OWN DEATH, AND THAT'S JUST MY STYYYYYLE." He revealed four swords, one for each hand.

"NOW ASIAN DEITY IS STRONGER BY 10 G'S. YOU CAN DO IT, DAN."

"10 G's? He needs a miracle!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee scoffed.

"BECAUSE MY SWORDS WILL CUT **YOU!!**" His four swords sliced at every angle, giving Drago several minor cuts and bruises until he made the smart decision to fly upward! "OH NOOOOO!!"

"Ha! I'm bending the rules and there's nothing you can do about it!" Drago said from up above.

Jackie Chan Bruce Lee gasped. "Cheater!"

"Drago? Cheating!? NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dan ran into the battle-hiding flames, knowing only that Drago might be cheating. "Ow, I'm getting third-degree burns in here! Drago, stop cheating!"

"IT'S NOT CHEATING!"

"Drago, stop cheating!"

"**IT'S NOT CHEATING!**"

Dan had leaped onto Drago's spiky-crested head! "Maybe THIS'll stop you from cheating!"

"**NO IT WON'T, AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET UP HERE!?!?**"

"I dunno, I just…jumped."

"Anyways…say the word and I'll attack them!"

"Yeah! Maybe if I use this ability with Boosted Dragon, the attack power will double – no, be multiplied by ten! Let's show her a power level nobody's ever seen before!"

"No! No! Cheater! Get down from up there!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee and Asian Deity pranced around in disorientation.

"Ability fusion! Stuff Flare!" Dan dropped his collectible card into Drago's traveling fireball, making it even bigger!"

"He fuses ability!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee gasped in astonishment. "Asian Deity, use own The Power Blast!"

"THE POWER BLAST KILLS **YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!**" Two fire blasts collide on the inside! The blasts went back and forth in fury, and nobody knew whose was whose!

"His power level…how high will it go!?"

"UP TO 530 G'S."

"Through the roof!" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee marveled. "But I have seen very much the higher, even this brawl!"

"This is the end," Drago said with his mouth full. "_**BOOSTED DRAGON STUFF FLARE!!**_" Like the ribbon in the middle of a tug-of-war rope, the big blast of energy in the middle of their blasts fell to Asian Deity's side and exploded in a blur of burning fire.

"No! Cheater!"

They left her body to burn in the flames whilst they watched from above. "Yes! Wish I could high-five you, Drago! We totally KILLED her!"

"And we could have done it earlier…"

"But at least we did it in the end! Never underestimate Dan Da Man!"

Suddenly he fell down face first into Bloo Mini-Canyon 2 as the music, if it hadn't already, ended. "Oof! Hey, the match's over? Man, and it was such a rush, too!"

"Where's JCBL?" Shun asked.

Marucho gasped. "Don't tell me you…k-k-k-BEAT her? The third best brawler in the entire circuit?"

"Yeah, no sweat!" He gave a funny-looking grin and peace sign. "And it was so tight, too! You shoulda been there!"

"This is a big thing!" Julie said. "Let's congratulate him with a tickle fight!"

"Oh no. OHHHH no. Not after that gameless ceremony you had yesterday with—"

"TICKLTICKLETICKLE!!"

"Aah, my belly!"

Everyone else just laughed and ignored Dan's pain.

From atop another tall pillar, Jackie Chan Bruce Lee watched. "I never would assume that the Dan used a fusion combine of ability card," she said to herself. "Too bad for dim-witted Dan my secret weapon is secret. He would never guess that is…the last face of Asian Deity perhaps combined with something else. Wish I could say it not JCBL." She leaped away somewhere, displaying many kung-fu antics along the way.

After Julie stopped tickling Dan and squishing his cheeks, Shun silenced the gang. "Then we know that the most possible culprit is Webmaster Joe," he said.

"Or me!" Dan raised his hand anxiously.

Shun sighed. "No, the spy would not purposefully reveal his or her identity."

"Come on! I've got spy blood!"

"No, Dan. You don't."

"I wonder where Joe is now…" Alice pondered.

In the hospital…somewhere…

Her question was answered! …To the viewers, at least! A kid lay in a hospital bed, looking out the window.

"I wonder," he said in a nasally voice, "what the Bakugan Brawlers are up to…"

_Hey, people! This is Marucho! Let's eat at the restaurant! Yaaaaay! It's a feast to celebrate Dan's winning against Jackie Chan Bruce Lee! We meet Joe face-to-face and discover he hasn't exactly been honest with us. I also fight Klaus in a Bakugan game! WHO WILL WIN!?!? Take a lucky guess! …You're right! Bakugan Brawl!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	17. Chapter 17

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

_Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!_

_A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!_

**Episode Seventeen  
Thanks A Lot Marucho**

_"Oh my…oh dear…I must admit I have nevuh seen any Bakugan like YOU befouh…I must add you to my collection…the collection of Klaus London…mu hu hu hu huuuuu…"_

Anyways…

"Boy, am I BEAT!" Runo collapsed onto the restaurant chair.

"Beat like a flying pig in the chainsaw!" Dan wiped sweat from his brow. "We searched everywhere and didn't find SQUAT!"

"I'm beginning to wonder if it's in the canyon at all…" Alice said quietly.

"GRRAAAAAAAHHH!!" Dan tore out some of his hair and threw it at the Happy Meals they brought into the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit restaurant.

"Oh, settle down, Dan," Runo said tiredly. "We all overreact, but not like THAT."

Dan was beginning to nibble the sleeve of his worn-all-this-time-but-not-forever maid uniform.

"Calm down! Maybe we just have to look harder," Drago said. "Or, like Alice said, somewhere else entirely."

"I concur wholeheartedly," Halo Tiger said.

"BUT AHM GOIN' CAHRAAYZAAY!!"

"You're just impatient, you twit!" Skyress shouted.

"Hey, everyone," Marucho said, "the best thing to get you back into the spirit of joy and love…is a Happy Meal™! Thanks for suggesting it, Preyus!"

"Don't mention it! To do some advertisin', Happy Meal™s are the happiest things on earth! So happy they're sold in Disney™ theme parks, the happiest PLACES on earth! And ya know why they're happy? THEY SELL HAPPY MEAL™S!!"

No lengthy cooking scene was necessary. They pushed the Happy Meal™s closer to everyone. Now everyone had a slightly soggy bag of food and a "small" soft drink to call their own!

"WOW!!" Julie gasped. "Our very own Happy Meal™s!" She took a bite out of a boot-shaped Chicken McNugget. "Try some! Ooh, these foot-like nuggets are my faves! How'd you know?"

"You ALL got nuggets!" Preyus admitted.

"Shows what YOU know about individual tastes!" Dan scoffed. "And you must know a lot! Well, down the hatch! Nom!" He ate one nugget. It was so good/bad/what? that he could only make a dazed smile and moaning sound.

"OH NO DANS A ZOMBIE!!!"

"Get away from him, Julie!" Runo pushed her off of Dan's back. Then she tried a nugget. "It's not THAT special."

"The nugget's squishy, breaded texture," Shun said, looking like a rebel as usual, "works wonders when dunked in ketchup." Today he was dressed in a corduroy jacket with faux yellow fur around the collar, over a black shirt and skinny jeans.

"I don't care what Shun thinks! I'm still not happy with this!"

"They're actually pretty okay," Alice said neutrally.

"Yeah, see? When you're right, you're right!"

"You're just not eating them with ketchup."

"Am too!"

"Looks like these Happy Meal™s made everyone a LOT happier!" Marucho said, amazed. "Thanks for choosing the menu today, Preyus!"

"Don't mention it! The food here SUCKS!"

Soon, Dan had eaten all the nuggets and thrown out the fries that came with them. He also drank everything. "Thanks a HEAP! A heap o' THANKS! Thanks for this craze-calmin' meal, Marucho and Preyus!"

"Yes thank you!" Julie said. "The little boot shapes are just how they made them back home!"

Shun smiled in agreement.

"Hey Shun, maybe you should sit on the couch sometime!" Julie suggested.

"Nah, I'm too cool for that. And school. I don't go, you know."

"Search your heart, you know it to be true," Hammy the Hamster said, alluding to wanting to sit down.

_Sitting down brings me fear…_ He shivered with the chill of bitter memory, or something.

"Hey, Marucho, the food was adequate!" Runo said.

"Heh heh, go on…"

"HEY!! Everyone knows it was Uncle PREYUS'S idea to GET Happy Meal™ses in the FIRST place, don't they? DON'T THEY!?!?"

Fabio's Wife, dressed in a too-small maid outfit came to their table. "Are you kids orderin' or what? Either you order, or the three kids who work here get to work washin' dishes!"

"Right away!" Alice, Runo and Dan ran off.

"A-and Alice, Runo, don't forget ta' change into yer own maid uniforms!" The fat lady hurried off after them.

Marucho took this time to tell Preyus stuff. "Preyus, thank you for…ordering this delicious meal from McDonald's!"

"Is THAT all you're gonna thank me for? IS THAT ALL!?!? After ALL da times I've sent my behind into battle, you thank me when I order you Happy Meal™ses."

"It's not that! That's not what I meant!"

The marble closed, causing everyone to hear a mysterious manly voice say, "**SHUNN'D.**"

The three maids misunderstood the conversation. "They're a perfect match!" Runo said.

"Perfect like tea and tomatoes!" Dan agreed.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"What? I have that every night before I go to sleep! They're great together!"

Later, in the lobby of the flying car…

"Hey, gang!" Dan shouted, stopping all in their tracks. "Why don't we ask on the Internet for info on the Infinity Core?"

"**GASP NO THAT'S RISKY!**"

"I'm all for it," Shun said.

"**SHUN NO IT'S RISKY!**"

"Come on! They already KNOW what we're doing! We could even get dummy accounts and use random library computers! They would probably follow us around anyway!"

"**YES HE'S RIGHT,**" the Bakugan quintet agreed.

"YOUR logic just can't hold up to that of SHUN and I," Skyress said haughtily.

"_And the other Bakugan,_" Gorem said.

"And Dan! Don't forget about Dan!"

Skyress sighed. "AND you guys, AND Dan."

" 'Cuz nobody's gonna beat Dan Da Man! Who's gonna be with Dan Da Man, huh?"

"Uhh…"

"You are, that's who! Let's stick our necks out like a giraffe and see what happens! Marucho, man the computer! Everyone else, sit around and tell him what to type!"

"It could be a trap…" Alice said, uncomfortable with this.

"A trap to get us to play Bakugan?" Shun said. "You know, it's just a game. You can, like refuse."

"Are you saying," Dan said, "that we must NOT have game in the face of danger?"

"I'm just saying what's smart. Either you don't brawl or you torture living creatures in the process of brawling."

"I could care less abut those guys, long as I have game! Now, who's with me!?" Everyone else applauded. "Alright, then!"

"I am in the process of setting up a dummy account," Marucho said, typing like crazy.

"No, you can just use my DanDaMan account! The password is DanDaMan!"

Julie smiled mischievously.

"Posting topic—"

"No, make it a video recording of me!"

"If you say so. Three, two, one, action!"

"Yo yo YO! This is Dan Da Man, and I'm lookin' for info on the Infinity Core! Know where it is? Tell me! Either send me a private message, or paste it onto my signature after logging into my account! The password is exactly the same as the username! Evil people aren't allowed to help! I'll automatically trust ANYONE who responds! Seeya there!" He wiped his nose. "And smell ya later!"

Wherever Klaus was…

_"…aren't allowed to help! I'll automatically trust ANYONE who responds! Seeya there!" He wiped his nose. "And smell ya later!"_

"Ugh! I feel so, so…INSULTED! Smell ya latuh? What form of unholy madness IS this child!? UGH! I must provide him with false leads regahding the Infinity Core! Even if it is a trap, uh…agh…UGH!!"

Back at the flying car…

"Hey, Dan! I have been practically nocturnal waiting for this, but…here it is! You finally got a reply via the forum! Better be lucky nobody hacked into your account!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?" Dan spat out his cereal, which contained milk and the remains of French fries they forgot to throw out. "Where from?"

The dot on the screen drifted away from Germany and eventually placed itself on England. "Somewhere in England! The message, said by 'EvilKlausLondon45', states that if you want more info, meet him face-to-face in…England, somewhere!"

"This is definitely a trap," Shun sighed.

"It might not be!" Dan roared.

"I'm with Shun," Alice said.

"No you're not!" Runo barked.

"I'm not sure anymore!" Alice shook her head and cried.

"See? Your trappy ideas made Alice cry! If you wanna save Alice's happiness, don't come up with these weird ideas about traps. Look, I said no evil guys were allowed to reply, right?"

"And by that logic," Marucho said, "they wouldn't dare!"

"You idiots! You know how evil guys are!" Shun yelled. "We'll see when we meet this obviously evil guy in person. Don't say I didn't warn you about how stupid this plan is!"

"Dan's my first name, and if it were the first part of my middle name, and if Ger was already my middle name, then Danger would be my middle name!"

"THAT'S CONVOLUTED!!" Marucho screamed.

"Relax! It's party time – Oktoberfest style! Heh, you get it? KLAUS!"

"That's very offensive, Dan," Julie said. "He claims he's English. Don't say that about him!!!" And Julie found a fourth/fifth/who cares love.

"One question," Runo said. "How's the weather like there?"

"I dunno, rainy, I guess. Dress in bowler hats and bring your finest umbrellas!" Dan hid his maid outfit in a blanket, then ripped the blanket away to reveal the outfit of a British dandy! "We'll fit right in!"

"Do they have toilet paper in England?" Julie wondered.

"Are you insane?" Shun snapped.

_Bakugan Battle Brawluhs will be right back. Mu hu hu hu huuuuu…_

_Splash Woman here! Welcome back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

They looked down on a shiny, purple-and-pink fairy tale castle. "We're going THERE!?" Dan said, amazed. "Somebody pinch me!"

"Gladly!"

"Ow! I wasn't talking to YOU, Julie! Great, now I'm amazed AND my cheek hurts!"

"And I thought Momo-Rutabaga was impressive!" Runo exclaimed.

"Hey! The tower's impressive as well!" Marucho complained. "And even moreso!"

They landed on a sunny plain, and everyone but the butler stood at the huge, ornately-designed door.

"Wohohohoah!" Dan pointed at the door with his cane. "Look at this mad awesome door! Maruchp's got nuthin' on DAT! …But it doesn't have a doorbell! Bummer!" The door opened automatically! "What? It opens automatically?"

"Yeah," Shun snorted, sounding like a different guy entirely, "like the mall."

Everybody headed inside, going down a hall flanked on either side by suits of armor. "Wow, I'm impressed!" Preyus said. "Way better than the CRAP that is Marucho's stamp collection!"

"Hey! You're just angry because I congratulated you!"

"Welcome, Brawluhs, and thank you for coming heuh," a voice said from down the hall. "Make youhselves at home."

"Are you..Klaus?" Julie asked. "OMG hi!"

"That is correct. I am the revered Klaus London. Please forgive my rathuh eerie membuh title and message."

"You…you're the best Bakugan brawler in the universe!" Marucho could hardly believe it!

"Yes. And I know you, Marucho Rutabaga, user of Wet Ones, with the main Bakugan Preyus, who is on your shoulder."

"How does he know this?" Julie shivered. "He's…cool!"

"It's probably something related to Joe leaking information," Shun stated. "Why do you want it from him?"

"Actually…I just wanted to brawl you."

"YOU DRAGGED US HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD JUST SO WE COULD **BRAWL** YOU!?!?" Dan had started to pick up on Drago's screaming lately.

"You're not gentle!" Alice sobbed, running away with tears running down her face.

"That's wheuh you'd be wrong. I AM gentle. Would you disagree?"

"Yes," Shun said.

"Don't defy me! Now wouldn't you say I'm gentle?"

"No."

Klaus slapped him. "NOW would you say I'm gentle?"

"…Yes."

"Don't worry! I'll take this guy out o' the picture!" Dan ripped out Drago.

"No! You already had the LAST episode to yourself! This HAS to be Wet Ones versus Wet Ones!" Marucho demanded. "Besides, I know as much about him as he does myself. His favorite Bakugan is Splash Woman, and it should be intriguing to see just how they go about fighting."

"Are you sure?" Runo asked.

"Hey, leave Marucho to his own devices!" Dan said. "It should go swimmingly! Besides, Marucho and Preyus are a combo pack o' PAIN!!"

"Uhh, yeah!"

"You've spoken too soon! Behold, my Mask the Dynasty specialty brand shootuh!" He revealed his rounded Bakugan shooting thingy. It was tackily labeled "Mask the Dynasty". "I work foh Mask the Money!"

"WHO WOULD HAVE EXPECTED MY LOVE TO BE EVIL!?!?" Julie went crazy with hidden grief!

"Relax! This is just more training for me!" Marucho said calmly.

"You're just as dumb as Dan!" Shun was disappointed in him.

"You still want to battle me…AND LOSE?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world! Gate card, open!"

Time stood still, to make way for their two-man brawl. They set two gate cards to start.

"Bakugan Brawl! Make this one count, Soggy Trilobite!" A huge, light-blue, otherwise plain trilobite hovered around the playing field.

"A rathuh cautious staht," Klaus remarked. "Testing the watuhs befoh we get too deep, are you? Bakugan Brawl! Wet One HeadMantis, stand!"

"RRrrRRrrAAAAAwwwr." Wet One headMantis wiggled his pincers around, shaking his loose tongue in the process. HE was sitting comfortably behind Soggy Trilobyte.

"WET ONE HEADMANTIS 30 G ADVANTAGE."

"PUHLEEEASE send me out there! There's no chance o' me losin'! I'll end the match early! I won't get eaten fer lunch! Please please pleaaeaeeeeese!" Preyus begged, floating by Marucho's shoulder.

"Okay! I will NOT make a dumb move this time! He loaded Preyus into his launcher arm accessory. "Bakugan Brawl! Preyus, stand!"

The marble commanded a pillar of water to rise up toward the heavens! "YEAH DAWG!!" Preyus said, rising to the skies before crashing down onto the field. "So ya wanted to see me?"

"Aah! On second thought, maybe I should rethink that!"

"Attribute CHAAAAANGE…" He spun around a couple of times, turning orange! "Terry Attribute! Pardon me for the ORANGEtrusion, folks!"

_What was I thinking when I chose to have THIS Bakugan!?_ Klaus pondered the question.

"Watch this!" Marucho said, square mouth growing way too big to fit his face. "Ability card, activate! Wet One meets Terry!" A holographic image displayed Momma Terry with some Wet Ones.

"Get ready to cruise with a bruise!" Preyus shouted, glowing with orange energy.

"POWER LEVEL INCREASE TO 400 G'S."

"LET'S GET ON THE BOAT, WE DON'T WANNA BE LATE!!"

"Oh, but I wouldn't want to be doing THAT, now, would I? Then I might have to tell you about the Infinity Core," Klaus said.

"When did you say THAT was part of the deal?" Marucho said.

"There was a deal? Ah, but anyways, gate cahd, open! Scapegoat!"

"WHAT'S SCAPEGOAT!?" Marucho started sweating, hands clammy. There was a card he didn't know about!

"Battle ends right here."

"Oh for crying out loud." Preyus crossed his arms.

"Come back, HeadMantis! And you, Preyus, can go back to youh petty little ownuh!" All marbles flew away to respective owners.

"This guy's just, uh, uh, a chicken! A big, cheap, $1's worth of chicken!" Preyus complained.

"You think I'm trying to run away? That's FAH from the case. I just can't be bothuhd to battle with some kid's two-bit comedian."

"You're not even from England!"

"YES I AM! You can go shut up!"

"We're not going anywhere until this battle is done!" Marucho growled.

"Gate cahd, set! Again! Splash Woman, stand!"

Wielding her glowing trident of damaging proportions (along with a harp), Splash Woman waved at Preyus. "Are you the one he's been so anxious to meet?" she said, stroking her mildly hair-like helmet."

"WOWZERS, she's GORGEOUS!" Preyus cried.

"I'm glad you approve of huh good looks," Klaus said, "but she's not just your ohdinary Robot Mastuh! Ability card, activate! Swim Around!"

"As you wish, Klaus." She jumped up and landed in the gate card with an eponymous splash.

"Oh no! She's swimming! Who woulda thunk it!?" Marucho was surprised. As she approached Soggy Trilobite, he hastily said, "Gate card, open! Wait, nothing's happening!"

"Silly confused little boy and idiot Bakugan," Klaus said. "She makes the cahd her own!"

Splash Woman created a grey whirlpool! It sucked in Soggy Trilobyte, sending it into a deep hole…which then led to right above them and made it fall into Klaus's wide-open mouthspace.

"Om nom," he said cordially.

"How do we beat her!?" Marcho cried wildly.

"WOWZERS, she's DEADLY!"

"I believe the saying goes…she's beautiful but she's also a Robot Mastuh!"

"That's not a saying!" Marucho growled. "I will not let you get away with that! Gate card, set! Bakugan Brawl! Wet One Gamera, stand!" Beside Splash Woman's old card stood a big, blue turtle.

"Bakugan Brawl! Terrycloth, stand!" Klaus summoned a big, blue crab we've seen before.

"Leave this to me, again!" Preyus said. "This…is for that horrible saying he made up!"

"I am with you! Bakugan Brawl! Preyus, stand!"

Preyus landed on the field in full Marcus purple attire. "YEAH!! MARCUS ATTRIBUTE CHANGE IN EFFECT!!"

"You nevuh cease to amaze me. Just kidding. I expected as much."

"…Suit yourself! Ability activate! Wet One meets Marcus!" A hologram showed fat kid Marcus wiping his messy face with a Wet One.

"PREYUS POWER LEVEL INCREASE BY 100 G'S."

"ROAR!! I am SO HUNGRY I could eat a HORSE, but a BIG CRAB'll DO!!"

The screen split to show both Klaus's eyes AND his mouth! This means trouble, gang! "Gate cahd, open. Boihazuhd, activate!"

Preyus turned blue again! "I'm not hungry anymore! What's up with THAT!?!?"

"Ha! Now youh ability is null and void thanks to radiation ouh something!"

"BOTH POWER LEVELS ARE 300 G'S."

"I'll attack anyway, rar!" Preyus bumped into Terrycloth's shield-claw. "I hate a fair fight! GAAAAAHH!!" The two marbles flew away.

"He knows all our strategies and uses them agaynst us!" Marucho said, and yes he did say agaynst. "That Klaus…is a strong opponent."

"Bakugan Brawl! Wet One HeadMantis, stand!" Now it was scorpion versus turtle. Who will win…!?!?

"Ability card AND gate card, activate! Stealth Tornado and…uh…I forget!" Wet One Gamera, not one to be stealthy, spun around in his shell as a cyclone of water surrounded him!

"POWER LEVEL INCREASE TO 530 G'S."

"Now it's my tuhn! Ability cahd, activate! Abyss Ruler!" Instead of making an abyss, this card ripped off Stealth Cyclone and surrounded the scorpion with water.

"POWER LEVEL IS NOW 550 G'S."

The scorpion blasted Wet One Gamera out of the water and into a big, hungry mouth. Marucho gasped in horror, watching as Klaus chewed his food.

"Put me in, quick! Before ya LOSE!"

"Uh, sure, Preyus! I will send you out on the gate card I just now set! Bakugan Brawl! Preyus, stand!"

"Alright! Let's kick some –"

"Preyus…" Some heartwarming? music began to play in the background (Go to YouTube with these parts (it won't come up, don't know why) and at the end put /watch?v=l12TvP5nMVg&feature=related – if the link doesn't work, it's Neon Genesis Evangelion Rei I). "There's a good chance that this time you might…you might…"

"Don't think of it that way! I'm a tough fighter! I'm the main character! I'm the comic relief! I've got Gilbert Gottfried's voice! I'm not gonna lose this time, buddy!"

"But what if you do?"

"I won't!"

"That's what Kamina said!"

"I don't even know who Kamina is! But I know who **I** is! I's Preyus, and I's gonna win! Listen, Marucho. I admire you. Not only are you a good Bakugan player, but you're caring. Slightly…"

"You mean I am strong AND caring?"

"Who said anything about strong?"

Marucho shed a single tear.

"Okay, okay! You're strong and caring and all that! As long as you care about those other guys who died because of this battle!"

"So what you are trying to imply…is that their sacrifices will be pointless if I don't send you out this time?"

"No, I'm tryin' to imply that THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED if you DIDN'T BRAWL. You just sent a bunch of Bakugan to their version of Hell!"

"You what?"

"Never mind, never mind! What's important now is that we eat this guy for breakfast, with the little garnish and all that!"

"While youh music has touched my heaht," Klaus said, hand to his chest, "it also makes me feel creeped out. I dauhsay the dinnuh houh approaches, and this is no dinnuh tune. Cue MY music!" He cued some music. (/watch?v=DAE_ynIjlYs – it's Mega Man Battle Network 4 Boss Music)

"Make this a meal to remember! Bakugan Brawl! Splash Woman, stand!"

Behind Preyus stood the mermaid Robot Master. "Miss me?" she said, waving.

"Now, just as soon as this dinnuh song ends, a beautiful serenade begins! Ability cahd, activate! Strum youh hahp!"

"Your wish is my command!" She began to play a video game tune! (/watch?v=RdQZCiFQvOI – it's Clay Fighter's title screen. Skip to 0:18.) Strangely, the harp also started to sing off-key.

"What a great harp player! She should not even be able to logically play something of that magnitude!" Marucho marveled.

"It's no use NOW, Marucho," Klaus stated. "This fight is headed straight foh the Doom Dimension. He is a prisonuh of Splash Woman's song."

"I'm getting pulled in!" Preyus stumbled only slightly. "I can't help but go towards it!"

"No, Preyus! RESIST!!"

"Your friend heuh CAN'T resist the MAD SKILLS of my BEAUTIFUL and TALENTED Splash Woman!"

"Come on in, Preyus," Splash Woman beckoned. "You're a Wet One. The water should be fine for you."

Preyus was being dragged in, almost magnetically! "Waaaaaugh!"

"Once he's set foot in the watuh, theuh's no tuhning back. His fate is now sealed, unless you have an appropriate-for-this-situation ability cahd, which you so obviously DON'T."

"Preyus!" Marucho ran closer to the grey spiraling waters, but it was no use. He was too far gone.

"MARUCHOOOOOOOOOO!!"

A marble flew into Klaus's hand. "Ha. Looks like I win this match." And the Clay Fighter tune kept playing their hearts and minds…

They emerged from the vortex, with Marucho sobbing and on the floor. "Preyus…he's really gone…" He hit the ground with his fists. "Just like Kamina!"

"I am the victor," Klaus said, twiddling Splash Woman around in his fingers.

_"I'm tryin' to imply that THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED if you DIDN'T BRAWL . You just sent a bunch of Bakugan to their version of Hell!"_

_What did he mean by that? Oh, I could not care less! Preyus is GONE!!_

"Klaus, I beg of you! Give Preyus back!"

"I'm sorry, but…it was a faiuh fight. Now Preyus is in the Doom Dimension."

Marucho realized this now.

"If you wish to place blame, blame youh own brawling stupidity. Good day." He walked down the hall…into a gate card!

"No!" Marucho chased after him!

"No!" Runo chased after HIM!

"No!" Dan chased after HER and fell flat on his face, since the gateway disappeared. "Where are they!?"

Presumably in the Doom Dimension…

Preyus was floating around in space. He couldn't move. He knew Marucho had stupidly stumbled into a fight and gotten out not even knowing the meaning of his words.

As he got sucked into another portal, he knew this was Marucho's fault.

… But he liked him anyway.

_Hey! Runo here! We end up in some caRAAAZY old mansion! And you know the only reason I came here? To fight Carlos Santana, that's why! Wonder why somebody more CARING didn't even budge to go after Marucho? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I'M NOT CARING!?!? Oh, how'd Dan get here? Anyways, Bakugan Brawl! Inh! Seeya there!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	18. Chapter 18

_One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless._

_My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!_

Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!

A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!

**Episode Eighteen  
Lousy Lying Previews or Mask Town Saga**

_Where we last left off…_

"MARUCHOOOOOOOOOO!"

"It was a faiuh fight."

"No!"

"No!"

"No!"

_This episode, on Bakugan Battle Brawlers…_

"They're gone!" Dan cried. "NNNNU—"

"Hey!" Julie squealed. "That's impossible! Like, I know they disappeared into thin air, but we've still gotta look for them!"

"Hey, you're right!" Dan felt calmed by this suggestion.

"Where would they be, in that case?" Shun said.

"If you don't look around," Alice said, eyes shimmering, "…you don't truly care for them…"

"Oh, alright." And everyone followed Dan throughout the halls of this stranger's home.

They lingered around, but all they found was a creepy picture of Marucho's butler. How'd THAT get there? "Well, looks like the last resort is to actually call them on my Bakupod!" Dan said, and he dialed Runo's number. On the screen, static danced. "Hey, Runo! Runo, you look weird!"

"Stop calling her, Dan," Drago said. "A battle against static is a BATTLE YOU CAN'T WIN."

"You're right! I'll just call Marucho!"

"THAT'LL HAVE STATIC TOO."

"Oh, then…what do we do?"

"…I have no idea."

Wherever Runo and Marucho were…

They woke up on a mattress together, sleeping. Runo screamed as she sat up.

"EEEEEEEE! What just happened and why are we in the same bed together!" she babbled.

Marucho slowly awakened. "Huh? Oh…according to my calculations," he said, "us two followed Klaus into some sort of strange, space-bending portal! I have no idea where we are now, and am clueless as to why we are in bed together."

"Well, let's get the heck outta here! We gotta find Dan and Klaus and whoever else there is!" Runo grabbed Marucho by the collar and headed straight out the door.

They were in a dark alley. The sky was clouded. The whole atmosphere seemed somehow otherworldly.

Runo stopped. "…He really bent space, didn't he…"

"This should not be remotely possible!" Marucho sobbed.

"But it happened…l-let's just do what I said, get the heck out of here!"

Runo dragged him down a gloomy grey city, rushing blocks upon blocks upon blocks. They passed many shady people, but saw no end to the city.

"AsK fOr DiReCtIoNsSsSs!" Marucho shouted, trying not to get choked.

"No! …Fine!" Runo stopped, spun around, and tapped a doctor-looking figure on the shoulder. His bright white coat made him look slightly less shady than the rest. "Excuse me, kind sir, but where might I be able to get out of this depressing little town~?"

The lab coat guy turned to her, revealing spectacles and a brown beard. "Well," he began, "there's an odd way of doing so. This is Mask Town, and the only way to get out is to collect 1,000 Mask Points."

"Mask P- what kind of system IS this?" Runo complained.

"I didn't make it! You kids calm down!" Runo, steaming with confusion, did. "Alright. Now, you can earn these by completing missions on the official Mission Board at The Square. Should I take you kids there?"

"Yes!" Marucho said.

"No!"

"Let us minors be escorted by a stranger to the square in question!"

Runo sighed. "Okay. Have it you way, Marucho. Okay, mister! We'll follow you!" She looked all sweet and stuff as the man in the lab coat led the way.

They weaved through similar-looking dull buildings, making almost a zigzag pattern throughout, until they reached The Square. Even more denizens of Mask Town were gathered in this literal square of an area, and a big board flashing with yellow lights on the outline was their prime location. People of all sorts gathered there: hoboes, fancy people, two kids, a guy in a lab coat…

"I can't see!" Marucho complained, lost in a citizen sea.

"You NEVER see!" Runo retorted. "…But neither can I! We NEED to get CLOSER!" Runo used her awesome shoving powers to push through the crowd! She dragged Marucho and that other guy with her, bringing the highest point totals of the board into view:

~~~MISSION BOARD~~~

1,000: Give me ten thousand dollars – posted by Dirty Joe  
890: Solve the murder case of some butler – posted by Susan  
550: Catch the notorious bandit Allen Criminal. – posted by ?  
300: Kill my neighbor – posted by Squish  
189: Make a statue from my likeness – posted by Pigeon

And the board of dumb tasks went on and on…and nobody bothered to read the rest.

"I don't have any Mask Points as of yet," the guy pointed out. "Since all people doing a task get the same number of points, I won't drag you kids down too much."

"Okay!"

"MARUCHOOOO!" Runo punched him. "…Fine! Have it your way!"

"…Thanks?" He rubbed his forehead.

"Hey! Let's take the easy way out and do that one at the top!" Runo pointed eagerly at it.

"But that's DIRTY Joe!" the guy said. "I have no idea who he is, but he sure sounds…dirty! Don't associate with him!"

"Relax," Runo sighed. "We'll get out of here just as soon as we hand that money over to him!"

"Well, kids, I suppose I'll just go and follow you around with this one."

"Hey! I spot a bum!" Marucho pointed excitedly at a bum on the street corner. "He appears to be playing…uh…that three cup thing-finding game!"

"That's such a weird game Marucho doesn't even know what it is!" Runo marveled, and they all went after the bum.

This bum in particular had a big, fluffy beard and top hat combination. His husky voice beckoned a few guys to come and play the three cup thing-finding game. "Here I have my bean," he said, revealing a dirty lima bean beneath a red plastic cup. "And now I hide it…and, there it goes!" He rearranged the red cups so that the bean was likely in a whole 'nother area of the cheap cardboard box he sat behind. "Now take yer pick," he offered the player, some young boy with a huge straight mustache.

"I choose…that one!" the young'n guessed, pointing to a cup on the right.

He lifted the cup up, revealing…a lima bean! "You got it, sonny!" The bum handed a wad of cash over. "But next time ya might not be so lucky!"

"I might not be!" At this, the kid ran away in fear of not having luck.

"This looks pretty simple, and could be accomplished with skill if I can just concentrate while playing," Marucho said, wide-eyed. 'Allow me to try this, mister!" he said to the bum.

"Confident kid, that you are. You got drive," he replied. "Make yer bet." Marucho handed over one cent.

"Is that all you have!" Runo screeched.

"Yes, but have faith! This penny may well multiply!"

His hands and cups switched around at lightning speed. "Choose."

"I think it's that one," the guy wearing a labcoat assumed, pointing to the middle.

"Uh, no, it's, uh…"

"Just choose already!" Runo roared.

"Uhh…"

"JUST CHOOSE ALREADY!"

"This one!" He chose the one on the left.

"Guesses are final…" The bum lifted up each and every cup…revealing a bean in the middle! "Ohhh, too bad, buddy boy! That man was right, and that penny is mine. Play again?"

"I…do not believe we have any more money on us, s-sir…" Marucho was losing hope.

"Aw, that's too bad. Hey…what's this?" The bum suddenly had Marucho and Runo's Bakugan in the palm of his hand!

"EEEEE!" Runo squealed. "How'd you do that!"

"He's a pickpocket – by any other name a thief!" Other Guy decided.

"What say we make a deal here?" the bum said in a suave voice. "You bet yer fancy marbles, and if ya win I give ya cash to go along with it. Do we have a deal?"

"Let us think about—"

"**YES! YES OF COURSE WE'LL TAKE IT!**"

"But Runo—"

"The lady said you'll take it. Now, the lima bean starts in the middle…" Bargain-brand cups moved in but a blur. "And now you gotta find it again. Choose."

Marucho and the other guy adjusted their glasses, while Runo stepped back to let them work it out. If the cup moved here, logically the bean wouldn't be under there…but had they missed a move, causing the bean to be in either of the two other spots? Maybe they should take a lucky guess, in which case the chances of victory are 1/3…or maybe was a flaw in the plastic they could find…was the bean in any of them? No, they could just ask him to lift the other two cups…but if he's a pickpocket, could he have just as easily moved the bean from under the cup while they weren't looking? Hell, if they were taking this long to think, wouldn't he have done that already? Either they were going to waste their time, or they were going to come up with a consensus.

"We'll take the one on the right."

"Waaaaait!" Other Guy begged. "The one in the middle agaaaaain!"

"Too late. The bean was…on the left."

"**NNNOOOOOOOOO…..**" Runo and Marucho hugged each other, sobbing.

"If you kids are so sad about this," Other Guy said, "why not just try and take your fancy marbles back from him?"

"Yer not gettin' them back THAT easily!" The bum flipped his cardboard box over on them, blinding them in dust for the split second in which he ran away!

"After hiiiiiim!" Runo yelled, and everyone charged forth.

Pushing through hordes of people, the trio tried to follow the bum's path. Several old chairs and people were pushed over in a dumb attempt to stall, but they leaped over every one of them. The chase led them to the alleys, where he mysteriously disappeared. No, there weren't any dumpsters or trash cans or anything around that general area.

Marucho looked up, then down, then felt the wall beside them. "The wall is a solid…nothing seems to be over us…"

All of a sudden, a trash can drifted down from above.

The whole alley exploded into a fiery cloud! They barely escaped, without a visible scratch on them. "HE REALLY WANTS THESE BAKUGAAAAAAAN…" Marucho howled, flying away with the others.

They tumbled onto the empty street in a heap. By the time they got up to look around, the bum was still invisible. "Explosives?" Other Guy repeated, standing upright and dusting his coat off. "I've heard that the only guy around here that uses explosives…_is Dirty Joe!_"

"Oh, really?" Runo gave him some sort of look. "So nobody else in this whole weird town has ANY explosives WHATSOEVER."

"Dirty Joe is the only one notorious for it, according to the papers."

"You just said he SOUNDS evil before. Now he suddenly IS evil?"

"I only read the headlines!"

"Maybe…while we spend time attempting to obtain our Bakugan once more, there might be a Mask Point prize involved with turning Dirty Joe in! For unleashing a massive explosion, we should at least turn him in as decent citizens," Marucho stated expertly.

"That would be a good idea if we knew where the heck he was," Runo pointed out.

"Maybe whatever this is will help us!" Other Guy found a shining sword on the ground!

"HOLY CRAP!" Marucho ripped the sword from his clutches. "Along the blade the reads ex…exca…Excalibur! And by the way this shines, it might just BE Excalibur!"

"Can we get any points for giving this thing away?" Runo wondered.

"…Probably not, but it looks nifty," Other Guy said. "Plus, maybe we could use it to disarm Dirty Joe, if we can find him!"

"Yeah!" Marucho was holding a sword about his height, flipping it around slowly but surely. As he attempted to stab the pavement, Excalibur bounced off with a metallic _twaaang_. "It could be fake, of course…"

"Or you could just be weak!"

"Calm down, kiddies!" Other Guy commanded. "Think: what would he want with your fancy marbles?"

"To sell them!" Runo and Marucho agreed.

"Good! That means he's probably running over to…somewhere to sell them." He rubbed his beard. "Now that I mention it, that doesn't seem very helpful at all."

Runo huffed. "Face it, we're never getting out of here."

"You have a point there," Marucho decided.

"Whaaaaat! Y-you kids are giving up hope so soon!"

"If we try and rack up points some _other_ way, it'll take too long!" Runo explained. "Might as well make a living here. At least Dan's not here to join in with us." She shed a single tear.

"You're in love, missy!"

"Am not! You can go take a hike!"

"Be that way, kiddies! You can go find your marble friends on your OWN time!" After raising his voice some, the guy in the labcoat walked away.

"Come on, Marucho!" Runo grabbed Marucho by the wrist. "Let's go find ourselves some jobs."

**+~~*.*.*.*.*~~+**

The most available job around was at the local Mink Banana which, unlike a mink banana (but what _was_ that, really?), looked as bland as the rest of Mask Town. Sure, there was a pretty poppin' furry banana made of cardboard above the entrance, but it was mostly of the same film noir-like atmosphere.

"Let us go, without hesitation!"

"Hold up, Marucho," Runo said, putting her hand to Marucho's forehead as he continued to run in place. "We've gotta make a good impression, or the mister 'n' missus won't hire us!"

"Honestly, I do not believe it matters," he flatly stated. "We just need to get out of this city as fast as possible!"

Runo laughed aloud. "Really? I thought you, of all people, would be kind of intrigued by the whole thing!"

"I don't get so engrossed in bland and potentially-fatal objects and/or areas!"

"Engrossed? Wow, haven't heard you use THAT one. Well, let's get down to business. They won't hire ya if you don't get tidied up, you know!" She straightened Marucho's collar, brushed off his collar and shined his shoes. "You better be thankful I'm doing this for you, because if we're going in as a group chances are we need to be hired together or fired together."

"You...cannot get fired if you have no-"

"I said be thankful!" Runo got herself fairly ready. "Now, into the freaky restaurant we go!" She dragged him into it, with Marucho wiggling behind her like a lifeless corpse.

She slowly opened the door to a dusty, cold, abandoned-looking shop. "Hello-o? Anybody home? We were looking for work, and-"

A tall man stepped out from behind a randomly-placed bookcase. He had zany dark-blue hair, which stood spikily all over his head, and a spiffy tux. "You've come to the right place! I'm Bob Frank, proud owner of this establishment, the Mink Banana. We're looking for waiters to serve our ever-growing amount of customers."

"Do I need to take some sort of test?" Runo asked.

"Or fill out an application?" Marucho inquired.

"No, no! That won't be necessary," he vowed. "We're very much in need of workers here, at the Mink Banana."

A very large trilobite scurried in. "Can I work here?"

"Of course not, you're a freaking trilobite! Get the heck out of here!"

She sniffled and ran away.

"Now, where was I? Oh, yes...here, at the Mink Banana, you will each be paid fi-"

"That was unethical!" Marucho cried. "Even if the trilobite cannot be a suitable waiter due to not possessing arms, can it not do something different, like operate customer service?"

"...No. Here, at the Mink Bana-"

"Runo, we're not working here! This place is corrupt and dishonorable!"

"No way! We've gotta get paid the only way we can...by earning it the old-fashioned way! If some animal can't join, well, too bad for them."

"She's got the idea!" Bob Frank congratulated. "Now, like I was saying, here, at the Mink Banana, you will each be paid five buckaroonies an hour."

"That's not minimum wage where **I** come from!" Marucho complained.

"Well, you're not where you came from." Bob Frank sighed. "Great, now I got to start all over again! Here, at the Mink Banana, you will each be paid five buckaroonies an hour. And if you want six, you're not getting a raise unless you prove your worth, understood!"

"Y-y-y-yes, sir!" Marucho was frightened into obedience.

"Good. Now, LIKE I WAS SAYING BACK THERE, all you have to do...is be a waiter. You've gotta be at least that smart. You can do that, right?"

"No duh," Runo stated matter-of-factly.

"Good. No uniforms are required. Now, get to work if you want those paychecks on Friday! The tables are right out there." He pointed to a door, complete with doorknob. "Uh...good luck, I guess."

"Thanks for the work!" Runo showed off her cutest cat grin and peace sign combo. "Marucho, let's get out there and _wait!_"

Marucho sighed, following her out. "If you really think a waiter only does that..."

They opened the door to find...a dusty old living room. Not only that, but a couple of fancy new tables with white tablecloths over them. "...This is no restaurant!" Marucho finally figured out. "It's just a house!"

"Don't talk like that, Marucho!" Runo covered his mouth swiftly. "It's the Mink Banana! It's gotta be a real-life restaurant!"

"Not necessarily," he said, muffled.

"Smarty-cakes," she taunted. "Well, let's just wait for customers." She picked up a couple of menus from a desk with a computer on top, and Marucho sat on a swivel chair.

Pretty soon, an old lady hobbled in with a cane. "E-e-excuse me," she said in an old, raspy voice, "can I get a decent meal in this place?"

"Why, sure!" Runo threw the menu at her. "What'll you be having?"

"Ouch." The menu fell off of her face.

"Runo!" Marucho sounded appalled, helping the old woman to her seat. "You should be ashamed of yourself! Hmph! Hitting an old lady in the face like that..."

"What? That's how my father taught me." She picked the menu up off of the carpet. It was now nasty. Runo placed it on the table in front of Old Lady. "Just look through this a while, okay?"

"Alright," she moaned. Just then, a lobster fell from the sky and landed in front of her! "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" Runo pushed the lobster away, forgetting about it soon afterwards.

"Okay. I trust you." She flipped through the menu a bit. "I'll have, uh...uh...uh..."

"Let me get her some water," Marucho suggested.

"No! No..." Old Lady held his arm. "Don't go alone. Let this little girl go along with you. I'll just be deciding on something to eat. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Eh." Runo and Marucho shrugged. They found a door labeled "WAITERS ONLY" and figured that was where they needed to go. Hastily he turned the knob and led the way.

As it turned out, this was the kitchen. Runo found some cobweb-covered cups and filled them with webbing-filled tap water. "That was easy enough," she decided.

Marucho opened the door to some refrigerated food. "This food is really really old! Go-lly! We could NEVER feed anyone this!"

Runo peeked inside. "Oh, settle down, Marucho. You can't see the mold behind the mold, sure, but with a little dusting off it should do. You wanna get paid, don't you?"

"This seems awfully immoral."

"I know, right? Less immoral than not getting paid, though. Come on, we've got water to serve!"

He sighed and shut the door, following her away.

She slammed the cup on the table. "Here! Have some water! Is that all?"

"Um..." She was deep in thought, almost as if stalling for time. "Uh...erm...you, little boy. Would you be a dear and stand all the way over there, by the bookcase?"

"...Sure, anything to aid the elderly!" He ran haphazardly to said bookcase.

"Little girl, you stand right next to him."

She did as she was told. "Why?"

"Adds to the aesthetics. Go...if you want 'cher paycheck!"

"Th-th-th-that's no lady! That's Bob Frank!" Marucho discovered, pointing a shaky finger at him and his dreadful disguise. "How could we have been deceived so easily!"

Bob Frank stood up, shaking off his crappy disguise, and pressed a button on the back of his chair. "Bye-bye, idiot kids! Hehehe, hahaha!"

This button caused a sweet-smelling paste to drop out from the ceiling, covering them in pink, Peptobismol-like fluid. "Ew!" they declared in unison, trying to shake it off.

Bob Frank ran away, waving. "You'll never catch me! Just like the coppers!"

"So it wasn't a restaurant this whole time!" Runo gasped. "Somehow I can believe it."

"We need to get away from heeeere!" Marucho fumbled with the door, thanks to his sticky hands, eventually opening it and running off.

"Wait for me!" she screeched, starting to panic.

As hard as they tried, the wooden door was locked and nigh-impenetrable! "We can't get through, Runo!"

"Hey, Marucho? Don't look now, but there's a horde of lobsters coming through the roof!"

As he turned to watch, a bunch of crustaceans blurred his vision, landing in his face and on the floor and everywhere you could imagine! "Waaaaaugh!"

Runo tried throwing the thousands of lobsters at the door. "It's no use! They just keep coming, but the door won't open!" And they did keep coming...until the waves of lobster madness seemed to stop.

"They...are not falling anymore?"

They were standing amidst a writhing pile of crunchy lobsters.

And then the door began to shudder, as if something was on the other side! "Back away, into the pile!" Runo commanded as she tumbled backward. "Ow! They keep snipping at me!"

"Well, that is to be expected when-"

The door burst open to make way for a brigade of bonobos, who immediately latched onto our heroes thanks to their aforementioned sweet-smelling paste.

"Augh! Get away from me, you monkeys!" Runo howled, trying to shake them off. "Now I'm in pain AND annoyed!"

"They are not monkeys," Marucho warned, "but bonobos, a different species of primate entirely. Different from chimpanzees in that they-"

Now it felt like the whole building was being lifted up! The ceiling began to crumble, and it was eventually revealed that they were within...a giant net!

"What the...what the...he-he-he...he-he..." Runo fell asleep, constantly getting pinched and prodded.

"Runo, don't..." Marucho, too, collapsed. So did all of the lobsters and the bonobos.

**+~~*.*.*.*.*~~+**

"Yes! This is the perfect plan!" Dirty Joe said to himself, sporting a massive smile on his gritty face. He stood next to a huge gumball machine with a ladder leaning against it and a hole at the top. There were no candies inside of it; however, a few hairs lined the glass orb at the top. "And all I had to do was put a quarter in the slot and a cat in the top! Perfect, just perfect..."

Far below him stood a huge, complicated (read: stupid) machine. It appeared to be a laser-shooting device, aimed at something in the sky. Could it be the cats constantly flying past, occasionally launched by the hovering catapults and holding lobsters, which were then attracted to the old site of the Mink Banana via an underground lobster magnet? ...Naw.

Marucho and Runo were seated at the top of this stupid machine, at some controls. They were labeled with fun-filled shapes, like a skull and crossbones, or a smiley face, or two apples connected by their stems. "Strange," Marucho said. "I feel as if I instinctively know what each button will do."

"Yeah, strange," Runo said sarcastically. "Don't touch the apples, right? Not-"

"-until the time comes," Marucho said with her. "How did we know that?"

They looked down, into the murky darkness. Vague bonobo-like shapes could be seen below, just as confused as they were, if not moreso. "I don't know what the heck is going on, Marucho, but I know it could or could not be good."

"That, for one, is quite obvious. It...cannot possibly be good!" he decided.

"Whaaaaat! Then how are we getting out of here!"

"We have to...press the double apple button," Marucho eerily warned. "But only when the time comes. Too early, and we miss our chance. Too late, and we _still_ miss our chance."

"Good, so when my instinct says so, press it?" Runo assumed.

"Precisely."

And so they waited, searching for their chance...until it was time. They, the bonobos, and anyone else on the machines jammed on the double apple button with their fist, commanding a giant red orb of power to activate on the tip of the laser-firer thing. It pulsed and emanated with intense power, emitting ear-splitting white noise, and fired instantaneously.

The laser flew through time and space, hitting the Moon at the speed of light, and breaking it apart into a million pieces! Moon chunks flew everywhere, hitting not only the building in which they sat but aiming right at Marucho and Runo! How would they get out of this one!

"Marucho, grab my hand!" Runo cried, reaching out to him and getting up. "The moon rocks are coming for us!" He did so, almost unable to by the sweat in his palm. Now was the time for a plan that would knock everyone's socks off.

The huge moon rocks weren't directly hitting them; actually they were forming a path, or a stairway, leading up to that platform up there. If she could time her jumps right, she could make it to somewhat-safe ground! Of course they couldn't stay there long, so she would have to make it up as she went along.

She leapt from strangely-green moon rock to moon rock, finding the lone path that would lead her to this platform. And on this platform, she came face-to-face with Dirty Joe and his haunting gumball machine! "You!" She pointed, using Marucho as a finger.

"G-give us our Bakugan!" the finger demanded.

"Never!" Dirty Joe's path was blocked by a bunch of moon rocks, which formed three walls around him! "Dang convenience!" Runo throwing Marucho at him hard enough to knock one of them out was the finishing blow. Dirty Joe was down for the count, and the marbles tumbled out from his pocket.

Marucho, rubbing his head for a second, picked up the spoils! "Success! Even so, why did you have to-"

"I couldn't throw myself, could I? Now, let's get out of here!" She picked up Marucho like he was a football and looked straight up into the air. Now, surprise of surprises, there was a black hole where the Moon used to be! "Wow, what the heck is that doing there? That hole is sucking up everything around it! And soon, it'll get US!"

Marucho put a fist into his sweaty palm! "Then we have no choice! Preyus would take risks, and Preyus was always right! Now, come on! We're getting into that black hole! Runo, what you accomplished back there was astounding! Would you be able to do something similar to it, only towards that black hole?"

Runo grinned slyly. "Sure thing, just hold on tight!" And she leaped higher and higher, into the black hole.

_"Oh, I get it, amigo!" Carlos exclaimed. "You KNEW they were coming, didn't you, Klaus?"_

"_Hmph."_

"_Both of you, quiet." Mask the Money demanded silence. "I'm busy trying to look up koala magazines."_

"_Oh," Carlos excused._

"_Reading of those that are magazines owning koala?" Jackie Chan Bruce Lee said. "But with holding a mission, what does it might assist along to?"_

"_You just don't understand the power of koalas, man!" Combo Charlie insisted. "Koalas help with EVERYTHING! They've even got hip dance moves!"_

"_Hey, I'm hungry again, chicos. Did you bring any noodles, JCBL?"_

_She sighed. "That NOT MY NAME."_

A gray glass orb sat in the corner of Mask the Money's basement. Its insides were foggy, as if to hold a depressing, bleak world. But suddenly its seal was broken, leaving a hole between two universes. The hole was ripped open a bit wider, forced open by a girl's hand, and two humans were able to exit.

Runo looked around with a hand on her hip and a puff of exhaustion. "Where are we now?"

"I have no clue," Marucho admitted. "I, too, wish we were at our respective homes. But right now..." He rushed over to the laptop. "There seems to be technology in the room!"

"Wait, no! Why do you care more about that than actually escaping!"

"Calm down! Do we necessarily NEED to leave IMMEDIATELY?"

"Um...I guess not."

"In any case, a portable computer may contain valuable information - valuable for our eventual escape! Also valuable to explaining Mask Town's existence, perhaps." He started jamming seemingly-random buttons into the computer excitedly.

"Whoa, watch what you're doing!" Runo cautioned.

"Do not worry..." He came across a handy bomb graphic, which had its fuse lit with a sparkling flare.

"What was that?"

"Quick!" Marucho jumped in front of it, waving his arms around. "You've got to back away!"

Instead of blowing up the computer (as everyone surely thought it would), it caused the "brick walls" to retract and reveal a world map. In fact, this was the very same world map that Mask the Money had stood in front of on occasion! They were now standing precariously atop a giant cyllinder.

"...Wow, once you get over the acrophobia, this is really amazing," Runo said, awestruck by the large digital map. "Ooh, and there's numbers! Are these Bakugan power levels?"

"WOoOoOoOoOoOoW!" Marucho cooed. "I must be in heaven! For nowhere else would I be able to see such marvels as this! Look over there! How could anyone's power level be 410 G's!"

"If you think THAT'S high, check THIS out! 420 G's!"

"Wowie wow wow! And how did somebody get to the lowly score of -50 G's!"

Elsewhere, Dan was still standing around in the hallway, annoyed with his BakuGantlet (or Bakupod? Could it be BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!). "Come on, static fuzz, come ON! Ugh! It's still there, after all my five minutes of trying!"

"Should we just give up?" Shun wondered, closing his own BakuGantlet. "If it doesn't work now, it won't work in a few seconds."

"You shouldn't sound so hopeless, Shun!" Julie said, for a moment reminding him of his dead mum. "Anything is possible, even Bakugans! Now, if we all believe in Dan's BakuGantlet..."

All of a sudden, Runo's own gauntlet lit up! "Hey, Runo and Marucho! Runooooo? Maruchoooooo? RUNO-"

"I SEE YOUR FACE!" Runo barked, baring her fangs.

"Aw, sweet! We've been calling you all these minutes! Where were you guys?" Everyone else crowded around him.

"We went to a mystical world full of treachery and deception," Marucho explained.

"Yeah, yeah, true, but nothing as amazing as...THIS!" She showed her wrist to the amazing 420 G's on the wall. "We came out into some crazy basement, and then we found this! 420 G's, Dan! Unbelievable, right!"

"I know! Totally!"

"Awesome!"

"Hey, who asked you!" Runo roared at Julie.

"You don't have to be so RUDE," Julie snorted, turning her back on them.

"Why is everyone so riled up over a really high power level!" Drago was baffled. "It happens because Bakugan power up with every battle they win," he explained.

"Oh, yeah, right! I remember Hydranoid saying that once...don't I?"

_"You should be surprised," Hydranoid said in a surprisingly young, mannish, kind of bland voice. "I'm the strongest Bakugan ever created. And I feed off of the Bakugan I send to the Doom Dimension. But that's all you need to know about me. Cower as I become your bane, Drago, and give me power."_

_"Um, I don't have a Doom card," Shun pointed out, "so that might be disappointing to know..."_

_"What?"_

"Aw, man, that's crazy talk! Can't talk crazy if you don't crazy talk! Does that mean YOU evolve?"

"S*** yeah," Drago said.

"Ew! Why is he cursing so much?" Julie fretted.

"I don't know, I just...feel bothered," he admitted. "A-anyways, with each encounter our life force multiplies."

"You too, Tiger-y?" Runo inquired.

"Exactly," she said, coughing and covered in a thin coating of dirt. "I, too, evolve. It was the same back in our home of Vestroia. Do you not get the fact that every Bakugan evolves?"

"In addition," Drago continued, "not only would our power increase; the experience would make us wiser in battle, both in defense and on offense."

"But there is one drawback," Halo Tiger interrupted.

"Hey! I was speaking back there!"

"Sometimes a Bakugan can absorb too much power to handle, and there's no way of knowing when too much...is TOO MUCH."

"THEN what happens?" Runo asked, with childlike wonder in her voice.

"Sadly, it leads to one's own DESTRUCTION."

Marucho gasped, complete with a hand over his mouth. "All in an effort to conserve the word 'death'!"

"No, we don't DIE, silly," Halo Tiger insisted, "we just explode."

"You die when you explode! It is a double whammy!" He slammed his fists on the table, cringing.

"But the strong survive by drawing on the power of of other Bakugan," Drago said.

"Hee hee! You said 'of' twice!"

"Shut up, Dan, I'm having a bad day!" Drago snapped.

"Okay, okay!" Dan settled down. "Hey, do I have memories of Mask the Money saying stuff about that, too?"

_"Hey," a voice said from a nearby passageway. "I'm looking for Dan. Yeah, that's right. I'm looking for Dan Crap. 'Cause kuso in Japanese means CRAP. He's lucky 'cause I didn't say ****. Oops. i just did." Mask the Money stepped out!"_

"...Wait. Actually, no I don't!"

"HA HA. YOU said 'I' but LOWERCASED, and added an EXTRA QUOTATION MARK!"

"Th-that was my secret! How did you know that!"

"I don't know, just bear with me. ANYWAYS, if nobody stops this...uh..."

"Say 'Evolution Revolution', Shun!" Hammy the Hamster beckoned.

"Wha-no way!" Shun argued. "You're not gonna make me say that!"

"Come on, say it! 'Evolution Revolution'!"

"No! That's stupid!"

"Evolution Revolution! Evolution Revolution!"

"Fine! Hey," he said, turning back to our other heroes, "why don't we call it the 'Evolution Revolution'!"

"Yay!" Julie clapped and hopped onto one foot.

"Well, if it makes Julie applaud, it must be good!" Dan guessed. "Go on, say it!"

Drago sighed audibly. "If nobody stops this...ugh...Evolution Revolution...soon the ultimate Bakugan will exist."

"Woah! That sounds awesome!" Dan proclaimed. "Can't wait to see THAT power level!"

"No. I'm assuming that's NOT good."

"The ultimate Bakugan?" Marucho said.

"Yes the ultimate Bakugan," Drago warned.

The short kid marched over to the computer, typing in a bunch of stuff. "This laptop indicates that there is no ultimate Bakugan...YET."

"Well, that's a simple thing to solve," Runo sighed. "Who's ranked the highest."

"It says...Hydranoid is."

"That solves it. He's the ultimate Bakugan." Runo looked more closely at the screen. "Wait, who?"

_"Yes. My precious Hydranoid..."_

"Ah! That's Mask the Money's voice!" Runo and Marucho both turned around, astonished! Floating in the air behind them was...a rather large, salmon-colored squid!

"What the heck?" Dan put his eye onto the screen. "Did Halloween come early or something!"

"You! You are the-" Marucho held in his blame. "Wait...you are no money mask! I demand to know where Preyus is, in any case! Now, we fight!"

"Nobody is battling anybody, uh...BUTTERFLY," the squid said. "And can't you see anything? I'm a freaking giant squid! Squids don't play card games!"

"They could if they tried," Runo said, filing her nails. "I mean, sheesh!"

Marucho stuck his card back into his pocket. "Runo, could you care any less for my situation?"

"You don't remember what I've been through the past few hours, do you?"

"Waaaah!" The screen was shaking around thanks to her nail filing, and Dan was in on it! "What's happening out there? An earthquake!"

"No; somebody is battling somebody, and that somebody is ME, and that OTHER somebody is YOU!" Carlos Santana fell down from some sort of hole in the ceiling, hitting the ground with a hearty thump! "Allow me to introduce myself. I am-"

"Lemme guess, a gifted brawler? More like a gifted JERK! Let me handle this, Marucho." She swapped her file out for a trading card!

"Y-you're really going to brawl him?"

"No, hold on hold on. Watch this."

"Oh, so you're a cocky chica, eh?" Carlos taunted, wiggling his own card about. "Well, if you're so great, show me your skills...chica!"

"You're not very creative with your Spanish vocabulary, are you."

"Sure I am! Prove I'm not, chica!"

"I will, once you brawl me!"

"Okay, then! Field, open!" He held up his card and disappeared in a ray of light.

Marucho looked around. "I still remain-" He looked to his left and saw Runo! "Runo! But-"

"See what I did there? Now, hurry up, we've only got a couple seconds bought for us, if anything. Grab my hand and we'll jump!"

Carlos Santana reappeared, looking confused and totally bleeped off! "You dare pull a fake-out maneuver on me, you, uh...chica idiota! Well, no mas! I'm coming after ya!" Too bad for him Runo had sharpened her jumping skills, and was leaping away at incredibly high speeds! When faced with such high, high heights, Carlos knelt to the ground and sobbed. "Why...why did I not get a decent brawl like everyone else!"

"Meh, maybe you'll get an even more awesome chance to do something in the future," Mask the Squid said.

"H-hey! You could be right, there!"

Runo ran up a giant spiral staircase, holding Marucho like a football again. She had to take the opportunity to sit on a random floating stool one kilometer up. "Phew...this whole thing is taking a toll on me," she said, so thoroughly exhausted.

"Hey, Runo and Marucho!" Dan called out to them. "Get home soon or we'll have to start sending you cards!"

"You can't do that when you don't have the address," Drago alerted.

"...Yeah, what he said."

"Runo, stop being that way!" Dan commanded. "You and I know that with your snappin' attitude, you would have gotten that remark in first! Now I'm genuinely worried about you...kind of!"

"Oh, silly dan!" Julie murmured.

Just then, at that moment, liked greased lightning, somebody else emerged from below the shadows, standing aboard the Mini-Whale Cruiser Model 008! (It looked just like a blue whale, only small and nearly compact, but big and flat enough for a baby to stand on easily.) Carlos Santana was on board, armed with a fully-functional arm cannon! "Aja! So you thought I would never reappear again this episode, huh? Well, you're **WRONG!**" He shot a cannon at the stool, blowing it up but only launching Runo and Marucho away and back onto the stairs! "You two, run for your lives, if you value them!"

[ Here, listen to this adequate song! Just go to YouTube and put this onto the end of the URL! _It's that simple! _/watch?v=Fd0kotl2-K8 ] "Oh, shoot." Now Runo was running up swiftly disappearing staircase. "But if I get too tired, what'll we do?"

"Have no fear!" Marucho cried! "With any luck at all, you will last 'til the end!"

"Yeah, but only if I've got any..."

"You're...pretty lucky right now," Shun said, watching everything unfold via the handy-dandy BakuGantlet. "I mean, look at all the crap that's going down around you. Some bald guy on a giant whale is coming after you with an arm cannon, blowing up the stairs as you run on them! That says...something about your character."

"Really?" Runo was touched. What a cool guy! "What does it say?"

"I don't know, just SOMEthing." He shrugged.

"...THAT DIDN'T HELP!"

"Quick! Get up here!" Marucho shouted, pointing at and latching onto a doorway directly above them. They were precariously close to the ceiling.

"Swing me up!"

And he did, JUST fast enough for her to shut the doors before an explosion blasted against them. "...Thanks, Marucho."

"You are quite welcome."

"Now, LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HEEEEEERE!" Still wielding a short nerd, Runo ran towards the light. Just through the double-doors, and...

On the other side was a bank. Nothing special, just...a bank. An employee, dressed in bright eye-searing red, stared at them like they were freakazoids.

Looking back, they found that they had emerged from doors labeled 'EXPERIMENTAL SECONDARY MEN'S BATHROOM'. "What the...? Who in their right mind would build their secret base below THIS!"

"You're gettin' your fire back!" Dan cried, shaking his fists up and down with anticipation. "I shouldn't be happy for you but somehow, I am!"

"Thanks, I guess!" Runo said with a perky smile. Following them was a lone bonobo, latching onto them thanks to the slight remains of some sweet-smelling paste. "Oh, uh...guess he's here, too?"

"I don't know, Runo," Marucho cautioned, "that seems to be a female..."

"Don't correct me over such trivial things!" she roared.

"But...it's my thing!"

Runo dropped him, letting a few more bonobos swarm over his little body. Another employee walked by, saying, "Oh, you're one to talk."

"What do you mean by that!" she retorted.

"Oh, nothing, just...AAH!" He suddenly panicked and ran away, arms flailing about.

"Wha?" They both turned around, coming face-to-face with the guy in the labcoat! "Hey, who's that?" Runo asked.

"You crazy kids don't remember me! I'm famed doctor-"

A sudden oncoming flood of miscellaneous people rushed out! "Hey! Surely these must be the other citizens of Mask Town or, at the very least, about thirty-five of them!" Marucho screamed with delight. "Although...how exactly did they get here?"

"There was a black hole, and most of us got sucked into it," Labcoat Guy answered...partially. "But no time for that! A bomb came with us, too!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Like, seriously!" Runo scratched her head.

Everyone else just heard about this, and ran out of the bank. They just realized there was a gentle beeping sound coming from the inside of a certain cat's mouth...

_EXPLOSION SOUND!_

They all tumbled out in a heap, exiting the slightly-exploded bank. Only the insides had been obliterated, and every living thing had been saved before time (even that one cat, who crawled out eventually), so it was a win-lose situation! The bonobos eventually lost their interest in the sweet-smelling paste, and roamed off to frolic around elsewhere. The lobsters and cats followed suit, and so did the humans, who were also discussing how glad they were to finally be in the outside world yet again.

For some reason, Runo, Marucho, and the guy in the labcoat were left alone after all was said and done. They seemed to be in a garden of sorts, sitting around. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey! Runo! Who's THAT guy?" Dan asked, seeing the labcoat kid. "Hey, Julie, do YOU know? What about you, Shun?"

"I know who that is," Alice said.

"Looks like nobody knows! It's a mystery!"

"What's that doodad on your wrist, little gal?" The alleged doctor lifted her wrist up, peering straight into the BakuGantlet. "Why, this is a bulky communication watch! Might you have an extra that I may study?"

"Relax, mister," Marucho assured, "for it is merely a strap-on cell phone optimized for Bakugan brawling."

"Oh! You two really are hardcore Bakugan fans, huh? Did you ever get your marble games back?"

Runo sighed. He was SO not with the times. "Yes, sir, we did, no thanks to you."

"But didn't I lead you on the right track towards eventually dethroning Dirty Joe! You did dethrone him, right?"

"Yeah, sorta."

"You could say that you were a crucial part of our puzzle, by all means!" Marucho admitted. "But in the end, what really caused all of the pieces to fall into place was the eventual destruction of the Moon, which was in the end thanks to Runo's "guidance". Really, it was all mostly her!"

"Thank you, thank you," she said, still panting.

"Oh, well...I-I GUESS so..." Feeling rejected, Labcoat Guy walked away with his hands placed deep into his labcoat pockets. "I'll just be...going now. If we meet again, well..." He sniffled and wiped away a single tear. "I hope I can be more useful..."

"Goodbye, mysterious man!" Marucho got up and waved before helping Runo up. "Well, it looks as if it's time to leave. There...is a castle in the distance. It looks like this is the expansive garden behind Klaus' mansion! Hurry up, let's go!"

A slowed-down rendition of eight-bit Turbo Man's theme song played as Runo dragged her feet all the way over to the mansion.

"Hey, Runo! I hear you're making you way over to the mansion! Are ya there yet? Are ya there yet? Are ya there yet? Are ya there-"

"NO SHUT UP"

Dan persuaded everyone to follow him down the long, long, long, long, still long hallway in order to meet up with Runo and Marucho faster, in theory. They met up with the two just as they opened the sliding steel door.

"You're back," Alice said.

"Ohhhh! You're both back!" Julie cried, squishing Marucho's cheeks a bit. "That's gewwwwd!"

"Let's discuss plot things," Shun said.

"D'awwww! But we were re-introducing ourselves!" Dan said. "Or, at least, about to!"

"Well," Alice said, "it seems Mask the Money is still on his quest."

"His quest to create the ultimate Bakugan?" Shun clarified.

"Yes, that quest."

"There IS no other quest," Drago popped in to say. "Plus, isn't there something about Naga and the Infinity Core mixed in with this? Couldn't it fuse with Hydranoid, or...something like that?"

"Since when have we talked about Bakugan fusing?" Shun asked.

"Aw, and that Bakugan could be Hydranoid!" Julie frowned. "And that's bad!"

"I concur whole-heartedly, Julie," Marucho agreed, "In order to prevent that, we need to get Mask the Money out of the picture!"

"You mean murder him!"

"No, Dan."

"Aw, but that idea sounded pretty gnarly, if filled with death! Anyways, don't we just have to get the ultimate Bakugan before he does, thus preventing any possible chance of said fusion whatsoever?"

"Oh, right. What unshakeable logic," Shun said sarcastically, his arms crossed.

Dan met his eyes with a glare. "Was that sarcasm, Shun?"

"No! Don't cause tremors in a tight bond!" Hammy the Hamster shouted. "It couldn't end well!"

Shun gave in to temptation of Hammy. "No, it wasn't!"

"Oh, good! SOMEbodywho'sacoolshot's starting to appreciate Dan Da Man's good ideas more! If you got the feeling we can do this, guys, I do, too! All in favor?"

It was a unanimous "YES".

"Ahahahahahahaaaaa!"

"Why are you laughing, Dan?" Runo asked, confused.

"Uh...I don't know. Let's just get back to base, y'all!"

"YEAH!"

_COming up on Bakugan Battle Brawlers! Dan and me are in the woods! Yay1 thats awsome alrady! anyways Then we battle Billy, and I'm up for it! he might just be Mask the Monet's pawn, but it can't be that bad, can it? After all, he's got memories, so he's at least PARTLY himsefl. Anyways, I knew SOMEbody had to murder him in battle! *mindless giggling* Bakugan Brawl! Let's brawl, along with our undying memories of Preyus! Rest in peace, you freak!_

_We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance._

_Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!_


	19. Father Figure CLOSING EXTRA

Sorry y'all; I'm not going to write any more Bakugan Battle Brawlers: The Fan Fic. It was ridiculous and superfluous, and though I think parts of it are a hoot, I know I can write a whole lot better now. If I had infinite time on my hands, I would probably write a chapter for every Bakugan episode out there, including the horrible, horrible latest season. (Seriously, they took out the only part of Bakugan that involved any type of strategy! If you thought the beginning was bad, now it's uber-boring one-on-one fights!) At some point around last year, I tried writing a one-shot-ish thing combining Bakugan with another bad anime (with an even more hilarious stupid theme song) called Mix Master, but I thought it just got boring so nobody's seein' that schlock.

However, the few people who are still watching CAN see what I wrote in late '09: two chapters, the second of which is incomplete, of a Father Figure saga. It's all about Father Figure's life, and takes place during the first and second episodes. I was planning on somehow getting him to join up with the two stupid bullies, and I think there was supposed to be a car chase. Also if anyone was wondering (or about to wonder), I believe the Mega Man X7 game was going to crash just as Dan _finally_ got to Flame Hyenard's level.

Well, enjoy, 'cause that's the last you're gonna see out of

**BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS: THE FAN FIC**

and probably me on this site! ...I know it's not exactly a "high note" or a "low note" or even a "note" of any kind, but... D-d-don't be sad. I'll still be writing dumb things. Just...just not this.

* * *

_Dan's whole life changed when a bunch of cards fell from the sky..._

_...and so did his dad's._

_A, a-a, a-a, IT'S Dan's FA-THER! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, it's not Bakugan!_

**Episode One**

**Enter Father Figure**

It was another day in the city. The sun shone brightly over the many trees, and one REALLY tall tower overlooked everything.

The automatic door opened. "Another great day to work at Momo Incorporated." A black-haired guy with glasses and a business suit stepped in.

"Good morning, Father Figure," the lady at the front desk said, flicking her light-brown ponytail back.

"Good morning, Doris!" He grinned and waved, stepping into the elevator.

_BEEP BOOP!_

The elevator went incredibly fast up to the 110th floor of the Momo company headquarters. There were fifty more floors, at least. Father Figure still wasn't sure.

The shiny glass doors opened up to a typical, cubicle-filled office area. A bunch of people were working at computers in said cubicles. Father Figure walked by a bunch of them, receiving greetings as he went:

"Mornin', Father Figure!"

"How've you been, Father Figure?"

"Yo, Father Figure! High five!"

He finally came to his cubicle and sat down in his special desk chair. Scattered around his cubicle were animal figurines, which were mostly purple hippopotamuses. Pinned to the walls were photographs of him, his wife, and a younger Dan. Looking at a young Dan, he sighed. Then he turned to the image of a blue punch buggy, and smiled as he took a sip of coffee.

He turned on his Yuck brand computer. It took five minutes for it to start up. _Yuck computers always take so long to start up,_ he thought, grimacing. Then he logged himself in.

USERNAME: fatherfigure34

PASSWORD: momoinc

As the desktop loaded he drummed his fingers along the keyboard. _Work's a great way to pass the time._ He opened up his internet browser, titled Fatster. Its icon looked like a fat person with five o' clock shadow. The Momo Inc. webpage appeared onscreen, decorated blue. The company logo was a super-deformed yellow starfish. Their slogan was, "Know anything!"

Father Figure's job was to answer questions. That was his occupation. That was Momo's job. And they got a lot of money out of it.

He checked the Questions Corner to see what questions people had recently asked. The first thing he read was, "i like robots and dragons? -Guest"

He responded, "For wasting my time with a question that is not a question, I reserve the right to take $0.01 from your bank account." He smiled. _More money for the company!_

The next question read, "Why did Bakugan fall from the sky that fateful day?-Guest"

_Hm. Never got that question before._ He scratched his chin a bit in thought. Then he typed, "We do not know. My theory is that a hidden underground factory exploded and sent the cards flying into the upper atmospheres. They may be made of strange, lightweight material. Cost for answer: $0.01." That was the general cost for any question asked, but it was required that he type the cost out every time, for some reason.

Not letting people see questions who weren't in the company gave them a lot of money and a LOT of repeat questions. Father Figure saw the same question he'd gotten yesterday evening: "Whats the difference between wolverines and Wolverine? -DinoRan"

He thought it over. "Wolverine is a proper noun when it's capitalized. Cost for answer: $0.01." He hit ENTER.

"Honey, I'm home!" A yellow punch buggy parked outside. A happy-as-ever Father Figure stepped in. His wife was in a retarded yoga position, knocked unconscious. He laughed. "Well, keep up that yoga. Silence is golden, right?"

Father Figure smiled and looked in the fridge. "Ah, pudding. My favorite. Thanks, honey!"

He started walking away from the fridge with his "pudding" (it was really flan) on a silver platter. He tripped on a medicine ball! "Nnnnoooooo! My pudddinnnnggg!" he cried as the flan slid off, vibrating like the CGI-animated figure it was. His wife was regaining consciousness, but couldn't move her mouth to tell him it was flan, not pudding... "NOOOOO! My pudding!" The flan splooshed onto the floor. "It costs fifteen dollars at the market!" He sobbed. What an idiot.

He looked at his wife and said, "Well, stop doing your yoga and clean this up!" He looked at his numb wife for a minute. She didn't say anything. "Oh, honey, you know I didn't mean it like that...come on, let's put you in this couch chair." He picked her up and dropped her on the blue couch. She was still in the same, uncomfortable position. "There ya go!"

He JUST finished mopping when Dan slammed the door open! "HeyMomheyDadI'mhome!"

"Dan!" Father Figure opened his arms up for a hug. Dan ran right past. He frowned.

_That boy is too obsessed with Bakugan to even hug his own father..._ He sighed. _But he' s a growing boy. I just need to give it some time!_

The family sat at the table, eating dinner, except Father Figure's wife, who was leaning on the table.

"Not hungry, hon?" he asked.

Her head fell into the mashed potatoes.

"Oh! Good, you're eating!" he chimed, poppin' a single corn kernel into his mouth. "So Dan, what's going on? _What's shakin'?_" He wiggled a bit as he said it.

"Aah! You're scaring me, Dad!" Dan nearly dropped his fork.

"Sorry about that. So...what's happening? Or whatever the hip kids say these days."

"Oh, nothing much...**EXCEPT I WON A BAKUGAN GAME!**" He slammed his hands on the table.

"Oh, well...that's nice. Wanna know about MY day?"

"That game was so AWESOME, man! That Giant Brown Mantis was good, all right, but not as good as my other Bakugan! Birdman's a force to be reckoned with! I sure cleaned HIS clocks for 'im!"

"Oh, uhh...that's nice but...wanna know about MY day?" He wiggled his finger.

"Eh. Not really."

"Oh. Well, why not?"

"You're OLD. Old people are BORING."

"Hey! Dan!" a feminine voice shouted. It was only the computer, but said computer was so loud it shook the whole household.

"Gotta go! Omnomnomnomnom!" Dan literally ate the plate before running upstairs. "BE RIGHT THERE, JULIE!"

_I'll never understand Bakugan, will I?_

Another day at work. Today Father Figure reached a record of 3,850 answered questions! One question in particular caught his eye: "Your son obsessed with Bakugan? Call Dr. M. P. Scoop 555-616-5515 or e-mail at ? -Scoop"

_This question...looks like it's directed towards ME!_

He replied, "I'd be happy to. But it's still an advertisement. Cost for advertisement + personal info: $0.03."

_Maybe this Dr. M. P. Scoop can help me with Dan..._

He went down to the cafeteria. On his tray sat some lasagna, orange juice and an apple parfait. Billiam, a mustachioed guy with hair coming down to his shoulders, walked with him to the table.

"Any interesting things happen lately?" Billiam asked. He had an Australian accent, though Father Figure never thought he looked Australian.

"Nah, not really. But my kid's still addicted to Bakugan, so I'm contacting Dr. M. P. Scoop, who can apparently help. I'm e-mailing him today at lunch, so I'm not looking for conversation. I'll talk after work."

"Oh, well, that's too bad, Father Figure. Hope Scoop can help you."

Father Figure ate quickly so he would have time to use his net-surfin' Blackberry to e-mail the doctor, murmuring the letters as he typed.

"Sender: .com

Address:

Subject: You can help my son?

I saw your question (really an advertisement) on the Momo Inc. website and noticed that my situation is exactly like the one you described! My son Dan is so obsessed with Bakugan he hardly even talks to me after school. He needs help. Know when I can contact you?

- Father Figure

P.S.: I live in Your Town, Japan, but anywhere is convenient, I'm close to the CCR. I get off work at 4 and don't work Wed. or Sun."

He sat there for five minutes, anxiously waiting for a reply. Soon the bell rang, and everyone put up their trays and crammed into the twenty elevators.

He didn't even see Dan that day. He was upstairs in his bedroom again, and Father Figure figured he should let him have his alone time.

In the meantime, he had a message from daSCOOP to look at.

"Sender:

Address: .com

Subject: RE: You can help my son?

Yes, I can help your son. It only takes a day to help an addicted child. Tomorrow at 6 come to "Dr. M. P. Scoop's Therapy and Psychiatry" if possible. Then we can discuss what you should do for your child, how we should deal with the problem, et cetera. Sometime you can bring Dan. Hope to see you.

- M. P. Scoop (Scoop for short)"

Father Figure grinned. Soon Dan wouldn't be such a Bakugan addict!

- end -

* * *

_Dan's whole life changed when a bunch of cards fell from the sky..._

_...and so did his dad's._

_A, a-a, a-a, IT'S Dan's FA-THER! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, it's not Bakugan!_

**Episode Two****  
**

**Hyenatherapy**

Father Figure stepped off of the Cross-Continental Railway. He'd taken a short ride to Scandinavia which, due to worldwide westernization, looked nearly identical to Your Town. People even had weird hair colors!

He found a small building on the corner. According to his Blackberry's built-in GPS system, this was the place, even though it didn't have any sign labeling it.

_How does he get customers? Oh yeah. He advertises in places like Momo Inc._

A bell jingled as he opened the door to a hospital-like lobby. He sat on one of the chairs and picked up a magazine, _National Geographic_. On the cover leaped a bass. The big blue heading read, "Basses: Can They Help Cure ADD?" Father Figure was confused already and opened it up, but before he could start reading he heard a voice call him.

"Father Figure?"

Standing at the desk was a woman in a purple turtleneck. She had short silver hair that really didn't match with her small, youthful face. "I'm Dr. M. P. Scoop, sir."

Father Figure, looking startled, dropped the magazine back on its magazine table. "Oh!" He walked over to the desk and they shook hands. "N-nice to meet you."

"And pleased to meet _you_! You look like you're bothered by something. Is anything wrong? Because I can help you with that."

"Oh, nothing." He laughed a little, feeling nervous. _Why am I so nervous?_ he asked himself.

"Maybe you're just tense. That's normal for first-time meetings. Come with me to the back and we'll talk about Dan." Dr. Scoop opened the flimsy wooden counter entrance and turned a corner. Father Figure slowly followed, taking in the surroundings. It looked so much like a hospital setting, for some reason,

Dr. Scoop was already sitting in a couch chair, and Father Figure sat across from her. It was cold and leathery. He didn't like cold leather, but he'd stay quiet for the time being.

"So," she said, taking out a clipboard and pencil, "tell me about Dan. After the Bakugan thing happened, I mean."

"He's VERY hot-blooded, all he wants to do is win things and battle Bakugans and talk to his friends about Bakugan. It's ALWAYS about the Bakugan. He's hardly interested in Yu-Gi-Oh anymore, or comics, or Legos. Whenever he talks to me - and that's very rarely - it's always Bakugan with him. Whenever he goes out he says it's for Bakugan, and it has me worried, as you've probably figured."

"Uh-huh...uh-huh..." She'd written this all down on a piece of paper. "Now before the Bakugan."

"He was still kind of hot-blooded, but he was more into comics and action figures. We went out more as a family, and by the way, he's hardly interested in it now."

"What type of comics and action figures?"

"Something called Keroro Gunsou, or Sgt. Frog...have you heard of that?"

"Uh-huh...that's not a good sign...and how old is this kid?"

"He's a preteen."

"Uh-huh...uh-huh...okay. I think I understand."

"You do?"

"Yeah. He's nearing what I call the 'point of no return'."

Father Figure gasped.

"But there's still time. Take a light approach at first. Try to engage him in some different conversation, buy him things, take him places that aren't related to Bakugan. Go more places as a family. And if he's still addicted to Bakugan after two months, contact me. I'll check up on you by then, anyways, so just remember this, alright?"

"Got it. Thanks, Dr. M. P. Scoop!" They leaned forward on their chairs and shook hands again.

"You're quite welcome, Father Figure, and good luck with your son. No father should _ever_ have to deal with this, sir."

"No need to call me sir, ma'am." They laughed for some reason, and soon Father Figure was on his way back home on the CCR.

That dinner, Father Figure decided to take the first step toward curing Dan's addiction.

"So I found out that there was some guy named Mask the Money," Dan said, mouth full of rice, "and he's _eating_ peoples' Bakugan!"

He laughed. "Well, that all sounds ridiculous and what-not, but how about that Keroro Gunsou you used to be so interested in? You used to talk about THAT quite a bit."

"I still have those figures, Dad, and I talk to them every night...by the way, one of my Bakugan talks. I forgot to bring him to the table tonight so he could talk to you, Dad."

"Well, that ALSO sounds ridiculous, but what about Yu-Gi-Oh?"

"Pffft. Yu-Gi-Oh's not cool anymore. Only the NERDS play that. And I'm not a nerd anymore, so I don't play it. You're so OLD and UNCOOL, Dad! Old people are so uncool!"

"You _know_ I'm only 34, son!"

"Once you get past 29, you're automatically OLD and BORING."

_I wish I could relate to my son somehow..._

"...And besides, with Yu-Gi-Oh you're always BUYING stuff, but with Baku-"

"Then what happened to Legos?"

"It's like a dollhouse now. It's uncool for BOYS to play with DOLLHOUSES, y'know."

"Hm. Well, is there anything BESIDES Bakugan you're interested in?"

Dan thought on that one. "Well, not really. Except for TALKING TO PEOPLE about Bakugan!"

"Anything else you'll become interested in?"

"Well, I USED to be SORT OF into retro gaming..."

Father Figure's fingers mentally snapped. _That's it! I remember retro games when I was a kid - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Action 52, Super Mario Bros., The Little Panda Fighter, Pac-Man...oh, they're all CLASSICS! And Mega Man X7, he's GOTTA have THAT!_

"Son," he said, leaning forward on the table, "then I have got the PERFECT retro game for you. Ever heard of...Mega Man?"

"Mega Man Star Force? YEY-UH!"

"No, I mean, just...Mega Man."

"OHHH, you mean BATTLE NETWORK. Yeah, that's so retro."

"I MEAN MEGA MAN!"

"There was a REGULAR Mega Man!"

"Of course! And after that, there was a series called Mega Man X. You have to play X7, you _HAVE_ to. I remember the days when I used to sit there, just SIT there...and listen to Flame Hyenard screech. Trust me, you have to hear it to believe it."

"They have videos of that."

"No, I mean you have to be playing the game!"

"...So I download an emulator?"

"No, the TRUE experience comes from buying the actual game and playing it with the actual controller."

"Then let's order it on Ebay!"

"No! You have to buy it from the video game store!"

"...From the ONLINE video store?"

"I mean the local game shop!"

"...Oh. Well, I'm kinda busy with Bakugan, so I don't really have that much spare time to go out and buy it. SPEAKING of BAKUGAN, there's a guy, and he's _EATING_ Bakugans! And he's ranked 593, which is below my rank! But I gave him a piece of my mind and we're meetin' tomorrow!"

"Ah, well, that's nice." Father Figure looked over at his wife. She was silent. Without really listening to the nonsense his son was spouting, he continued to eat his dinner.

Momo had a crapload of money and didn't know what to do with it, so they hired an aerobics lady named Persimmon Day. Now at the start of every morning they would do basic stretches. It was all stuff like touching your toes and windmills and leg stretching.

As Persimmon breathed in and out she said, "INto adversity...OUT against oppression. INto adversity...OUT against oppression..."

_How's this going to help me if I'm at a desk all day?_ he had to wonder. But then he felt more calm and at ease at his work station. And as he was relaxing on his swivel chair he found another advertisement "question":

"Want the car of your dreams? Come on down to Big Boy's Ol' West New Car Sellers right away! Yeehaw? -Guest"

He replied:

"I'd love to. But it's still an advertisement. Cost for advertisement: $0.01."

Father Figure glanced at the blue punch buggy pinned to the wall. His dream car! All these years he'd been driving that old yellow thing, but soon may come the day when he drives a beautiful, dark blue one! He could just imagine the scene; him cruising dangerously down the city street, his wife next to him and his son in the back.

_"Woah!" His wife laughed, sticking her head out the window. "This is one wild ride, Fathy!"_

_"Heh! You haven't called me Fathy since we met in high school!"_

_"I know!" Her voice was high with excitement and exhilaration._

_"You're right, Mom!" Dan shouted over the roar of the wind. "Maybe you're NOT so old and boring! I think cars are even cooler than _Bakugan _now!"_

"Father Figure!"

He was leaning back in his swivel chair, deep in thought.

"**FATHER FIGURE!**"

"Whaaa!" With a very bland shout he was jolted out of the daydream, frazzled. "Boss?"

He looked up at a balding, small-mustached man. He had a stern look on his face, and sounded very gruff. "You've only answered 504 questions today."

"Yyyeah?" Boss gave him an even sterner look. "Oh! I'm behind! Sorry, I'll get back to work now!" He spun around to his computer and clicked an Answer Question button.

"Hmph," Boss grunted. "And if you're behind again, I'll make you work overtime. But I trust you, so you better not mess up again." He slowly walked away, every now and then glancing back at Father Figure.

Father Figure breathed a sigh of relief, answering more stupid questions.

He stepped into bed and sighed. _Another day with yoga-practicing wife and Bakugan addict son. It'll get better._

He got under the covers and rested his head on the pillow, glasses still firmly in place. When he went to bed, he always thought about what he would do tomorrow.

_First priority is getting Mega Man X7 the PC version for Dan. And if that doesn't work, he NEEDS to have Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Oh, the good times me and that game have shared._

_Where's a good place to find video games? Hmm...oh! Retro Shop! Hopefully they've got that!_

The yellow punch buggy pulled into the Retro Shop, a quaint little shop that wasn't much different from those around it. That must have been why Father Figure had overlooked it all those years. He usually just came to the store next door, the Exotic Petz 4 U. Maybe he'd go in there again sometime. After all, he loved playing with the baby hippopotamuses.

As he came into the Retro Shop, he heard Rihanna's _Umbrella_ blast through his ears. He looked around and noticed that the place had a decidedly new-millennium look to it. The whole store was a plain, basic white. Some "Save the Earth" things were scattered around the shop.

He walked up to the counter and faced a young, hair-dyed-blond girl. She was wearing tight, uncomfortable-looking jeans, and her red shirt (which had the faded text "INSPI(RED)" on it) showed some of her pudgy belly.

"Usually we've got an 80's motif," she pointed out, "but this month is New Millennimonth! So how can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Mega Man X7, the PC version." He added hastily, "Oh, a-and a game controller that can hook up to a computer!"

The lady opened a cabinet behind her, of which the glass pane in front looked see-through and revealed nothing inside. But it was really just shiny stuff, for she revealed a bunch of video games upon opening it up. On the top were the NES, Atari 2600/5200/7200 and Master System games (Lawnmower Man, Maruspilami, Name That Game, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (there were a few of those)), then the SNES, Genesis, Game Boy, and some other stuff.


End file.
